Goodbyes to those who have caused pain can be all together freeing; yet, the grief will come in waves as the broken covenant becomes a reality.
It can be all together overwhelming.
Just because the decision to leave is right doesn’t mean it will be full of joy and laughter.
Just because the need to walk away is necessary doesn’t mean the path is smooth and easy.
It can be the hardest season of life.
And the loneliest.
Yet, never doubt the resolution to remove toxicity and never return to it simply because of the sharp agony of separation.
Cry the tears that must be shed.
Weep and wail.
Rant and rage.
Then, take a deep breath and exhale.
And know that through the grief, an inner strength will grow which will extend beyond the pain.
But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good,traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!
I read somewhere today this statement, and it’s such a great way to start the new year.
(Yeah, I know we’re 11 days in. I’ve been traveling, but I’m back! 🤣)
The statement was this:
Read this today, and it’s worth repeating: “You can either have a good life inspite of —— (the issue), or you can have a bad life because of —— (the issue). You choose.”
And there is more truth in these two sentences than I could possibly expound upon! Choices make who we are. Choices create who we become.
We are not victims. We are not helpless. We have a choice, and we need to start choosing, or we give the power to someone else.
Our society has become a victim mentality of “It’s your fault. It’s mama’s fault. It’s daddy’s fault I’ve become who I am. I just can’t help myself, and it’s someone else’s job to fix me and my situation!”
WHY??
Why should someone else fix you?
Why should someone else fix your circumstances?
You’ve got a brain. You’ve got legs. You’ve got abilities. If nothing else, your lungs are still breathing, and your heart is still beating. You’re not dead yet.
So, get up. Get moving. And make a change.
You might have to fight and claw your way out, but you can do this!! You can make it!!
Now, if you’ve stayed with me this far and read this much, I can assure you, there may be some who are offended. Some who cannot believe what I’m saying because after all, I don’t know you, and I don’t know your situation.
You’re right. I don’t know you. I don’t know your situation. And I don’t know you’re trauma or history. But I don’t have to.
I know my own. And I know my God. And that’s enough.
I have a family history full of sorrow, agony and pain. There was enough dysfunction in some places to write a book.
But the past is the past, and we must choose if we will remain in the mud and wallow in it, throwing it upon everyone who walks by to help us. Or do we climb out of that mud hole, by our fingernails, if we have to, and let change come?
It’s time to get out of the hole.
If you need help, then ask. If you need counseling, then find someone who will actually help. Don’t stay in a psychotherapy maze, where they take your money, and nothing ever changes. Find someone who has an endgame lined up for you. Find someone who cares enough to help you get better not just settling for status quo.
Move beyond that past and learn to forgive.
I know. That’s a trigger word. Why should you forgive when they’ve done the wrong?
Forgive because you deserve better. Forgive because it frees you not them. Forgive because that’s only way you can move forward and be strong.
And forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to walk back into the fire you escaped. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to step back into the arena where you were abused to return to the hell you got out of.
Forgiveness only means you take away their power to wound you again. Forgiveness means you remove their authority to bring harm.
So forgive today.
Choose life today.
And for goodness sake, choose to LIVE!!
I personally, I choose LIFE! I choose to LIVE! And I choose JESUS!! Because He’s the only One who gives goodness, joy, peace, redemption, faith and hope! … ie. the good life! ❤️
So for this new year of 2024, what are you choosing??
And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it moreabundantly.
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
I have a friend whose husband has just had his leg amputated this past week because of diabetic neuropathy. He was cracking pirate jokes the day after, and she was back in church worshipping on Sunday.
I have a friend whose husband travels extensively throughout the year as a lawyer who defends faith rights as she stays home with her littles, and she still offers a friendly hand, makes a phone call to the hurting, reaches out to the lonely.
I have a friend whose husband was shot in the line of duty, and she works hard to raise their fifth child while also sharing with others about her faith and the peace Jesus can bring in spite of pain, and she’s also working vigorously on her own degree in the study of law.
I have a friend whose wife died tragically in a car wreck, and the very week following her funeral, with tears still to shed, he got on a plane to fly to her hometown to preach the gospel and tell people about the Jesus that she desperately loved.
Each of these friends have heart wrenching stories with details that might break the next person. But each them stand in their faith and keep loving, keep reaching, keep grieving, and keep worshipping their Creator. I’ve watched some go through much less and blame God, walk away from Him and even curse Him.
And you might wonder what’s the difference. Or maybe look at them with criticism and scoff at their faith. Or maybe you gaze upon their path and wonder how in the world you could do the same.
But I’ll tell you what I admire most: their admiration of their King and their ability to do the hard with the deepest of grace.
Their adoration inspires me.
Their vigor admonishes me.
Their dedication and determination encourages me.
It’s not your circumstances that make you.
It’s what you do with those circumstances that makes the difference.
Choosing grace over anger creates an atmosphere of strength and fortitude that cannot be easily silenced.
Choosing faith over despair creates a contagious courage that cannot be ignored.
It doesn’t mean pain is not felt, and it doesn’t mean fear is not faced, but it is the warrior within who brings a peace to those following which cannot be shaken by what’s to come and is sought after as if for fine gold.
This is what ignites my admiration.
This is what sparks the flames of my praise.
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Sometimes, healing comes instantly, but more often than not, it’s a long and tedious process.
Just as it takes a broken limb weeks, even months to mend, the heart needs so much more.
We are emotional beings. We are thought-filled humans, and wounds are like a heavy broomstick lying atop a tangled web of cords.
You’re not going to move that stick without disturbing the cords. You can’t just grab it, swoop it up, and call it a day.
You’re gonna have to move slow.
You’re gonna have to breathe deep and exhale at a snail’s pace.
You’ve got to ensure the healing is there.
And sometimes, a tiny gesture, a simple word, a small memory can come crashing in to slam that stick back onto the pile and even twist it a good bit!
Slow down, one more time.
Breathe in deep, one more time.
Exhale slowly, one more time.
Now, go work on picking up that stick again, one more time.
You can do this hard.
It might be messy, excruciating and long, but I promise you:
The healing is worth it.
Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.
In the vast expanse of the Grand Canyon, one small tree branch can seem minuscule.
Just as my life can seem futile in the sense populate of the human race.
What can my life accomplish among so many?
How can my life make an impact within he density of the crowd?
And it would be so easy to stay tucked away in a hole, never reaching, never moving.
Yet, how is it with that little one by your side?
How is it with the coworker across the room?
How is it with the roommate on your hall
How is it with the ones surrounding you day to day?
If you quit, who will lead them?
If you let go, who will breathe life to them?
If you walk away, who will speak hope and truth?
That small branch on the side of the canyon might be the resting place for the weary, fluttering butterfly.
That small branch might be just the finishing touch for the next of a feathered friend.
The insignificance we feel might be just the highlighted reel of the one who can’t see tomorrow.
Don’t look out over the sphere and lose your way.
Look right in front of you, beside you and behind and reach.
Be hope. Be light. Be truth. Be life.
Another parable He put forth to them, saying: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and sowed in his field, which indeed is the least of all the seeds; but when it is grown it is greater than the herbs and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and nest in its branches.”
If you’re moving forward, there’s going to be pressing.
If you have no pressure, no pressing points which have become uncomfortable, you’re probably not developing.
Just as a flower has to break through the seed and push up through the ground, when you are going to bring about change, there has to be a breaking, a crushing, and finally, a breakthrough.
So, if life is heating up, and you’re feeling the weight of responsibilities and decision making deepening around you, stand strong and walk proud.
Not in conceit or arrogance. Only in humility and respect can you truly survive.
But if you’ll rise to the occasion, grasp the reigns of opportunity and ride it to probability, you can thrive under the constraints.
You can succeed under the strain.
And when you do, not only will the blooms be beautiful, but the impact on those around will be spectacular, too.
My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26
We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
So many live out their lives in fear. Reacting to failure. Reacting to pain. Reacting to violence. Reacting to disastrous times.
No precept. No plans. No purpose.
Only reaction upon reaction to circumstance, feelings and desire.
Not enough live their lives by sheer courage. Having courage is choosing to be equipped. Choosing to be intentional. Choosing to be in the moment. Choosing to make the right choices regardless of common ground.
Know preparation. Know purpose. Know peace.
Choosing to respond or not to respond. Speak or not to speak. But always thinking. Always alert. Always deliberate of the choice.
That’s courage.
It’s not having all confidence or even all knowledge. It’s never about being the strongest or having the most.
Courage is the choice to do right and to be right no matter who stands against you. No matter who discourages. No matter who disagrees.
Have courage today. Be different. Make a difference.
And you can change the world.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
John 1:9
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Dealing with trauma can be excruciating. And just as a wounded animal wants to lash out and wound anyone who would try to help, we as humans will also have a tendency to lash out and bring harm when we are hurting.
We will rear back and punch an honest bystander simply because she leans in to take a second look. We will react with violent anger because he offers a gentle hand. We will claw and bite when they surround and hover, only hoping to give a comforting word or a compassionate nod.
The pain we feel can be so deep and seem so lasting that it actually feels unfair to see a world who is unaffected by it.
The agony can be so debilitating that we feel justified in our knee-jerk reactions and spiteful words because after all, they can’t possibly understand all that we’ve endured.
But what does wounding another accomplish? It doesn’t remove the gash. It certainly never heals the scar. It only leaves those in our wake with their own needed recovery.
And the enemy of our soul celebrates the victory of our further demise. The demons that watched our first injury shout with glee as they observe our continual upheaval and destruction of another.
This is his goal. This is his ultimate objective.
Bring annihilation to all, not just one.
And bring it through the hands of the tortured who should rather be seeking to pour the healing balm.
So, recognize his tactics.
Become keenly aware of his ploys.
And vehemently reject his satisfaction.
Through the bleeding, learn to praise the One who gave you breath.
Through the brokenness, seek to pour the oil of mending on those who are the weakest.
Through the injustice, desire to be the wounded healer embracing instead of victimizing.
Work through the muck and mire to find His calm.
Extend your heart with all it’s shattered dreams to find His love.
And as you do, stretch yourself to find someone deeper in the pit than you have fallen and struggle to lift them up and pull them out.
When you do, you’ll find yourself conquering the enemy with your peace.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
My journey didn’t stop with mere time travel or writing; it led me to become one of the most sought-after empaths, a soulful psychic who reads the hidden depths of the human spirit. I’ve been blessed—or perhaps burdened—with an ability that allows me to feel the emotions of people from every corner of time.
I am a licensed psychologist based in Greece. My love for housekeeping has inspired me to create this blog about home management and family relationships. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!
Dedicated to movie nerdom, nostalgia, and escape. In the late 90s, I worked at Blockbuster Video where they let me take home two free movies a day. I caught up on the classics and reviewed theatrical releases for Denver 'burbs newspapers and magazines. Today, while raising two young, beautiful daughters with my amazing wife, I look forward to anything rated R and not Bluey. Comments and dialogue encouraged!
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