Set That Boundary

March 12, 2024March 11, 2024 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Boundaries. What are boundaries?

An ancient boundary would be a place set up by forefathers to make territory, valued land, and a home.

Oxford says it’s a line that marks the limit of an area.

Webster describes it as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

A definition I like is a dividing line.

Because truthfully, that’s exactly what a boundary in a relationship is. It’s the start and stop of what I’m willing to tolerate to allow you close proximity me.

And we all have them. We all set them. Intentionally and non-intentionally.

We set them for random dogs that run up to us on the street. We set them for rulers and dictators who want to control. We set them for arbitrary strangers in public. We set them for our boss, our coworkers, our friends.

And yet, when it comes to loved ones or family, sometimes, we question if boundaries are appropriate. Are they needed? And are they valid?

Instead of answering this forthrightly, let me answer with a question.

If you so easily set that boundary for the arbitrary stranger that you may never see again, why would that person get more attention for your thoughts than the ones with whom you are closest?

Let that settle in and mull it over for a minute.

If you set a boundary for that stranger, as in they can’t just simply steal from you without a fight, why would you allow a loved one to continually steal your peace of mind day after day?

If you set a boundary for that ruler or boss in your life, as in he or she isn’t going to come into your home and rearrange your life without resistance, why would you allow a child to walk in and wreak havoc in your abode?

If you set a boundary for that random dog you encounter, as in it will not jump on you, eat whats in your hand or dispose of itself on you without a kick, shove, yell or simple walk away, why would you allow a family member everyday to do the very same things, even if it is a mental or emotional act of abuse?

When someone is unruly, disrespectful, overbearing, self centered, or selfish in their regard to someone else, sometimes, you’re going to have to decide how much you will tolerate and then, set a boundary for no more.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if they agree.

It doesn’t even matter if their feelings are hurt, and they say so.

What matters is the peace of mind that comes when the line is drawn and sanity is found.

What matters is the love that returns when the fence is erected and a calm is found within its limits.

Set those boundaries. Stand your ground.

And begin to breathe again.

Do not remove the ancient landmark
Which your fathers have set.
Proverbs 22:28

Healing Processes

March 11, 2024March 11, 2024 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

There is so much truth to this statement that it’s almost difficult to add anything to it.

Too often, we continually try to change people to fit what we need, or better yet, we work hard to “lead them” to a better place to accommodate who we are and who we are becoming.

But people are people.

You might can lead them well, and when that is feasible, by all means, carry on. But when it is someone who is bringing constant harm to you or to someone you love, be careful giving your time. Because you’re also giving your love, your thoughts, and eventually someone else’s flesh more than just your own.

When it’s toxicity, abuse, or dysfunction we’re talking about, step back and evaluate what you’re truly letting go of:

Peace of mind. Peace in your home.

Love in your heart. Love in your surroundings.

Sanity. Sanity in your loved ones.

If these things are given up for the sake of family, friendship , or other relationships, is it really worth it?

Sometimes, you have to hear what someone is saying, see what they are doing, and understand they are who they are. This is a a choice. And you f it doesn’t line up with the peace, love and sanity you need for your life and for those within your charge, then by all means,

Step away.

You both will be better for it.

As a dog returns to his own vomit,
So a fool repeats his folly.
Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 26:11-12

What’s Your Angle?

February 26, 2024February 24, 2024 / The WheatandTares

How do you like that? Even little Judy there's got an angle going. — (This is a small video clip. Just click to hear sound.😉)

This little clip from White Christmas is so revealing for many of us. If you live your life a skeptic or a bit of an “investigator,” this phrase makes perfect sense, because you already search for the angle in every person you meet. If you live your life as an ostrich or a small child, you may not comprehend it because you don’t look past the simple words someone uses or you completely ignore innuendos as a self preservation technique.

Either approach you take in life, many times, we ourselves as well as others have an angle for what we say and do. We may be protecting ourselves from further pain, or we may be in attack mode and looking for every opportunity to fight. But we all approach life with an Angel or looking for someone else’s.

So, what do we do about that? Do we live out everyday angry, reading into, and often misreading the other person’s responses, continually in strife for every hour of the day? Or do we turn a blind eye to every whim and wind coming from the direction of a person and just ignore any possibility of malice, believing as if we live in a Pollyanna World where we are all innocent and nothing could ever be evil or vile?

I say NO to both these extremes. I say Get your trauma healed; so, you can live effectively in this world and go out and help another. I say Get your head out of the sand; grow up, and realize there is evil all around, but we get to choose to what we listen, to whom we interact, and to how we react.

If we live out lives by choices than we take responsibility, recognize failures and celebrate successes. Stop being a victim! And stop being an antagonist! There’s a better life out there for all of us!

There is wisdom in reading, gaining knowledge and asking good questions to help yourself heal. There is wisdom in gathering around ing good people who look out for you, defend you and protect you. There is wisdom in submitting yourself to a process of growth, to a challenge of change and to a hierarchy of those who will look at you and say, “You’re reacting with an angle. Stop it.”

So, get honest with YOU. Fo some deep soul searching today. Figure out your angle and why it’s there. And go get you some accountability to make yourself better than you are today.

Or not. And continue to live your life in the mud hole of brokenness, angst, confusion and failure.

It’s your choice. 😉

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15

Walking Through the Fire

August 16, 2023October 29, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Talking with a friend the other day she said, “We’ve been walking through the fire together, haven’t we?” My first thought was my fire is a small kindled ember compared to her recent turmoil, but the statement brought with it two kindred hearts and souls.

A mentor of mine once said to me:

You always need someone ahead of you in the journey to help you navigate the next steps, as they’ve been there and can help to give wisdom, challenge, reproof, and strength.

You always need someone beside you on this passage of life to link arms with, to uplift, to cry together, and to fight together.

You always need someone coming behind you into whom you can pour love, encouragement, guidance, and provide some shelter from the storm.

If you find all three, you can count yourself blessed.

If you cherish and nurture all three, you will be a better person for it.

If you seek all three, you’ll find you will forget more about your own problems and become a wounded healer, helping others across the broken bridges and rocky roads of this life.

And you’ll be receiving healing, affirmation, and compassion in the meantime.

So that even if you’re walking through the fire, you have a sister (or brother, for you guys) spirit joined with you to share in the heat and pain.

I am eternally beholden to my fire walkers who are blazing the path before me, showing me it can be done.

I am so grateful for those who are fire starters for whom I am able to spread the ashes to give some respite.

And I’m especially thankful for those right now who’s feet are as scorched as mine.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
Isaiah 43:1b-3

Funny Friday

July 7, 2023July 15, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

The Loves of My Life

June 10, 2023June 10, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Who do you spend the most time with?

I spend the majority of my time with the loves of my life: my husband and our two sons.

We have the most fun together, either all together, individually, or even broken up into pairs.

We love to travel, or hike, or to take a road trip, or take a walk, or go shopping, or find a great restaurant, or maybe just sit for a spell, telling stories, pondering the mysteries of God, comparing notes on the Lord of the Rings, or simply hanging out doing nothing at all.

Just being together is what counts. And although, each of us are so very different from the other, we’ve always been a very tight knit family. But as they grow, those days are coming to change very soon.

And my heart gets a bit sad every time I think about it.

Yet, I know it is meant to be, and I know it’s bittersweet.

It is meant to be because every parent wants their child to always be moving forward in life, never crippled, never wounded, or just stuck in one phase.

It is meant to be because every parent wants to see their children flourish, succeed, and fly like an eagle into their adult life, learning, growing and soaring into his own.

It is exciting because we want them to be strong men, independent, and confident in who they each are called to be. We raised them this way, and they are boldly approaching the goal.

It is exciting because we want to see them explore and experience all the thrills, all the joys, we once did and so much more.

It is bittersweet because I know as these days draw closer, they will fly; they will flourish, and one day, they will find the girl of their dreams. Then, they will begin their own families, their own lives.

It is bittersweet because this mama’s heart will miss them so and long for one more hug, another spontaneous, late night chat, an unexpected trip to the store “just to get a few things” and have some extra individual time together.

It is heartwarming because as you realize they’ve got what it takes to make it, and not just to survive but to thrive, you realize they really did hear you. They really did receive.

It is heartwarming because you know the two of you, husband and wife, now will have a rediscovery of each other. You’ll have opportunities for time renewed that has been shared for decades, and now, it’s just the two of you.

Yes, it is meant to be, and it is bittersweet.

And yet, it is both exciting and heartwarming.

Change is coming, and it’s coming so fast.

It will be upon us before I am truly ready.

So for now, I will be present in the moment.

I will cherish the past and look expectantly toward the future.

But I will continue to savor my overspent time with my loves right here, right now.

And I will continue spending my most valuable moments with the loves of my life.

For this is where I long to be most, second only to being by my Savior’s side. But that story will be saved for another day’s writing…

Right now, I’m going to get back to where I love to spend most of my time…❤️

Your Tribe

June 6, 2023June 6, 2023 / The WheatandTares

There’s not a whole lot to add to this statement.

Just know your tribe and embrace them.

You may not all be exactly the same,

But if you’re going in the same direction,

And your focus is similar,

And your destination is the same,

You will get there together,

And you’ll be stronger and better for it.

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.
Philippians 1:1-2

Is She a Keeper?

June 1, 2023May 29, 2023 / The WheatandTares

Find that one who will be there when tough times come.

Find that one who will show up in the rain and ride the tide.

Find that one who will remain when everyone else walks out.

Find her or him, and don’t stop till you do.

Don’t settle for second best.

Don’t settle for leftovers.

Seek till you find and don’t rest till you do.

It’s worth it.

I promise.

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.
John 15:13

Find Your Tribe

May 18, 2023May 17, 2023 / The WheatandTares

It has been said that you are the average of your five closest friends…

So, whose mission are you on?

And what’s your average?

Not everyone you meet is going to stay with you on the journey.

And not everyone you want to stay will do so.

Some may not be able to handle your load.

Others may not be able to carry their own.

And still others just aren’t going the same way you are.

Don’t grow angry with them and don’t hold it against them.

And by no means, beg them to stay.

Just gently, say goodbye and let them go their way.

They weren’t meant to travel along.

For if you demand they come along or stay too long,

They will hurt you, or you will wound them,

Or others will become damaged in the process.

Just let go.

Release them to be free.

You will be amazed at the freedom you will find.

Even if you have to shed tears as you move forward.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Hebrews 12:1-3