What’s Inside?

  
When you’re upset, you upset what’s really in you. -Ann Voskamp

You’ve heard it said, “When you spill the glass, you see what’s inside.” If sweet tea is inside, you see tea, and if it’s sour milk, you surely don’t get sweet tea! 😉 This is so true for each of us. No matter how pretty of a face we paint on, no matter how many smiles we flash, if our character is ugly, when pressures come, (and they will!) ugly is what will come out! 

In the moments of stress, it’s never a matter of what we know, who we know, or even what we’ve learned. It’s a matter of what we’ve allowed inside our hearts, what we’ve processed and what we’ve consumed. What is within our hearts is what is brought to the surface when we face hard times. 

I long for good to flow when I’m spilled out. I don’t like sour milk, never have; yet, when pressures arise, sometimes, sour is all that’s left. It gets messy. I long for purity. I long for less mess, and I’m really working on this; I truly am. 

Yet, I have found that it’s not a matter of the mind. You can’t just make yourself act better. You can’t just decide in your mind, “Ok, today will be different. No more spills. No more sour milk. Today, I shall be on a better course. I shall be better!” No, it’s not just a simple making up of the mind, and all is well. It’s a matter of the heart, and, oh, how that heart can be so stubborn sometimes…

I can determine in my mind that I will not doubt. I will not grow angry. I will not be afraid. I can convince myself that this time will be different. I will be different; however, if I’ve only convinced my mind, and I’ve not dealt with my heart, that heart will rebel. That heart will even revolt. When the heat of the moment comes, and my guard is let down, that heart will adamantly revert back to its comfort zone of fear, doubt, anger, or whatever emotion consumes it at the time. 

You see, the heart holds all the wounds, all the pain and all the joy. The heart is full of all the emotion, all the wonder, all fear. When troubles come, it’s really the heart that speaks, and this is why it is always a matter of that stubborn heart which determines what will spill out. 

This is why Jesus longs to rule our hearts. If He can hold our hearts, He can change our mind. He can transform our will. He can even change the world. If He can have our hearts surrendered to His will, He can consume our whole being. 

If we want the inside to be purified, to be empty of the mess, to be as pretty as the outside we paint, we must lend Him our hearts. We must surrender our emotions, our pains, our wounds. We must allow His living waters to wash over our hearts. We must let Him heal us from the inside out, and then, we won’t have to worry when the glass is spilt. There will be no sour to pour. It will only be full of fresh, living water, flowing from His heart to ours, and out to the world. 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” Matthew 23:27-28


**Note: I did not take picture, nor do not I own picture. Simply taken from google search. 

My Deepest Me

I heard a song the other day with this line in it: 

“You met me in my deepest Me… Grace met me there”

It made me ponder that thought for awhile
Me…that’s who I am. 
I’m not you. I’m not her. I’m definitely not him. 
I’m not that wife, that mom, that dr, or that waitress 
I’m not your mom (except JGrizz’s and JMan’s!), your sister or your aunt 
I’m just Me…that’s who I am. 

Me…it’s not always a pretty place 
Sure, I can paint on a pretty smile and fix my hair just right
I can put on a nice suit and pull myself together just the way I should 
I can say sweet words and shake hands and give you a great big hug if you need it

But I sure can snap at my kids early on a Sunday morning when I’m running late
I can battle thoughts of jealousy, selfishness and just plain rudeness sometimes. 
I can be unkind to my husband, envious of the times someone might need his attention when I really need to talk to him 
Me…can be a not so gracious place
Me…can be a deep, dark, sometimes even stinky place 

I can be grouchy. I can be angry. I can be rude, sharp and even hostile. 
I can be unkind, unreliable and unfriendly. 
I can even be lazy, forgetful and unforgiving. 
Me…it’s not always a place I enjoy to be. 
Me…it’s not always a person I like to see. 
But I have found, He always meets me in the deepest of Me
He always meets me in the deepest places where others won’t brave the approach 
He always surrounds me in the darkest moments of my soul when I wonder and doubt if He’s even there
He always consumes my heart to remind me that no matter what I’ve done He still cares. 

Because when I’m Me..
He can heal
He can restore
He can bind
He can refine
When I’m Me…
He can purify
He can cleanse
He can redeem
He can transform what is seen

You see, when I’m Me, My flesh is too much for my world to handle. 
This is not a good thing, as some would presume.
Because left to me, I will die. 
I will destroy and I will reek havoc on the lives I encounter. 
Yet, left to Him…
He can reach
He can save 
He can heal

 
He will never falter. 



Fallen and Uprooted

You have fallen

You have been uprooted

Now your branches remain lifeless

Your leaves are withered and brown

All because your roots did not remain

You allowed the cares to pluck the life and hope from your veins

Yours is not the only life that is suffering

The small saplings that were beneath your nest

Their tender sprouts are now withered and splintered

Seemingly beyond repair, beyond any hope

The winter is coming, how will they ever survive

Your shelter is no longer useful, exposing them to the bitterness

But God…

He is the Author and Finisher of all life

He is the Beginning and the End

He is the hope beyond all hope

He can bring life where we only see death

He is coming, walking near your demise

Will you turn toward His gaze?

Will you call to Him not shielding the pain?

He is loving, true and kind

He will mend and heal, repair and bind

He can make all things new if you will but send them

Come yourself to realign

God is…

Author, Finisher, Alpha, Omega

Beginning and the End

Rose of Sharon, Lily of the Valley

Prince of Peace, King of Kings

Lamb of God, Lord of Everything

Will you come?

I hear Him drawing near

He is gently calling your name

Wednesday’s Ode #10

Since today marks my 10th Wednesday’s Ode, I’d like to dedicate this one to YOU. Without your desire to read my odes and my blogs, without your encouragement and enthusiasm along the way, these wouldn’t really have much of a point, except to maybe fulfill my own inner need to write and express through those words…

So, today, I say, “Thank You” to all of you who follow these posts and for all who are just now finding my blog. It really means a lot that you would take time out of your busy schedule to read something I’ve written down, and you’ll probably never truly know how deeply you’ve touched my heart.

With this in mind, I have to give my highest praise and tribute to my God who has read every single word and knows every single syllable before it’s even formed on my heart. Through these moments, here on this blog, He has chosen to breathe on me, inspire me, and even heal me through the “pen and paper” in my hand. So, I say, “Thank You, Lord,” for all You’ve done, all You’re doing, and all that You’re going to do!

I am humbled, and I am grateful. Words don’t seem quite adequate to describe. My heart is full. Thank you all. ❤

Hidden Within

Tears fall in the night

Smiles shine in the morning bright

Weary souls hide in the light

Broken hearts stand with all their might


Shadows linger where they don’t belong

Children flinch from being done wrong

Little hands clinch to remain strong 

Tiny whispers dark are like a song

When will this pain ever end
Can His love really bring a mend
Will to Him your heart bend
His Son, grace deep, He did send
For only you, he loved so much
For this sin, He suffered such
To some, this faith seems a crutch
To me, this love my life will clutch
PENNED – MG – 4/14/15
 

Have and Hold Forever

2015/01/img_2684.png
I’m not sure a mother’s heart ever lets go of her child, neither through age nor death.  That mother’s love is tangled up with that child from the moment she realizes she’s pregnant, or at least, very quickly thereafter, and it seems to remain a tangled mess for the rest of her life!

Now, I know, I speak as a mom who deeply loves and adores her children. Some moms are just too wounded to see past their pain, and others are so angry, they can’t see beyond the rage to the tender hearts within their grasp. Still others, they have become so narcissistic, they cannot see anything but their own ambitions and desires; so, please, know that my reference in this post has nothing to do with those types of mothers. Those moms need some desperate help before they destroy the precious seed which they have been given to nurture and provide sweet tender care for the next 18-20 years of their life. No, I’ll be referring to the moms out there, who, regardless of their human faults and failures, seek to do right by their child and work hard to imagine for, provide for and propel that child into greatness beyond what she, personally, might have been.

When you’re this kind of mother, you just want to hug them and hold them forever. You want to shelter that little heart from ever feeling any brokenness, pain and even disappointment. You want to protect that small mind from any wayward thought, evil deed or malice intent. You want to shield those tiny little eyes from all the sin, violence and everything not pleasant. You want to provide a refuge, a safe haven in which they can rest for the entirety of their life.

Yet, just as an eagle will cripple her eaglet if she refuses to start pulling the feathers from the nest, each of us will fatally cripple our children if we refuse to let them grow, learn, and yes, even experience pain and disappointment from time to time. We must allow them to spread their wings and learn to fly, or they will remain paralyzed in that nest for the rest of their lives, only to crawl to a miserable death, a death of dreams, opportunities, potential and life itself. We must allow them to fly!

Flight can be such a scary thing, especially when they are so young, so inexperienced, so fragile. Flight can challenge them to dream, to push beyond the limits, to test their own abilities. Have you ever watched a baby barnacle goose learn to fly? If not, you should look it up sometime (you can click hereto watch). …well, maybe, if you have the heart for it. I almost didn’t.
[*please note: this is a very intense, heart-wrenching, yet, very real, short film.]

The first time I saw this video, I almost busted into tears! The tiny, downy-feathered gosling was far up in the nest, high above the rocky cliffs below. It was several hundred feet up, I’m sure. He climbs out of the nest and begins to fall. I almost stuck my hands out, trying to catch him, before I remembered it was simply a video, and there was nothing I could do. The baby keeps falling and falling, crying out the whole time; then, he “bumps” the rocks on his way down. Then he bumps it again and again. Then he smacks the rocks at the very bottom. I was sure the little precious thing was dead! After he laid there a few seconds, I felt certain he was a goner.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as, I truly believed, I had just witnessed the death of this barnacle gosling. I began to wonder what idiot had made this video with no prior warning for viewers like me! To my surprise and relief, the parents waddled over to where the baby was and waited patiently as the little guy slowly lifted his head and waddled up to them for comfort and moral support. I could not believe he had made it!

Has parenting ever felt like this? If you haven’t experienced this type of worry, frustration and fear, just hold on, and keep on living. The time may come when your little one jumps out of that nest and “plummets” to the bottom of the ravine! You may have to watch them as they “free fall” through their temptations and vices, seeming to race to certain death. If you will cover them in sincere prayer, now and throughout it all, God will hear your cry. If you will train them up now in the faith of God, they will make it!

Depending on their personal venture, their own response to it, and their surrender to God throughout it, they may come through with a few bumps, bruises and , yes, maybe even scars, but they will survive. If they don’t have the grace of God to cushion their fall, the sharp and jagged rock of life will surely damage them beyond repair. Yet, if they have the Word of truth, the sword of the Spirit, and the shield of faith, they can face whatever may come, and God will protect them. He is the best covering they can have!

As a protective mother, I’d prefer they never had to make that leap. As loving moms, we’d prefer that child to just stay safe and secure within our grasps so that no harm or danger ever come near them. Yet, we know if we continue to shelter them through the hardships of life, it doesn’t make them stronger. It only weakens them for the journey that, one day, they will be traveling apart from us.

They need the challenge. They need the flight training, and they need the faith to soar. It is our job to instill within them the knowledge and understanding of that faith. It is our responsibility to help them see the great big world before them and know the pitfalls that will try to trap them. It is our commission to pray endlessly for their journey and for their flight. It is our right to shelter, protect, love and support them until the time comes that they must fly, but fly they must. If they don’t, they will die. Their dreams will die, and their destiny will be lost.

So, go ahead, momma. Hold that baby tight. Strengthen his wings and help him to stand. Deepen her faith and teach her to flap those wings, preparing for flight. When the time is right, they will soar to new heights. They will fly to distant lands, and they will take a part of you with them as you stand there holding a piece of their heart within your hands.

2015/01/img_3088.png

My Heart Says

I step out on faith, and I feel the whirlwind.

The gusts attempt to break my tired feet.

My anger tempts me to turn and not to bend,

But my heart says not to give in to the defeat.

I walk on not knowing where this will go;

This storm rages all around my weary head.

My sin tempts me to rebel so You will not know,

But my heart says to remember what You have said.

I run into Your loving arms, still fearing all Your wrath;

The rains are pouring down now on top of me.

My fears tempt me to put on this shiny mask,

But my heart says to uncover and allow You to see.

I stand in the great shadow of Your grace;

These clouds are cleansing from within me now.

My heart tempts me to hide my prideful face,

But my heart says to You only will I bow.

Penned – MG – 8/1/99

Our Love

IMG_8149.JPG

Love is, in life, such a precious part.

It is so fragile;

You could easily break my heart.

Yet love is so strong;

My love for you will never part.

Love will allow me not to turn away

Wherever God may lead us.

It will cause me to stay

Through joy and through pain.

Love will teach us strength;

Through heartache, we will gain.

Love will keep you close in spirit, body and mind.

Even if tomorrow you leave this world,

In my heart, our love I will always find.

So trust me with your heart, for I will tenderly take care.

Now, I give you mine to love and to cherish for the rest of our days.

If you will only love me, to Him we will give our hearts alone to bear.

Penned – MG – 9/93

The Storm

IMG_8101.JPG

The storm rages within my heart.

The anger is building. I only want to scream.

Lord, please do not let this become sin.

These clouds of pain threaten to overcome.

My heart is broken in two. Despair only wants to fill.

Lord, please do not let this fail to mend.

The winds of distance blow all over me.

The grief is suffocating. I only want to die.

Lord, please do not let this hate to contend.

The light of grace shines down to me.

The love is blinding. I only want to change.

Lord, please do not let this peace to grow dim.

The skies of joy are now all I see.

My heart is mended. Faith only wants to grow.

Lord, please do not let this happiness to ever end.

Penned – MG – 8/1/99

Bleeding Heart

           My heart is bleeding from the violence I see.

                 Babies are crying; mothers lying in the streets.

                    Children are running; men fighting their way through.

                       My body is aching from the violence I see.

                          Women are screaming; lovers denying their peace.

                             Fathers are falling; teens pleading for their release.

 

                              My heart is bleeding from this violence I see.

                                       Sisters shrieking; infants dying in the womb.

                                          Brothers are climbing, elders yearning no more to be.

                                             My soul is aching from this violence I see.

                                                Grandfathers are groaning; toddlers crippled by the brew.

                                                   Grandmothers are stumbling; guardians shielding not the least.

 

                                       My heart is bleeding from this violence I see.

Penned – 10/26/03 – MG