friends

Friend or Foe

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, it’s just hard to deal with certain humans.

If we’re being honest, you know it’s true.

Yet, just as it’s important to walk away from toxicity and dangerous relationships, it’s also important to be able to discern those who might be in a bad mood and those who are truly damaging.

And this distinction can truly make or break a leader.

Come to the wrong conclusion, and you can damage a relationship, a ministry, a group of people, and even a home.

Assume a friend is a foe, and you lose a covenant and companion for life.

Suppose a foe is a friend, and you may walk away wounded and scarred, or worse, you can find yourself enclosed in a cage of emotion.

Presume inaccurately on either side, and you can wound the most innocent among you.

Judge incorrectly, and the grace needed to make amends can sometimes be insurmountable.

So, step carefully and evaluate slowly.

Learn to recognize warning signs and decipher welcome flags.

Acknowledge personal hangups and triggers and work harder to overcome.

Create an atmosphere of curiosity and courage and allow for input from the older, wiser sages near you.

Open your heart wide and your ears and eyes even wider.

And above all, if you believe in the One who created you, pray and ask Him to guide, not only in the final decision but to the people who can help lead you in that direction.

A friend can be hidden from immediate view because the search is always an adventure.

A foe can be veiled from initial sight because the desire for communion is always a heart’s home.

Friend or foe, learning the difference is essential.

Open rebuke is better
Than love carefully concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Ointment and perfume delight the heart,
And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.

Proverbs 27:9

Small Southern Town

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

What do you love about where you live?

I love where I live because it’s beautiful, quaint, and comfortable. It’s also filled you all kinds of options. I’ve always been a “small town girl,” and while growing up, I always thought I’d live in the same small town forever, raising my kids and living in a “little white house with a little white picket fence.”

Well, God kinda had different plans for me. Since moving from my home town, I’ve lived in 2 states, 5 towns, and 1 city. I’ve gone to 3 schools, lived in 12 houses, and have been actively involved in 6 churches. And 3 of those towns have been while raising our sons. But each have been small towns, at least in the scale of metropolitan areas.

And truthfully, I’ve loved every town I’ve lived in. That’s just being content in where you are and who you’re with, but that’s another blog for another day.

So, you ask why I love where I live… it’s a small town that really has grown quite a bit since we moved here. However, we live on the outskirts of town, and we don’t normally deal with the busier side. Our city officials have taken great care to beautify the downtown, moderate what comes in and out, and worked hard to keep that “small town feel” to the area.

I love our church, the people, and the atmosphere of community and family. I love our neighborhood that is well kept, and the people are always friendly. I love that we’re located just minutes from the lake, a few more minutes from the mountains, and less than an hour from a major city. So, you can be anywhere you want within a short amount of time. And I love that we live in an area where people still long for togetherness and a sense of camaraderie among the (smaller) masses.

And I believe that’s what builds love for where you live. When it’s all about you and yours and competition, stress, strife, and success, I believe you loose that sense of community and forsake care and compassion for cutthroat self ambition and ego.

You don’t have to live in a small town to achieve this, but I think it helps. However, I’ve had friends who live living in a big city, and they have still accomplished this by creating a community of family, whether it be in their neighborhoods, churches, or workplace. Where it is doesn’t matter as much as with whom it is. If you are gathered together with likeminded people, accomplishing a common goal for a greater purpose, that sense of family and belonging will naturally arise.

So, what about you? What do you love about where you live?

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

Romans 12:15-18

Grudge Not

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Are you holding a grudge? About?

It’s almost funny, that the daily prompt today is asking if you’re holding a grudge, and my blog post earlier today was about forgiveness.

As they say, maybe great minds do think alike. Lol.

Do I hold a grudge? No. I’d have to say not because I’ve learned forgiveness is more important and more freeing than holding grudges that I could rightfully hold.

Yet, for some whose relationship has been effected by my distance and even my walking away, their narrative could be different. But sometimes, toxicity must be avoided at all costs. And that’s where the judgement begins.

But to hold a grudge means your intent will eventually be to bring harm. Holding a grudge has the intent of revenge. Holding a grudge has the motives of destruction.

Holding a grudge is rooted in the foundation of unforgiveness. Holding a grudge brings resentment and bitterness. Holding a grudge actually brings more harm to you than it does to those against whom the grudge is held.

That grudge will create a prison in which you’ll live if you’ll let it. That grudge will be the hot iron that you think you’re grasping in your hand, yet the longer you hold it, the more it burns your flesh and all those closest to you.

But if you’ll release that grudge, it’s like releasing the hot iron to go back into the fire from whence it came. And the release brings you more freedom than you could ever imagine.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31

Walking Through the Fire

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Talking with a friend the other day she said, “We’ve been walking through the fire together, haven’t we?” My first thought was my fire is a small kindled ember compared to her recent turmoil, but the statement brought with it two kindred hearts and souls.

A mentor of mine once said to me:

You always need someone ahead of you in the journey to help you navigate the next steps, as they’ve been there and can help to give wisdom, challenge, reproof, and strength.

You always need someone beside you on this passage of life to link arms with, to uplift, to cry together, and to fight together.

You always need someone coming behind you into whom you can pour love, encouragement, guidance, and provide some shelter from the storm.

If you find all three, you can count yourself blessed.

If you cherish and nurture all three, you will be a better person for it.

If you seek all three, you’ll find you will forget more about your own problems and become a wounded healer, helping others across the broken bridges and rocky roads of this life.

And you’ll be receiving healing, affirmation, and compassion in the meantime.

So that even if you’re walking through the fire, you have a sister (or brother, for you guys) spirit joined with you to share in the heat and pain.

I am eternally beholden to my fire walkers who are blazing the path before me, showing me it can be done.

I am so grateful for those who are fire starters for whom I am able to spread the ashes to give some respite.

And I’m especially thankful for those right now who’s feet are as scorched as mine.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:1b-3

Is She a Keeper?

/ The WheatandTares

Find that one who will be there when tough times come.

Find that one who will show up in the rain and ride the tide.

Find that one who will remain when everyone else walks out.

Find her or him, and don’t stop till you do.

Don’t settle for second best.

Don’t settle for leftovers.

Seek till you find and don’t rest till you do.

It’s worth it.

I promise.

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

John 15:13

Find Your Tribe

/ The WheatandTares

It has been said that you are the average of your five closest friends…

So, whose mission are you on?

And what’s your average?

Not everyone you meet is going to stay with you on the journey.

And not everyone you want to stay will do so.

Some may not be able to handle your load.

Others may not be able to carry their own.

And still others just aren’t going the same way you are.

Don’t grow angry with them and don’t hold it against them.

And by no means, beg them to stay.

Just gently, say goodbye and let them go their way.

They weren’t meant to travel along.

For if you demand they come along or stay too long,

They will hurt you, or you will wound them,

Or others will become damaged in the process.

Just let go.

Release them to be free.

You will be amazed at the freedom you will find.

Even if you have to shed tears as you move forward.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end.

Proverbs 29:11

Knee Deep Waters

/ The WheatandTares

There’s a song by Kathy Mattae, “Standing Knee Deep In A River.” She talks about friendships that we take for granted, and we let them slip on by.

As I grow older, I realize this is a hard truth that many of us either recognize early enough to rescue the few that may remain, or we acknowledge way too late that they’re already gone.

Friendships that are found to be easy and never have “a bump in the road,” a confrontation, or a season where questions arise if it’s really worth it to keep going, are truthfully, not those knee deep waters.

Knee deep water is when you can still jump around and splash, but one slip, and you’ll be under water fast.

Knee deep water is when you can still feel secure in your footing, but let the current get a little faster, and that footing will be tested and reevaluated.

Knee deep water is when you can choose to go a little deeper, explore a little more, or you can choose to step back in the shallow, safer waters and not take the risk.

Knee deep waters is when real friendships learn to survive.

Friendships that are made to last will be found more valuable and cherished when those waters rise.

What kind of friendships are you keeping today?

It might be one that will be a lifeline to your survival tomorrow…

A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

Be You, Not Them

/ The WheatandTares

There is such a push in modern culture to do the same things, wear the same things.

There is such a demand to be the same as everyone else, compare and correlate.

If you are a follower of Christ, He never designed for this pattern.

Look at His disciples. Look at His creation.

Peter and John seemed to be polar opposites.

Snowflakes and raindrops are never identical.

He called you to be you, tempered by His Spirit, molded by His Son.

Find yourself in His design. Find yourself in His plan.

You’ll be amazed at what you discover.

You’ll be overwhelmed by what you reclaim.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Romans 12:2

For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:1

Friday Fun Day

/ The WheatandTares / 9 Comments

Sometimes, it’s not even a Friday, but you just need a FUN DAY!!

Yet today IS Friday; so, you have double the excuses!

Forget your troubles today like those belated cards.

Let all the worries float away like a beautiful balloon.

Set a fire to your passions like those melting candles.

Grab your love by the hand and make a wish.

Go have a Friday Fun Day today!!

Friday Fun Day

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

A little late, but done anyway…😂

Friday Fun Day came a day late this week as I battled not feeling well throughout the days, and then, our oldest asked me to take him and his little crew of friends to the mountains yesterday.

Oh what a beautiful day to end a dreary, rainy, sickness filled week.

Sometimes, things don’t happen in the timeline we’d prefer, but nevertheless, don’t let that stop the fun!

If you didn’t get your Friday Fun Day this week, you’ve still got time. Get out and smell the roses. Chase a waterfall. Soak up some sun.

Take a deep breath and breathe it all in.

Remember:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. (Author unknown)

Go have a Friday Fun Day even on Sunday! 😊