Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned

/ The WheatandTares

Don’t you wish you could learn some things sooner than you actually do??Some things would have been easier to grasp when I was 20 than now when I’m over 40 and a little more set in my ways!  Some things would have come a little quicker had I started on the path of learning them when I was 25 rather than now when I’m almost twice that age. Oh, how I wish I had lived a little smarter, made choices a littler wiser, learned a earlier. It surely would have made things go a little smoother these days…

However, I came to a conclusion the other day, instead of living in the regrets of what I “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,” 10, 15, even 20 years ago, I will now say to myself, “It is what it is, now, how am I going to make the BEST of it?!” 

Just as a pastor and I were talking the other day about some family lessons we each are learning, I came to that realization, because family lessons can be some of the toughest…you know those kind, don’t you? The kind with your mother, your father, your sister, your brother…The kind where you learn to speak up, shut up or even walk away from a dilemma that’s plagued you for years… You know, those real lessons that, sometimes, we don’t really want to acknowledge that we need to learn. 

Well, we were talking about this, and I said, “I just wish I could have learned this so long ago! It would have saved me so much grief and frustration!” His reply was, “how old are you?…(I told him)…try being over 60 and learning it!” We just laughed, because it’s so true! If you’re constantly seeking God, and what He has for you, you’re going to be learning and growing, no matter how old you are. 

I suppose, one of the most important things to remember is we’re never beyond learning!! We’re never too old to learn, to grow and even to change. There are lessons to be learned all around us everyday. It’s what we do with the lesson given to us that makes all the difference. 

Let the Fire Burn

/ The WheatandTares

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Sometimes, you just have to let the fire burn…

When farmers are “cleaning up” the soil in their field, in order to plant more seed, they will often burn the tares, left from harvest, along with what is left in the field. When the forestry wants to control wildfires before summer sets in, many times, they will set a fire to burn off the underbrush. Even when a chef wants to purify and clean his cooking grill, often, he will set a heated flame higher in order to decontaminate his preparation surface.

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Sometimes, you need to let the flames get hotter…

When a relationship has reached a heightened state of anger, and things can’t be resolved, you have to let the flames of anger burn and walk away for a bit. This doesn’t mean you keep throwing words and actions toward the other party; it means you let the embers burn for a bit while you step back from it. The fires will eventually die down when you stop fueling them; then, you’ll be able to see more clearly.   Sometimes, you just have to let the flame burn, or you will be harmed in the process as you work so hard to contain them within your grasp. 

Serving God needs the same process, except when you let the fire of God burn within you, it will have the opposite effect. The fire of God has a lasting effect. The fire of God is all consuming. When you let the fire of God consume you, you will find “the field” of your heart tilled for seeds to be planted, you will find “the forest” of your mind cleared of clutter and confusion, and you will find “the surface” of your soul purified and ready for what God has in store for your life. When you let the fire of God burn deep with your soul, you will find you have a cleansed vision, renewed mind and a changed heart. When you let the fire of God burn within, you will find a deeper desire for more. 

It will challenge you. 

It will transform you. 

It will consume you. 

Try it. 

Let it burn. 

Assuming

/ The WheatandTares

Expectations. 

Assumptions. 

We all have them. We all give them. Yet, sometimes, I think we have too many, and we assert them too quickly…let’s be real for a minute…I know I do, at times…and I’m working on that.

We can’t assume we know the person nor from whence they come lest the road alongside them we travel. This can, especially, happen in the blogging world, can’t it? Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about…

I was reading a blog entry on day, and this young woman had written about the man she was missing. “…can’t breathe. Can’t sleep….sad…he’s been gone two years…” The impression was, for me, she was missing him from death. I commented to her of prayers for her loss, praying she would find comfort and grace. Then, as I read other comments, and her response, I come to realize the guy just keeps coming back and leaving. Ok, so, that was a little annoying! (Just being honest here) At first, I felt bad for her, as she grieved; however, it seemed to, now, be a pattern which she was allowing. That isn’t true grief; that’s being used and making room for it. 
Another blog entry from someone else showed pictures of beauty, words of joy. It was inspiring, encouraging. After I sent a comment, the reply I received proved she was heartbroken and desperate.
We truly can never judge a book by its cover. We can never judge a life by its appearance and, sometimes, not even by their spoken words. There are so many hurting, dying people in this world, and they will simply paint a face of happiness to shield them from further pain. They will simply withdraw; so, no one realizes the depression…because, after all, the outside world never really understands that emotion much anyway. If you don’t believe me, just open the paper and read of the heartbreaking suicides where the friends state they had no clue the person was unstable, because they simply did their job and went home. 

We can only truly know a person’s heart when we walk hand in hand, when we gently ask and are allowed inside the gates of a guarded soul, when they allow us to see their vulnerability and their truth. Sometimes, this can come simply by asking. There are those who are just waiting for someone to show they care. There are others with whom it will take days, months or even years to crack the solid built encasing of their heart, because they have fortified it for years. 

We have to determine how much we truly care and how much time we are willing to give in each relationship. Sometimes, we are too busy to give the adequate care, and so, we simply assume a certain thing, and never try to understand. Other times, we don’t have the right tools to do the hard work of listening and learning, because, after all, that’s not our personality, not our gifting, or even, not our calling. Often, it may be that the other person doesn’t have the ability to give, because so much has been taken from them. The stories and scenarios are endless. It’s so hard to know. 

Yet, for those whom we truly love, for those with whom we find our worlds colliding, we must be able to give the time and attention to break down the expectations and put away the assumptions so that true friendships and deep relationships will last. We may not understand, but the longer we walk the road together, we can learn together. We begin to see “by and by.” 

Repurposing

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

What do you do with white towels that are old and tattered…ones that have been around since your wedding day (which is 19 years for us)?

 Yes, you rip them up and make nice little rags out of them!! That’s called REPURPOSING. 😉  

So many people are getting into this “trend” these days. They repurpose a barn door and make a dining room table, which I absolutely love!! They take shoe caddies and make over the door jewelry holders. They take old letter trays and make them medicine cabinets. They even take old boots and make (flower) planters out of them! I’ve seen all kinds of things repurposed, and I personally might think some of the things are maybe a little ‘out there,’ but if it works for you; then, “Why not??” If it makes your life easier, more efficient, and more joyful, why would you not repurpose?

As I was ripping up these old towels and making them into rags, I started thinking about this repurposing concept and how it applies even to our internal lives… There are some things we really need to learn to repurpose…

How about the regrets of the past?

How about the pains of the past?

How about anger, strife and just plain ol’ grouchiness?

Just as those old, worn out towels can become great, repurposed rags, those yucky things of our past can be repurposed to become areas of strength and wisdom of our present life and they can become beams of hope for those in our future. As we learn to repurpose the evil and/or painful things in our lives for things that are good and beneficial for our lives, we will find a greater peace within. When we find a way to repurpose those bad things and turn them around for good things, we start learning the ways of our Heavenly Father… ”     That’s one of His specialties, and when we give our pains and regrets to Him, we can trust Him to help us learn and master the art of repurposing.

Bucket With Holes

/ The WheatandTares

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Do you ever feel like you’re using a bucket with holes in it? No matter what you try to fill that bucket with, it just seems to keep leaking, until you finally run out. Sometimes, you’ve either got to change the substance you’re putting in, repair it, or throw out the bucket and get a new one!

Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about… While I was doing crafts at youth camp a few weeks ago, we had a bucket that had a big gash in the bottom. From the outward appearance, that bucket looked perfectly fine, but the second you put liquid in it, it just flowed like a river out the bottom. The first day, one of the girls helping filled that bucket with water to use outside, not realizing it had a big crack in the bottom. She filled it in the sink and proceeded to carry it through the concessions area, out the door, and over to the tent-covered picnic tables where we were set up. After she sat down the bucket, she realized it was almost half empty, and just about that same time, the guys from the canteen hollered out the door, “Hey, there’s a big mess of water on this floor you might want to come clean up!” What a time we had cleaning that up!

At the beginning of the next day, I made the exact same mistake, except thankfully, I realized it before I left the kitchen! I just made a huge mess all around the sink area. Once I finally got all the water mopped up, I dried out that bucket and wrote “Hole in bucket!” on the side and on the bottom of that stinkin’ thing! Because we needed it, we kept using it for the rest of the week, but we no longer tried to put water in it. Instead, we used it to store all the containers of liquid tie-dye! The bucket was still useful, just not for the liquid with which we were trying to fill it! 😊

When you feel as if you’re using a bucket full of holes, when things in life just don’t seem to be working right, you may need to step back and figure out the problem. Sometimes, you’re just going to have to quit putting liquid in there expecting each time to yield a different result! Sometimes, you’re gonna need to use that bucket for another purpose than what you intended, or you’re going to need to make some repairs, and sometimes, you may just need to get rid of that busted pail all together.

Can I get real for a moment…? When your decision-making doesn’t seem to be taking you in the right direction, time and time again, you may need to change the methods by which you make your decisions, or you might need to start actually listening to the right people. When your relationships seem to be more “busted and disgusted,” rather than a source of joy and healing, you might need to change your choosing process or even the location of your “pick up.” When you just seem to be spinning your wheels, never getting anywhere, never growing, never succeeding in life, you might need to change the source on which you rely. Christ is the only One who can fix the broken places in this bucket called life, and He’s the best source for knowing which “bucket” to use. If you will but yield your heart and your life to Him, He can and will help you avoid those buckets with holes!!

*Note: I do not own, nor did I photograph the image above. I simply did a Google search and found it in images.*

Just A Cup Of Water

/ The WheatandTares

This is a little cup of water…doesn’t look like much, does it? It’s just about 2-3oz.  

If you’re really thirsty this morning, it might not be enough to quench your thirst. If you’re wanting a big 36 oz. “Thirst Quencher,” it would take quite a few of these to get there, wouldn’t it? To fill a 5 gallon bucket, it might seem to never be enough to do the job!

…but, at youth camp a few weeks ago, to a little child out on the outdoor, sand-filled, volley ball court, standing in the sweltering heat, or to a teen who just played human foosball with a bunch of others guys in the noonday sun, this little bity cup of water does wonders! At camp, the rec staff had a huge supply of these cups on the golf carts, carrying them to every station where the kids were, because this little tiny cup of water kept those kids hydrated throughout the day. That little cup of liquid quenched their thirst until they could get inside to cool off.

This world is dying and going to hell. It’s like they’re out on the volleyball court of life, and they’re dying of thirst. Some of them don’t even realize they’re thirsting to death until a cup of water is brought to them, or worse, when they pass out from the “heat” and have to be rushed to the ER is when they recognize their need for something more. They are desperate for life-giving water. Jesus is the living water that they need.

As Christians, it is our job to give Jesus to them. We are His vessels. We are His “cups.” What we have may not be fancy; it may not be big; it may not even seem to be enough. Yet, if we don’t reach out to this lost and dying world, if we don’t bring His living water to them, how will they ever survive? How can they live?  Even if  a 2-3oz. cup of water is all we have, with Jesus, it can save a life!!

Matt. 25:35, 40 “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,…The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

Bring Your Brokenness

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, we clutch and hold so tightly the very things that are broken, bruised and shattered in our lives, those things which God so desperately longs to heal for us. It makes me think of a tiny child whose favorite doll has a leg that falls off or a toy truck that has a wheel that keeps coming off. Sometimes, that child will hold onto the toy, trying to put the broken part back together, growing more and more frustrated, because it just won’t work right. Finally, growing so frustrated, they throw a temper tantrum or break the toy further, not knowing how else to handle the situation.

This reminds me of our youngest with his lego building. There was a time when he just could not get some of the pieces apart to put them exactly where he wanted. He has always been pretty independent in his building of things; so, in those moments, he would try as hard as he could to get those pieces apart, and when he just couldn’t stand it anymore, he might just throw the pieces across the room with a loud “ugh!” It took him just a little while to realize if he brought that same piece to mom, she could usually use her nails to “magically” pry the two pieces apart. These days, if he has the slightest struggle with pulling two Legos apart, he may try his little Lego tool on them, and if that doesn’t work, I hear his calling my name to come fix it!

This is, often, I think, how we treat God. We keep holding onto our broken toys, determined to try to fix it ourselves. We keep trying to piece together our broken dreams, meddle with our broken relationships, tinker around with our broken hearts, only to realize the more we “work on it” ourselves, the worse it seems to get!

If we can ever get to the place where we immediately take our brokenness to God, we will find that He knows exactly how to fix it. We will find that He has the perfect remedy, the perfect salve, the perfect tool that “magically” brings it all back together. Now, let’s be clear, when He fixes something in our life, many times, He doesn’t fix everything instantaneously.

Often, He gives us time to process the healing. Sometimes, we may have to learn from a mistake; sometimes, He is using our healing to be a witness to someone else, and sometimes, He is working on several parties at once to bring about His glory in a unique way. There are many reasons why He may not fix it all in an instant. However, you can rest assure, He will bring you peace the instant you give it to Him, and through it all, as Paul tells us in Romans 8:28, He is always working all things for your good. Sometimes, the results are not going to be exactly what we expected, but I can attest, He knows what He is doing! He is God. He is faithful, and He loves us. We just have to trust Him. If we will do this, we will be amazed at how He will bring healing and work through our lives!

What a Girl Needs

/ The WheatandTares

Speaking from a place of experience, there are some fundamental needs that only a Daddy can give. When a girl misses out on these essential, especially in her young, tender years, she can struggle with self-worth, significance and love for the rest of her days. She may survive through it. She may have enough fortitude to square her shoulders, clinch her jaw and stare down these challenges for her emotions; however, even if she’s the toughest broad you’ve ever met, she’ll still walk with a limp.

A woman must have a sense of security in her life. She’s got to know things are going to be okay, even in the midst of a storm. If she can envision peace after the turmoil, it is easier for her to stand tall and face the wind. If she can imagine joy after the sorrow, she can lift her chin, clinch her jaw and laugh at the danger in front of her.

A woman has to have someone be captivated by her. Yes, you’ve heard the old saying, “every girls dreams of being a beautiful princess.” This is actually truth. She must have someone in her life who thinks she is something special. Someone by whom she is thought to be valuable, a treasure to be cherished. If she is found captivating, she finds herself fulfilled, satisfied, even having a sense of completion.

Lastly, a woman must have a sense of belonging. If she can feel as if she belongs to a group, a cause or a certain person, she will stay committed, at times, even to her own detriment. If you don’t believe me, just look at every woman who stays in an abusive relationship for years on end, or a youngster who stays committed to a certain peer group even when they are, frequently, mean spirited toward her. As long as she has an overall feeling of acceptance and a sense of belonging, she will endure what she must to keep those feelings alive.

A man can provide these feelings for a young girl, a teen and even for a full grown woman. He can give these genuinely out of the abundance of his heart, and he can, also, fabricate these out of the fantasies of his mind; however, on both accounts, he will eventually disappoint and let this little girl down. Skeptical, you say? Cynical, maybe? Well, actually, I am being neither; I am simply being truthful.

No man can always give a girl total security, unending captivated eyes and a solid sense of belonging. He will eventually give into his own fleshly nature and be unstable, oblivious and detached.  The only way a man can give a woman all that she needs is when he is allowing Christ to be His center for life. When He allows Christ to be the center, he is able to lead her in the same direction. His leading can never fulfill all her needs; yet, when he leads and she follows, they can, together, reach a place of fulfillment of God’s purpose for their marriage and their lives. When she and he both place Christ at the center of their lives, it doesn’t mean their lives and their relationship will be picture perfect; however, it does mean it will be closer to perfection.

So, if you are a Daddy who longs to fulfill the needs of his little girl’s heart, let God guide your heart, and help your baby girl to fall in love with Him. If you’re a dad who maybe feels like you “missed it” with your little one and are now faced with a teen, young woman, or even a grown daughter who is searching for security, admiration and acceptance, run to Jesus, and encourage her to follow. If you are a husband whose wife longs for fulfillment, allow Christ to become the center of your life and lead your wife in a better way toward Him.

In following Him, you will be able to provide those things which the young and grown women in your life need, not because of your own abilities, but rather, because of Christ who is living inside of you. She may not always follow, and your life can never be the source of her fulfillment; however, as you seek Him, she will see a better way, and when she finally yields to Him, she will find fulfillment in Him, and then, she will find everything she needs.

Press on Through

/ The WheatandTares

(Sorry, these pics are only of the backs of the shirts to protect the camp name and location. 😉 )

This week, I was at Youth Camp with 400+ 3rd-5th graders. It was hot. It was loud and crazy, and I had to do tie-dye, outside, at 2:30 in the afternoon for 3 days! On Tuesday, I mixed up some yellow dye, and apparently, I had an allergic reaction to whatever I breathed in, because by the time we finished the craft session, I had totally lost my voice and felt like I’d been hit by a Mack truck.

By the end of the night Tuesday, I really felt awful, and this feeling kind of came and went the rest of the week, mostly coming. Yet, I just made a decision early Wednesday morning that this wasn’t about me, and how I didn’t feel good, how I’d really just like to stay in bed, or how hot it was outside, and how crazy, labor intensive this job was. I decided this was for the kids. Their little faces just beamed when they saw their tie dye shirts with the camp logo on them!

They were so excited to have a “real souvenir” that they made themselves, and even more than just their reaction to the shirts, their reactions in the altars each night. The way they hungered to worship God and to know Him more.

Then, I remembered the way JMan fell in love with the horses the day before; he stayed and rode ALL of them and wanted to ride them everyday for the rest of camp! Then, I thought of how JGrizz had been so responsible, working with the canteen team, as if he was already grown…These were the things that made me remember the reason I was there. They were the reason I decided to press on through, because they’re worth it. More importantly, HE is worth it, and their encounters with Him are worth it!

 

‘Cuz, sometimes in this Christian walk, that’s just how it’s going to be. The road is going to be wearisome. The future isn’t going to look so bright, and you’re just not going to feel like your younger, “conquer all self” in that moment. You’re gonna wanna just lay down and quit! You’re going to want to back up and question, “How in the world did I get myself into this mess? Why am I doing this? Is it even worth it?”

But can I tell you? It’s gonna be worth it!! God’s got great plans ahead for all of us! He’s got great plans for those coming behind us! We can’t quit now!! No matter what this world looks like. No matter what decisions are being made in Washington. No matter what friends and family members say against us.

This is a battle for the next generation. If we don’t reach them; if we quit now; who will? The enemy will. That’s who! These children are counting on us to win! They ate desperate for us to win!

So, your question now may be, “How?” How in the world can we win when we seem to be so out numbered, so overwhelmed, so discouraged? How can we possibly win when those who have even been on our side seem to be walking away? We look to Him! We look to the Author and Finisher of our faith. We look to our predecessors. Hebrews 12:1-3 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” We look to Him, and we press on toward the mark, and we pray! 2 Chronicles 7:14 tells us, “…if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” It says if MY people, not sinners, not government, not politicians, not foreigners, but if MY people will pray…

If we will spend more time pressing beyond our circumstance, beyond our petty arguments, beyond what we’re hearing in the news and in social media, and we’ll press into prayer and relationship with Almighty God, we can watch Him move mountains!! We will see Him transform lives, and then we will realize that it’s truly worth it!! 🙂

Our Children See

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

We were eating b’fast at chic-fil-a one Saturday morning, and a young lady was walking out, crossing the street when JMan said something interesting…

“She looks just like you…well, except for the shorts. (She had on a pair of short-shorts.) Just to see what he would say, I asked him very inquisitively, “Why not the shorts, buddy?? You don’t think they’d look good on me?” When he looked at me in that moment, it might as well have been that I grew another head! I had such a hard time trying not to laugh. So, I kind of nudged him to say what he was thinking. He said, “Mom, did you see her shorts?? You don’t ever need to look like that! That would not be good! That would be so embarrassing if you did!!” I did laugh then, but it caused me to think…

Now, he’s only 9, and he is totally a boy (!), and we’ve taught him standards to live by; however, we don’t really talk to him about what I wear or don’t wear, and we haven’t really discussed too much about girls wearing short shorts, because he’s only nine. Yet, in that moment, I realized, once again, children see so much more than what we, sometimes, think they do. 

That’s why it’s so important to live according to the standards we set for each of our homes. My standards may not be yours and yours may not be the next guy’s; however, if we wish our kids to follow in our footsteps, we must at least keep them consistent and solid. We must keep them authentic and real, because our kids not only hear what we say, but they see more of what we do and how we live. We must live lives full of character, integrity and authenticity. We set the standards for them to see and to follow.