wisdom

Set That Boundary

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Boundaries. What are boundaries?

An ancient boundary would be a place set up by forefathers to make territory, valued land, and a home.

Oxford says it’s a line that marks the limit of an area.

Webster describes it as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

A definition I like is a dividing line.

Because truthfully, that’s exactly what a boundary in a relationship is. It’s the start and stop of what I’m willing to tolerate to allow you close proximity me.

And we all have them. We all set them. Intentionally and non-intentionally.

We set them for random dogs that run up to us on the street. We set them for rulers and dictators who want to control. We set them for arbitrary strangers in public. We set them for our boss, our coworkers, our friends.

And yet, when it comes to loved ones or family, sometimes, we question if boundaries are appropriate. Are they needed? And are they valid?

Instead of answering this forthrightly, let me answer with a question.

If you so easily set that boundary for the arbitrary stranger that you may never see again, why would that person get more attention for your thoughts than the ones with whom you are closest?

Let that settle in and mull it over for a minute.

If you set a boundary for that stranger, as in they can’t just simply steal from you without a fight, why would you allow a loved one to continually steal your peace of mind day after day?

If you set a boundary for that ruler or boss in your life, as in he or she isn’t going to come into your home and rearrange your life without resistance, why would you allow a child to walk in and wreak havoc in your abode?

If you set a boundary for that random dog you encounter, as in it will not jump on you, eat whats in your hand or dispose of itself on you without a kick, shove, yell or simple walk away, why would you allow a family member everyday to do the very same things, even if it is a mental or emotional act of abuse?

When someone is unruly, disrespectful, overbearing, self centered, or selfish in their regard to someone else, sometimes, you’re going to have to decide how much you will tolerate and then, set a boundary for no more.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if they agree.

It doesn’t even matter if their feelings are hurt, and they say so.

What matters is the peace of mind that comes when the line is drawn and sanity is found.

What matters is the love that returns when the fence is erected and a calm is found within its limits.

Set those boundaries. Stand your ground.

And begin to breathe again.

Do not remove the ancient landmark
Which your fathers have set.

Proverbs 22:28

Healing Processes

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

There is so much truth to this statement that it’s almost difficult to add anything to it.

Too often, we continually try to change people to fit what we need, or better yet, we work hard to “lead them” to a better place to accommodate who we are and who we are becoming.

But people are people.

You might can lead them well, and when that is feasible, by all means, carry on. But when it is someone who is bringing constant harm to you or to someone you love, be careful giving your time. Because you’re also giving your love, your thoughts, and eventually someone else’s flesh more than just your own.

When it’s toxicity, abuse, or dysfunction we’re talking about, step back and evaluate what you’re truly letting go of:

Peace of mind. Peace in your home.

Love in your heart. Love in your surroundings.

Sanity. Sanity in your loved ones.

If these things are given up for the sake of family, friendship , or other relationships, is it really worth it?

Sometimes, you have to hear what someone is saying, see what they are doing, and understand they are who they are. This is a a choice. And you f it doesn’t line up with the peace, love and sanity you need for your life and for those within your charge, then by all means,

Step away.

You both will be better for it.

As a dog returns to his own vomit,
So a fool repeats his folly.
Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.

Proverbs 26:11-12

What’s Your Angle?

/ The WheatandTares
How do you like that? Even little Judy there's got an angle going.
(This is a small video clip. Just click to hear sound.😉)

This little clip from White Christmas is so revealing for many of us. If you live your life a skeptic or a bit of an “investigator,” this phrase makes perfect sense, because you already search for the angle in every person you meet. If you live your life as an ostrich or a small child, you may not comprehend it because you don’t look past the simple words someone uses or you completely ignore innuendos as a self preservation technique.

Either approach you take in life, many times, we ourselves as well as others have an angle for what we say and do. We may be protecting ourselves from further pain, or we may be in attack mode and looking for every opportunity to fight. But we all approach life with an Angel or looking for someone else’s.

So, what do we do about that? Do we live out everyday angry, reading into, and often misreading the other person’s responses, continually in strife for every hour of the day? Or do we turn a blind eye to every whim and wind coming from the direction of a person and just ignore any possibility of malice, believing as if we live in a Pollyanna World where we are all innocent and nothing could ever be evil or vile?

I say NO to both these extremes. I say Get your trauma healed; so, you can live effectively in this world and go out and help another. I say Get your head out of the sand; grow up, and realize there is evil all around, but we get to choose to what we listen, to whom we interact, and to how we react.

If we live out lives by choices than we take responsibility, recognize failures and celebrate successes. Stop being a victim! And stop being an antagonist! There’s a better life out there for all of us!

There is wisdom in reading, gaining knowledge and asking good questions to help yourself heal. There is wisdom in gathering around ing good people who look out for you, defend you and protect you. There is wisdom in submitting yourself to a process of growth, to a challenge of change and to a hierarchy of those who will look at you and say, “You’re reacting with an angle. Stop it.”

So, get honest with YOU. Fo some deep soul searching today. Figure out your angle and why it’s there. And go get you some accountability to make yourself better than you are today.

Or not. And continue to live your life in the mud hole of brokenness, angst, confusion and failure.

It’s your choice. 😉

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 24:15

January is Coming

/ The WheatandTares

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas, and I wish you a very happy New Year’s!

With Nee Year’s comes new year resolutions, reservations for new school vents and sometimes even “revolutions” to start a new thing and accomplish it with fire!

But then, after only a few months, we often see so many temporarily quit, back up or walk away altogether from their declarations. Why?

More often than not, it’s because a great proclamation can’t change the heart.

If you too closely resemble the world you are wanting to change, it will be harder for you to being about change.

If you never implement accountability, you’ll never have a foundation for truth and honestly.

If you never truly come out a be separate from that thing you are leaving, how do you ever believe you can truly transform?

So, as the new year quickly approached, let’s do some reflecting. Let’s go some pondering.

But most of all, let’s do some deep soul searching to find the true depth of the change we want and so desperately need.

And then, let’s step out of the comfort zones. Let’s rip through the veils of secrecy.

And let’s shine the light of absolute truth and stand apart from what was to become what can and will be.

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light..

1 Peter 2:9

For you are a holy people to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.

Deuteronomy 14:2

Faith Over Fear

/ The WheatandTares

That’s really easier said than done, isn’t it?

Faith over Fear

It’s such a cliche, such a catchy phrase.

It just rolls off your tongue like so much psychobabble.

But what about when you’re standing in the edge of a cliff, and it’s either jump or fall?

What about when you’re hanging on the side of the boat, and it’s either swim or drown?

What about when you’re climbing the side of that mountain, and it’s either step or stumble?

What about then? How easy to do those words come?

What about the moment your spouse wavers?

What about the moment your child is impaired?

What about the moment you falter and fail?

What about these moments of truth?

Where is your faith now?

Faith over Fear is not be the fairyland you once believe.

Faith over Fear is not the jingle jangle of the faint of heart.

Faith over Fear is the moment truth is revealed for all to see.

What will your vision be?

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Happy Thanksgiving

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

No matter where you are today or where you’ll be tomorrow,

From our family to yours,

Happy Thanksgiving!

Eat well. Be at peace. Embrace hope.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Thanksgiving is an Attitude

/ The WheatandTares

Thanksgiving is not an event to be attended.

It’s not a holiday to be survived.

It’s not a date to be dreaded or anticipated.

Thanksgiving is an attitude of the heart.

It begins with gratefulness and ends with love.

It is consumed with peace and wrapped up in hope.

Thanksgiving can be now, and it can be tomorrow.

As long as you never leave it behind.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.

Colossians 3:15

Thankfulness Begins With A Thought

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Gandhi said,

Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.

Although, I don’t follow the teachings of Gandhi, there is truth in those words.

Scripture tells us this in a much simpler form,

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.”

Thanksgiving isn’t a date on the calendar or a time of year, it’s an attitude of the heart that should be lived out every single day.

What are you thinking about today?

For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.

Proverbs 23:7

Thankfulness in a Cup

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When you have a grateful heart, it doesn’t take much to make you happy.

It can be a cool summer breeze or the first snowfall is winter.

It can be a bright spring flower or a golden falling leaf.

It can be a newborn baby’s gentle sigh or an elderly loved one’s hand pat.

It doesn’t take much to bring a smile because the heart is settled within and at rest.

Are you grateful today?

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Isaiah 26:3

Two Peas in a Podcast

/ The WheatandTares / 8 Comments

What podcasts are you listening to?

Well, I’d love to say I’m listening to some podcasts. I’m so far behind in this that every time I hear podcasts mentioned, I hear a little voice in my head that says, “You are too far behind the times!” Lol!

I’ve started a few podcasts from time to time, but I have a bad problem of getting too easily distracted when I’m simply listening to something. I can read a book and be so in tune that I won’t hear you calling my name, and I can watch something and be highly focused; yet, when I set something to audio and start doing something else, whether it be driving, cleaning or writing, I may not catch everything the speaker is saying.

And I’ve really tried. The only time I can be focused with precision with audio is if I’m walking. This does work; however, when I’m walking, I try not to be distracted from those whom I might meet along the way. It seems rude to me to walk passed someone and not say hello, and more so, I don’t like to have my ears plugged when I’m outdoors. So, I’m in a bit of a predicament. Ha!

However, if I were to dive into some podcasts, and the few I’ve listened to before are Dr. Mark Rutland, Pastor TD Jakes, Pastor Jentezen Franklin, Dr. Laura Schlesinger, and a few audio books like Lord of the Rings (the one that used to be on Spotify was phenomenal!).

I’ve heard there’s some dynamic ones; so, maybe if I would just settle in to listen, I’d find some great ones!