Boundaries. What are boundaries?

An ancient boundary would be a place set up by forefathers to make territory, valued land, and a home.

Oxford says it’s a line that marks the limit of an area.

Webster describes it as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

A definition I like is a dividing line.

Because truthfully, that’s exactly what a boundary in a relationship is. It’s the start and stop of what I’m willing to tolerate to allow you close proximity me.

And we all have them. We all set them. Intentionally and non-intentionally.

We set them for random dogs that run up to us on the street. We set them for rulers and dictators who want to control. We set them for arbitrary strangers in public. We set them for our boss, our coworkers, our friends.

And yet, when it comes to loved ones or family, sometimes, we question if boundaries are appropriate. Are they needed? And are they valid?

Instead of answering this forthrightly, let me answer with a question.

If you so easily set that boundary for the arbitrary stranger that you may never see again, why would that person get more attention for your thoughts than the ones with whom you are closest?

Let that settle in and mull it over for a minute.

If you set a boundary for that stranger, as in they can’t just simply steal from you without a fight, why would you allow a loved one to continually steal your peace of mind day after day?

If you set a boundary for that ruler or boss in your life, as in he or she isn’t going to come into your home and rearrange your life without resistance, why would you allow a child to walk in and wreak havoc in your abode?

If you set a boundary for that random dog you encounter, as in it will not jump on you, eat whats in your hand or dispose of itself on you without a kick, shove, yell or simple walk away, why would you allow a family member everyday to do the very same things, even if it is a mental or emotional act of abuse?

When someone is unruly, disrespectful, overbearing, self centered, or selfish in their regard to someone else, sometimes, you’re going to have to decide how much you will tolerate and then, set a boundary for no more.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if they agree.

It doesn’t even matter if their feelings are hurt, and they say so.

What matters is the peace of mind that comes when the line is drawn and sanity is found.

What matters is the love that returns when the fence is erected and a calm is found within its limits.

Set those boundaries. Stand your ground.

And begin to breathe again.

Do not remove the ancient landmark
Which your fathers have set.

Proverbs 22:28