grief

Grief’s Lament

/ The WheatandTares / 8 Comments

What do you do when facing grief?

Do you weep uncontrollably and inconsolably?

Do you grow angry and jealous of those who don’t seem to be affected?

Do you dive into the bottle, the drugs, the prescriptions, anything that will bring relief and simultaneously self destruction?

Do you recede into yourself daring anyone to knock on the wall you’ve built to shield?

Do you quietly reflect, never sharing an inner thought, always brooding, always bracing for the next?

Do you remove yourself from your present day and time and settle into memories of the past, sealing the vault to enter into more?

Maybe you do none of these.

Maybe you do all but at different times.

Recently, it seems I have walked beside so many experiencing this event that one day will, someway, somehow, affect all of us, and it caused me to stop and ponder for a moment.

What do you do when facing grief?

Truthfully, those of us with understanding, knowledge, and even experience with the “Five Stages of Grief,” we can give cliche answers and sound like the most brilliant human beings in the room. We can pontificate on the granduers of psychological pain, suffering, and sorrow. We can present thesis upon thesis on how one should react compared to the case studies of those who were deemed “grieving all wrong.”

But there is no formula to grief.

Oh, how I wish there were!

How I long for a formulaic answer to the mother, who asks, “Why did my son die?” How my heart aches for a well spoken response to the wife who says, “How will I ever live without him?” How my mind races for a piece of comfort to give when the father says, “I would’ve rather have taken her place.”

A studied and proven method would be so much easier to present in these moments of horror and torment. An eloquent quote, a ritualistic prayer, a methodical chant that could wash away the brokenness that remains, these would be like a healing balm both to their soul and mine. How soothing it would be to offer a word that could create the chasm as if there were no remnant of the devastation.

Yet, that is not how grief shows up nor how it makes its exit … if it actually has an exit.

No.

Grief is unexpected, unpredictable, and unwanted…and even truly, unexplainable.

The only thing that has been found a constant in the pain is that He is there. The only name that has stayed stable throughout is Jesus. The only One who has sustained all the shattered dreams and wrecked lives is the One who created our very soul.

And I can’t even tell you how He does it. But He does.

He is faithful and true. And He promises to abide. He promises to stay beside you in the midnight hours. He cannot lie. He is bound by His words of truth. And He will come and dwell. If you’ll but open the door of your heart.

And let Him in.

He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.

Isaiah 53:3-4

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Psalm 91:1

Unexpected Grief

/ The WheatandTares
*no association nor ownership of quote*

Goodbyes to those who have caused pain can be all together freeing; yet, the grief will come in waves as the broken covenant becomes a reality.

It can be all together overwhelming.

Just because the decision to leave is right doesn’t mean it will be full of joy and laughter.

Just because the need to walk away is necessary doesn’t mean the path is smooth and easy.

It can be the hardest season of life.

And the loneliest.

Yet, never doubt the resolution to remove toxicity and never return to it simply because of the sharp agony of separation.

Cry the tears that must be shed.

Weep and wail.

Rant and rage.

Then, take a deep breath and exhale.

And know that through the grief, an inner strength will grow which will extend beyond the pain.

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!

2 Timothy 3:1-5

Embrace the Healing

/ The WheatandTares

When you feel your strength returning and your lungs filling with air, don’t turn back.

When you can see more clearly and hear more accurately, don’t turn back.

When you can think more precisely and plan more purposefully, don’t turn back.

You didn’t mend to unravel.

You didn’t rebuild to deconstruct.

You didn’t heal to destroy.

Don’t regress. Don’t recede. Don’t retreat.

You fought for this.

Now, move forward. And win.

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.

Galatians 5:1

Keep Healing

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, healing comes instantly, but more often than not, it’s a long and tedious process.

Just as it takes a broken limb weeks, even months to mend, the heart needs so much more.

We are emotional beings. We are thought-filled humans, and wounds are like a heavy broomstick lying atop a tangled web of cords.

You’re not going to move that stick without disturbing the cords. You can’t just grab it, swoop it up, and call it a day.

You’re gonna have to move slow.

You’re gonna have to breathe deep and exhale at a snail’s pace.

You’ve got to ensure the healing is there.

And sometimes, a tiny gesture, a simple word, a small memory can come crashing in to slam that stick back onto the pile and even twist it a good bit!

Slow down, one more time.

Breathe in deep, one more time.

Exhale slowly, one more time.

Now, go work on picking up that stick again, one more time.

You can do this hard.

It might be messy, excruciating and long, but I promise you:

The healing is worth it.

Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.

Mark 8:22-25

Take the Challenge: Heal

/ The WheatandTares

Healing truly is a choice.

You can choose to remain in that pain, that sorrow, that grief, or you can choose to take those steps out.

Now, don’t scoff. Don’t ridicule. Don’t turn me off.

I know this isn’t an easy read.

You might be screaming I don’t understand.

You may be shouting I don’t see your space.

You might be shrugging I don’t hear you.

You may be screeching I don’t feel your struggle.

But I do understand. I do see. I do hear. I do feel.

Because I am there.

My place may not be yours, but it is mine alone.

And there is a hope for tomorrow, but it is mine to grasp.

Mine alone.

And you have the same. If you will but choose.

Don’t remain a victim of circumstance.

Don’t stay a martyr of the past.

Don’t settle as a casualty of the shattered.

Fight for the new day.

Fight for the brighter future.

Fight for the healing to come.

What you don’t fight for, you don’t deserve, and you can never declare as your own.

Fight for it with every breath.

And win.

Even when you feel you can’t.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.

1 Corinthians 9:24

Grief … Part 742

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Grief can be hidden and tucked away so deep, you almost forget it’s there.

Yet, when it peeks back through the shadows, it’s like a scream within that no one else can hear.

But you can sense it, even in the deepest shadows.

You can feel it, even in the stillest night.

You can almost see it, even in the blackest of eves.

And it will return with such fierce vengeance while no one else recognizes it’s deafening sound.

That is grief.

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit.

Psalm 34:18

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Beauty in the Hard

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

If you’re growing, there’s going to be pressure.

If you’re moving forward, there’s going to be pressing.

If you have no pressure, no pressing points which have become uncomfortable, you’re probably not developing.

Just as a flower has to break through the seed and push up through the ground, when you are going to bring about change, there has to be a breaking, a crushing, and finally, a breakthrough.

So, if life is heating up, and you’re feeling the weight of responsibilities and decision making deepening around you, stand strong and walk proud.

Not in conceit or arrogance. Only in humility and respect can you truly survive.

But if you’ll rise to the occasion, grasp the reigns of opportunity and ride it to probability, you can thrive under the constraints.

You can succeed under the strain.

And when you do, not only will the blooms be beautiful, but the impact on those around will be spectacular, too.

My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Look Up Through the Hard

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Sometimes, life is just hard.

Circumstances go awry.

Relationships go chaotic.

Things just don’t seem to be as they should.

Add injustice, insecurity or instability of heart to any of this, and it can feel like a pit is swallowing you whole.

At that moment, look up.

See the beam of brightness shining through the rocks?

See that sliver of light at the end of the tunnel?

It’s not a train. It’s hope.

And it’s coming for you.

Keep walking forward, even if you have to crawl.

Keep looking up. Change is coming.

Now when these things begin to happen, look up and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.

Luke 21:28

Swing Away the Monday Blues

/ The WheatandTares / 8 Comments

Sometimes,

a good swing session is like therapy…

And if at first, it doesn’t help,

just keep swinging…

It was truly therapy…

Aspen meadow

Forgiveness Finds Freedom

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Forgiving those who wounded you doesn’t free them from guilt.

Forgiveness isn’t pretending it never happened.

Forgiving the one who brought harm is never justifying their wrong.

Forgiveness only frees us from their poison overtaking our soul.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22