Our Children See

We were eating b’fast at chic-fil-a one Saturday morning, and a young lady was walking out, crossing the street when JMan said something interesting…

“She looks just like you…well, except for the shorts. (She had on a pair of short-shorts.) Just to see what he would say, I asked him very inquisitively, “Why not the shorts, buddy?? You don’t think they’d look good on me?” When he looked at me in that moment, it might as well have been that I grew another head! I had such a hard time trying not to laugh. So, I kind of nudged him to say what he was thinking. He said, “Mom, did you see her shorts?? You don’t ever need to look like that! That would not be good! That would be so embarrassing if you did!!” I did laugh then, but it caused me to think…

Now, he’s only 9, and he is totally a boy (!), and we’ve taught him standards to live by; however, we don’t really talk to him about what I wear or don’t wear, and we haven’t really discussed too much about girls wearing short shorts, because he’s only nine. Yet, in that moment, I realized, once again, children see so much more than what we, sometimes, think they do. 

That’s why it’s so important to live according to the standards we set for each of our homes. My standards may not be yours and yours may not be the next guy’s; however, if we wish our kids to follow in our footsteps, we must at least keep them consistent and solid. We must keep them authentic and real, because our kids not only hear what we say, but they see more of what we do and how we live. We must live lives full of character, integrity and authenticity. We set the standards for them to see and to follow. 

I’ll Grow Old with You

In light of this being our anniversary week, I hope you will forgive me for not posting something yesterday, and I hope you might indulge me today as I repost something I blogged a little while back for my sweetheart (as you will see by the “info” given). We celebrate 19 years this week, and I am more in love today than I’ve ever been! 😉 

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We sat in the empty house, the boys away for the evening. He sat at the computer playing chess. I sat in a chair opposite him, reading on my Kindle. He said, “Ya know, this is what old people do. This (silence) is what it sounds like to get old. … What are we gonna do when little bit goes off to college?” I said to him, “Cry…..Cry a lot.”
This started me thinking…

We’ve been together for over 22 years now…8,079 days of my life.

We’ve been married for 18 1/2 of those…over half of my lifetime.

We’ve lived in 2 states and, together, visited 10.

We’ve worked at 5 churches and gone to 2 colleges.

We have 2 sons, numerous “spiritual kids” and no daughters or grandkids.

We are both Southern born and bred, in 2 (technically 3) different states,

and we’re both very proud of it!

I love you more today than that first day I met you,

and even more than the day I said, “I do.”

Yet, I love you less today than I will love you tomorrow or even this time next year.

In a world where the rings come off too quickly, and the marriage vows become negotiable, I have decided our love is here to stay, and even if you wanted, you couldn’t get rid of me without a fight.

This love we have was birthed in wonder and refined in distance and time. All those years we said, “hello” each day, but only held hands once a week, deepened our commitments rather than making them shallow. This love we share has stood the test of time, and even though, I know that test will be retaken again and again during this lifetime, I believe we will remain true. For I don’t belong to you, and you don’t belong to me. We belong to the One who holds this thing together. He is the only One who will see us through.

So, I gladly look to tomorrow and cherish our yesterdays. I hold onto the present and love like it’s only the beginning. I treasure our times together and laugh at our silly mishaps. I glance over your failings and pray you’ll do the same as we reach together, hand over hand, to move beyond what could destroy and stretch our hearts toward the One who would restructure what could have been lost.

Love is not a feeling. It cannot be bought or borrowed or even stolen. Love is a choice that we each choose to uphold and to protect. Love is a choice that we can choose to embrace when we look past our own selfish ways and desires. Love must be cultivated, cherished and cared for. Love must be allowed to bloom.

Blooms do not happen instantaneously. Growth does not happen overnight. Love takes years of tenacity in trials, forgiveness of flaws, blindness to annoyances, perseverance with the little things that really matter. Love doesn’t fail when it is the love from the One who created love. Love lasts forever when it is the love of the Father.

So, today, I say, ‘YES.’

Yes, I will choose to love. Yes, I will choose to forgive.

Yes, I will choose to laugh. Yes, I will choose to cherish.

Yes, I will choose to live. Yes, I will choose to treasure.

Yes, I will choose embrace. Yes, I will choose to uphold.

Yes, I will choose to cultivate, nurture and protect this love.

Yes, I will choose you for life, for love, for laughter.

…Yes… I’ll grow old with you.

 

I Watch You Grow

With this being the end of the school year and many are graduating this week and the coming weekends, I thought I might repost a poem I posted last November…


I watch you grow from day to day

Each new morning it seems you’ve found a new way

To touch my heart and to make me smile

Even if it is just to sit with you awhile

 

You have my eyes and your daddy’s squeal

Every passing hour brings another thrill

To make me gasp, hope, laugh or wonder

Even as the minutes go by, of you, I grow ever fonder

 

You have such joy, such energy and life

Lord, help me to never fill your days with strife

I thank my God above for blessing me with you

I pray I teach you His ways in all that I do

 

I watch you grow from day to day

A man of God to become, I pray you may

Follow His voice and never ever turn back

A life of promise, you’ll encounter with nothing to lack

 

I love you, son. You are one of the very joys of my life! ❤

Penned – MG – 6/30/03

Time Stands Still

Last week had a pretty full agenda, usual routine things, several added appointments for me, and several added items for the boys, but all that changed around 4am Wednesday morning…

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JMan came in the bedroom, tapped me on the shoulder and told me he had just thrown up. My brain, still groggy from sleep, didn’t immediately register what he was telling me; so, I said, “Okay, go back and lay down. I’ll be there in just a second.” As I heard him leave the room, my brain and my “mom instincts” kicked in. I got up, went and got blankets to make a pallet in the guest room (I always “quarantine” the sick, hoping to contain the germs), retrieved my own pillows, and told little man to come with me.

I proceeded to make him a pallet, set up water bottles, towels and a night light. We were “set” for a night of sickness, or so I thought, knowing that the boys’ usual course is about 6-8 hrs., and they’re done. At noon that day, after following him to help in the restroom every 30 minutes since 4am, I began to wonder if this was going to be the normal run of sickness. Five hours later, I was convinced this was one nasty stomach bug that wasn’t going to let go so easily.

Everything stopped that day. I cancelled my dentist appointment to get a crown, which I have to say, I wasn’t too upset about. I put off plans to cook for the week (I had had plans to cook several days’ worth of meals), and we ordered out for lunch. My husband took JGrizz back and forth to church with him, as I’m usually the chauffeur, allowing my husband to prepare for his Wednesday night class. I asked someone else to record JGrizz in a drama performance; since, I couldn’t be there, and I called the choir director to notify him of my absence. Joey then chauffeured JGrizz back and forth to school the next two days, as well as, helped him to study for tests and confirmed homework was done, and he taxied him to other events and church for the weekend, all the things which I am very accustomed to doing in my day to day routine.

All day Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I was totally focused on taking care of JMan, tending to his needs, praying, refilling water bottles and cleaning up behind him, all the while, hoping and praying no one else would get sick. (This was a very nasty bug!!) My routine became matched with his, sleeping when he slept and waking when he awoke; otherwise, I stumbled around trying to catch up on the lost sleep, which, I basically did anyway during those hours. It’s never easy sleeping when you’re baby’s sick! I stayed huddled up with him in that guest room for four days. Nothing else mattered except getting him well.

Due to both my boys and my husband depending on me for different things day to day, I had to fight internally with my own mother and wife instincts throughout that time. I felt obligated and needed to tend to JMan’s needs, while I also battled guilt over not being able to be there for our oldest son’s youth competitions that weekend and leaving all the burden on my husband to make sure they were both taken care of and arrived at all the places at which they needed to be for the total of five days (by the time JMan really got well).

It made me think of families whose babies have gone through trauma, are experiencing a terminal illness, or even have a long-term sickness that maybe can’t be diagnosed. How do they function over time? How do they manage their homes, their lives, their personal needs? This realization came to me: they find a “new normal.” Yes, that’s the only thing you can do when your loved one is sick, and they need you. All the other things in life, those things which you thought were of such importance, just seem to fade away. The focus becomes crystal clear: the well being of your child.

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Those days gave me a new perspective. A perspective that, I’m sure, was really always there. It wasn’t the first time our little man had been sick; however, it was the first time he’d been this sick. It was, also, the first time in a long time, I suppose, I stood back and thought of more than just getting through the moments of sickness and maybe thought of more than just the sickness of my own child. It reminded me that time seems to stand still when you least expect it. It reminded me, as I often encourage others to do, to make sure I’m living life to the fullest, and cherishing those with whom I’m living and sharing this life. For, none of us know what tomorrow might bring, and what a pitiful state we will be in if we only realize tomorrow what we missed out on today!

So, can I encourage you today? Take time for those you love, not just in the tough moments, but in the good moments as well. Step back and see those you love in the moments right where they are. Cherish them. Hold them. Love them. Step back and take a look around. Take notice of who is there, where you are, and where you are going together. When we’re able to step back and see the bigger picture, we’re apt to learn so much more!

Gold All Around

He was born a dreamer. He has always dreamed big dreams. At the age of four, he was Batman, Spider-Man, policeman and cowboy, all combined within that sweet tiny frame; the image altering daily, depending upon the mood that day. When he turned nine, the superheroes had faded, and music had taken over. He was a “gangsta-rapper” one day and TobyMac or B-SHOC the next. Always dreaming of greatness, always hoping for the big stage, the bright lights, and the gold coins.

Today, his heart is set to the beat of a different drum. He doesn’t conform too much to those around him. He has his own style, his own fashion and his own swagger. He is his own man, and he loves it. He loves Jesus, and he doesn’t care who knows it. He wants others to see what he sees, feel what he feels.

Often, I see the little boy alive in his eyes, and my heart skips a beat for what once was. I see him shooting for the stars, and I pray he never stops or even hesitates. I see him making plans and setting aspirations into action, and I pray The Lord keeps him within His grasp, always leading and guiding him down the right path.

In those moments, I realize, this is what it’s all about: Dreams. Hopes. Aspirations. Reaching for something great. This is what brings about change. This is what brings about true freedom from conformity. This is what brings about new “life.” As a little child dreams, hope is birthed in the soul.

For if we fail to dream, if we fail to reach for the stars, something dies within. We must let the child live. We must cultivate those dreams of yesterday. Yeah, some things change, and life always moves on. Time never stops, but yet, if we don’t lose track of it in a dream, it surely does drag along. If we forget to get lost in the yester-years every once in a while, how will we ever remember how much has changed, and how will we ever see how far we’ve come?

So, dream on, my sweet child. Dream big. Plan long, and aspire for greatness! You can shoot for all the stars in the sky, and even if you don’t make it to the one in your sights, you’ll still get further than if you never reached for it to start. I see gold all around you, and I believe it’s because the stars are within your grasp. Let Him guide you to the right ones, and He will help you get there. When you do, just reach up and take hold. It’s yours for the dreaming, and when you’re amongst the stars, that’s when you’ll see the gold that I see all around you.

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Fog & Hugs

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JGrizz said the other day, “Ya know, mom, fog is like a great big hug…like a great big hug from God.” As I looked out across the water, with the fog hovering like a blanket, I couldn’t deny the closeness, the feeling of being embraced by the fuzzy white haze. Then I turned my thoughts toward heaven and thought of how much He loves us, and how much he blesses us everyday, even in the smallest things, just to show us He cares.

If we will but open our eyes to see, we will realize He sends little “hugs and kisses” from heaven all throughout the days, weeks and even years of our lives. It may be in the gentle smile of your newborn babe as he looks at you with his innocent love. It may be in the beautiful sunrise breaking through the trees, sending a tense warm to your face. It may be in the joyful giggles of your little girl who wants ‘just one more’ push on the swing. It might even be in the quiet reflection of your teenage son as He ponders over the fog settling upon the waters and believing God has sent him a hug.

We drove across a dam early one morning, and it was so foggy, I could hardly see to drive. All of a sudden, I saw a rainbow, as my eyes followed its path, I realized that we were going to drive right through the rainbow, almost as if it were a tunnel! It as one of the neatest things I’ve ever seen! (In the last pic below, but wasn’t real clear on the picture). Going through, I had this thought, “Aw, thanks God! You sure know how to make a girl feel loved and blessed!”

He sends us visual messages through so many venues. All we have to do is step back, take a deep breath and really see Him. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” It’s true, and He doesn’t hide when we seek Him. He always keeps His promises. All we have to do is look for Him.

So, next time it’s foggy, don’t get scared or annoyed, just wk outside for a moment; let it surround you, and receive your great big hug from God. 🙂

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Have and Hold Forever

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I’m not sure a mother’s heart ever lets go of her child, neither through age nor death.  That mother’s love is tangled up with that child from the moment she realizes she’s pregnant, or at least, very quickly thereafter, and it seems to remain a tangled mess for the rest of her life!

Now, I know, I speak as a mom who deeply loves and adores her children. Some moms are just too wounded to see past their pain, and others are so angry, they can’t see beyond the rage to the tender hearts within their grasp. Still others, they have become so narcissistic, they cannot see anything but their own ambitions and desires; so, please, know that my reference in this post has nothing to do with those types of mothers. Those moms need some desperate help before they destroy the precious seed which they have been given to nurture and provide sweet tender care for the next 18-20 years of their life. No, I’ll be referring to the moms out there, who, regardless of their human faults and failures, seek to do right by their child and work hard to imagine for, provide for and propel that child into greatness beyond what she, personally, might have been.

When you’re this kind of mother, you just want to hug them and hold them forever. You want to shelter that little heart from ever feeling any brokenness, pain and even disappointment. You want to protect that small mind from any wayward thought, evil deed or malice intent. You want to shield those tiny little eyes from all the sin, violence and everything not pleasant. You want to provide a refuge, a safe haven in which they can rest for the entirety of their life.

Yet, just as an eagle will cripple her eaglet if she refuses to start pulling the feathers from the nest, each of us will fatally cripple our children if we refuse to let them grow, learn, and yes, even experience pain and disappointment from time to time. We must allow them to spread their wings and learn to fly, or they will remain paralyzed in that nest for the rest of their lives, only to crawl to a miserable death, a death of dreams, opportunities, potential and life itself. We must allow them to fly!

Flight can be such a scary thing, especially when they are so young, so inexperienced, so fragile. Flight can challenge them to dream, to push beyond the limits, to test their own abilities. Have you ever watched a baby barnacle goose learn to fly? If not, you should look it up sometime (you can click hereto watch). …well, maybe, if you have the heart for it. I almost didn’t.
[*please note: this is a very intense, heart-wrenching, yet, very real, short film.]

The first time I saw this video, I almost busted into tears! The tiny, downy-feathered gosling was far up in the nest, high above the rocky cliffs below. It was several hundred feet up, I’m sure. He climbs out of the nest and begins to fall. I almost stuck my hands out, trying to catch him, before I remembered it was simply a video, and there was nothing I could do. The baby keeps falling and falling, crying out the whole time; then, he “bumps” the rocks on his way down. Then he bumps it again and again. Then he smacks the rocks at the very bottom. I was sure the little precious thing was dead! After he laid there a few seconds, I felt certain he was a goner.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as, I truly believed, I had just witnessed the death of this barnacle gosling. I began to wonder what idiot had made this video with no prior warning for viewers like me! To my surprise and relief, the parents waddled over to where the baby was and waited patiently as the little guy slowly lifted his head and waddled up to them for comfort and moral support. I could not believe he had made it!

Has parenting ever felt like this? If you haven’t experienced this type of worry, frustration and fear, just hold on, and keep on living. The time may come when your little one jumps out of that nest and “plummets” to the bottom of the ravine! You may have to watch them as they “free fall” through their temptations and vices, seeming to race to certain death. If you will cover them in sincere prayer, now and throughout it all, God will hear your cry. If you will train them up now in the faith of God, they will make it!

Depending on their personal venture, their own response to it, and their surrender to God throughout it, they may come through with a few bumps, bruises and , yes, maybe even scars, but they will survive. If they don’t have the grace of God to cushion their fall, the sharp and jagged rock of life will surely damage them beyond repair. Yet, if they have the Word of truth, the sword of the Spirit, and the shield of faith, they can face whatever may come, and God will protect them. He is the best covering they can have!

As a protective mother, I’d prefer they never had to make that leap. As loving moms, we’d prefer that child to just stay safe and secure within our grasps so that no harm or danger ever come near them. Yet, we know if we continue to shelter them through the hardships of life, it doesn’t make them stronger. It only weakens them for the journey that, one day, they will be traveling apart from us.

They need the challenge. They need the flight training, and they need the faith to soar. It is our job to instill within them the knowledge and understanding of that faith. It is our responsibility to help them see the great big world before them and know the pitfalls that will try to trap them. It is our commission to pray endlessly for their journey and for their flight. It is our right to shelter, protect, love and support them until the time comes that they must fly, but fly they must. If they don’t, they will die. Their dreams will die, and their destiny will be lost.

So, go ahead, momma. Hold that baby tight. Strengthen his wings and help him to stand. Deepen her faith and teach her to flap those wings, preparing for flight. When the time is right, they will soar to new heights. They will fly to distant lands, and they will take a part of you with them as you stand there holding a piece of their heart within your hands.

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Purpose in the Mundane

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The other day, I was sweeping the hardwoods…I hate to sweep, but it’s something that must be done, or crumbs and filth will build up, and then we’ll have nastiness, filth, and even bugs. I hate bugs in the house. I hate bugs in the house more than I hate sweeping! …So, I was sweeping and thinking of all the stuff I needed to do around the house. The end tables needed dusting, the carpet needed vacuuming, the blinds needed wiping, the sheets needed washing and changing, etc.

All of sudden, JMan said, “Mom, come here quick!” I walked into the office, a little begrudgingly, because I had so much to do, and he was simply calling me over to the computer. He said, “Look at the house I’ve built!” Then, he proceeded to show me the house, with all its rooms, and a “treasure chest” in one of them. He said, “Mom, look what this is,” and he proceeded to show me a “Bible” that he had created himself, complete with the whole chapter of Matthew 4, or least most of it, all of which he had typed from memory.

I stood amazed as he showed me his masterpiece, and it was as if I had an epiphany that very moment: We, as adults, should be more like our children who have a heart after God. If my nine year old son can create a place for the Almighty right there within the walls of the house he created in his computerized building game, why can I not create a place for Him right there in the middle of my mundane routine of cleaning house? That’s what I should do, and I am well aware of this fact; yet, too often, I find myself heavily burdened by the cares of this world and over-consumed by all the “thankless jobs” and mundane rituals which fill my everyday that I tend to often forget for Whom I’m doing this!

Oh sure, I remember when I’m doing my morning devotions and when I’m tucking my sweet boys in for the night. I remember when I’m using an object lesson to teach those same young men this very principle. I remember when everything is going my way, and the sun is shining bright in the sky, but, oh, how quickly I forget when our boys don’t want to follow the rules, when my husband and I can’t seem to see eye to eye, and the clock just seems to be running faster than before. How quickly my memory fades when the sun won’t shine, the rain won’t stop, and it seems my prayers won’t reach beyond the brass ceiling above my head.

Those are the moments when I tend to forget to grasp that beautiful wonder of a child. Those are the moments the simple and, often, the most important things, seem to fade to gray as the expectations and demands of this life scream ever louder in a war for my complete attention. Those are the moments when I desperately need to remember this sweet moment of truth: God is wherever we are, and He just wants to be a part of whatever we are doing, even if it is simply creating a “Bible,” complete with Matthew 4, inside a treasure chest, within a beautiful “block” house being created by a 9 yr old, and even if it is simply sweeping the hardwood floors and keeping a clean house for my husband and boys to enjoy…and eventually mess up again! (Ha! Ha!)

Lord, help me to find You in everything I put my hands to do. Help me to see You in the simplest of things. Help me to find Your purpose for me even in the mundane.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Colossians 3:23

“Do everything in love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14

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It’s Tradition, Again

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The other night, my youngest and I continued a tradition that hasn’t really been an annual, very consistent, tradition; however, I’ll call it a tradition, nonetheless. We made sugar cookies together…complete with the rolling out of dough, cookie cutter figures, making our own icing (for the very first time!), and sprinkles and nonpareils. It was messy, but it was, oh, so fun!!

We had the movie, Home Alone 2, playing in the background as we floured the countertop and rolling pin, flattened the dough and prepared it for the cookie cutters. We pressed the cutters into the dough, making snowmen, Christmas holly, stars, and trains. We baked them, painted them and let them dry. We ate a few and stood back to admire our handiwork. He did an awesome job! …Mine looked more like a four year old’s creation (no offense to the four year olds out there! Haha).

Never letting him know, I, personally, was very disappointed that my “creations” didn’t turn out much better than they did, and it really turned into quite a bit of work detail to finish the extra dozen after he was just simply “done” and didn’t care to finish! However, to see the joy on my little boy’s face when he had decorated his “big bear” and to realize that memory would be sealed in each of our hearts forever, it was all worth it! 🙂

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I’m so glad I took the time tonight to make a memory. There were so many other needs and responsibilities pulling for my attention, but that little nine year old won’t always be pulling for my attention. These days are so fleeting. I’m so glad I ignored the other things that were screaming my name. I’m so glad I made the moment last just one more time.

So, even if the sugar cookie making is not a tradition like the others we have, which are more consistent through the years, I believe we will keep this one each year, or every other year, or maybe just when we “spontaneously” want to keep it. Spontaneity and tradition can go hand in hand, sometimes! The memories that are etched on our hearts at that moment may even last longer, sometimes, than those traditions which we tend to do more out of routine and expectancy.

So, make a point to keep those traditions, create some new ones, and strive for those spontaneous “together-moments” whether you do them bi-annually, or simply, when you think of it from one child to the next! You’ll love the memories you’ll gather, the fun times that will be had, and one day, your children will thank you!

MAKE a new tradition, or keep an old tradition…again!
JUST MAKE A MEMORY!! 🙂

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It’s Tradition

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Christmas is my most favorite holiday of the year. There are so many reasons for my loving it. I love the warmth and love I feel while surrounded by family. I love the heightened feelings of joy, generosity and kindness that seems to resonate in most everyone’s heart. I love the wonder of a child who is anxiously awaiting Christmas morn. They can hardly go to sleep on Christmas Eve, as they strain to hear sleigh bells and reindeer hoofs upon the roof, and they run to the living room early the next morning to see if, just maybe, a midnight visitor has nibbled on their gift of milk and cookies. I love to see the twinkle in my sons’ eyes when they receive that special gift from their list which they weren’t quite sure if we’d be able to fulfill.

I love looking forward to the snow that might fall, and I love to wrap up in layers of cozy attire and walk around in the winter wonderland. I love to sit by the warm fire, drinking hot cocoa, while cuddled up with my sweet boys and my love, watching a Christmas special on TV, even though, we’ve seen it every year for the last 10! I love playing endless Christmas carols on the radio and singing till my voice almost disappears. I love making little goodie bags for the boys’ classes at school or for those in our neighborhood that includes a special little note of God’s love and hope for this broken world. I love picking out an “angel” ornament off the tree in our church foyer and supplying Christmas for a child whom, otherwise, might not have gotten anything underneath his tree. I love going in the stores and seeing all the lights, the decorations and hearing all the cheer. I love saying, “Merry Christmas!” when a sales person is required to say, “Happy Holidays,” and watching their eyes light up, because that is what they’d rather be saying to me. I love making someone smile who is feeling weary, doubtful or fearful and reminding them there is a wonderful reason we celebrate this season, and there is hope for their life. I just love Christmas time!

One of the things I look forward to the most at Christmas is putting up our pre-lit tree and taking part in, once again, the family traditions which we began so many years ago. When I was just a babe, my mom began collecting ornaments for me each year, and we have continued the tradition with our boys. We have a little nativity scene, which is presented with a storybook of, “What God wants for Christmas,” with which we commemorate Christ in the season, and this year, we began an “It’s All About Christmas” jar, in which we write a little note of gratefulness or what the season means to us, and we will read on Christmas Eve to celebrate the day. These are the traditions which cause us to remember the importance and the “reason for the season.” These are the traditions that bring us together as a family and remind us that love is at the center of that reason.

Does your family do something special during this time of year? What are YOUR Christmas traditions? I’d love to hear about them! Please feel free to add them in the comments below. 🙂

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