friendship

What’s Your Angle?

/ The WheatandTares
How do you like that? Even little Judy there's got an angle going.
(This is a small video clip. Just click to hear sound.😉)

This little clip from White Christmas is so revealing for many of us. If you live your life a skeptic or a bit of an “investigator,” this phrase makes perfect sense, because you already search for the angle in every person you meet. If you live your life as an ostrich or a small child, you may not comprehend it because you don’t look past the simple words someone uses or you completely ignore innuendos as a self preservation technique.

Either approach you take in life, many times, we ourselves as well as others have an angle for what we say and do. We may be protecting ourselves from further pain, or we may be in attack mode and looking for every opportunity to fight. But we all approach life with an Angel or looking for someone else’s.

So, what do we do about that? Do we live out everyday angry, reading into, and often misreading the other person’s responses, continually in strife for every hour of the day? Or do we turn a blind eye to every whim and wind coming from the direction of a person and just ignore any possibility of malice, believing as if we live in a Pollyanna World where we are all innocent and nothing could ever be evil or vile?

I say NO to both these extremes. I say Get your trauma healed; so, you can live effectively in this world and go out and help another. I say Get your head out of the sand; grow up, and realize there is evil all around, but we get to choose to what we listen, to whom we interact, and to how we react.

If we live out lives by choices than we take responsibility, recognize failures and celebrate successes. Stop being a victim! And stop being an antagonist! There’s a better life out there for all of us!

There is wisdom in reading, gaining knowledge and asking good questions to help yourself heal. There is wisdom in gathering around ing good people who look out for you, defend you and protect you. There is wisdom in submitting yourself to a process of growth, to a challenge of change and to a hierarchy of those who will look at you and say, “You’re reacting with an angle. Stop it.”

So, get honest with YOU. Fo some deep soul searching today. Figure out your angle and why it’s there. And go get you some accountability to make yourself better than you are today.

Or not. And continue to live your life in the mud hole of brokenness, angst, confusion and failure.

It’s your choice. 😉

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Joshua 24:15

Walking Through the Fire

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Talking with a friend the other day she said, “We’ve been walking through the fire together, haven’t we?” My first thought was my fire is a small kindled ember compared to her recent turmoil, but the statement brought with it two kindred hearts and souls.

A mentor of mine once said to me:

You always need someone ahead of you in the journey to help you navigate the next steps, as they’ve been there and can help to give wisdom, challenge, reproof, and strength.

You always need someone beside you on this passage of life to link arms with, to uplift, to cry together, and to fight together.

You always need someone coming behind you into whom you can pour love, encouragement, guidance, and provide some shelter from the storm.

If you find all three, you can count yourself blessed.

If you cherish and nurture all three, you will be a better person for it.

If you seek all three, you’ll find you will forget more about your own problems and become a wounded healer, helping others across the broken bridges and rocky roads of this life.

And you’ll be receiving healing, affirmation, and compassion in the meantime.

So that even if you’re walking through the fire, you have a sister (or brother, for you guys) spirit joined with you to share in the heat and pain.

I am eternally beholden to my fire walkers who are blazing the path before me, showing me it can be done.

I am so grateful for those who are fire starters for whom I am able to spread the ashes to give some respite.

And I’m especially thankful for those right now who’s feet are as scorched as mine.

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:1b-3

Funny Friday

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

The Loves of My Life

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Who do you spend the most time with?

I spend the majority of my time with the loves of my life: my husband and our two sons.

We have the most fun together, either all together, individually, or even broken up into pairs.

We love to travel, or hike, or to take a road trip, or take a walk, or go shopping, or find a great restaurant, or maybe just sit for a spell, telling stories, pondering the mysteries of God, comparing notes on the Lord of the Rings, or simply hanging out doing nothing at all.

Just being together is what counts. And although, each of us are so very different from the other, we’ve always been a very tight knit family. But as they grow, those days are coming to change very soon.

And my heart gets a bit sad every time I think about it.

Yet, I know it is meant to be, and I know it’s bittersweet.

It is meant to be because every parent wants their child to always be moving forward in life, never crippled, never wounded, or just stuck in one phase.

It is meant to be because every parent wants to see their children flourish, succeed, and fly like an eagle into their adult life, learning, growing and soaring into his own.

It is exciting because we want them to be strong men, independent, and confident in who they each are called to be. We raised them this way, and they are boldly approaching the goal.

It is exciting because we want to see them explore and experience all the thrills, all the joys, we once did and so much more.

It is bittersweet because I know as these days draw closer, they will fly; they will flourish, and one day, they will find the girl of their dreams. Then, they will begin their own families, their own lives.

It is bittersweet because this mama’s heart will miss them so and long for one more hug, another spontaneous, late night chat, an unexpected trip to the store “just to get a few things” and have some extra individual time together.

It is heartwarming because as you realize they’ve got what it takes to make it, and not just to survive but to thrive, you realize they really did hear you. They really did receive.

It is heartwarming because you know the two of you, husband and wife, now will have a rediscovery of each other. You’ll have opportunities for time renewed that has been shared for decades, and now, it’s just the two of you.

Yes, it is meant to be, and it is bittersweet.

And yet, it is both exciting and heartwarming.

Change is coming, and it’s coming so fast.

It will be upon us before I am truly ready.

So for now, I will be present in the moment.

I will cherish the past and look expectantly toward the future.

But I will continue to savor my overspent time with my loves right here, right now.

And I will continue spending my most valuable moments with the loves of my life.

For this is where I long to be most, second only to being by my Savior’s side. But that story will be saved for another day’s writing…

Right now, I’m going to get back to where I love to spend most of my time…❤️

Your Tribe

/ The WheatandTares

There’s not a whole lot to add to this statement.

Just know your tribe and embrace them.

You may not all be exactly the same,

But if you’re going in the same direction,

And your focus is similar,

And your destination is the same,

You will get there together,

And you’ll be stronger and better for it.

Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind.

Philippians 1:1-2

Is She a Keeper?

/ The WheatandTares

Find that one who will be there when tough times come.

Find that one who will show up in the rain and ride the tide.

Find that one who will remain when everyone else walks out.

Find her or him, and don’t stop till you do.

Don’t settle for second best.

Don’t settle for leftovers.

Seek till you find and don’t rest till you do.

It’s worth it.

I promise.

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.

John 15:13

Find Your Tribe

/ The WheatandTares

It has been said that you are the average of your five closest friends…

So, whose mission are you on?

And what’s your average?

Not everyone you meet is going to stay with you on the journey.

And not everyone you want to stay will do so.

Some may not be able to handle your load.

Others may not be able to carry their own.

And still others just aren’t going the same way you are.

Don’t grow angry with them and don’t hold it against them.

And by no means, beg them to stay.

Just gently, say goodbye and let them go their way.

They weren’t meant to travel along.

For if you demand they come along or stay too long,

They will hurt you, or you will wound them,

Or others will become damaged in the process.

Just let go.

Release them to be free.

You will be amazed at the freedom you will find.

Even if you have to shed tears as you move forward.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross,scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Fools give full vent to their rage,
but the wise bring calm in the end.

Proverbs 29:11

Be the Hero That You Are

/ The WheatandTares

Stand up.

Stand tall.

Stand proud.

You mean something to someone.

And you can make a difference!

Seize the moment.

Be present.

Love, guide, confront, guide and nurture.

Reach a life to change a life.

You can do this.

Because there’s a hero inside of you just waiting to fly.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

What does it mean to be Tempered??

/ The WheatandTares

Being in the church culture these days, I hear much said about what a Christian should or shouldn’t say, how a Christian should or shouldn’t respond.

There’s always a new vantage point, a new opinion they needs to be heard, and typically, there will be two or three in oration at various times, even if these are in opposition to one another.

So, who is right and who is wrong?

Who are we to listen to?

Who are we to follow?

Well, for Jesus followers, the answer is abundantly clear, or at least, it would be argued that it “should be.”

Yet, even in the Church Body, there are varying opinions, beliefs and denominations that cause us all to land at various points of standards concerning any one given “biblical rule.”

So again, who is right and who is wrong?

Who are we to listen to?

Who are we to follow?

We definitely need to start in the Word of God. If you claim to be a Jesus follower, that truly should be your book of preference for daily living and lifestyle.

And then, we definitely should start with the life of Christ. If He’s your main guy, then mirroring His examples will definitely be helpful.

And finally, starting with the specific things God loves (there are seven actually listed in specificity), and maybe the greatest commandments of which Jesus Himself spoke might be great beginning.

By the time I do these three suggestions to their fullness, it’s usually bedtime, and I don’t have a lot more time to add more opinions or fingers to point toward all the things everyone might be getting wrong.

Maybe we should all take a step back and begin again.

Maybe we should all take a moment in front of the mirror and take a really long, hard look inside.

Maybe we should grab His love letter to us and begin reading for what it has for US and to convince US instead of all it doesn’t have for THEM and has to condemn THEM.

And maybe, just maybe, by the time we do these three things, we will have given enough time for Him to begin to change us from the inside out.

And then, maybe there will begin to be a whole lot less wrong AMONG US, and we can become a whole lot more effective FOR HIM…

But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lordyour God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Matthew 22:34-40

And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Matthew 7:3-5

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

Matthew 7:15-20

Friendships Worth Keeping

/ The WheatandTares

Sometimes, we hang onto friendships that are so shallow, they are never beneficial in the difficult season of life.

Sometimes, we keep close those friends who are fun and exciting, but the depth to their soul leaves a gaping hole in our tragic moments.

Sometimes, we nurture the relationships that are too toxic, worrisome or meaningless and we let the truthful, deep and most important ones slip through our fingers like grains of sand.

Take a minute today to look around you.

Reevaluate. Take a deeper glance.

See who’s there and who needs to be.

Cherish those who will walk through fire with you.

Treasure those who will pull you out of the fire.

And chase after those who are carrying the torched lamp into your darkness when you can’t see.

Don’t let them get out of your sight.

A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17