leadership

Crying Over Spilt Milk (or coffee!)

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

We were sitting at the local Italian restaurant with a group of young people. We’d come straight from church, still dressed in our “Sunday Best.” And I’d been bragging about this delicious dessert coffee they have, essentially made up of chocolate and strong coffee. (SO good!)

We’d ordered and asked for the server to put all five in to-go cups because we all had places to go, things to do, and that in and of itself was a wise decision, as it took such a long time for the coffees to arrive and the check to be tallied. So, our servers passed out the drinks, and I’m quick to insert my straw to assess if it had been made “just right.” After all, I’d told everyone how wonderfully delicious these beverages were, and I didn’t want to be wrong because maybe someone in the back failed to mix them correctly.

I grab my straw and pop it into the whipped-cream- created-domed plastic lid and picked up the cup to take a sip. It was like a volcano had erupted! It spewed all over my mouth, down my shirt (inside and out) and onto my freshly dry cleaned suit pants!! 😳😳🤦‍♀️ How seriously embarrassing! Especially for me, when I’d prefer to keep all spotlight shined in the opposite direction of my moment.

The girls, circling my center of the table seating arrangement, immediately were concerned for my welfare. “Are you ok?? … That didn’t burn you, did it? … Oh no, it got on your pretty suit!” All eyes were on me, and I surely would rather have simply crawled under the table. And then, as I was trying to reassure everyone I am alright and to hopefully encourage them to just ignore me and carry on with their conversations, one young lady sweetly said, “Well, at least it just looks like it blends into your shirt!”

Immediately recognizing the reality of her statement, alongside the camaraderie of understanding between us, we shared a burst of laughter together, and the embarrassing moment seemed to fade away into the next conversation at hand. This little lady, young enough to be my daughter, spoke something out of the authenticity and gentleness of her heart that brought such a calm to my frantic flutter of trying to clean up the mess…

As messy and chaotic as this moment is, at least it blends into your shirt (blue and brown tie-dye). As potentially ruining as that chocolate might be, at least it is camouflaged by the artist design of your shirt. As disastrous as this moment feels, both to your emotions and your outfit, there’s no need to worry about it. Just roll with the punches and fix it when you get home.

And it made me think, this is the same responses we get to choose in life. No matter if it’s chocolate coffee splattered all over my shirt and suit pants, or whether it’s a broken promise, shattered dreams, or a feared diagnosis, how we respond determines the next season of our life.

Choice is a beautiful thing, and we each get to choose how we will reciprocate those hard moments.

How do you respond when the milk gets spilled at breakfast? How do you speak when it not only begins to rain, but it pours a torrential downspout, and your umbrella has a hole in it? How do you look when someone blatantly cuts you to the core with betrayal? How do you show your hand when all the beauty of life seems to be swallowed up in a brush fire, and no one even appears to give a thought or a care?

I know. It’s just sticky, dark stained, chocolate coffee on my shirt. It’s just solidified sugar seeped into my pantsuit that may or may not come out with a little scrub. It’s just another high dollar dry cleaning bill that I don’t really want to spend this week. But is it only that?

Maybe we can step back and reassess for a moment…

Had I responded with shock and anger, how would that have made my dinner guests feel about the wonderful lunch we were having? Had I thrown my napkin down in a tantrum, cried out, or even lamented sorrowfully to the server that he had filled the cup so much?

After all, he’d ingeniously and unknowingly created a pressure cooker inside that 16oz styrofoam cup! What kind of impression would I have given, what kind of example would I have been placing in front of all those present?

Instead I chose to laugh. Instead I chose to try to mop up the liquid just as quickly and efficiently as I could. I tried to discreetly walk away to the restroom to assure I found all the spots and dabbed a little water droplets to help battle the stains. I returned to the table and carried on as if nothing had gone wrong.

And everyone texted later that they had a delightful time.

A merry heart does good, like medicine,
But a broken spirit dries the bones.

Proverbs 17:22

You Lead. You Influence

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Do you see yourself as a leader?

John C. Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence.” So, when the question is posed, “Do you see yourself as a leader?”, the answer for all of us should actually be, “Yes.”

The question should rather be, “Who are you leading?” And “Where are you leading them?”

If you are like me, and you call yourself a Christian, we should be leading others to Christ. Not to a religion. Not to church. Not to a “feel better” lifestyle. Not to a program or to a group of people. But we should be leading others to a relationship with Jesus.

All of those other things might come with the territory, and if we truly have a relationship with Jesus and actually read His Word, many of those things will fall into line. But the relationship is where it’s at. And if you have that relationship, you will have influence. And if you have influence, per John Maxwell, you will be a leader.

And even if you don’t claim Jesus as your Savior, or maybe you declare you’re not into “all that religious stuff,” you’ll still be leading someone somewhere. And again, I’ll insert the question, “Where are you leading them?”

If you have no leader yourself, and you have no foundation of truth, than your path will be quite a crooked one. And in this modern age, a crooked path can simply be foolish and quite frankly, dangerous. For there are buyers for your soul on every street corner, both physically and metaphorically. And typically, the highest bidder will win.

But at what cost? And are you willing to gamble your life upon it? Or better yet, are you willing to gamble with the most innocent among you? Or maybe even better to ask, what about the ones you love the most? Are they worth the precarious journey in your lack of leadership?

Whether you decide to choose or not, it will be decided. Refusal to answer is still an answer, and it will still bring consequences.

So, choose, my friend.

And lead on.

I pray you will choose and lead well.

Be Like Joan

/ The WheatandTares

Life is hard.

Surviving can be a struggle.

Take it on like a champ.

You were born for this.

Don’t be afraid.

Don’t hesitate.

Do not fear.

March on.

When you fall, get back up.

When you’re wounded, bandage it.

Shake of the pain and move forward.

You can do this.

You were made for this.

And bonus: when you’ve walked through the fire, and you’ve slain your dragon, there are those following.

And they need your victory.

So, be like Joan. Be not afraid.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Be the Hero That You Are

/ The WheatandTares

Stand up.

Stand tall.

Stand proud.

You mean something to someone.

And you can make a difference!

Seize the moment.

Be present.

Love, guide, confront, guide and nurture.

Reach a life to change a life.

You can do this.

Because there’s a hero inside of you just waiting to fly.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

Being an Effective Leader

/ The WheatandTares

To be an effective leader, you’ve got to have the temperament of both a lion and a lamb.

If you are only portrayed as a lion, you will be fierce, fearless and free.

But you can also be too sharp, intimidating and terrifying.

If you are only portrayed as a lamb, you will be calm, cautious and caring.

But you can also be too hesitant, timid and fragile.

Oh. But to have a beautiful balance of both characteristics of the lion and the lamb, you will be effective, encouraging and excellent.

Boldness without love turns to arrogance.

Courage without caution turns to recklessness.

Freedom without awareness (of others) turns to abuse and neglect.

Let’s be the leaders we were meant to be.

And if we are Christians, let’s simply follow the example our God set before us of being both the Lion and the Lamb.

But one of the elders said to me, “Do not weep. Behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the scroll and to loose its seven seals.”

Revelation 5:5

And looking at Jesus as He walked, he said, “Behold the Lamb of God!”

John 1:36

Be Resilient Like a Chicken Nugget

/ The WheatandTares / 3 Comments

Friends and I were laughing as one shared the hilarious story of “slinging food” at her children on a Wednesday night on the way to church, because as a school teacher, she leaves school at 4:45, goes down the road to pick up child #4 drives across town to pick up her other day three children and husband from home, drives through fast food to get everyone chicken nuggets and make it on time to Wednesday night church! 😂 We all laughed till our sides hurt as she shared all the “mom tactics” to having children clothed and in their right minds with a dinner in their tummies, and her own self in her right mind; so, they could behave and have fun while in the evening program. One of the statements she made was, “Let me tell you. Those chicken nuggets are resilient! They bounce off windows and don’t splatter. They are easy to handle for little fingers. You can get the 20 for $2.50 and have change to spare, too!”

It was such a comical moment, and, honestly, I’m not a great fan of chicken nuggets, but our kids loved them in their early years, and that simple statement made me start thinking…

Chicken Nuggets ARE resilient! We could learn a lot from that little nugget…

1. They are crunchy on the outside and soft and juicy on the inside. It’s ok to have a little tough skin to survive through life’s ups and downs, but be sure to stay soft on the inside. Keep your heart humble and your soul full of grace and love. Don’t be so tough on the outside that you harden all the way through. Nobody wants to encounter all that.

2. They don’t fall a part easily. In this day and age, we’ve got to have a little strength to who we are to survive. We can be, and need to be, cushy soft on the inside to bear the fruit of love, joy, peace, patient and with those other fruit of the Spirit. However, all the hyper-sensitive, can’t disagree with someone for fear of “hate speech” actually makes us a weak people and a crippling nation. Toughen up, people. Be resilient and live life full of strength and grace!

3. They come in large quantities for inexpensive prices. Be able to give the good parts of yourself away to lots of people and don’t be too demanding of what they give back. Now listen, I’m not giving you permission to be used and abused. If you tend to be a doormat, please understand, this point isn’t for you. What I’m talking about is giving your love in a hug, an encouraging word or time spent with a friend. I’m talking about sharing laughter, making a memory or spending time with those you love. Share these things in large quantities, and don’t be demanding of a condition to be met for you to share it. People need to know you care.

4. You can’t eat just one. Be the kind of person who is contagious, magnetic and engaging to those around you. Be the sort of friend others aspire to be. Be the type of leaders others seek after. Be the person of whom others just can’t get enough.

5. They are great in just about any sauce or condiment. Diversify your tastes, your likes and your knowledge. Extend your horizons. Learn something new. Try, taste, or even listen to something different than before. You never know, you might like it, and you may even find a new friend along the journey.

Do Something!

/ The WheatandTares

Well, that about sums it up.

Seriously. 

Candy, Anyone?

/ The WheatandTares

Be soft … not fluffy … not squishy … not not brittle … not chewy … and not hard. 

Pinterest.com

Cotton candy is fluffy. It really has no substance, no depth, no strength of taste. It’s just super sweet and evaporates rather quickly. Marshmallows are squishy. They are great in hot chocolate or melted in s’mores, but they are so squishy and weak on flavor, it’s hard to eat more than one or two. 

Now, peanut brittle can be rather tasty, but it’s so brittle (pun intended), breakable and cracks so easily, it can leave behind an incredible mess. On the other hand, caramel can be rather chewy and filling, except it’s so sticky, if you’re not careful, it might just remove a filling! Once it’s stuck to something, it can be very hard to remove. 

Hard candies can be tasty, yet they can be so unbendable, unyielding that they can damage your teeth, and once hard candy is broken, the edges can be sharp and pointed, having dangerous edges, almost like glass. Some even like licorice, but it seems a little lacking in flavor and is so leathery and tough, there’s not much point in pondering long with it. 

However, chocolate seems to be a universal delight. Some of the most expensive “candies” are listed as chocolate. Chocolate is smooth, soft, and pliable. It is known to be the “candy” that brings about good feelings and will uplift a mood. 

Dailychaska.com

wowkeren.com

Chocolate can be both diverse and traditional. It is incredibly tasty and can have an endless number of things added to it to even enhance its flavor. Chocolate can be thick and powerful, or it can be creamy and comforting. It can be consumed in large quantities or tiny little bites, either way, the feelings of warmth and happiness remains the same. Chocolate has been said to be a taste that can touch the very soul of a person. Simply put, chocolate is very hard for most to live without. 

playbuzz.com

Have you ever looked at a piece of candy and compared yourself? If you were to choose a piece of candy from this list, which might you choose? If you had to compare one of these to your own personality, your attitude and your life story, which might it be? 

Pinterest.com

Pinterest.com

Let us always seek to be soft in words rather than hard, smooth in action rather rough and leatherlike. May our lives be known as smooth and delightful, comforting and strong, making a powerful impact wherever we go, such an impact that those around would pay a high price just to have one moment with us. 

Let us always seek to touch the soul instead of the heart, because the soul is the depth of the sea, but the heart can change like the tide. For, Jeremiah reminds us, “Deceptive above all things is the human heart.” May we always seek to be the one thing which it’s hard to live without. 

Pinterest.com

Lean On Me

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

I had a ladies board meeting, with 6 other women, this past week and another leadership meeting, with ten of them, at the end of September. They are all incredibly different from me, and yet, we have so much in common. I said to them, “It is amazing and such a blessing to be in a church with a group of ladies who can be so strong and confident in the person God has called them to be, and at the same time, be so humble to love, accept and help one another to become a great team who works together in unity.” We didn’t become this kind of team by chance. It has taken a lot of love, a lot of grace and a lot of truth to bring us to this point, and most of all, it has taken us being there for each other when someone hits a “low spot” along life’s journey.

In Galatians, Paul tells us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ…Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” I wonder, how well are we carrying one another’s burdens? I’m not talking about just being all caught up in this one’s latest drama or that one’s most recent crisis, and I’m not referring to how much gossip we can share with our neighbor. I’m talking about genuinely carrying a friend’s burden, coming along side that person who is hurting and weary from the journey and helping to share his load.

I’m talking about taking about taking the load, NOT upon ourselves, but joining in prayer with that person, and helping her to lay that burden at the feet of Jesus and helping him to see a ray of sunlight through his storm. Maybe it’s a note of encouragement, maybe it’s a little gift, or maybe it’s just sitting by her bedside for an hour simply sharing in the moment, even when you could really be a thousand other places getting a something done. 


This is the kind of burden-carrying that fulfills the law of Christ. This is the kind of load-lifting that reveals His love to the world around us. When He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It wasn’t just a cute cliche. It wasn’t just a nice follow-up statement to His command to love Him first.

He loves each and every one of us, because we are His children, regardless, of our differences or similarities to each other. He longs for us to love each other as He has loved us. One of the best ways we can do this is to pray for one another and help each other with the loads we carry. The more people who help in lifting a heavy load, the lighter the load is for each individual.

To Make A Dream Come True

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Inspiration + Perspiration   =  

A Dream Come True

Okay, can we just get REAL for a moment? Dreams don’t just happen because we dream them. Dreams don’t become realities simply because we wish them so. Yeah, I know the world of Disney and Hollywood would like to have you think so. (No offense to both!)  No matter who tries to tell you otherwise, dreams take a lot of planning, hard work along with your inspiration to make a dream come to reality!
An Olympic runner doesn’t cross that finish line in first place simply because he dreamt about it when he was eight years old. A CEO doesn’t become a multimillionaire, because he lives his life in indecisiveness. A government official, small business owner, military officer, author or even an NFL player doesn’t become who they are just because they wished it into existence. No, a dream has to be inspired, first, but then, it takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to bring it into existence.
dreams1
I think we rob this next generation, sometimes, by giving them all the materialistic things they desire, skip them through grades like their playing hopscotch and loan out credit to them like it’s water, because when you become an entitled people, you become selfish in your ethics, self-centered in your approach to community and demanding of all those around you to provide for your every whim and desire. You believe the world owes you something, rather than, believing you owe the world something. In turn, you kill the very abilities to dream and aspire plans and strategies to make those goals happen.
dream2America was founded upon people who had a dream. It has survived by having people who aspired to be great. However, it only become a great nation by being nurtured and pioneered by those who were willing to toil, sweat and even die for the dream they held within their hearts. So many gave up so much to make the great nation America has always been known as.
I know that in recent years, this vision of our country has been fought hard against, and there are many who would try to debate this notion of America being great. However, I will contend if America isn’t so great, then, why on earth are so many who don’t live here still desperately longing to come here, even by illegal methods? If America isn’t so great, then, why do so many despise the freedom, justice and pursuit of happiness that we enjoy here? But, I digress. That argument is for another post for another day…
The fact is simple, and it remains to be true: if you have a dream, and you want it to come true, apply some hard work, and you can make it happen! You may have to make some changes. You may have to acquire a great leader in your life, and you may have to overcome some incredible obstacles along the way, but if you dream it, AND you work hard to achieve it, you CAN make all your dream(s) come true!
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