brokenness

Abandoned Heart

/ The WheatandTares

You send me love letters, but they never arrive.

You call me on my number, but the phone never rings.

You knock at my door, but no one is ever at home.

You drive by to see me, but the windows have all been sealed shut.

The hallways are vacant of footprints.

The rooms are void of noise.

The entries have all been chained.

The exit gate is swinging wide.

Their questions will never be answered.

Their answers will never be questioned.

Their thirst will never be quenched.

Their hunger will never be filled.

It is said, “Curiosity killed the cat,” but that happened way before our time.

The story had ended.

The song has been sung.

The fortune was never found.

And the fat lady started to hum and then died.

Penned -MG – 10/31/19

*I do not own this video or have it in my possession. This is from YouTube, and I thought it would be an interesting addition to the poem.

Once Again

/ The WheatandTares

Once Again

Your face reminds me of the pain

Your smile retains the brokenness

Your voice prods the gash deep in my soul.

Just when I think I’ve grown past, I hear your laughter within

Just when I feel I’ve moved beyond, I see your hand holding on

Just when I believe I’ve overcome, I touch a memory in the forgotten mind

I wish I could just stay angry forever

I long to see the payment for your crime

I yearn for the day when justice divides

Yet, He draws me back to unconditional love

He reminds me of His unyielding mercy

He calls to my heart to gracefully forgive

Not for your sake, but rather, for mine

Once Again

Penned – MG – 11/14/19

This is quite an old song, but it so eloquently describes the wounded heart. ❤️

https://youtu.be/E5rfLcGZumE

Beyond the Grief

/ The WheatandTares

Is there ever a day when you’re beyond the grief?

When they say his name, you don’t smile with the sadness, because your arms long to hold him one more time?

When they bring up her picture, you don’t grimace in pain, because your soul still weeps for the loss?

When does the grief end?

Is there ever a moment when you’ve grown past the grief?

When you see the black and whites and don’t wipe away the tears that flow so easily?

When you hear a common melody and don’t want to run away from the familiar song?

When does the grief end?

Our hearts were not made for this separation.

Our souls were not fashioned to say goodbye.

The void inside was made for eternity.

There, our losses never ask why.

Penned – MG – 11/12/19

Seventy Times Seven

/ The WheatandTares / 7 Comments

You slice me with your words

You cut me with you stare

You pierce my heart with your lies

You clench my lungs but never hear my cries

You stir deceit among my friends

You create havoc among my loves

You sever my relationships with your slander

You sear my kinships with a cruel banter

Every year, I draw near to repentance

Every hour, I crawl back to mercy

Every minute, I search to find grace

Every second, I seek forgiveness to erase

Penned – MG – 11/5/19

My Hearts Weeps No More

/ The WheatandTares

You converse with me

But no one is standing there.

You laugh and tell me the stories

But no one is smiling.

You rewrite the history to fit your look

But no one hears the news.

You embrace my form and shed a tear

But no one sees your charades.

You reach once more for my hand

But my heart weeps no more.

Penned – MG – 10/21/19

The Pale Moon Rises

/ The WheatandTares

You said you loved me to the moon

I was your sunshine

I was your baby love

Then I began to shine

I searched to grow beyond

You grasped for the reason

You clung to the control

Then I moved into another season

You and I would never be the same

I walked away from your consuming flood

You sought love from so many facades

I could not remain as you drained the blood

You said you loved me to the moon

You told them I was your jewel

You made the endless promises

Then I realized you only wanted the moon to rule

Penned – MG – 7/15/19

Sometimes, My Heart Just Grieves

/ The WheatandTares / 7 Comments

I’ve had several conversations over the past few week with friends who are going through incredibly tough seasons of life, and, as I think back through them all, my heart just feels heavy tonight. Many days, these conversations cause me to seek good, practical advice, Godly wisdom and a lot of scripture to encourage, admonish and uplift their weary hearts. Often, these stories told cause my spirit to rise up in righteous indignation over injustices done. I encourage them to fight, to never give up, to seek God, as well as, to seek their personal well being at all cost.

Yet, sometimes, like this evening, my heart just grieves over their losses and their pain. I wish I had a magical wand that could, somehow, make all the heartache, fear, doubt and turmoil just disappear. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

If you’ve not experienced sorrow yet in your life, well, just keep on living, because it will come. If I can give you a piece of advice, both for those going through the trial and for those who are listening to the story, find someone to lean on. Don’t ever try to carry your burdens (or theirs) alone. You aren’t meant to.

Especially, for those of us who call ourselves a Christian. God never set up the Body of Christ for you to walk through this life experiencing all the brokenness it can bring and travel that painful journey alone. Find yourself a good church family, a wise pastor, spiritual leaders, and pour your heart out. Let them pray for you. Allow someone to come alongside you and help carry those burdens!

If you’re the one always walking alongside helping to carry the weight, you’ve got to learn to lean as well. You can’t always lean on those hurting, because they may not be ready to help carry you; however, you can find someone stronger than you to lend a helping hand. You’re not Superman! (Sorry to bust your bubble!)

Learn to lean. It’ll help you stand stronger.

Learn to release tears. They will wash your soul and help you to breathe deeper.

Learn to grieve. It’ll help your heart be real.

Learn to take a hand. It’ll help you to walk steady on that road to eternity.

Video is not mine. Simple YouTube search.

Video is not mine. Simple YouTube search.

Listen to both and be encouraged today. 💗

Be True to YOU!

/ The WheatandTares

I found this quote on Twitter awhile back, and it struck a chord within my soul. We hear so much today, in social media circles and in pop culture, about “being true to yourself,” or “being the ‘real’ me,” and while these statements have an element of truth, the real place of authenticity is found when you are true to the most healthy, healed and whole version of you.

Too often, we can get caught up in a popular trend or the peer pressures of life that we lose the authenticity of our soul. [yes, even adults can have “peer pressures!” It just comes in a little different, more subtle ways.😉] We start becoming something or someone we’re not simply to please the crowd or to fit into the environment in which we live, work, or “play.” Or we get so consumed in a past wound, trauma or tragedy that we cannot release the pain, and we become someone we were never meant to be.

Let me be clear, I am not trying to trivialize or make light of any trauma or heartbreak you have experienced. Believe me, I have plenty of my own. Yet, I believe in this day in age, with all the psychobabble and selfish outlook that too many “in power and spotlight” (celebrities, talkshows, politicians, even some therapists and teachers) give to those who follow, we have less people seeking healing and renewal of their minds and bodies than ever before. We have too many in our culture who make excuses for their pain and use a blaming, justification or gaslighting approach to life; so, they don’t have to “own up” to their own struggles and wrongs. They can simply hold someone else responsible for their own actions and words, and they never have to change.

This should not be, and it makes for a very sick, dysfunctional and perverse person and, eventually, will lead to a very wicked and evil society. If you are going to be “true to yourself,” then, why not be true to the best you you can be? Why settle for second best or broken or damaged? Why not take a risk, push a little harder and work toward getting help, healing and resolution to those wounded placed in your heart and soul? Why not work on discovering a new, healthy, healed, whole you?

Is it too much work? Not if you want better than you have right now. Is it too hard? Actually, that’s a decision only you can make. However, I can tell you this. If health and healing is your goal, you will discover more strength, along the way, than you ever thought or imagined possible! Once wholeness is between the goal posts of your life, it will give you a thirst for accomplishment that you didn’t know you could possess, and that thirst will be unquenchable until everything else is laid aside for the “win!”

This may sound like a funny comparison, but it’s like being a kid when your granny is cooking a chocolate cake (or whatever deliciousness is your favorite), and you come in when she’s on her second batch. So, the house is consumed with the yummy smells of the dessert, and she asks you if you want to lick the bowl/spoon. You get just a taste of that chocolatey goodness, and it becomes all you can think about. You can hardly wait until she pulls that cake out of the oven, lets it cool and tells you it’s ready to consume. You become so anxious and impatient that she finally kicks you out of the kitchen in fear you will just jerk that thing right out of the oven and hurt yourself! 😂

That’s exactly how it is when you commit to being “you” in the true, healed and whole sense. You get that taste of strength, of peace, of joy and of renewal, and you won’t want to go back to the broken, desperate and desolate being you once were! You’ll long for that wholeness and become so consumed with the possibility that nothing will keep you from it’s revelation!

Are you hungry yet??

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 (NIV)

“He makes me whole again, steering me off worn, hard paths to roads where truth andrighteousness echo His name.” Psalm 23:3 (The Voice Bible)

Learn to Dance

/ The WheatandTares

I saw this pic the other day, and please forgive me, it hit me all wrong. Yes, I do understand the concept. I do understand that everyone wants to not feel broken. I do understand that being happy and free feels so much better than being heartsick and broken beyond repair. I get it.

I’ve had my share of brokenness. I’ve had my share of broken dreams, broken promises, broken images, and broken foundations in my life. I’ve had more than my share of tears shed through the years. I’ve experienced more than some and not as much as others. Brokenness is not comfortable, enjoyable, or even a bearable element of my soul.

But I cannot embrace the cultural trend that forgetting from where I came makes me more joyous, more loose, more free to live. I refuse to welcome the notion that to obliterate my past makes me a better, more balanced, human being. I will not accept the propaganda that tells me “a forgotten past brings a brighter tomorrow.” (*chosen words before seeing similar quote online. No correlation or reflection. Unaware of that author, quote or beliefs.)

When someone is hiking up a mountain, forgetting from whence you came will only cause you to lose your way back down the trail. When someone goes on a long extended trip, obliterating the road map will only cause you to never return to home.

When someone tries to erase history, history is never truly erased. What has been has been, and there is no way to live as if it never existed. That is just pretending, and pretending just makes you as a child.

Being a child is wonderful while you are of a physically young age, but once you have crossed the threshold of maturity, that immaturity only makes you look like an ignorant fool. (…and yes, those can mean two very different things.) So then, you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the hard questions…

How old am I? How old should I be acting? Will I live my life in immaturity, ignorance and foolishness, or will I live in maturity, knowledge and wisdom? The choice is truly yours.

I choose to walk in integrity, maturity, wisdom and truth. I choose to embrace my past, my pain and my brokenness, even the shattered pieces that may always carry a shards of irreparable moments. I will carry on, even if I walk with a limp, and even if my scars are evident for all to see.

I choose to be full of joy. I choose to have peace. I choose to love and be loved. I choose to have life and give life.

Is it hard? Heck, yeah! Is it uncomfortable? Always. Telling you that’s it’s not would be returning to those childhood days of pretend and make believe. Life is so much better than the fairytales. Not because it never rains and not because there is no pain, but rather, because through the rain, I learn to dance, through the pain, I learn to sing.

And this song and dance is better than any mythical enchantment I could ever dream. This song and dance gives birth to a beautiful melody called life created by an unimaginable symphony of experiences and awakenings. Without these notes on the pages of my soul, I could never leave the legacy of song for my children, my friends, my family, for one who is ready whom I may never know.

So, I will choose to dance even when it’s raining and even though the storm brews darker. I will dance and sing, and sing some more, to bring a little memory of sunshine through the pain; so, the legacy will live ever more brightly for my children and those who are to come.

**Listen to this.

*I do not own nor possess this song, video or photos. These are all from simple Google search.

Be the Fire

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

No one said this life would be fair. No one said you’d always walk along a path of daisies and roses. Sometimes, life just stinks, and you have to live through the pain and agony it presents.

Sometimes, this life is going to be set on fire, and you’ve got to decide whether you’re going to grab a bucket and put out the flames , stand your ground and walk through the blaze, or lie down and become the ashes. The choice is yours, and no one can make that choice for you.

You can be destroyed in the fire, or you can allow it to refine you, strengthen you and teach you. If you decide to lie down and allow it to consume, you must know that your life may not be the only one that is devoured. There may be children, grandchildren, friends and family who are devoured. Often, we do not realize, we stand as a shield for those coming behind.

If you choose to walk through, the road may not be easy, and it may get hotter and more strenuous before it gets better, but there is One who promises you will not be diminished from the inferno.

His name is Jesus.

And He loves you.

With God by your side, the flames may lick at your being, and the temperatures may rise beyond comfortable, but YOU WILL MAKE IT. He will walk beside you. He will guide you, and when needed, He will carry you.

Give Him a chance. He will not disappoint. He is able. He is faithful. He is true, and His promises are unbreakable… inflammable… and even in-consumable.

When you choose to walk through the flames with Him, you become resilient to the wildfires. You become a pillar of stone that cannot be singed. You become the firefighter who rescues others from the flames.