Why Break Their Hearts

IMG_9834Ya know, sometimes, this world makes me angry at how easily people can walk away from a life commitment. I want to remind them that they made a vow before and to each other, before their family and friends, before GOD. Vows shouldn’t be made flippantly nor should they be taken lightly. Your word should stand for more than just a simple piece of paper that can be shred and burned in less than a minute. Your word should be solid, one that can be passed on from generation to generation.

I understand, there are legit reasons, cases of infidelity, abuse and illegal activities. I got it. They’ve got their reasons, but sometimes, I just want to scream at those who give up for stupid reasons, especially when there’s kiddos involved. Statements like, “Well, I just don’t love you anymore….I’m tired of trying.” These nonchalant attitudes, thoughts of reckless abandonment, these kinds of things should be scoffed at in today’s society, not “understood” and consoled, even congratulated. These are the words that shatter young dreams. These are the actions that implode self esteem and fragmentize tender hearts, and I’m not talking about those who make the decision but, rather, the lives surrounding that decision. Everyone is effected. No one is immune.

Moments fade. Lives change. Hearts are never to be the same. The decision makers think, “All will mend in time. It will eventually be okay.” What they don’t see is the permanent limp they’ve caused, not only to their own life, but to all those involved. Yes, limps can be managed, compensated for, and sometimes, even hidden for a while, but eventually, truth always unveils what is left in the shadows. Water always finds its level, and that is when surviving begins, and thriving is left in the dreamland.

Yes, I know, thriving can come. Healing can come. I am a testimony to this kind of pain and to this kind of healing. It is possible. There is hope thereafter; however, I still experience the pains and the healing…and I’m in my 40’s…and the deed was done just shy of that many years! It’s just not an easy road to travel for those following behind. 

Be careful what you say in anger. It may come back to bite. Be cautious what you do when lonely. It may come back to haunt you. Live your life for the eternal moments more than the momentary pleasures of relief. Live out your days with determination to keep those commitment which matter to those coming behind. Live in such a way that generations to come will be eager to follow.

Step on Through

”Sometimes, you don’t know when you’re taking the first step through a door until you’re already inside.”- One thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp

“Well said, Ann.” Sometimes, when you’re just walking along, just doing what you’re supposed to be doing, doing what comes next and doing it well, you don’t really know you’re going through an open door to find a precious treasure inside, until, you’ve already arrived inside. You don’t realize the threshold under your feet until a third party walks up and says, “Great job today!” 🙂 In that moment, you come to realize the blessings to which you have been bestowed. You think, “Oh, wow, I actually ended up where I wanted to go.”

It takes obedience in the step, tenacity in the mundane and consistency in the trials to arrive at the goal. Sometimes, during a marathon, you can’t see anything but the next step. You can’t see the finish line that’s around the next bend, you can only see the tag number of the person running in front of you; yet, you press on. You persevere, and in the end, you reach your goal.

That’s how we must be in this life. We may go through trials. We may meet obstacles along the way, but if we’ll just keep striving, just keep going, we will reach those dreams that, so often, try to allude us. Keep pressing forward.

Whatever you do, don’t turn around! Don’t quit! You can do this! You can make it. You’ll never get inside until you step through the doorway, and you’ll never step through, if you don’t keep following the path to the door. So, keep putting one foot in front of the other; keep stepping on through, my friend. Sometimes, it takes the baby steps to get to the giant leaps and bounds. Keep going. You will “be inside” before you know it!

Right Where You Are

BIG PICTURE LIVING
while DEALING WITH
the HERE AND NOW…

Sometimes, life isn’t what we dreamt it to be. Do you remember? Those dreams you had as a little child…fairytale lands, sweet candy trees, visions of the prince coming to save you…thoughts of a knight in shining armor riding up, slaying the dragons and whisking you away to the city made of gold, the land where it never rains, and evil is far, far away.

Or maybe you were that little kid whose cape whipped in the wind. You became as tall as a house, had muscles made of steel, and eyes full of fire. No villain or evil thing could come against your universe. You could squash them all in a millisecond! Do you remember those wonderful visions of grandeur?

Time moved on, you grew up, and holding those grand dreams tight within your chest, you faced the world. You were determined to have that extra-human strength to conquer anything, or anyone, who might try to stand in your way. Then, the storms rolled in, the lightening flashed and the winds screamed in your face. The fight became real, and the dreams began to wash away with the rain. The struggle grew harder, and, as you struggled just to breathe, you were thankful just to simply survive. Those dreams were shut away in the archives of childhood, and the giant called LIFE demanded your surrender and your obedience. You succumbed to responsibilities, others’ expectations and failure.

Who told you those boyhood dreams couldn’t be realized? Who told you that little girl could no longer dance on the wind and be rescued by the handsome prince? Those voices you’ve been listening to have LIED to you! If you are reading this, if you are still able to move, and if there is still yet breath in your being, you’re not finished! Your potential here on this earth is not through!

Get back to dreaming! Recall those thoughts of the past! Sure, life is hard. Sure, times change and people change, but that doesn’t mean your dreams have to. It may take hard work. It may take failing a few times. It may even take altering the complete expectations of those dreams a little (yeah, so maybe you don’t wear the cape and tights to work everyday), but you can still be a hero to your wife and kids! You can still be swept off your feet by the man you love simply by opening your eyes to actually see him.

See the bigger picture. If you’re not where you long to be, just start right where you are. Start with the here and now. Your big picture can never be realized if you bust up the frame before the details are done. You’ve got to begin right now, right here.

If you dream of someday owning your own business, start researching now how to accomplish it. If you dream of one day writing a book, start journaling and keeping notes today. If you long to go back to college, but don’t see a way, since you’re now working two jobs and have four kids, talk it over with your spouse, make plans, fill out the applications, and apply for financial aid. Was that a teacher, preacher, doctor or contractor dream you had? Then take the steps today to begin realizing those dreams, even if they do seem tiny in the grand scheme of things! You can never begin on the journey if you don’t pack your bag and chart your course. You can do this!

You’ll never get to the big picture, if you can’t start putting the puzzle of life together right now, one piece at a time. If things are just awful, the bucket has holes, and the water is pouring out faster than you can stop it, just start with the one hole. Pick up your hammer and nails, or your spatula and putty, and patch it up. Don’t freak out over all the holes at once. Focus on one or two; then, once those are repaired, start on the next set.

When you successfully jump that first hurdle, and then the next, you’ll be amazed at the energy it will give you to set your eyes ahead to face the next one! That’s called momentum. Get you some! You’ll begin to not only survive, you’ll begin to thrive. When you thrive, nothing can hinder you from accomplishing that big dream, reaching that big goal, and seeing that big picture. Do it! Start today…right here and right now! 🙂

Clarity

A MOMENT OF VISION

IS WORTH A LIFETIME

OF SIGHT

…Think about it…

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“Where there is no vision, the people perish…” Proverbs 29:18

Thankful for friends

I am currently working on my list of “Gifts of a Thousand” in following the example given by the book, One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. You can read and find out more here. Making a list of 1,000 things of which you’re thankful is not such an easy task. Sometimes, I feel I am making great progress; then, at other times, I wonder if my heart is even grateful.

The other night, I was at a restaurant with about 30 ladies from our church, enjoying a Girls Night Out, and this time of fellowship, coupled with thoughts of those who couldn’t be there that evening, inspired quite a few notes on my ‘thankful list.’ I thought it might be fun to share a little of this list with you today, and maybe it could even inspire you to start making your own ‘grateful’ list…

205. Watching someone be surprised when their meal is paid for
206. Hearing nice, decent men tell a group of ladies, “Have a nice evening, ladies!”
207. One waiter serve 30 women their meals both joyfully and graciously
208. A young mother smile through tears; even though, the doctor has said, “no more babies.”
209. A young wife testify, “The name of the Lord is great!” even after two miscarriages and no promise of a single child
210. An recent widow enjoying time out with friends even while she’s still grieving
211. An elderly widow enjoying time with the girls even though she has a tough time hearing while in big crowds
212. An ethnic friend sharing about challenges she’s facing, trusting God is in control
213. A mom to young girls, whose past could offend, but whose faith in God and surrender to His ways will change the greatest scoffer
214. A young grandmother, new to the event, comes on her own just to meet new friends
215. Young college girls being tight friends through thick and thin
216. A seasoned mom/grandmother whose words of wisdom is a cherished treasure
217. A grandmother whose grown children have gone through various tragedies and trials, yet her faith in God cannot be shaken
218. A vibrant grandmother whose young son lost his fight with cancer, yet through her grief, she’s learned to laugh again
219. A mother to three youngsters, all under the age of five, lead women with grace, compassion and poise
220. A grandmother who has a mother in a nursing home, just lost her daughter-in-law to organ rejection and is less than a year removed from her husband having a heart attack, share exciting news of an upcoming cruise
221. A mom of two teenagers who longed to ‘get with the girls’ and couldn’t due to illness, but sends a text of love and “I’ll miss you!”
222. A mom of three youth, who still grieves the loss of her momma, yet has learned to smile again in spite of the pain

These are the women, and many more, who make up my life. Some of them have been friends for years, some I had just met that night, but I still call myself blessed to be surrounded by them. They are women of strength, women of tears and women of God. They are each a piece of this wonderful tapestry called life, and for each of them, I am eternally grateful. 🙂

Time Stands Still

Last week had a pretty full agenda, usual routine things, several added appointments for me, and several added items for the boys, but all that changed around 4am Wednesday morning…

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JMan came in the bedroom, tapped me on the shoulder and told me he had just thrown up. My brain, still groggy from sleep, didn’t immediately register what he was telling me; so, I said, “Okay, go back and lay down. I’ll be there in just a second.” As I heard him leave the room, my brain and my “mom instincts” kicked in. I got up, went and got blankets to make a pallet in the guest room (I always “quarantine” the sick, hoping to contain the germs), retrieved my own pillows, and told little man to come with me.

I proceeded to make him a pallet, set up water bottles, towels and a night light. We were “set” for a night of sickness, or so I thought, knowing that the boys’ usual course is about 6-8 hrs., and they’re done. At noon that day, after following him to help in the restroom every 30 minutes since 4am, I began to wonder if this was going to be the normal run of sickness. Five hours later, I was convinced this was one nasty stomach bug that wasn’t going to let go so easily.

Everything stopped that day. I cancelled my dentist appointment to get a crown, which I have to say, I wasn’t too upset about. I put off plans to cook for the week (I had had plans to cook several days’ worth of meals), and we ordered out for lunch. My husband took JGrizz back and forth to church with him, as I’m usually the chauffeur, allowing my husband to prepare for his Wednesday night class. I asked someone else to record JGrizz in a drama performance; since, I couldn’t be there, and I called the choir director to notify him of my absence. Joey then chauffeured JGrizz back and forth to school the next two days, as well as, helped him to study for tests and confirmed homework was done, and he taxied him to other events and church for the weekend, all the things which I am very accustomed to doing in my day to day routine.

All day Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I was totally focused on taking care of JMan, tending to his needs, praying, refilling water bottles and cleaning up behind him, all the while, hoping and praying no one else would get sick. (This was a very nasty bug!!) My routine became matched with his, sleeping when he slept and waking when he awoke; otherwise, I stumbled around trying to catch up on the lost sleep, which, I basically did anyway during those hours. It’s never easy sleeping when you’re baby’s sick! I stayed huddled up with him in that guest room for four days. Nothing else mattered except getting him well.

Due to both my boys and my husband depending on me for different things day to day, I had to fight internally with my own mother and wife instincts throughout that time. I felt obligated and needed to tend to JMan’s needs, while I also battled guilt over not being able to be there for our oldest son’s youth competitions that weekend and leaving all the burden on my husband to make sure they were both taken care of and arrived at all the places at which they needed to be for the total of five days (by the time JMan really got well).

It made me think of families whose babies have gone through trauma, are experiencing a terminal illness, or even have a long-term sickness that maybe can’t be diagnosed. How do they function over time? How do they manage their homes, their lives, their personal needs? This realization came to me: they find a “new normal.” Yes, that’s the only thing you can do when your loved one is sick, and they need you. All the other things in life, those things which you thought were of such importance, just seem to fade away. The focus becomes crystal clear: the well being of your child.

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Those days gave me a new perspective. A perspective that, I’m sure, was really always there. It wasn’t the first time our little man had been sick; however, it was the first time he’d been this sick. It was, also, the first time in a long time, I suppose, I stood back and thought of more than just getting through the moments of sickness and maybe thought of more than just the sickness of my own child. It reminded me that time seems to stand still when you least expect it. It reminded me, as I often encourage others to do, to make sure I’m living life to the fullest, and cherishing those with whom I’m living and sharing this life. For, none of us know what tomorrow might bring, and what a pitiful state we will be in if we only realize tomorrow what we missed out on today!

So, can I encourage you today? Take time for those you love, not just in the tough moments, but in the good moments as well. Step back and see those you love in the moments right where they are. Cherish them. Hold them. Love them. Step back and take a look around. Take notice of who is there, where you are, and where you are going together. When we’re able to step back and see the bigger picture, we’re apt to learn so much more!

Move from Strength to Strength, Momma!

We sang a song in choir the other day that had this verse, “We move from strength to strength…” It was running through my head this morning, and I thought of my grandparents. They have always been pillars of strength and my examples to follow in life. As a mom, these examples have helped me to be a better mom, a better wife, and, in general, just a better person.

My grandfather was a “man’s man,” nothing ever seemed impossible to him. He grew up poor, was ridiculed and pushed himself to success. He founded his own heating and air business, was county commissioner of his small town, retired at a young age and lived out his days enjoying life and traveling with his wife to see kids, grandkids and sights all over the US.

My grandmother was born in the first year of the depression to a commercial fisherman and his wife. She had 3 sisters, and they didn’t have much, but they had each other and their faith. They found that was all they needed. To our family, and to many, my grandfather was always seen as a pillar of strength, and my grandmother has been the epitome of grace; no matter what comes in life, she seems to handle it with grace and dignity. Even before my earliest memories, these two have been a big part of my life; so, it comes as no surprise that a lot of their ways have become mine. Many people say I take after my grandmother, and my husband seems to be fashioned from much of the same mold as my grandfather. One of the biggest things they both taught me over the years was strength and grace.

I believe we can only move from strength to strength when we live by grace. Trying to move from strength to strength, without grace for the moments in between, is like trying to move a sailboat without the wind. You can definitely move it, with oars, of course, but it sure does take a lot more work than if you had wind to move it across the sea. The wind is what brings speed for the vessel and “rest” for the captain. When the wind is pushing the sails, the captain still has some work to do, but it sure makes for an easier time of sailing!

This is how it should be with our lives. We can be men and women of strength, but if we don’t have grace, we’re always struggling with the weight of our task. When we have no grace, we may be irritable, grouchy or even down right mean when it comes to dealing with others who get in our way or those who want to “jump on” for the ride. Grace refreshes our weary souls. It gives us compassion for others who may be on the same path. Grace brings joy in the midst of the trial, and it gives us perseverance for the journey.

Ladies (and men, too, actually), can I challenge you today? Live your days from strength to strength, robed not in your own will power and force but rather, robed in grace which softens you around the edges. Let that grace cocoon your strength to allow it to become a pillar of hope to others along the way, a refuge which brings refreshment to yourself and other “travelers,” and a solid foundation that helps you persevere through whatever life brings to you. When you live through the ups and downs of life with dignity and grace, you leave a legacy that others long to follow.

If I could, I’d like to encourage you in this, as well:  don’t live your life from crisis to crisis. It’s so unbecoming. It’s so unsettling, and frankly, it can even be obnoxious! 😉 This doesn’t mean you have to be stoic all the time, never crying or showing emotion, but when you live from one panicked moment to the next, it is exhausting to you and everyone around you. No one knows how to receive you from one day to the next, and you leave a river of chaos for your children to swim through. However, when there’s a peace inside that can’t be shaken, it gives you stability even through the darkest storms, and it will actually draw others to you. They learn from your strength; they gain the courage to face their own fears and trials, and they even learn how to become a symbol of stability for someone else who may be facing the same situations.

I have definitely found this to be true with my children. When I am calm and graceful through the trials of life, my children are better equipped to handle the hard places in which they sometimes find themselves. It doesn’t mean that I never show fear, or tears, or even that I am always stone-faced without any emotion. (Anyone who is close to me knows I probably shed way more than my share of tears! – both happy and not so happy ones) I am definitely a woman of emotion; however, I also don’t rely on my own strength to carry me through the rough spots. My kids know that my faith rests in my God who will carry me through. They know that when we rely on His grace for our strength everyday, the end result of our emotional well being and the well being of our entire household is a lot better off! I’m hoping they take these lessons with them for life.

The picture I have in my mind, of this kind of strength, is being in a storm shelter with your daddy, granddad, or husband , someone whom you feel is invincible and “can never die.” It may not be the grandest of circumstances, and you definitely would rather be somewhere else in that moment, but you rest in the knowing that no matter what comes on the outside of that shelter, you’re gonna make it, and everything’s going to be alright! You know that no matter what winds come against that door, that man will hold you till your body stops trembling and you are able to stand on your own two feet, and when you’re unable to stand, he will put his arms around you, or even pick you up and carry you until you can.

That’s the picture of strength I’m trying to give you! That’s the kind of strength we need to have. This is what we must pass to our children so they might survive in this crazy world. We must let it flow to those around us so that they might be able to stand and comfort when others cannot.

You set the tone, Momma!

If you’re a momma or one day hope to be, I hope you will listen to what I have to give.
You can make or break that home in which you live.
You have the power to make it cheery or make it sad.
You have the power to make it good or make it bad.

You see, we women set the tone for how our families will respond.
We set the stage for this life to be and how each day will dawn.
If we rant and rave, tap our feet, cross our arms and glare, they see us.
They notice when we reach out a hand to comfort, pause for an embrace, or just give a little wink and a smile…and even if we allow our mouths to cuss.

Our children have to make choices, and yes, our husband is accountable for what they allow near.
But mark my word, how we act and react can make or break the atmosphere.
How we speak to those we love can wound or heal their hearts.
How we look at those whose lives we touch can be changed or broken apart.

So, be careful, Momma, what you say.
Choose your words with grace today.
Be careful, Momma, what you do.
Choose your actions by what you want to keep
Rather than by what you want to loose.

For the JOY set before Him…  

Blog-cross joy

Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before Him… The JOY it says… Do we actually enjoy suffering? Do we actually look forward to death? So many of us would like to say it’s true. So many of us would like to brag and boast of how brave we would be in the face of death, but we never truly know what will happen until we are actually faced with the same fate. We cannot speak honestly about that of which we know nothing. We cannot answer the question until we are faced with the test.

Often, I read books about those who have been martyred for their faith. The stories contained in those separate journals are heart wrenching, riveting and challenging. I always wonder what I actually would do in that moment. In that moment of choosing life or death, would I humbly accept my fate or would I fearfully deny Christ? Would I fight it with every breath of my being or would I lovingly embrace the cross by which I had been condemned?

…I’d like to think I would say with the martyred disciple Andrew, when he was being led to his death by crucifixion, “O Cross most welcome and long anticipated! I come to you with a willing mind, with joy and desire. Since I am a follower and a student of the One who died on you, I have always loved you and sought to embrace you.” Yet, it’s so simple and easy to believe in the good times the goodness of our own humanity, but it is in the hard places, in those death moments, when our faith is truly tested and revealed… I pray I might be found faithful. I pray I can remain till the end, and I can embrace pain and death as He did, knowing this temporary life is just that: temporary…There is a JOY set before us, joy that is abundant, overflowing and full of His glory!

*I do not own nor did I take this photograph. Found it through internet search. Backdrops Beautiful image.*

Be YOU and Nobody Else!

As I sat in a room full of women that night, I looked around and saw those with whom I’ve been friends for years, those whom I’ve known for only a short while, and those whom I had just met this very night. All different, yet, very much the same. We’re all in this world, struggling to survive.

I had watched a comical video on Facebook earlier in the day about different mom-types, and how we tend to compete over whose parenting methods are better and whose are just terrible; yet, when it comes to a possible danger being threatened in the life of a child, we will all pitch in to save that one child, no matter whose it is nor what we feel toward that one mother. I guess, this, coupled with my own beliefs, is why I was prepared when the conversation at the table turned toward parenting styles and opinions on how a child should be raised.

It actually was a very good conversation, and, thankfully, at this table, everyone was gracious in their answers to one another, ever how differing they were… There was one mom who had been, and still is, a full time bank employee. There was one stay-at-home mom who plans to completely homeschool when her three children become of age, another who is at home, with her toddler, right now but plans to return to college soon. One was a full time mom of a teen and elementary age boys, one was a young grandmother who works full time, yet, keeps her grandkids as much as she can. Another was a missionary’s wife who hopes to return to the missions field soon with her three year old and baby on the way, and another was a retired grandma who gets to see her grandchildren often but maybe not as much as she’d like. The rest of the 25-member group was just as diverse as this list.

Each one of them had different pregnancy stories, nursing methods and lengths of time, sleeping procedures (to sleep with parents or not), schooling options and stay home or work full-time choices. We all are as different as the day is to night; yet, we all agreed that there’s not a right and wrong method to raise and nurture your children. Those who adhere to The Word of God for their lives, yes, there are some right and wrongs that we must chose; however, when it comes to the other “surface” issues, we each agreed, “You must find what works best for your family! … What works beautifully for my family may bring total havoc to yours! … Always be open to advice, but never place unnecessary expectations upon yourself to live up to someone else’s methods and standards for your family.”

This is so very true! Never allow someone else to dominate your parenting landscape. Never place another family high on a pedestal and believe if you can only follow their formula to a “T,” then, your family will turn out perfect overnight, and you’ll never have worries again. No, life just doesn’t happen that way. Life is life, and people are people. There is no “magic formula” which makes babies stop crying, children to stop fighting and teens to always choose the right answers. No, this is a journey, and we all must travel it. Each of us are very different, made individually unique by the Master of the Universe. He made us each as diverse as the stars that shine above us.

So, follow your dreams. Dream for your family. Seek His ways, gain wisdom from others and learn what works best for your family. Train up those babies, and let them spread their wings and fly. You can do this! You were called to be… YOU!! You are beautifully and wonderfully made!