authenticity

You’re Weird! … I’m Weird, Too!

/ The WheatandTares

We all have our quirks and our peculiarities. My husband is so comfortable in his; I have to be honest, sometimes, I’m downright jealous. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be jealous of my own husband! I just wish I could be okay with my oddities all the time.

I love fall and winter weather, but I am incredibly cold-natured. I hate raw tomatoes; however, I love to eat anything made with tomatoes, as in spaghetti, pizza sauce and chili, and  I love to make stuff from tomatoes such as salsa and vegetable soup. I love to sleep with socks on, and I can sleep just about anywhere, but if you wake me up about an hour after I go to sleep, I may not even remember our conversation by morning. I also have a love-hate relationship with the snooze button. I love to meet new people, and carry on long conversations with one or two people; yet, I am an extreme introvert, and I have to revive myself by having long moments of solitude.

Yes, I am a quirky individual, and after 40+ years of living with myself, I am still trying to be okay with these traits. I know, we all have quirks and differences to our personalities, and so many people seem completely okay with theirs, and I am, genuinely, so happy for them. Some even seem a little too comfortable…to the point of rudeness to those around them, and I suppose, this one fact alone causes me to hone in too strongly on my own idiosyncrasies for fear of possibly becoming like them.

I am so concerned with not being rude or offensive to another person, even unintentionally. All my life, I have been conditioned to be kind and accommodating, and I have always had a pretty adaptable personality; so, the moments when someone is offended or bothered by something I have done or said, I am profusely apologetic, sometimes, even to a fault.

Yet, as I grow older, I am learning that this over concern for other people’s opinions can, often, actually be derived from a source of pride and vanity. You see, no matter how “nice and sweet” a personality trait may seem, on the flip side of it is an uglier, less delightful sounding trait. It can be used for either extreme, and we must realize what the root is in order to come back to center, Christ’s center.

Just as the opinionated, outspoken person can be seen as both truthful and rude, overbearing and bluntly honest, depending on the positive and negative extremes, the tolerable, quiet spoken person can be seen as both graciously kind and fearful, flexible and weak. All of these (negative) extremes come from a root of vanity and pride, ambition and envy, and we must recognize, acknowledge and surrender these qualities to God before we move to the extremes of either side.

When we refuse to let the flesh reign in our lives, and, instead, allow Christ to rule and reign, we will find that we will no longer worry over what people think, and we will worry most about what HE thinks. We will no longer err on the sides of brashness and  fearfulness, but rather, we will walk in complete boldness of who we are in Christ, even with all our quirks, failures and peculiarities.

When we surrender our all to Him, we will begin to actually see ourselves as He sees us, not as the world sees. We will begin to believe as He believes and act as He acts. When we are totally surrendered to Him, we will become a mirror of His life, because it will be His Spirit living in us and through us. ❤

Our Children See

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

We were eating b’fast at chic-fil-a one Saturday morning, and a young lady was walking out, crossing the street when JMan said something interesting…

“She looks just like you…well, except for the shorts. (She had on a pair of short-shorts.) Just to see what he would say, I asked him very inquisitively, “Why not the shorts, buddy?? You don’t think they’d look good on me?” When he looked at me in that moment, it might as well have been that I grew another head! I had such a hard time trying not to laugh. So, I kind of nudged him to say what he was thinking. He said, “Mom, did you see her shorts?? You don’t ever need to look like that! That would not be good! That would be so embarrassing if you did!!” I did laugh then, but it caused me to think…

Now, he’s only 9, and he is totally a boy (!), and we’ve taught him standards to live by; however, we don’t really talk to him about what I wear or don’t wear, and we haven’t really discussed too much about girls wearing short shorts, because he’s only nine. Yet, in that moment, I realized, once again, children see so much more than what we, sometimes, think they do. 

That’s why it’s so important to live according to the standards we set for each of our homes. My standards may not be yours and yours may not be the next guy’s; however, if we wish our kids to follow in our footsteps, we must at least keep them consistent and solid. We must keep them authentic and real, because our kids not only hear what we say, but they see more of what we do and how we live. We must live lives full of character, integrity and authenticity. We set the standards for them to see and to follow. 

Perfection

/ The WheatandTares / 3 Comments

If we could have achieved perfection on our own, we wouldn’t have needed Jesus. – Jennifer Dukes Lee

We work so hard to have perfection in every area of our lives. Yet, whose perfection are we working to achieve? Is it the perfection of the Pinterest mom?  Do you feel the need to be extra crafty, a perfect, DIY gal, making all the cute little cupcakes and crafts for the party? Is it the homeschool supermom who knows exactly what her child needs in every subject and on every lesson? Is it the grill perfect dad, knowing just when to turn that perfect steak, when to add that very last seasoning to make the meal of a lifetime for all your friends to drool? 

Or maybe it’s that perfect businessman, knowing exactly when to press in for the deal and when to walk away, leaving them begging for more? Maybe it’s the A+ college student…you know, the one who can achieve the highest scores in her sleep while writing that pristine perfect 20 page paper in a day, just after she read the 1500 page novel for American Lit! What is this “perfect” that we seek so hard to find??

Too often, it seems, we seek to find the perfection we think we see in someone else. We look. We examine. We analyze everyone else’s perceived goodness and realize our lacking. We compare our faults to their “greatness,” and we are left wanting more. Who told us they are by whom we should measure ourselves?? 

Who convinced us of their perfection? They are not the answer. They are not the picture of perfection. What they do or don’t do should never be our focus! Who are “they” anyway?? They can never satisfy our longings. They can never fulfill our dreams. They can never transform us from who were once were to whom we are destined to be!

Only the Creator of our lives can bring about perfection. Only Jesus should be our goal of perfection! He is the only one who was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, dies for us, rose again and has promised to come again. Only HE is the picture of perfect by which we should examine our life. Only HE should be sought after for our value of perfection. 

The only way we can reach to His perfection is to first be real with our imperfections and realize we can never achieve absolute perfection until He perfects our earthly bodies with a heavenly one. We can only reach to His perfection by becoming more like Him and so much less like ourselves. It’s a daily struggle, a daily walk toward His cross and away from our flesh…It’s a daily journey in realism. Why don’t we try a little real-ness in our search for Him? How about a little authenticity in our daily lives? 

Are you ready for a little honesty…a little truth? Let’s drop the games that we play, and let’s get real. Let’s live lives of authenticity. Let’s live lives more like Christ: love, joy, peace, patience and truth…these are the makings for perfection! Let’s chase after Him rather than all those who would try to make us think they are perfect. 🙂

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 4:48

Comfortable Skin Livin’

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

“Don’t embarrass me!” …So many people have an almost paranoia of being embarrassed in front of others. Some are indifferent to the feeling, and some are so brazen that they seem to not care, while still others have grown comfortable enough with their own flaws that they generally don’t care what others say or think of them. If you’re human, I’d say you probably fall into one of these categories.

We all have SOMETHING about ourselves that we really don’t like, something that’s different, odd, maybe even embarrassing. Depending on our own personalities, openness and confidence level, we may or may not feel comfortable with others seeing these flaws. Maybe it’s a toe or a finger that is slightly bent or longer than it ‘should’ be. Maybe it’s a set of teeth you wished would’ve had braces set so long ago. Maybe you speak too fast, too slow, too much, or just not enough. Maybe it’s a limp, a lazy eye, or even just a smile that you don’t feel ‘measures up’ to the world around you.

If you lean toward the category of people who get embarrassed easily, or those who don’t like to get embarrassed, no matter how sensitive or tough-skinned you like to portray to others that you are, then this post is written for you. If you are totally comfortable in your own skin, you don’t care one whit about what others think of you, and you just can’t believe that I would ever be concerned about embarrassments, because, after all, you’ve never been embarrassed a day in your life…well, then you might just want to skip this blog today, because this message might not be what you’re looking for. However, for those who might fall into one of those other categories, ones of not really having a love for public humiliation, please feel free to read on… 🙂

Personally, I really don’t like embarrassments. I like to try and maintain a stoic attitude, one that is strong and capable of taking whatever life swings my way, but deep down, I’m a pretty sensitive creature. Now, don’t confuse that with “high maintenance.” I work hard to not throw my expectations, personal standards and sensitivities onto others, but I will blush at some of the silliest things, and I will tear up or ‘shrink back’ from the boldest of embarrassments. I’m just hardwired that way. I have quirks and particulars about my personality that I really try to get over; yet, I find myself “stumbling” over them from time to time. I have things about my body, my thinking and my abilities that I really wish could be different, better, or maybe at least, ‘the same’ as someone else I know. I really try to be comfortable in my own skin, and many times, I succeed. However, I am an incredibly introverted person, one who was raised around the “good old Southern Belle” mentalities, believing a lady should be first and foremost feminine and gentile, and on top of all this, I am an incredibly private person, not caring for the general public to “know all my business.” So, when my ‘business’ becomes public, I would just rather run and hide than to pick up my embarrassing trait, shake off my stubborn pride, smile and walk on by valiantly. I’d rather crawl under a log and disappear than to stand tall with humility and grace and endure the heat rising to my cheekbones and soaking my eyes with its truth.

It’s tough, sometimes, to keep your wits about you when you feel the spotlight of life glaring so brightly that you need shades just to see the road ahead, but if I’m to leave a legacy of truth and grace behind me, there are moments I must square my shoulders and smile the biggest smile of my life and walk right back up those stairs I just tumbled down. I must, daily, grow more comfortable in this skin God has given me and realize life isn’t perfect, I’m not perfect, and neither is anyone else I know, save One…and He is my ultimate goal! I must learn over and over again that it’s okay not to be like everyone else, and it’s okay to stand out from the crowd if the foundation upon which I stand is solid truth and the cause for which I fight is one of integrity and faith. This concept can be especially difficult to learn and to teach, when you have a teen or a young child in the house,  but we must remember the paths we set in place today are the footsteps they we follow tomorrow. How we react, when we get embarrassed, will determine the mood of the home, and it will set the stage for how they will respond when others see their flaws, how they will react to teasing and how they feel about themselves. What we live out before them speaks volumes of truth and character into their lives, or it screams at them to lie, to bully, to deceive and to shrink away from responsibilities and anything else that becomes difficult. Our words, our character and our actions are a living example from which they learn, grow and develop into a man or a woman.

If we can grow comfortable in our own skin, realizing God has created us to be us, as an individual, if we can handle mishaps with grace and generosity, we will teach our children how to stand strong in the midst of embarrassment, adversity and failure. If we can hold our tongue when we’d prefer to lash out in anger, or when we’d rather speak boldly with pride, proclaiming our rights, regardless of our failures, we will teach our children how to be humble in their confidence, solid in their self-esteem and gracious to those they encounter who may not admire or even like the way they act or speak.

We must set the stage for those coming behind us. We must blaze this path called life with integrity, honesty and character. We must be able to be comfortable enough in our own skin that we can be okay with who God has created us to be. We must be honest and humble enough with our own flaws that we recognize we may not be the best, but we’re a “work in progress,” and with God’s help, we can do anything in this life. We must carry enough integrity within and have enough character without to be able to graciously say to our opposers, “You and I may be different, and we may never agree on that subject, but we can agree to disagree and continue standing our ground. We can be different and go our separate ways.” We must become comfortable enough in our skin to say, “That sure was an embarrassment to me today, but it’s not the end of the world. I will survive, and you will to!” When we become comfortable in our own skin, honest about our own frailties and weaknesses and confident enough in who God created us to be, we will shine brightly for all those who follow behind in this world turned gray.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14