Lessons Learned

Take The Good With The Bad…

/ The WheatandTares / Leave a comment

I went for a walk the other day, actually two days in a row, and I caught a glimpse of beautiful sunsets both nights. The pictures I was able to capture just really didn’t do great justice to the reality of the moments because they were truly breathtaking.

Yet literally 2 minutes before each of these sunsets, I ran into this. Both nights. Almost in the same place. Had I not been on high alert, watching each night, those moments could have ended so differently…

The first night, I looked down, saw that little guy almost under my foot. And I jumped over him like a gazelle! Talk about an adrenaline rush. I turned around just to make sure it wasn’t a stick I’d imagined. Nope. It was real. He looked at me with his menacing, beady little eye. I laughed at myself minutes later, thinking if anyone had seen me, they might have wondered if I just had a sudden hurdle-jumping-imagination. Haha. Surely, they couldn’t see what I saw right there on the pavement.

The second night, right about the same time, I was looking and searching, just to make sure there wasn’t another. Lo and behold, there he was again. Pretty sure it was the same little guy. I walked clear around him this time and circled back, thinking he must be dead and just simply stuck on the road. Nope. He turned his head to look my way. I skedaddled quickly out of range.

Got the pictures to prove it, though. And you better believe that third night, I went way on the other side of the road. Nope. I’m not gonna give him a chance at “three times a charm” to strike me! I actually don’t think he was still there, but nope. Not gonna take a chance!

However, here is my whole point in this story: I have a choice to dwell on the beauty of the sunset or the anxiety producing copperhead. I can think about the endless possibilities of running into that little game changer again, or I can reminisce about those golden pink streaked skies and search for another awestruck evening. It’s my choice.

And that’s exactly how life is. There’s always going to be good and bad. There always going to be days when everything seems to be beautiful, and we feel like we are “topping trees.” And then, there’s gonna be others when we’d like to be buried under those trees. Those marks on our calendar will appear when we wish they’d never have come to us and when we’d like to see them never come again.

And every single time, we will have a choice to decide what and where we will place our focus. We get to determine what stays in our realm of contemplations and what we toss out.

And what stays often establishes what we see tomorrow and the next day and the next.

See, even though that third day, I cautiously walked on the other side of the road, even though I might have fought a little internal flutter of trepidation, I was intentionally going to look for that setting sun to show out just a little brighter. And just as I got ready to go chasing that sunset, my eye caught movement up on the little incline. Right about the place that mean ol’ juvenile was the night before…

(A little out of focus, but a sweet memory still.)

Had I stayed away out of fear, walked by too quickly out of anxiety, or just simply looked away to avoid the horror, I would’ve missed this new little guy who came along to visit.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things arejust, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:8-9

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Isaiah 26:3

Crying Over Spilt Milk (or coffee!)

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

We were sitting at the local Italian restaurant with a group of young people. We’d come straight from church, still dressed in our “Sunday Best.” And I’d been bragging about this delicious dessert coffee they have, essentially made up of chocolate and strong coffee. (SO good!)

We’d ordered and asked for the server to put all five in to-go cups because we all had places to go, things to do, and that in and of itself was a wise decision, as it took such a long time for the coffees to arrive and the check to be tallied. So, our servers passed out the drinks, and I’m quick to insert my straw to assess if it had been made “just right.” After all, I’d told everyone how wonderfully delicious these beverages were, and I didn’t want to be wrong because maybe someone in the back failed to mix them correctly.

I grab my straw and pop it into the whipped-cream- created-domed plastic lid and picked up the cup to take a sip. It was like a volcano had erupted! It spewed all over my mouth, down my shirt (inside and out) and onto my freshly dry cleaned suit pants!! 😳😳🤦‍♀️ How seriously embarrassing! Especially for me, when I’d prefer to keep all spotlight shined in the opposite direction of my moment.

The girls, circling my center of the table seating arrangement, immediately were concerned for my welfare. “Are you ok?? … That didn’t burn you, did it? … Oh no, it got on your pretty suit!” All eyes were on me, and I surely would rather have simply crawled under the table. And then, as I was trying to reassure everyone I am alright and to hopefully encourage them to just ignore me and carry on with their conversations, one young lady sweetly said, “Well, at least it just looks like it blends into your shirt!”

Immediately recognizing the reality of her statement, alongside the camaraderie of understanding between us, we shared a burst of laughter together, and the embarrassing moment seemed to fade away into the next conversation at hand. This little lady, young enough to be my daughter, spoke something out of the authenticity and gentleness of her heart that brought such a calm to my frantic flutter of trying to clean up the mess…

As messy and chaotic as this moment is, at least it blends into your shirt (blue and brown tie-dye). As potentially ruining as that chocolate might be, at least it is camouflaged by the artist design of your shirt. As disastrous as this moment feels, both to your emotions and your outfit, there’s no need to worry about it. Just roll with the punches and fix it when you get home.

And it made me think, this is the same responses we get to choose in life. No matter if it’s chocolate coffee splattered all over my shirt and suit pants, or whether it’s a broken promise, shattered dreams, or a feared diagnosis, how we respond determines the next season of our life.

Choice is a beautiful thing, and we each get to choose how we will reciprocate those hard moments.

How do you respond when the milk gets spilled at breakfast? How do you speak when it not only begins to rain, but it pours a torrential downspout, and your umbrella has a hole in it? How do you look when someone blatantly cuts you to the core with betrayal? How do you show your hand when all the beauty of life seems to be swallowed up in a brush fire, and no one even appears to give a thought or a care?

I know. It’s just sticky, dark stained, chocolate coffee on my shirt. It’s just solidified sugar seeped into my pantsuit that may or may not come out with a little scrub. It’s just another high dollar dry cleaning bill that I don’t really want to spend this week. But is it only that?

Maybe we can step back and reassess for a moment…

Had I responded with shock and anger, how would that have made my dinner guests feel about the wonderful lunch we were having? Had I thrown my napkin down in a tantrum, cried out, or even lamented sorrowfully to the server that he had filled the cup so much?

After all, he’d ingeniously and unknowingly created a pressure cooker inside that 16oz styrofoam cup! What kind of impression would I have given, what kind of example would I have been placing in front of all those present?

Instead I chose to laugh. Instead I chose to try to mop up the liquid just as quickly and efficiently as I could. I tried to discreetly walk away to the restroom to assure I found all the spots and dabbed a little water droplets to help battle the stains. I returned to the table and carried on as if nothing had gone wrong.

And everyone texted later that they had a delightful time.

A merry heart does good, like medicine,
But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

The Lion’s Silence

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

In the brush, you can’t see her silhouette as she glides along.

Below the grass, she hovers and waits.

The stalks swaying in the breeze as she pauses to take in the horizon.

Her eyes never leaving her prey as she haunts him with her shadows.

Believing it is only a myth, he grows complacent in the quiet.

Letting down his guard, his head lowers for a rest, never realizing his mistake.

Suddenly, she pounces from the mist and charges his serenity.

He attempts an escape, but the moment has passed.

She has him in her paws, and the pride closes in to bring her added strength.

Fight though he may, the battle is over before it even began.

All because he grew comfortable in the midst of her silence.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

1 Peter 5:8

Soul Applications

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Truth is not enough to sustain your life lest you apply it.

Application of truth is the only way our lives become transformed from what they have been.

So, let’s ask ourselves some heartfelt questions today,

How much Truth am I receiving?

How much Truth am I accepting?

(And yes. There is a difference in receiving truth and accepting that truth as truth.)

If I am accepting Truth, am I applying it to my life?

If I’m apply this Truth to my life, is there fruit coming from my life?

Simple as that.

We can hear Truth all day long, but if we fail to receive it, accept it, apply it, and then, produce it, we fall into the age old trap of becoming a fool.

The lack of Truth being applied in someone’s life doesn’t change the Truth.

It only leaves a void of change in the hearer’s life.

And that, my dear friends, leads to a most tragic end.

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8:32

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

James 2:14-19

Unexpected Grief

/ The WheatandTares
*no association nor ownership of quote*

Goodbyes to those who have caused pain can be all together freeing; yet, the grief will come in waves as the broken covenant becomes a reality.

It can be all together overwhelming.

Just because the decision to leave is right doesn’t mean it will be full of joy and laughter.

Just because the need to walk away is necessary doesn’t mean the path is smooth and easy.

It can be the hardest season of life.

And the loneliest.

Yet, never doubt the resolution to remove toxicity and never return to it simply because of the sharp agony of separation.

Cry the tears that must be shed.

Weep and wail.

Rant and rage.

Then, take a deep breath and exhale.

And know that through the grief, an inner strength will grow which will extend beyond the pain.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Friend or Foe

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, it’s just hard to deal with certain humans.

If we’re being honest, you know it’s true.

Yet, just as it’s important to walk away from toxicity and dangerous relationships, it’s also important to be able to discern those who might be in a bad mood and those who are truly damaging.

And this distinction can truly make or break a leader.

Come to the wrong conclusion, and you can damage a relationship, a ministry, a group of people, and even a home.

Assume a friend is a foe, and you lose a covenant and companion for life.

Suppose a foe is a friend, and you may walk away wounded and scarred, or worse, you can find yourself enclosed in a cage of emotion.

Presume inaccurately on either side, and you can wound the most innocent among you.

Judge incorrectly, and the grace needed to make amends can sometimes be insurmountable.

So, step carefully and evaluate slowly.

Learn to recognize warning signs and decipher welcome flags.

Acknowledge personal hangups and triggers and work harder to overcome.

Create an atmosphere of curiosity and courage and allow for input from the older, wiser sages near you.

Open your heart wide and your ears and eyes even wider.

And above all, if you believe in the One who created you, pray and ask Him to guide, not only in the final decision but to the people who can help lead you in that direction.

A friend can be hidden from immediate view because the search is always an adventure.

A foe can be veiled from initial sight because the desire for communion is always a heart’s home.

Friend or foe, learning the difference is essential.

Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Ointment and perfume delight the heart,
And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.

Proverbs 27:9

Allow for Some Goodbyes

/ The WheatandTares

Change brings adjustments in relationships.

Adjustments bring uncomfortable conflicts.

Conflicts bring choices to remain or walk away.

When you are seeking to better yourself, sometimes, it will irritate those who want to remain the same.

When you are moving beyond the trauma, sometimes, those who enjoyed the drama will want to stay.

When you are healing and pursuing something better, sometimes, those who liked you broken cannot handle the new strength.

And that’s ok.

Keep walking ahead.

Keep healing from the past.

Keep moving forward toward wellness, peace, and joy.

Those who are meant to go with you will arrive.

Those who aren’t will remain where you were.

And that’s ok.

To thrive, sometimes you have to say goodbye to the old you and also to the old them.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

Distance From Stupid

/ The WheatandTares

Distancing yourself from stupid people requires fortitude and repetition.

I’d have to say distancing yourself from dramatic people is even more essential

For often, stupidity and drama seem to go hand in hand, and these seem to multiply when you’re not looking.

But if you’ll take a moment to assess your surrounding and evaluate your relationships, stupidity and dramatic response can be weeded out and set apart.

You just must decide if you want peace or attention and popularity.

If peace is your goal, then the distance is an easier trek than if your desire is to people please.

If peace is your ambition, you will embrace it with vigor and pursue it with passion.

And where peace abides, stupidity and drama are closed out by the gates of solitude and tranquility, and shadowed by an overwhelming shield of calm.

So truly, the decision lies within your making.

What do you seek?

Peace or chaos.

It’s yours to choose.

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

Isiah 26:3

Learn That Lesson

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Sometimes, walking away is the only thing that brings peace.

Sometimes, letting go is the only thing that will ease the pain.

Walking away isn’t always the easy road filled with presumed pride and celebration.

Letting go isn’t always the rebellious act of arrogance and annoyance.

Often, the turning away is the only way for healing to start.

If someone has walked out of your life, honestly assess your heart, and if no wrong can be found, then let them walk.

Sometimes, the walk is more for them than for you.

If someone has let go of you, take a soul check, and if you can truly find no fault, then let it rest.

Sometimes, the release for them will bring strength and reconciliation.

But if a speck on your heart is found, if a blemish within your soul is revealed, then cry your tears and talk to your Maker.

He’s the only One who can mend the wounds and bind what has been broken.

He’s the only One who can restore what had been forever lost.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

Proverbs 22:24-25

Letting Go

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Well, I’ve been taking a bit of a hiatus from writing. I just peeked back at my past notes, and it’s been since December that I posted here. For my friends and followers, my apologies if you wondered where I’d gone or what I was up to. And to those who might not have noticed, that’s ok, too. I’ve just been over here living life in my little corner of the world.

I hope to get back to posting at least weekly, if not more, but I’m maybe not going to make a grand announcement this time of how much. It seems I don’t do a great job when I make the big ol’ declaration and keep up with it for a bit of time, and then, life happens, and I get distracted, or I simply don’t feel like I have anything “brilliant” or worthwhile to share. So I think this time, I’ll just begin small and see where it takes us…

LETTING GO

Sometimes, you’ve got to let go in order to hold onto the things that really matter.

Sometimes, you’ve got to release the pain to embrace the joy.

Sometimes, you’ve got to drop the anger like a hot rock to pick up the love that’s been there waiting for you.

It’s only when you walk away from what you’ve always known that you can finally see what is most important and valuable.

So, remove the chains that have bound you.

Be liberated from your shackles that confine you.

Set your souls free and let your spirit fly!

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Galatians 5:1

You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth?

Galatians 5:7