Train Them Up

November 24, 2014November 22, 2014 / The WheatandTares / 10 Comments

The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. As we strive daily to teach our children strong values and Godly principles, I often wonder how we’re doing. Dealing with the ever shifting cultural standards, the pressures from the outside that scream, “You’re too old fashion!” “You’re intolerant!” “You’re behind the times,” I am tempted, almost daily, to question my motives, intentions and purpose for setting these “rules,” these boundaries, these standards by which we live. Having a young teen in our home, one who is striving to find himself, to determine his own faith, ‘not that of mom and dad,’ and to become the man he so longs to be, it causes me, at times, to pause, to ponder, to almost take a poll to see if I’m doing right by him, if I’m teaching him these things for his own good or for mine.
Good parenting doesn’t come easy. Good parenting isn’t a popularity contest. It isn’t a survey we take to see who approves and who doesn’t. Good parenting takes faithfulness to the One who created it. It takes a lot of love, mercy and grace. Good parenting takes tenacity to carry on, to uphold your standards and to stick to your convictions, even when you’re all alone and “nobody else is doing it!”
The best kind of parent has the faith to remain a boundary while all others run away in fear of ridicule. The best kind of parent stands with courage in the face of rejection and loneliness. The best kind of parent has also learned when to say, “I’m sorry. I was wrong,” even when it hurts their pride to do so. The best kind of parent loves beyond the failings, keeps believing beyond the mishaps and keeps cheering beyond the cold winds of adversity. The best kind of parent knows when to push forward and when to pause and let them breathe. Lastly, the best kind of parent keeps loving when the door to their child’s heart has been slammed shut, and it appears he/she will never come back home.
Good parenting skills don’t come easy. It’s not a game in which you roll the dice and see if you hit the jackpot. No, good parenting takes faith. It takes determination. It takes a strong heart to love deep and remain true. It takes a strong mind to think the unthinkable, to plan for the unpredictable and to dream the unimaginable. It takes humility, love and grace for success to come, and, sometimes, that success may not be realized for almost a lifetime.
In this one thing you can rest assured, His Word does not fail. His promises are true. You train that child to follow Him, they will know the way home. Yes, it will have to be their choosing; He will never force their hand. He will never demand their love, but He will be ever present, ever drawing them with His love that is unconditional, His love that never fails.
So, keep the faith, Mom. Hold up that standard, Dad. Remain true to the One who called you to this purpose. You can do this! You can survive! Those little hearts are counting on you. They need your love. They need your guidance. They need your boundaries that protect them from the evil outside. They need your standards that protect them from themselves. Keep the faith! You only have a few years to fight this battle for the souls of the next generation. Don’t give up. Don’t give in, and never let them see you cower in fear. You were made for this. This is your destiny. Win!

…These are the moments when my heart is reassured that we are on the right path…

His dream is to be a Christian Rapper…so, we work hard to help him realize his dreams even while he is still young…

At bedtime, we find him like this more often than not… (He’s fallen asleep reading his Action Bible.)

At a summer youth camp, I looked up and saw him immersed in worship…

On top of the mountain, he said, “Mom, take this picture. I want to post it to [social media] and talk about pondering things of life and faith…”

I told them I’d like to get a picture of them with the mountains behind…
(Note: I didn’t ask them to “huddle up,” but they did.)

…Parents, be encouraged today. Sometimes, it’s the little things that we fail to notice, and sometimes, those are the very things that matter the most! 🙂

Be Grateful Always

November 13, 2014 / The WheatandTares / 3 Comments

All over social media this month, you can find daily posts of things for which to be thankful, what people are being thankful for, and, of course, the daily “thankful status” updates. I have noted these over the past several years, and even taken part in quite a few from time to time; however, this year, I thought maybe I’d take a little different approach by writing my “Grateful List” here on this blog (a 31-numbered list to represent every day of the month, plus a bonus), many of them including what I will call an “emphasis question,” to further prove the point, and maybe also share why I have a philosophy to be “grateful always”…

Even as you read, if you and I simply disagree on our likes and dislikes, I do encourage you to at least skip to the end and read a little more…you might find we don’t disagree as sharply as you might have first assumed. 😉

(*Look out: this is a little lengthy, but on social media, this would be a “once a day, every day for 30 days” status update…)

30 Reasons To Be Grateful (please note, after #15, these are in very random order! 🙂 )
#1 – I am thankful to love a God who loves me beyond measure, forgives me beyond reason, and redeems me beyond understanding…How could I ever ask for more?

#2 – I am thankful for a husband who seems to love me almost unconditionally. (That’s actually not humanly possibly, but I bet he comes pretty close! …you can’t tell I’m a little “love-blind,” can you? ) He is my best friend, my love, my confidante, my coach, my “cheerleader,” and my secret admirer…Why would I ever look anywhere else?

#3 – I am thankful for our two boys who bring so much life, joy and excitement into our lives! I love watching them grow, mature and become the men God has called them to be…How could life get any better than this?

#4 – I am thankful for the life I have with my little family…great God, great family, great church, great job, great town, great state, great nation (I definitely agree, it has it’s issues and problems, but hey, I’m not in prison, this land is still free, and we are still able to vote, speak, and do so many more things that are protected by our Constitution!). Sorry, that was surely too many “greats” in one sentence, but I suppose I really couldn’t help myself…Why would I want someone else’s life?

#5 – I am thankful for a terrific extended family who love mine, and me, and are willing to support “up close and personal” or “from afar,” allowing us to set the boundaries needed in the seasons of need and plenty. They are a blessing!…Why would I ever try to be demanding or have ridiculous expectations?

#6 – I am thankful for a church family who loves mine, and me, and is supportive and encouraging…not all church families are the same…Why should I ever expect perfection when we’re all just human?

#7 – I am thankful for the breath I breathe, the ability to walk, to talk, to move, to run, to rest, to do so many things in life…Why would I complain about a little ailment or pain?

#8 – I am thankful for two sons who are growing into two “fine, upstanding young men” who love God with all their hearts and have deep convictions for their faith that I know could have only come from Him above…Why would I ever try to hinder their faith or temper their passion?

#9 – I am thankful for two children who are so very different, and yet, both came from my womb. They have different personalities, different likes and dislikes, sleep and eat differently, and even share their faith with others differently; however, they both bring so much joy and feelings of pride and love to my heart…Why would I ever let differences or similarities cause me to favor one over the other?

#10 – I am thankful for the little things in life: the laughter of our boys, the breeze that blows, the wink of approval from my husband, an encouraging note sent from a friend, the simple, “Have a great day” from the Walmart check-out cashier…Why would I want to be grouchy simply because things don’t always go my way?

#11 – I am thankful for good friends…friends who are friends for life, friends who are friends for a season, and even friends who are friends only for an ‘event.’ I learn so much from these; each one leaves something for me to grow from, learn from and ponder upon…Why would I ever take for granted what we have had?

#12 – I am thankful for enemies with whom I have had an encounter, for they each sharpen my resolve, strengthen my faith, and develop my character…Why would I not want to rise up to this challenge and fight for those things I love and cherish?

#13 – I am thankful for the smiles of my children…Why would I want to cause them agony or strife?

#14 – I am thankful for the good country in which I live. As stated above, we’ve got our problems, and we’ve got our issues, of this, I am fully aware. However, this nation was founded for freedom; we still have our freedom, and for this, we can be forever thankful!…Why would I want to live elsewhere…and why would I ever want to be so focused on what’s wrong that I miss out on the stuff that’s really great?

# 15 – I am thankful for hard times and the hardships along the way, for I learn from the perseverance. I gain assurance from the trials, and I grow in character through the challenges…Why would I ever shy away from the tough seasons when it is there that I find my wisdom and grace?

#16 – I am thankful for beautiful waterfalls to hike to and upon which to gaze. There is strength in that sound…Why would I want to miss out on this beauty?

#17 – I am thankful for trees…large, small, fat, skinny, it does not matter to me; however, I do have a bias toward big, Live Oaks and large, wispy Hemlocks. There is refuge and solace among them…Why do I not climb up in those now that I’m grown?

#18 – I am thankful for the mountains…rolling hills, high and lofty, sharp and rugged. I’m not sure I have a particular preference. There is breathtaking rest on top and and incredible peace below them…Why would I want to stay on the asphalt, suffocating from the fumes every day?

#19 – I am thankful for dishes, laundry and beds to make…not because I really “like” these things, but rather, I am thankful for these items, because they are an indicator of the people who “dirty them up.” If I didn’t have these to clean, it would indicate these people, whom I deeply love, were no longer here. (*note: I don’t always act so thankful for these “messes” …just another ‘work in progress.”)

#20 – I am thankful for all the people who have made, now make, and will one day continue to make up the tapestry of my life…the past, the present and the future. For these are the people who, “like iron sharpens iron,” chisel and fine tune me to be a better “me.” …Why would I want to isolate myself from this pruning and growth?

#21 – I am thankful for a car that runs smoothly and transports me and my family to wherever we must go. There are so many, all over this world, who have to walk miles and miles to arrive at their destinations…why should I get so annoyed at those who cut me off, ride my bumper or drive too slow when I’m in such a hurry?

#22 – I am thankful for the times my 13 year old son comes up to give me a hug for “no apparent reason.” These precious moments are slipping by like sand through my fingers…Why would I want to be too busy to stop and take notice?

#23 – I am thankful for clean clothes to wear, a roof over my head and food on my table. There are so many by whom this would be considered “high-cotton living.” …Why would I want to complain about what I don’t have when I have so much?

#24 – I am thankful for the moments at bedtime when my 9 year old son asks for “just one more snuggle.” This heart rendering request won’t always be spoken…Why would I want to be so consumed with motherhood responsibilities that I don’t take the extra time to show love?

#25 – I am thankful for the ability to pour my heart out with pen and paper, and, while I am living, maybe some of those words will never be read by anyone but me ; yet, maybe one day, those very words might just bring comfort, strength and refreshment to a weary soul…Why would I stifle a gift I’ve been given?

#26 – I am thankful for pure water to drink. There are many countries who don’t live with this luxury…Why would I want to be wasteful of something so life-giving?

#27 – I am thankful for the journey of this life and for the destination for which my hope awaits. The best is yet to come…Why should I be fearful of the future, the unknown?

#28 – I am thankful for sunrises, sunsets, moonrises, ocean tides, mountaintops, and all the moments in between. The memories made can never be forgotten…Why would I become so worldly focused that I miss out on these beauties of my Creator?

#29 – I am thankful for this blog and for those who read it. It is a great outlet for my pondering and a wonderful avenue for gaining knowledge, confidence and appreciation for those with my same likes and for those with more differences than mine.

#30 – I am thankful for a month where people become thankful, simply, because they are reminded there are things for which to be thankful!

#31 – I am thankful for a designated day upon which we can join together with other people, especially family and friends, and remember so many things for which we are thankful. Happy early Thanksgiving!

Well, if you read all the way to here, I am honored you stayed with me. That was quite a long list! I was thinking the same thing long about the 18th reason, and I realized I was barely over halfway done! haha. However, I am thankful (there it is again!) to have kept the tenacity to finish the list. These are things for which I am always grateful, and I’m glad that now, I have a reference point to which I can return often, especially, when my mind begins to forget a few things, and I’d rather complain than be thankful.

Perspective:
I did not write this blog, or post this list, to brag or to somehow imply I have a perfect life. I did not pen these words to try to prove everything is without trouble, sadness or pain. I simply jotted down these notes, because this is the way I live my life. I strive to see the little things and appreciate them. I strive to keep my mind on good things rather than dwelling on the bad moments of life. I seek to keep my perspective tuned into higher things, happier seasons, better memories instead of allowing my focus to become distracted by the realities of evil, fear and violence to which our times are plagued.

It’s not that I don’t have hard times, sicknesses, pain and sorrow which I encounter and see all around me. It’s not that I am blind to the suffering and turmoil of this world. I would probably have to shut myself away in a hidden cave to avoid all of this; however, it is a daily choice I make in the way that I live. It is a matter of perspective. It is a matter of choice. I will make a conscientious effort everyday to seek out truth, to search for love, to look for joy and to reach for peace.

I will choose to keep a positive outlook.

I will choose to not only be thankful one month or day out of the year.

I will choose to be grateful always.

^“…give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:18

^“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:11-13

Bigger Than Life

October 6, 2014October 6, 2016 / The WheatandTares

I experienced one of the greatest losses of my life 12 years ago today. You see, my grandfather was bigger than life. When he walked in a room, he owned that room. He had the personality of a John Wayne, never meeting a stranger and never afraid to “get up on that horse,” no matter how many fears he had inside. In fact, as a child, I was convinced he couldn’t possibly have any fears!

He was born in a small, no name kind of town, a son born into poverty and of low education. When he was 15, he was told by a banker he was worthless and didn’t deserve the money he was seeking. He told the man that one day he would prove him wrong, and he did just that. He began his own HVAC company, became a county commissioner, retired from his business when I was just a little girl, and went back to buy out that banker, only to find the man had already lost his place. He believed in hard work and the common decency among men. He could spin the biggest tale, keeping you entertained for hours; yet, when it came to business, he believed in integrity, fairness and an honest wage for honest work.

He stood at six feet four inches tall, wore Stetson hats and alligator boots (or the nicest, toughest boots found in the store that day), and he struck up conversation with every person he encountered on the park bench while waiting for his wife to finish shopping. He could wrestle and kill a six-foot rattler, and he’d do the same to a six-foot man if he threatened a child (which actually happened once!). He loved his wife, his two girls, and his four grands (and their spouses), even if his gruffness hid that love most of the time. He believed in taking care of what you have and working hard for what you want. One of his famous lines was, “Take care of your equipment, and your equipment will take care of you!”

He was like a Daddy to me. My mom was single for most of my childhood, and he just kind of filled in that gap. He made sure I was clothed, fed and had just about all I wanted or needed in life. He’d pick me up after school in his old Ford Ranchero, and we’d stop by the Stuckeys gas station to get some candy…that was back when you could get a piece of candy for a dime and a coke for fifty cents; so, I always loaded up with the $3-5 he gave me!
He taught me how to fish and how to clean them; although, he always handled the knives. He bought me my first car, and even though, he had the money to pay cash for it, he set me up with monthly payments; so, I could learn how to pay bills and manage a checkbook properly. He always had a bear hug waiting and would never let me leave without a little cash in my pocket. He loved me something fierce, and I loved him right back the same.

When he left this world, he took some of its color with him, and my life has never been the same. He sure wasn’t perfect, but he brought a little perfection into my world. They say, “Time heals all pain,” but I have to disagree. Time doesn’t really heal grief, only Jesus can do that. Time just simply helps you learn how to tolerate the pain and be able to “categorize it” within your own heart. It helps you to see more clearly, and if you choose it to, time allows you to help someone else along the same journey.

I’ll miss him until the day I die, and I’ll keep his memories alive for my children to remember what a great legacy we have.

Do You Know Him?

September 10, 2014September 10, 2014 / The WheatandTares

Death can be so sudden, or it can be so painfully slow…Which is the harder one to accept? I believe they both have their griefs and sorrows bound up in time…For we were never actually meant to die…If God could have allowed, we’d be in the Garden of Eden at this very moment, enjoying every precious moment with Him and all our fellow mankind. Oh, how I wish we could be there forever rather than here on this dying sphere called Earth.

In death, I believe, we can see the hand of God…If we will take a moment to open our eyes and look for Him…Whether it be in the precious memories of our fallen loved ones, in the sweet echo of a baby’s laughter near the graveside, or in the joyous celebration of our loved one’s home-going…He is there…He is always there…longing and waiting for our last breath here on earth that we might breathe our first eternal breath in heaven.

So, I ask you today, “Do you know Him?” Do you know His life-saving redemption? Do you know of His life-cleansing blood? Do you know His life-changing salvation? Do you know His life-ever-after promise? Do you know Him today? Or do you just know of Him?

He loves you so much, and He longs for you to spend eternity with Him…If you don’t know Him, or if you have walked away from that once desired friendship with Him, will you take just a minute today and ask yourself, “Why?” Why not surrender your heart to Him today? Why not be sure of where you’ll spend eternity when you draw that last breath? Why not allow your loved ones to be sure of where it is you will spend eternity?

Get to know Him today..
.

Memories Lining The Tub

September 2, 2014October 5, 2014 / The WheatandTares

My eight year old LOVES to take a bath! We have a nice sized garden tub, and he will ask to go take a bath just about everyday, especially, when he’s got a new toy! The other day, I walked in there, after he was out, and shot this picture. The whole side of the tub was lined with toys. I’m not talking one or two toys, this is a whole collection of Lego men, Transformer robots, and Hero Factory creations! My first thought was, “Ugh. He didn’t put his toys up!” Then, something stopped me, and as I looked around that tub, I realized in that very moment, “This will all, very soon, be gone.”
Parents of grown children, give me a witness here. The days just fly by too swiftly. One day, you’re holding this tiny little being in your arms, hoping not to break them; then, you turn around, and you’re waving goodbye as they trek out to make their way in the world. Even if you spend as much time as you can, make all the memories possible, grab all the hugs they will allow, the hand of time still keeps ticking. The moments still slip through your fingers like tiny grains of sand.
Oh, what I wouldn’t give, for one more minute, to have those tiny fingers wrap around mine; yet, to go back would mean to give up the adventure of today, watching him create his imaginary Hero Factory armies and see him as he gently cares for the little hermit crabs in their cage and even hearing him say, “Watch this with me, Mom,” as we watch the Superbook series video for the fifty-seventh time this weekend. No, I don’t think I’d like to forsake today only to grasp hold of yesterday, but please, God, help me to not be so worried about the plans of tomorrow that I somehow miss the sweet memories that are right here today. Help me to embrace those moments that can be remembered forever, and let me not miss out on the simple, little things that make those minutes last…I do think I’ll let those little toys line the side of the tub for just a little longer today…yes, maybe I’ll move them on another day.

All Set To Fly

August 14, 2014October 27, 2014 / The WheatandTares

I watched as my 12 year old walked into school the first day of seventh grade. He had on his favorite shoes, his uniform shorts and shirt; his laptop strapped across his back, and his wheeled backpack handle tight within his grasp. As I looked on, I saw a young man entering that building full of confidence and dreams. I realized in that moment, I could have just as easily have been watching him board an international airline destined for the other side of the world.

He is growing up so very fast. The past two years have seemed quite like a whirlwind…maybe more accurately, a hurricane. Don’t misunderstand these have been wonderful years full of fun, wonder, excitement, adventures, questions, dreams and, yes, maybe a few tears…of course, those have probably been more from my eyes than anyone else’s! Yet, it still feels like a hurricane when I think of how fast the time has gone by. Our years with him are so very short! They just seem to slip by, as if each one is a tiny grain of sand, sliding through my fingertips, and we don’t ever get those years back. Once they’re gone, they’re gone forever, and we’re simply left with the cherished memories we made or the aching regret of what has vanished.

So, I will continue to treasure the minutes I have with him. I will open my eyes to see the valiant man he is becoming and remember the boyhood hero he once was. I will open my ears to hear the heart of a dreamer with goals and visions of tomorrow, and I will reminisce of the childhood imaginations that brought him here. I will release him to live, to dream, to become as I clutch tightly the memoirs of the little boy who came to be.

One day soon, he will fly far, far away……I pray he will remember to look back and wave……my heart aches…

Mighty Man of Valor

July 30, 2014August 13, 2014 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

My husband and I have a running joke that we each get “hit on” about once every 5-10 years, and even then, “the hit” is by someone who is either inebriated or just REALLY scary! Well, today was my day…my official “come on” from the opposite sex happened, and I was driving down the road in a golf cart with my two boys! LOL. If that wasn’t funny enough, the guy was standing on the side of the road pointing at me, then giving the universal sign for “call me.” It was so comical, I almost busted out laughing as we drove by him. However, what happen next, brought pride to my heart and tears to my eyes. We drove on, and my 12 year old son said, “Mom, if I find that guy, I’m gonna kill him.” We pulled into the Dollar General, as I said, “No, son, there’s no need to kill him. If a man’s gonna hit on a woman over 40 with her two kids on board, he’s gotta be incredibly desperate! But I do thank you for the honor.” We parked, and I started toward the door; however, when I turned to make sure both boys were with me, I realized my oldest child had walked the other way, crossed the side street, and was looking down the highway, looking for that man. I proceeded to call for him to come back and join me, but his valiant gesture, at protecting my honor, still makes me teary-eyed as I write this tonight.
He may be young, and as he’s growing into a teenager, we may have days when we struggle in our child-to-adult relationship, one which is quickly evolving into the much needed adult-to-adult relationship, but he is still a mighty man of valor. He has a code of honor to which he believes every man should uphold, and if that man does not, he is appalled and demands to know why! He believes in God, family and country (in that order), and can’t imagine why someone wouldn’t. He aspires for great things in life, and believes he will achieve them, as well, he trusts anyone can reach their dreams if they will but try. He may be young, but his heart is valiant. I am so proud to call him my son, and I pray there will rise a generation just like him.

We Do Loud…Really Well.

July 29, 2014August 13, 2014 / The WheatandTares

“Arggggg, Matey!”

Have you ever had that moment when you notice how really different your kids can be from another child? Last night, I was reminded…once again. We went to this cool dockside restaurant with some old friends. We don’t get to see each other often, but our kids love to play together. The restaurant had a really neat play area out front, complete with a pirate and pirate ship; so, as we were leaving, we decided to let our kids play. Our kids were “wide open,” having a blast. They were running, screaming, “walking the plank,” chasing one another, and being very loud “pirates.” In the midst of this chaos, there stood a very petite, shy little girl, maybe about five or six years old. She seemed very intrigued by all the festivities; however, by the facial expressions, her grandmother didn’t seem so amused. She looked as if she might just lose her mind; she appeared very amazed, and even alarmed, that children could actually get excited and speak above a whisper.

Now, please, don’t get the wrong impression, our kids were not being rude, nor were they invading this young girl’s space, and this was going on outside, not around a lot of people. In fact, there wasn’t anyone else around at the moment, or I would have definitely put a stop to their lively activities. Even so, the difference between this meek, timid little girl and our loud, rambunctious brood was like the plundering pirates and the delicate handmaiden. It was quite the contrast. This contrast continued as we went to our car, too, because this other family just happened to be parked right beside us…

Our boys were “sword fighting” all the way to our vehicle while this little trio of daughter, mother and grandmother walked quietly and peacefully to theirs…with the grandmother still looking shocked and appalled, and I’m assuming, by the expressions, the commentary she was giving her daughter was anything but pleasant. Once we were in our car, with the doors shut, I just had to laugh, and say, “Well, we DO have boys, and we do loud REALLY well!”

You see to me, it’s okay if your child is really quiet, really loud, really silly or really serious. They are all made different, and each home should run differently. What works for my home may not work for yours, and that’s ok! I don’t expect your kids to be like mine, and I don’t want mine to be like yours. I believe each child should be encouraged to be who God had created him or her to be. We don’t know what the future holds for each of them, but each one has a unique purpose in this life, and often, that little (or big!) personality he or she was designed specifically for that special purpose. There will be moments when they all will need to be quiet, listening and observing, and there will be other moments when they will need to take charge, speaking out and standing up for their given cause. So, “Play on,” I say! No matter if your play is rowdy and loud, or if it’s gentle and quiet. You have a place on this playground of life. Find it, and enjoy it, while also, appreciating the method in which others play. You never know when you’ll need to be those plundering pirates who raid the enemy’s ships or that gentle maidservant who wins the heart of a king! Play on!