relationship

Crying Over Spilt Milk (or coffee!)

/ The WheatandTares / Leave a comment

We were sitting at the local Italian restaurant with a group of young people. We’d come straight from church, still dressed in our “Sunday Best.” And I’d been bragging about this delicious dessert coffee they have, essentially made up of chocolate and strong coffee. (SO good!)

We’d ordered and asked for the server to put all five in to-go cups because we all had places to go, things to do, and that in and of itself was a wise decision, as it took such a long time for the coffees to arrive and the check to be tallied. So, our servers passed out the drinks, and I’m quick to insert my straw to assess if it had been made “just right.” After all, I’d told everyone how wonderfully delicious these beverages were, and I didn’t want to be wrong because maybe someone in the back failed to mix them correctly.

I grab my straw and pop it into the whipped-cream- created-domed plastic lid and picked up the cup to take a sip. It was like a volcano had erupted! It spewed all over my mouth, down my shirt (inside and out) and onto my freshly dry cleaned suit pants!! 😳😳🤦‍♀️ How seriously embarrassing! Especially for me, when I’d prefer to keep all spotlight shined in the opposite direction of my moment.

The girls, circling my center of the table seating arrangement, immediately were concerned for my welfare. “Are you ok?? … That didn’t burn you, did it? … Oh no, it got on your pretty suit!” All eyes were on me, and I surely would rather have simply crawled under the table. And then, as I was trying to reassure everyone I am alright and to hopefully encourage them to just ignore me and carry on with their conversations, one young lady sweetly said, “Well, at least it just looks like it blends into your shirt!”

Immediately recognizing the reality of her statement, alongside the camaraderie of understanding between us, we shared a burst of laughter together, and the embarrassing moment seemed to fade away into the next conversation at hand. This little lady, young enough to be my daughter, spoke something out of the authenticity and gentleness of her heart that brought such a calm to my frantic flutter of trying to clean up the mess…

As messy and chaotic as this moment is, at least it blends into your shirt (blue and brown tie-dye). As potentially ruining as that chocolate might be, at least it is camouflaged by the artist design of your shirt. As disastrous as this moment feels, both to your emotions and your outfit, there’s no need to worry about it. Just roll with the punches and fix it when you get home.

And it made me think, this is the same responses we get to choose in life. No matter if it’s chocolate coffee splattered all over my shirt and suit pants, or whether it’s a broken promise, shattered dreams, or a feared diagnosis, how we respond determines the next season of our life.

Choice is a beautiful thing, and we each get to choose how we will reciprocate those hard moments.

How do you respond when the milk gets spilled at breakfast? How do you speak when it not only begins to rain, but it pours a torrential downspout, and your umbrella has a hole in it? How do you look when someone blatantly cuts you to the core with betrayal? How do you show your hand when all the beauty of life seems to be swallowed up in a brush fire, and no one even appears to give a thought or a care?

I know. It’s just sticky, dark stained, chocolate coffee on my shirt. It’s just solidified sugar seeped into my pantsuit that may or may not come out with a little scrub. It’s just another high dollar dry cleaning bill that I don’t really want to spend this week. But is it only that?

Maybe we can step back and reassess for a moment…

Had I responded with shock and anger, how would that have made my dinner guests feel about the wonderful lunch we were having? Had I thrown my napkin down in a tantrum, cried out, or even lamented sorrowfully to the server that he had filled the cup so much?

After all, he’d ingeniously and unknowingly created a pressure cooker inside that 16oz styrofoam cup! What kind of impression would I have given, what kind of example would I have been placing in front of all those present?

Instead I chose to laugh. Instead I chose to try to mop up the liquid just as quickly and efficiently as I could. I tried to discreetly walk away to the restroom to assure I found all the spots and dabbed a little water droplets to help battle the stains. I returned to the table and carried on as if nothing had gone wrong.

And everyone texted later that they had a delightful time.

A merry heart does good, like medicine,
But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

Little Did I Know You

/ The WheatandTares

Little did I know you all of my life

The stories I was told don’t measure up

The man I once knew and who you were before

Full of life and love and joy and friendly fans

Full of anger and sorrow and shame and brokenness

The man I once knew and who you had become

The stories I was told are so much more

Little did I know you all of my life

War and betrayal can change a soul in ways that can’t be undone.

Yet, I am thankful to have seen a glimpse of what once was and one day, what will be forever more.

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the richesof his glorious inheritance in his holy people

Ephesians 1:16-18

Point of No Return

/ The WheatandTares

Whatever you left because it broke you, don’t return to it when your tears have dried.

It may have been a person. It may have been a pain. It may have been a sin. It may have been a shame.

No matter what or who, never go back simply because the storm is over.

Too many abused return to their abuser.

Too many released will return to their captor.

Too many wounded will return to their accuser.

Why?

Often the comfort of the cage is easier than learning to live in the awkwardness of the new.

Often the known is more welcoming than the challenge of the unknown.

But be convicted to adjust.

Be determined to redirect.

Do not settle for the norm because it’s comfortable.

Do not settle for the available simply because it knows you.

Allow yourself to resettle.

Allow yourself to dream again.

Allow yourself to grow.

You’ll be amazed at the new you.

As a dog returns to his own vomit,
So a fool repeats his folly.

Proverbs 26:11

Deliver those who are drawn toward death,
And hold back those stumbling to the slaughter.

Proverbs 24:11

It’s Not Me. It’s You.

/ The WheatandTares

Oh, if we could grasp this reality, what strength we could gather.

When someone wounds you, it’s not because you have done something wrong. It is because they have something wrong inside.

This is not to say that you could have possibly prevented it. Maybe. sometimes, we don’t notice warning signs until it is too late. Sometimes, we turn a blind eye because of our own hangups and intimidations.

But when someone wrongs you, particularly when it is repetitive, we have to accept it for what it is: their fatal flaw.

We don’t always need to defend ourselves.

And we don’t really need to retaliate.

But we do always need to walk away.

Step back from their negative blows.

Move out of the course of their mayhem.

Set boundaries and close the doors to their reckless endangerment.

Realize it is not your responsibility nor your burden to bear.

Sometimes, broken people try to break others.

Sometimes, wounded people live to wound others.

Sometimes, twisted people endeavor to twist the lives of others.

But this never means you have to surrender to it.

Remove your heart from their hammer and reclaim your peace.

It’s worth the effort.

You are worth the time.

Do not enter the path of the wicked,
And do not walk in the way of evil.
Avoid it, do not travel on it;
Turn away from it and pass on.
For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; and their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall. For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence.

But the path of the just is like the shining sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day. The way of the wicked is like darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.

Proverbs 4:14-19

Keep Writing. Keep Reading.

/ The WheatandTares

This statement rings true in so many relationships.

So many are only surface deep.

Never enduring the hard days to witness the true character.

Never persevering the rain to find the rainbow.

How you approach a friendship tells a lot about your character.

How you delicately cherish or nonchalantly cast aside the relationship says more about you than about them.

Some people are only meant to be with you for a moment.

But those who stick around for the duration, they are worthy of the depths of your soul.

Where will your depth take you?

Your affliction is incurable,
Your wound is severe.
There is no one to plead your cause,
That you may be bound up;
You have no healing medicines.
All your lovers have forgotten you;
They do not seek you;
For I have wounded you with the wound of an enemy, with the chastisement of a cruel one, for the multitude of your iniquities,
Because your sins have increased.
Why do you cry about your affliction?
Your sorrow is incurable.
Because of the multitude of your iniquities,
Because your sins have increased,
I have done these things to you. ‘Therefore all those who devour you shall be devoured;
And all your adversaries, every one of them, shall go into captivity;
Those who plunder you shall become plunder, and all who prey upon you I will make a prey.
For I will restore health to you
And heal you of your wounds,’ says the Lord, ‘Because they called you an outcast saying:
“This is Zion; No one seeks her.” ’

“Thus says the Lord:

‘Behold, I will bring back the captivity of Jacob’s tents, and have mercy on his dwelling places; the city shall be built upon its own mound, and the palace shall remain according to its own plan.
Then out of them shall proceed thanksgiving and the voice of those who make merry; I will multiply them, and they shall not diminish; I will also glorify them, and they shall not be small.

Jeremiah 30:12-19

How Peaceful Are You?

/ The WheatandTares

Men may cry, “Peace, Peace!” But the war is already on the battlefield.

What you choose to do in times of war will often expose the depth of your character.

Some claim they are strong and powerful me; yet, they turn a blind eye and lower their hands to defeat the enemy.

Some declare peace and love can never be shown through force, and the innocent are left to die in the streets at the hands of wicked men.

But the meek, the humble, and the mighty all join as one to rescue the child, to defend the broken, to defeat the evil when it is in their power to do so.

The strongest and most fierce shelter the fragile and shield the blameless and call out the immoral.

It is never the muscles and brawn that make someone you stalwart and indomitable.

Rather, it is the passionate heart who stands for Truth at all cost.

It is the relentless pursuit for justice the raises up an army for victory.

It is the raging embrace of liberty that fortifies the battlefront.

These are the standards by which the war is won.

If you faint in the day of adversity,
Your strength is small. Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those stumbling to the slaughter.
If you say, “Surely we did not know this,”
Does not He who weighs the hearts consider it? He who keeps your soul, does He notknow it? And will He not render to each man according to his deeds?

Proverbs 24:10-12

Keep yourself far from a false matter; do not kill the innocent and righteous. For I will not justify the wicked.

Exodus 23:7

Unexpected Grief

/ The WheatandTares
*no association nor ownership of quote*

Goodbyes to those who have caused pain can be all together freeing; yet, the grief will come in waves as the broken covenant becomes a reality.

It can be all together overwhelming.

Just because the decision to leave is right doesn’t mean it will be full of joy and laughter.

Just because the need to walk away is necessary doesn’t mean the path is smooth and easy.

It can be the hardest season of life.

And the loneliest.

Yet, never doubt the resolution to remove toxicity and never return to it simply because of the sharp agony of separation.

Cry the tears that must be shed.

Weep and wail.

Rant and rage.

Then, take a deep breath and exhale.

And know that through the grief, an inner strength will grow which will extend beyond the pain.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Friend or Foe

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, it’s just hard to deal with certain humans.

If we’re being honest, you know it’s true.

Yet, just as it’s important to walk away from toxicity and dangerous relationships, it’s also important to be able to discern those who might be in a bad mood and those who are truly damaging.

And this distinction can truly make or break a leader.

Come to the wrong conclusion, and you can damage a relationship, a ministry, a group of people, and even a home.

Assume a friend is a foe, and you lose a covenant and companion for life.

Suppose a foe is a friend, and you may walk away wounded and scarred, or worse, you can find yourself enclosed in a cage of emotion.

Presume inaccurately on either side, and you can wound the most innocent among you.

Judge incorrectly, and the grace needed to make amends can sometimes be insurmountable.

So, step carefully and evaluate slowly.

Learn to recognize warning signs and decipher welcome flags.

Acknowledge personal hangups and triggers and work harder to overcome.

Create an atmosphere of curiosity and courage and allow for input from the older, wiser sages near you.

Open your heart wide and your ears and eyes even wider.

And above all, if you believe in the One who created you, pray and ask Him to guide, not only in the final decision but to the people who can help lead you in that direction.

A friend can be hidden from immediate view because the search is always an adventure.

A foe can be veiled from initial sight because the desire for communion is always a heart’s home.

Friend or foe, learning the difference is essential.

Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Ointment and perfume delight the heart,
And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.

Proverbs 27:9

Carry the Buckets

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Be the one who carries the buckets of water toward the flames.

Be the one who carries the light to pave the path.

Be the one who carries the torch to brighten the tunnel.

Be the one who carries the blanket to shield the frozen.

Be the one who carries the keys to unlock the prison doors.

Be the one who carries the swords to join in the battle.

You can be a life changer or a death claimer.

It is your choice.

But first ask yourself which you’d want if the flames were on you.

This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

John 15:12-13

Allow for Some Goodbyes

/ The WheatandTares

Change brings adjustments in relationships.

Adjustments bring uncomfortable conflicts.

Conflicts bring choices to remain or walk away.

When you are seeking to better yourself, sometimes, it will irritate those who want to remain the same.

When you are moving beyond the trauma, sometimes, those who enjoyed the drama will want to stay.

When you are healing and pursuing something better, sometimes, those who liked you broken cannot handle the new strength.

And that’s ok.

Keep walking ahead.

Keep healing from the past.

Keep moving forward toward wellness, peace, and joy.

Those who are meant to go with you will arrive.

Those who aren’t will remain where you were.

And that’s ok.

To thrive, sometimes you have to say goodbye to the old you and also to the old them.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14