Prison of Memories

September 5, 2023September 1, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

For years, I’ve heard of the movie Good Will Hunting. I’ve tried to watch it on air flights every chance I got. But the unedited version just turned me off after the first maybe 5 mins. Forgive me. I’m weird like that, but I just don’t get into a lot of foul language and crude conversations. I’m not a big movie watcher anyway; so, I don’t care to waste my time…

But my husband had first watched it on an edited flight many years ago and had been referencing it for one situation or another all this time. I wanted to watch it so bad, I was almost tempted just to forgo my personal standards and just watch it anyway. Well, he told me the other day he’d had the tv edited version on our recordings for a while now, and he didn’t realize I’d wanted to watch it so bad. Lol.

So, we finally found time to sit down to watch it, and Wow. If you’ve not seen this. You need to. Of course, I would definitely encourage the edited version. Ha.ha. But anyway.

Without being a spoiler, let’s just say this little statement above came alive and well in the middle of the story, and I just balled my eyes out! Geez. I’m so glad I was in the privacy of my own home with only my husband to see me crying like a blubbering idiot and not on a plane where a whole bunch of strangers would wonder what in the world was my problem!

Some days the memories still knock the wind out of me.

And that’s just the honest truth of life, isn’t it?

It doesn’t really matter if it’s past pain, grief, brokenness or shame. When the memories come up, it doesn’t matter how deep you’ve stuffed them down, or how far beneath the surface you think you’ve buried them.

They’re going to slam into your heart like a tsunami.

They’re going to run through your mind like a twister seeking a place to land.

They’re going to roll over your soul like a freight train.

There’s no real stopping them.

You might as well stop the denial. And you might as well not try to run. Cuz they’ll chase you down and beat you, or they’ll just lie in wait for you at your next destination.

Memories don’t go away like a vapor in the wind.

They are like the fragrance on that wind, choosing when to come and when to go.

Claiming no responsibility and receiving no accountability.

Never giving forwarning of their arrival nor a wave to their departure.

They just are and forever will be.

It’s better to embrace, evaluate, excavate and even let them exuberate.

Otherwise, you’ll get sucked into an abyss of that depression, anger, resentment, confusion, and heartache from whence they came.

One of which you’ll never escape.

Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
Isaiah 43:18-19

Joyfully Teary-Eyed

September 4, 2023September 4, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

A better question for me might be, “What doesn’t bring a tear of joy to my eye?” Is here are so many things in my life that bring me joy, and I am very much like my grandmother; so, tears come easily around here. Haha.

But seriously. There are some particular things that bring tears of joy to my eyes…

Our guys are probably at the top of the list. These guys just make me so proud to be called their mom. They are working hard to make a place in this life for themselves, becoming responsible, doing well in school, striving to be good, strong men. Most of all, they both have hearts that seek wholeheartedly after God, and not because “mom and dad believe.” That Scripture (paraphrased), “…work our your salvation with fear and trembling,” that’s what they do. They debate it, think about it, search scripture and history, and surround themselves with leaders who can speak into their lives. These guys. Yeah, they bring tears of pure joy to my eyes.

My main guy does this for me, too. He’s simply amazing. Even on days when I’m at my worst, and maybe I’m grouching on him for something that is certainly NOT his fault, he still loves me. He still cares. He works hard in life, at work and at home, all to provide safety, comfort and strength for us. He gives more of himself than I deserve, and I’m forever thankful. Most of all, he’s a man after God’s own heart, and he’s helped to raise our guys to be the same. He’s also shown me who Christ is by the man he lives to be.

And I know. You may be sitting there reading this, thinking, “Yeah, right.” You can’t have perfection, or maybe you’re just blind. Well, I’m not telling a fairytale, but I might as well be living one. No. Of course, we’re not perfect, but that’s what makes the 1,000 tiny miracles that make a marriage work so very special.

And last but definitely not least, my God brings tears of joy to my eyes. When I look at a waterfall and hear the waters rushing by, I can hear His voice on the waters telling of His goodness. When I hike a mountain and look out over a summit, I can feel His faithfulness to me overwhelming. Even when I sit and pet my cat and hear him purr, I can remember He cares even about the smallest of things, and this then, confirms His love again and again.

When these events occur, tears of joy and gratitude fill my eyes to overflowing as I feel the warmth of His loving care.

Tears of joy, they are good for you and me.

The purer the source, the clearer the tears.