Lessons Learned

Through The Years

/ The WheatandTares / 9 Comments

 
   This week, my husband and I are celebrating 20 years together. We actually dated for 3 1/2 years before we married; so, I could say, we’re actually celebrating 23 1/2 years of being together and 20 years of marriage. I can now say, I’ve been with him over half of my life!
IMG_0852(Look at those two youngins! Who in the world is that anyway?! Oh. My. Goodness!! lol.)

I can honestly tell you, I love him more today than the first day I met him and even more than the day I married him! Some people could scoff at that statement, and some might wonder how that could possibly be true; so, as a way of celebrating today, I’d like to tell you a few things I’ve learned along the way and a little bit of how this can become true for you…

*This is, by NO means, a complete list, nor is it a perfect list. There are so many more things for me to learn, and I shall until the day I die…

#1 – If you want your marriage to last, you must first love God before you love your spouse. I don’t love my husband, because I am, somehow, a strong person, or because I’m “just that good.” I love my husband, because I love God first, and He makes up the difference for my humanness.

#2 – A great marriage takes a thousand little miracles to make it work right. (Thus, another reason, you need to love God first! 😉 )

#3 – You’ve got to give a lot and take a little to make a great marriage. It takes both of you giving, learning and growing together.

#4 – A great marriage consists of two people who never gave up on each other, no matter how hard it gets at times.

#5 – A great marriage consists of a sacred and hot marriage bed. Ok, yeah, there ya go. I said it. It’s hard for me to publicly talk a lot about this, cuz I don’t believe everyone needs to know my business; however, if you’re going to have a great marriage, this has got to be true, and No, it’s not “all about sex” either. If you’re on either extreme of that spectrum, you’re gonna have troubles. 

#6 – If you want your marriage to last, you’ve got to date each other. Life can just run over you until all you see is bills, children, school, work and more bills. You’ve got to remember how and why you got in this thing to begin with. Flirt, go out, have fun and remember the man/woman you fell in love with!

#7 – A great marriage takes a lot of grace and forgiveness even when you don’t want to.

#8 – Your spouse must come before your kids, your job and your family (parents, etc.) If you are always putting other things above the needs of your spouse, don’t be surprised when she/he does the same, and then, one day, you both ask yourself, “Why am I married to this person I no longer know?”

#9 – A great marriage consists of trust, honesty and loyalty. If you don’t trust your spouse, how can they ever have the freedom to be honest with you? If you aren’t honest with him/her, how can he/she want to be loyal to you? The three work together like a well oiled machine, or they work against each other for a broken down mess.

#10 – A great marriage consists of authenticity and vulnerablility. You’ve got to be authentic with each other. Why would you play games with the one you love? You’ve, also, got to be able to be vulnerable with each other. Why would you want to be with someone with whom you can’t share your whole heart?

#11 – If you want your marriage to last, there’s got to be lots of prayer and encouragement for and to your spouse. Your spouse not only needs your prayers and encouragement, in the spiritual sense, but he/she needs to hear these words spoken and written throughout the years.

#12 – A great marriage consists of a mom and dad who love each other so much that the kids know dad would choose mom over them in a heartbeat, and she would do the same. This doesn’t mean they don’t love the kids, but it does mean they won’t be divided by the kids.

#13 – You’ve got to learn from each other as parents. There are some things at which she will naturally be good and some things at which he will naturally be good. Some things, neither of you will be good at, and you’ll have to learn together. Learn well, and have grace for each other when it’s not how you would do it.

#14 – A great marriage consists of great perspective. If you’re not seeing eye to eye, try changing perspectives. You’ll be surprised what you might see. 

#15 – A great marriage consists of two people who work together to make a good home.

#16 – If you want a marriage that lasts, you’ve got to be faithful. This doesn’t mean that infidelity always leads to divorce, but WOW, it does mean unfaithfulness sure makes the journey together (and the restoration) all that more difficult.

#17 – A great marriage consists of two people working hard to savor the moments and appreciate the little things that make their spouse who he/she is.

#18 – Your confidence in who you are and who your spouse is can make or break a good marriage. You’ve got to love yourself before you can truly love someone else, and you’ve got to believe in your spouse before you can begin to truly see who he/she is.

#19 – A great marriage consists of loving the past for what it is, having hope for what the future brings and living fully right here in the present.

#20 – A great marriage doesn’t consist of two perfect people making a perfect life together. A great marriage consists of two imperfect people living an imperfect life, while serving a perfect God who draws out a perfected love for Him, and in turn, creates a daily perfecting love for each other.

I am so thankful for my husband, this wonderful man God gave me to marry 20 years ago. I love him more with each new day, and I am more amazed with each passing year just how much I don’t deserve this blessing I’ve been given! He is my love, my best friend, my confidante, and my cheerleader. He protects me, and he encourages me to be more than I thought I could be. I could go on and on about my love for him, but I will stope here and simply say, I could not imagine asking for more! ❀

What Do You See?

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

  Sometimes, your vision is everything
 
In 2 Kings 6:17, Elijah prayed this for his servant: “Open his eyes, Lord, so that he might see.” 

What do you see when you look at people? What do you see when you are in the middle of chaos? What do you see when you are surrounded by those who have less than you or, maybe, who have more? What do you look at? What do you envision? 

What you see makes up who you are. It will determine if you live as a victim or as a victor. If you always see negative, you will tend to be a negative person. If you see hopelessness and despair, you will be a fearful person and you will have a tendency to either run away from problems or avoid anything that might appear as a challenge. Yet, if you see hope and strength, you will have a tendency to be a fighter, a person who doesn’t give up too easily. If you see love and prosperity, you will tend to seek out those with whom you have camaraderie and with whom you can succeed. Depending on what you look at, you will see trouble or triumph.  

What you see will determine where you end up in life. If you don’t see success, you’ll never achieve it. If you don’t see possibilities, you’ll never see a promotion. If you don’t see faith and integrity in others, you’ll never learn to trust and open up to another person. You can look at people all day every day, but if you don’t see them, you’ll never be able to reach them, and you’ll never be able to learn from them.  

So, I’d like to leave you with a few questions to ponder
 

When you look at yourself, do you see all your faults and failures, or do you see a child of the King?  

When you look at your children, do you just see your little ones and the responsibilities they bring, or do you see a king or a queen?  

When you look at this world, do you see sin or a sinner who needs Jesus? 

When you look at the cross, do you see a burden hard to carry, or do you see the story of a promise desperately needing to be shared?

What do you see?

Forgiveness With A Boundary

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

 Sometimes, we just have to forgive, simply, because He says so. It may not be easy. It may not be what we want, and it may definitely not be what the other person deserves, but God is very clear in this fact: We Must Forgive. Yet, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation…

Many times, it may take years to find the ability to forgive, and sometimes, it will come instantly. Some of the hardest moments to forgive are those when someone continues to cause pain and wounds on top of the scars you have already endured. That’s when the real test comes, “Can you forgive…again?”

However, I think, oftentimes for me, the harder test comes as I struggle with the balance between learning to “forgive and walk away” and “forgive and reconcile” when someone continually wounds me, especially when it’s someone for whom I care deeply. It’s easier to forgive and walk away when you don’t have to deal with them daily. It’s easier to forgive and walk away when they’re not family or a close friend. It’s so easy when you can forgive and never worry about seeing them again, but what about those who keep knocking down your door?

As a young child and even as an adult, when someone hurt me, I would always have the tendency to ‘go back for more’ before I cut them off completely and became unforgiving. Not everyone’s problem, I know, but it’s still a problem that must be solved, because this kind of tendency will cause codependency, abuse and lack of boundaries for a healthy life. We must learn to forgive, but we must, also, learn when to say, “No more.”

As I’ve grown older, both in age and in wisdom, I have learned that true forgiveness does not always bring true reconciliation. Sometimes, that other person is just wrong. Sometimes, the other party is too abusive, codependent, mean or just plain cruel, and you are better off to forgive and walk away than to return to the relationship. You have to learn to do this for your own well being, your own health, and your own sanity.

I call this “forgiveness with a boundary.” It doesn’t mean you don’t forgive, and it doesn’t mean you don’t love and care for the person; however, it does mean you draw a line in the sand and say, “No more after today. This is now your boundary into my life. You can come this far but no further. You will not continue to break through and wound my heart to the point I cannot function and live the life I am supposed to live.”

Just as an abused child must learn it’s not okay to be abused, those who have relationships with people who have no boundaries must learn it’s not okay to be used. It’s okay to say no to the abuse of your emotions, your mind and your heart. As I’ve already stated, it’s okay to set boundaries for your life to protect your well being, your health, and your sanity.

This has been my hard lesson learned:

You are a daughter of the Almighty God! You are a daughter of the King! You were not made to grovel in self pity nor in codependency. You were not made to be a doormat. You were not made to be a yo-yo, always up and down with the emotions, feelings and thoughts of others. You are destined to be so much more!

You were created to be YOU, a child of a King! You are a precious, beautiful jewel and you should be treated as such. Stop living with your head held low, always looking to the ground. Look up! For your Redeemer has come. He loves you, and He has called you to be so much more!!

If you find yourself in that kind of place today, in that place of hopelessness, pain and abuse of any kind. I hope you will be encouraged to know there is a better way. There is hope and freedom beyond where you are. He has made it possibly for you to live beyond your pain, beyond your fears and beyond your intimidations!

Thank you, Jesus, for redeeming me and  forgiving me. Thank you for helping me to forgive, and thank you for helping me to learn how to walk away from hurtful people and to live in the freedom you’ve given me and for showing me how to live victoriously! ❀

Mom’s Job

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

We, as moms, have so many jobs, so many responsibilities to fulfill. These change often, too, depending on the age of our children, the different seasons of life, and the various needs of our family. What my roll was, as a mom with our boys, 10 years ago looks somewhat different than today; yet, I have found a few “mom jobs” to remain constant over the years. If these go missing, chaos seems to presume.

  Speak Life – It is our responsibility to speak life into our home and our children. We need to encourage, admonish, admire and lead by example. Christ said, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life…” When we speak life to them, it is the beginning of their seeing Christ. It causes them to see a better way than where their fleshly desires would entice them. When we speak life, it guides them in truth. Solomon, the wisest man in Scripture, had a mother who spoke life into him. You can see that in Proverbs 31, when she admonishes him about drinking and shares with him what kind of “good woman” he should seek. Speaking life is not condoning sin or emphasizing failures. It is giving them God’s best in their moment in order for growth, strength and transformation to occur.

  Provide Liberty (freedom) – It is incumbent upon us to give our children the freedom to grow into the man or woman they are meant to be. We begin this from a very early age. We hold their hand to teach them to walk, and then, we let go so they can. We hold onto the back of the bike so they can get steady, and then, we let go and watch them bike around the block on their own. We help them in so many ways, at the beginning holding on to make sure they’ve got it, and then, we watch them as they learn to do things on their own. We must do this with their dreams as well! It is our job to help them to dream and to one day fly to higher heights, and we must give them the freedom to do so! When we hold on to tightly, or we hold them back because of fear, competition or even jealousy, we cripple them and cause their way to be harder than it needs to be. They may still reach their dreams, but oh, the hardships and battles they have to face along the way!

  Give Love – It is our calling to love those God puts in our care. We were made as nurturing creatures. We were created as networking beings, to reach out, to connect. We have been developed to care, to cry, to comfort and to cover our loved ones with our love and prayers. If we are not reaching our arms up in prayer and out in love, we will wreak havoc on all those around us. That’s why it’s so important for us, as women but especially as mothers, to release anger, bitterness, strife and unforgiveness. If we hold onto these things, we don’t just simply “cover it up and hope it goes away,” as we often want to believe we can. It breeds in our home and eventually manifests in all areas of our lives, as well as, in the lives of our children. We must love. We must care. We must reach out. Hannah brought a new coat to little Samuel every year at the time of the feast offerings. There is a whole book in the Bible devoted to the story of Ruth and how she not only loved her husband but how she loved her mother-in-law. Esther changed the heart of a king by her love for her God, her husband and her people.

It is said, “The mother is the heart of the home.” I tend to agree with this statement, but I want to make it a little more specific. I believe she can be the heartbeat of the home. With her attentiveness, her effort and her consistent focus on Christ, she can not only keep a hand on the pulse of the home, but she can also become the heartbeat of that home. If she is stable, loving, courageous, bold, prayerful, gentle and kind, her home has a better chance of being the same. If she is imbalanced, hateful, fearful, lacking in prayer, grouchy and just plain mean, her home will most likely emulate the same attitude and personality.

Men weren’t created to do these things the way a woman was! They have their own purpose and their own calling within the home, but it is different than a woman’s. We have a purpose, and we must fulfill it, or everyone loses!

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
 â€œMany women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”   Proverbs 31:28-31

Happy belated Mother’s Day!

Happy Mom’s Day

/ The WheatandTares / 7 Comments

I usually have the Friday’s New Angle and the answer posted here on Fridays and Saturdays; so, I thought it might be appropriate to go ahead and wish all of you a HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! …and for those who almost forgot, here’s your chance to go get that card and gift! 😉

ascii-text-messages-for-mothers-day

I hope you have a WONDERFUL day, and even if you’re not able to spend it with your children or your mom, I hope you are able to spend it with someone you love! My prayer is your day is consumed with good memories, well wishes and lots and of love and joy!

However, for so many, this day is filled with dread, with tears and even a little anger or frustration for the mother or spouse who has already said goodbye in this life. When Mother’s Day rolls around for those in this category, often, the feelings can be so overwhelming they would rather the day simply pass on like any other and not be mentioned. For these, I say, “God bless you, and I pray you find peace today. I pray you find grace for your pain, and I pray you find joy in your place of grief.”

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wishes messages.com

Losing a mom is like no other loss one can experience. I have heard it described as losing your best friend, losing your right arm, or even losing a piece of your heart you truly realized you had until she’s gone. Probably the best description I have heard was from my mother-in-law, who has become like a second mother to me. She said (my paraphrase), “It’s as if, all of a sudden, I had a great big hole open up in my life. You don’t know what to do with it. You can’t jump over it; you can’t fill it in, and the pain of it is almost unbearable. Sometimes, you contemplate just jumping into the hole, thinking that will make it better…People say time will heal the pain…No, the hole is there for the rest of your life. It never gets filled back in with the passing of time; you just learn how to manage it and begin to walk around it.”

Miss-you-mom-died-cant-stop-crying-tears-smilesCan I encourage you today to take notice of those who may be grieving during this “fun weekend” we call Mother’s Day? Can I urge you to let your heart mourn with them and allow your arms of love to reach out? They need your words of comfort, and they need thoughts of grace. These days are not easy for so many, especially when it is the first (or even second) Mom’s Day they have gone without her…

 

With or Without Hope

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Originally posted on APRIL 27, 2015. I thought it fitting for today’s daily prompt…

My heart was heavy today, thinking of all the brokenness in this world.
The weight of it resting upon my shoulders like a wet, woolen blanket.
Tears filled my eyes as I pondered the wounded, the shattered, and the lost.
Heaviness so intense, I could hardly breathe.
Air stagnant with heartache, weariness and emptiness.
So many wandering in this place. So many without a face.

I drove by this house sitting beside the road.
Abandoned, dark, damaged and alone.
People driving by, hurrying to destinations, never stopping to see, never caring to know.
Shoved off to the side, barricade built, weeds and trees rummaging to find a home.
Broken down roof, shattered windows, busted doors, all haunted by lost potential.

The broken lives of those lost are a lot like this old house.
They take the abuse, receive the ridicule, accept the blame, wondering all the while if anyone cares as they wander aimlessly in the dark.
Others are like those who moved this old house.
Hard working, simply pragmatic, fighting to succeed at the task.
More are like the ones who vandalized it.
Kicking, biting, clawing, shattering the dreams of a once well made life.

Can you see them? Can you see yourself? Who are you? Where are you going?
Do you feel that all is lost? Do you wonder if there could still be any life inside?
I am here to tell you. I am here to help you see.
If there is still breath in your being, there is still hope.
If there still a beating of your heart, there is still a chance.
For your life is never so lost that He cannot see you.
You are never so far gone that He cannot hear.

See that foundation?
He placed it there in your heart before you were even born.
It is that longing you feel to find something of worth, something to adore.
It is that deep inner desire to be more than you are today.
He placed it there.
It is His drawing of your heart to bring you love, hope and life beyond your dreams.

He can rebuild a life broken.
He can mend dreams that have been shattered.
He can give hope to the hopeless.
He can bring life to the lifeless.
All can be renewed if you will just let Him in.
Let Him see the abandonment, the pain, the desperation.
He can change and transform.

All you must do is believe.

Daily Prompt: HOPE
Hope

Where Did We Go Wrong?

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

I’ve been thinking of the post I posted on Monday. The question keeps rolling over in my brain… Where did we go wrong? How did we get to this place of remaining silent while this world is fading? How did we get to this point in life that “being tolerant” overrides our personal convictions and faith filled standards?

I’ll tell you when we began sliding on this slippery slope:  when the church became silent in the public arena and began turning on itself, accusing each other of judgmentalism and condemnation. It began when we started looking more in the mirror and at our fellow man rather than staying focused on what’s most important: God. It happened when we became more worried about what the world thinks of us than what God thinks.

It is unfortunate and disheartening. We have forsaken our first love for a lie and have become enamored with our own vanity and popularity. We have abdicated our prayer closets of holiness, and we have embraced our gateways of tolerance. We have forsaken our knees of prayer and become consumed by our mouths of gossip and destruction. We have relinquished our rights for higher standards and grasped the liberal demand for concession on every issue. We have surrendered our fight for a better future for our children and allowed our lives to be diminished and minimized to an anemic, powerless and silent walk of faith.

It’s not the world that has been led astray. The lost will always be lost without the Savior. Those in darkness will always be dark without The Light. It’s the church who has veered from the way. It is our responsibility to seek first His kingdom and reach this world for Him. We must look to God and get back to our prayer closets. We must stop looking to our phones and our friends for direction and comfort in this world and return to the One who called us out in the first place.

We must fall down on our knees in prayer and remember from whence He has called us. As Christians, we are called to a higher purpose, and that purpose is prayer and having power with God! If we don’t seek Him, how can we truly reach them?

2 Corinthians 4:1-6, “Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.”

Love Doesn’t Mean Tolerance

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Okay, so I have a little bit a spiel to spell today. I’m not going to be lengthy nor testy, but if you’ll indulge me, there’s just something I’d like to share…

Just because I am a Christian does not mean I should shut up and just love with no regard for sin. Just because I’m a Christian does not mean I no longer have a voice to speak against wrong. Honestly, I am so tired of hearing people, both Christians and nonChristians, claim that my love is proven when I simply “shut up and love” which in their book means to tolerate with no resistance, because “after all, God is a God of love. Jesus was a peaceful man…He loved everybody.”

Yes! Jesus did love everybody, and yes, He was gentle and kind. He is a merciful and forgiving God. However, He also ran the money changers out of the temple with a whip! He did tell the adulterous woman to “Go and sin no more.” He told the woman at the well all about her past and offered her a better way. He told the rich young ruler to “Go, sell all you have and follow me.” He told Zaccheus to come down from where he was, because He had a different plan.

Just because Jesus loves and is merciful doesn’t mean He leaves you to be who you are and where you are when you meet Him. If that were the case, why would you need Him as your Savior? A Savior is someone who rescues you from the state in which you find yourself. A Savior is someone who changes you from what you’ve been. I am so thankful He is a loving and merciful God, and I’m so appreciative that He has rescued me from a place of hopelessness and despair, but He didn’t save me so I could continue in my sin. He doesn’t give His message of hope to us so we can keep it to ourselves and never share it with someone else.

I don’t want to belabor the point here, but I am passionate about this fact:  Just because He is a merciful God doesn’t mean He’s a silent Savior. Simply because He is a loving Father doesn’t mean He turns a blind eye to sin and allows you to continue in your own ways. The Word tells us He came to save the world and change the world.  The problem is that in today’s society, speaking out against wrong is now tagged with words like condemnation, judging or even hatred. When did we get to this point? When did we get to the place where we cannot even call sin sin anymore?

As Christians, we may not blend in with this world. We may not be popular with those in power, and we may not appease those in the press, but I have to ask, “What will that matter 150 years from now? What will that matter when we stand before our Lord and Savior?” We must decide. Whom are we called to serve, worship and follow, God or man?? The longer we remain silent, the more are dying an eternal death.

John 3:16-21, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.”

Straighten Your Crown!

/ The WheatandTares / 6 Comments


This post came across my Facebook account thread last night, and I couldn’t help but repost it today. I wonder, “Does it jolt you like it does me?”

You see, I walk with a limp everyday. I go forward in life with pains that I try to hide from the outside world. I’m always walking around with a scar here and a cut there, which I cover well, and I place a pretty smile on my face to hide the battle within of inadequacy, loneliness and worthlessness, but the scars remain regardless of the facade.

It doesn’t mean God isn’t healing me, and it doesn’t mean I am pitiful, nor do I desire your pity. Just because someone learns to survive their pain doesn’t mean it’s gone away. Simply because I learn to thrive through the storm doesn’t mean the rain doesn’t bring a chill to my bones sometimes. Learning to cope, learning to survive is just what we do. It’s what we all do in this journey we call life. Yet, I don’t want to simply survive till the end. I want to thrive! I want to live victoriously, and I want to lead others out of the bondage they are in!

So, when a post like this comes across my path, I need to pay attention. When a word this deep is sent to me, even indirectly, I need to stop and take note for God is speaking straight to my heart. He wants me to not only hear Him but to truly listen to what He has to say…

You see, I am a King’s kid! I am a daughter of royalty. I am a child of the Almighty. When you belong to a King, you walk differently. You talk differently. You live differently.

God never called us to live defeated lives. He never called us to simply survive, barely scraping by, in this darkened world till He calls us home. He didn’t intend for us to just live day to day, “clocking in and out,” as if it’s a 9-5 job of hard labor, and we’re just waiting for our paycheck to come in the mail. Romans 8:37 tells us, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Emphasis mine), and Matthew 28:19 reminds us to, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…” It is our responsibility, our ‘Great Commission’ to go tell the world about the great love and joy we have found!

It is time we speak up, we speak out, and we let our voice be heard. Sister, walk no longer in sin, rebellion or shame. Go ahead, and straighten that crown on your head, and get specific in your prayers and walk in his calling. Share with your world the joy of the Lord, not just the mundane survival of faithfulness. Sustaining until the end is essential, but even Christ won one more soul while He hung on the cross! Why? Because He was overflowing love and hope even at that painful moment, and He was willing to be bold and truthful regardless of His circumstances and regardless of those who stood around Him in disbelief!

He has beckoned you. Did you think you wouldn’t get here? Did you think He wouldn’t come? Walk boldly into His presence and let Him tell you He loves you. Let Him lead you beside those still waters and remind you of who He is. Let Him guide you to that place of security, strength and confidence; then, go out and shout it to the world what you have found.

You are His baby girl, and He will fight for you. Stop walking through this life shamefully. Stop shying away from truth and victory. He has purposes for you to succeed. He has souls for you to rescue out of destruction. He has destined for you to win! (Jeremiah 29:11)

Go now, straighten that crown and live like a queen! 😉💗

I Don’t Hate You. I Just Disagree. 

/ The WheatandTares / 6 Comments
source: pinterest.com

There is so much in the news these days about this group hating that group, those people wanting to wound or even kill the people in another “club,” and this one and that one can’t speak, or it’s considered hate speech. Now, please note, I am NOT about to go off on a political tirade, or a politically correct debate, nor am I even about to discuss my own opinions and standards. That’s not what this post will be about.

I just want to say something, and I want to make it eternally clear: Just because I disagree with you DOES NOT mean I hate you!! Ok, I’m glad I got that off my chest. I almost put the whole sentence in all caps, but I don’t want you thinking I’m shouting at you; even though, I would like to shout this from the rooftops.

 

Source: pinterest.com

I am so tired of the false allegations from so many in today’s society who scream “hate speech” when you simply disagree with what someone else is doing or how they are acting. I know there are those who wear ‘the same hats’ as I do, and they may have really meant for their words to be filled with hatred, and this has paved a hard road ahead for me. Yet, do you have to punish every good person with every nut case?

Yes, I am a white, middle class, conservative, American, Christian woman, and I am very proud of my God, my country and my family. I will defend these and stand by these until the end, but that does not mean that I hate the next person simply because he or she disagrees with me, because he is of a different race, because she is of a different political persuasion, or because he has more or less money than I do. Just because we are different doesn’t mean we can’t live civil. It may mean we agree not to discuss our differences all the time, especially if one or both parties can’t handle too much. It may mean we voice our beliefs with truth and confidence, but give some space for others to do so. That’s called living. That’s called being an individual. … or at least, it used to be.

Do I believe my way is the right way? This may come as a shock to you; so, wait for it… NO! Do I believe the way of my God, the Creator of this universe, the Savior of my soul, is the right and true, very best way to live? YES! Am I going to share my faith, hoping you find the same unconditional love, unspeakable joy, and unfathomable peace I have? YES!

This does not mean I hate you when I disagree with what you are doing or how you are living. When I state my standards differently than you, it doesn’t make me better than you nor does it make you better than me. When I see things differently, it simply means I want to see better for you.

The whole new motto trend of “live and let live” bothers me, in that, if we simply let those around us live as they choose, and we live as we choose, with no moral authority guiding us, we all will, eventually, encounter dangers that could have been avoided, or we will begin infringing upon another with the “new found freedom” we believe we have. This becomes an unfair and dangerous approach for all involved.

Do you realize that confrontation is the highest form of love?

When my friends are doing something that I can see might harm them, I try to tell them the danger ahead. It may not change what they think, but I am responsible for speaking up. If my kids are playing in the street, and a car is coming around the corner, I’m going to run and holler for them to get out of the street, not because I’m trying to display my hatred toward them, but because I am trying to prevent them from being killed! If my colleagues are standing too close to the cliff when we’re hiking, I might say, “Hey, that slope is real slippery. You might want to be careful.” If I don’t speak up to any of these situations, and one of them gets killed, I am partially responsible, because I could have helped them remain among the living!!

I will speak up, because I care enough about their well being to confront them. This confrontation doesn’t always have to be loud, abrupt or even mean, but it does have to be truthful. It does have to be authentic, and it does have to be spoken from a heart that is genuinely concerned and filled with love.

Does that mean I’ll never mess up in my confrontations? Does that mean I will never get passionate about my beliefs and debate why I am standing by those beliefs? No. As I stated earlier, I have several high priorities in my life, and I will defend these. I will hold true to those things I cherish but that still doesn’t mean I am filled with hate.

Let me put this on a more personal level…My sons are 10 and 14 years old, and there have been times when I have had to confront them for their actions that had brought harm or pain in some situation; yet, when I spoke to them, even if I was upset and passionate about what I had to say, I never once hated them! I confront, because I love them, and I want to help them get to a better place in life. Christ did this very thing on so many occasions. He always confronts those He loves, and I am called to be more like Him and so much less like me.

So, if you and I ever disagree on a subject, especially if we have forged a friendship before this given time, please know my speaking up is never out of dislike of you as a person. If I love you, I pray I will always have the courage to confront you, and my hope is you would care enough to do the same. 💗

Daily Prompt: Disagree