lessons

Who Are You Leaving Out?

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

I read this story the other day, and it brought tears to my eyes… http://nicerdays.org/tb-newspaper-column-response/

Exclusion is so painful; yet, even more painful is watching someone so oblivious to the truth. My prayer is that I might always be aware of the truth and never be so blinded by my own “rightness.” It is so easy to become exclusive and not even realize the damage we are doing, the harm we are bringing, or the pain we are inflicting. We must always be giving ourselves ‘heart checks.’ We must always self-evaluate. If we ever get to the place where we believe we could “never be like the woman in this article,” or we believe our motives are always pure, and we could never intentionally exclude someone, that is when we run the risk of becoming the most dangerous person we could ever know. 

We all falter, and we all make mistakes. I just pray if and when I do fall, that God will help me to recognize the truth…the truth of my own wicked and deceitful heart. The key to success is to constantly question your motives and to surround yourself with truth speakers. People who can honestly give you wisdom, who can love you for who you are and who will never drink too much of your “koolaid,” but rather, will be the one who always challenges you to be a better person than who you are presently. 

I pray I always have a gracious friend who gently helps to open my eyes to see clearer…or a loving friend who gives me a good, strong and swift kick in the pants when I’m veering off the path of goodness and grace!šŸ˜‰

#realfriendsaretruthspeakers 

Just Roll With It

/ The WheatandTares

“Roll With The Punches” … Definition: term is used to explain how boxers will often angle themselves in certain ways to help lessen the impact of incoming blows. 

Sometimes, you just roll with the punches. You know what I mean, don’t you? Things just keep piling up, and there seems to be no end to the “punches” that life is doling out. There seems to be no relief to the amount of “adulting” we have to endure. 

I have found there are times when “the rain just won’t let up,” or “”the hits just keep coming,” and if you’re going to survive, you’re just gonna have to roll with it or DIE! You have to make a decision in that moment. Are you going to give up and quit, or are you going to dig in for one more round, one more punch, one more hard blow before the bell rings? 

As Christians, we’re called to roll with the punches. We’re encouraged to endure till the end. We’re to finish the fight, complete the race, and finish it well. Acts 20:24, “However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given meā€”the task of testifying to the good news of Godā€™s grace.” Romans 5:3-5 tells us, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because Godā€™s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Finally, Hebrews 12:1 reminds us, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” 

Our ‘commission’ from God to endure, to persevere is not simply so we can suffer through hardships, and it’s not just so we can prove to the next person how tough and strong we are. No, we are encouraged by God to finish so that we might be a witness for Him. 

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We are stirred to continue on so that we might share our story with others and they might see Him through our faithfulness. We are inspired to remain steadfast, regardless of the obstacles or the hinderances, in order to inspire someone else along the way that they might see His goodness, His love and His grace. After all, this earthly home is not our destiny, this is just a season. We have an eternal home to which we look forward with desirous anticipation! 

So, get up! Dust off those gloves. Get that grit back in your eyes. Get ready to swing, and roll with those punches! He will give us strength for each and everything we encounter. He will never leave us nor forsake us, and He will always fight for us! With God by our side, we cannot lose!! 

Not Equipped

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

A couple of years ago, we had a truck that had off road suspension, but it did not have four-wheel drive. However, we found ourselves going straight up the side of a mountain in this truck…or at least we attempted to. My husband tried to get the truck to cooperate. The front tires went up, but the back tired started spinning in the mud, and we started sliding backwards. He tried once more, and more sliding occurred. All the while, I am holding my breath, because I can visually see, in my mind, the whole truck getting completely vertical and then flipping straight over, with all four of us in tow! He tried once more with the same results; so, he allowed the truck to roll backwards, and we didn’t go up that hill, because our truck simply wasn’t equipped to do so…

black-truck3

I think, sometimes in our Christian walk, we can find ourselves in this same predicament. We are attempting to go up and over a mountain that we, in our human strength, are just not equipped to travel. We try, and we try, and we keep ending up with the same results: sliding backwards or, if we push it too far, flipping over into a ditch! We are not equipped to travel some mountains, because God hasn’tĀ yet preparedĀ us, we’re attempting to go over the wrong mountain, or we are simply attempting it without His help!

There are many things in our faith that God has to prepare us, strengthen us and teach us before we are ready to face it. When we get ahead of Him, we end up making a mess of things, and often, we walk away from the trial, bruised and wounded when we didn’t have to be. Waiting on God for our preparation only undergirds our cause. If you’re in the middle of a process, but you long to jump ahead, can I encourage you today? Just wait on Him. He will bring you to that mountain at His proper time, and when you follow His lead, He will give you the exact tools you need to conquer it!

Sometimes, we are trying to climb a mountain that God never called us to climb. It might be someone else’s mountain. It might be a “mountain” in our past that we keep trying to hold on to, but He has already forgive and told us to move beyond. It might be a mountain that we want to climb over, but it’s not the direction in which He is leading us. If we will listen to and follow His voice, rather than our own, we will have plenty of mountains to trek upon without challenging ourselves with the ones at which we’re not suppose to be!

Other times, we have simply attempted toĀ scaleĀ a mountain without His help. Just as my truck didn’t have four-wheel drive, there are times in our lives, when we try to accomplish things in our own strength, and we leave Him behind. Then, we find ourselves worn out and burn out, wondering where God is and why isn’t He helping us through this.

If we are to climb the mountains that we will surely face in this life, we must be prepared, we must ascend the right ones, and we must have His assistance and lead to conquer them! With God by our side, there is nothing we can’t accomplish, and oh, the view (and rest) we will receive once we reach the top!

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To Write or Not To Write

/ The WheatandTares / 3 Comments

If I was asked to speak to young writers (young by either years or experience), this is what I would tell them…

WRITE. BE INSPIRED. BE WHO GOD CREATED YOU TO BE!

Write, Write, Write!

Write when you’re passionate…let that pen bleed. Write when you’re not passionate…push that pen to speak. There will be times, you won’t have much to say. Write anyway. It doesn’t mean you have to share it with the world. Just write it to keep the words flowing. I have heard it said… 

…if you dream of being a writer, then you must begin writing today! šŸ˜‰ Write when you’re “blocked.” This is when outside sources come in handy. Sources like the daily prompt on WordPress is a great option. Keep journals. Don’t limit yourself; use different mediums. Try drawing, word art, poetry, typing and even word games to prompt your senses. Social media is a great outlet, too; however, be careful here! Remember, whatever you put out in the internet world can stay there forever…and sometimes, it can come back to haunt you (Avoid drama)! šŸ˜‰ Try writing with different styles, different themes and different methods. Write short stories, fiction, essays, poetry, blogs, songs, etc. Enter contests, writing sessions and other opportunities where your writing can be stretched and subjected to someone outside your sphere of influence. Over time, you will be amazed how strong your writing will become. 

Be Inspired!

Read everything and anything to gain inspiration. The more you read, the more inspired you will become. Find a mentor within your orbit who loves writing even more than you do, someone who can gently critique your writing styles to help you consistently improve. Find a mentor outside your orbit to whom you can look for inspiration, as well as, after whom you can model a portion of your style. If you are a person of faith, it is incredibly important to read your Word and become grounded. There are so many fallacies in this world that if your foundation is not the Word of God, you will find yourself swayed by every wind and doctrine that comes along. Unplug. Get alone at least 30 minutes each day. Unplug from electronics and get out in nature. You will be amazed how inspiring this can be!

Believe In God!

This portion was written specifically for the audience of whom I had prepared; however, it’s great advice for the masses…

God gave you a gift; use it! He wouldn’t give it to you if He wasn’t going to use you, even if it’s for no one else but yourself! šŸ˜‰ Believe in yourself. God does. Take a minute to read through Psalm 139. YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He has created you for His purpose. Find that purpose as you write about it. Don’t ever let the perfect become the enemy of the good. Too many authors, poets and writers, if they could return from the grave, would tell you there’s treasures in those words they buried while living. 

Believe in others as well as yourself. Be willing to submit your works to others. Remember, iron always sharpens iron. Friction can bring out magnificent beauty in the gold. As well, be encouraging of those around you.  You will find as you lift up another, you will be blessed, too!

Well, I do hope this has been helpful, and I’d love to hear from you! What have you found to be helpful in your writing endeavors? What inspires you? šŸ˜Š

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Falling Forward…

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Falling makes us wiser. Falling makes us stronger. It makes us more aware of what needs to happen differently the next time. It makes us more conscious of the change that must come, most of the time within, for us to succeed.

Yet, too often, we will resist falling. We run away from failures, and we hide from imperfections and mistakes. We believe everything must be picture perfect the first time around. We believe if there are any mistakes involved in our first try, then we are destined for a lifetime of misery, a lifetime of failure. 

Maybe I’m just talking to myself here. Maybe it’s just me who struggles at times with wanting everything to be pristine perfect. Have you been there? Do you ever wrestle with these truths? 

Can I tell you? There is HOPE! There is a promise we can hold onto! The Word says, “There is nothing impossible with God.” (Emphasis, mine) That Scripture isn’t there simply as a “feel good” word. He didn’t include it just to taunt you and make you think He was kidding. No, God means what He says, and He keeps the promises He gives us. 

So, the next time things don’t go exactly as planned, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Sometimes, you might have needed a little more preparation. Other times, you need a little more practice, and often times, you just need a lot more patience! 

There are other factors that may contribute, but these can give you a great start. When you’re struggling to succeed, and you’re tempted to quit, I encourage you to look at a toddler learning to walk, or a teenager learning to drive, or maybe even, a more seasoned folk learning a new trade. Do they always succeed on the very first try? I venture to guess that answer is a big, fat, “NO!” So, why don’t you give yourself a little more breathing room, a lot more grace and take that situation to God, and let Him help you try one more time. šŸ˜‰

Tears Bring Healing

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Tonight, I had to tell our youngest, “No,” and it just broke my heart to watch him struggle with the answer, fight back the tears, and, finally, come into my arms for comfort and to shed a few more years. It wasn’t a no that I wanted to give, and it definitely wasn’t a moment of excitement, but I told him, “No,” because the cost was just too high, and we just didn’t have it to give for a new pet.

You see, he wanted a leopard gecko. He loves animals…LOVES them, I say. He always has; if I would let him, he would have his room (or the whole house, for that matter!) full of all kinds of creatures. He had been talking about this latest endeavor for about a week. He had researched what they eat, what their habitat needed and how they slept. He was ready. We headed to the pet store with the pre-knowledge that mom could pull the brakes, if needed, depending upon price, difficulty of care and the need to feed them live food. Note: Because he is only ten, and knowing the reputation he has of loving the pets but, eventually, leaving most the feeding and cleaning to mom, I was not going to be okay with a pet who was high maintenance or needed live animals in its diet. (Sorry, I’m really not a “girly girl,” but I don’t care much for crickets, worms, etc.)

Off to the pet store we went. The lady who helped us was incredibly knowledgeable. She had a fish, a bearded dragon and a cat at home herself. She was so patient and informative, even as we switched the decision, due to daily live cricket feedings to once a week live feedings, from a leopard gecko to a eyelash crested gecko,. Once all of the needed materials were loaded into the cart, and I started calculating in my head that this was rounding out at about $200, without the $50 gecko, I had to call dad…this was just a big chunk of change for such a small pet. Dad made the final call and agreed that, indeed, it was simply too much to be spent right now. I watched as my sweet, pet-loving, son took the news with courage and understanding but, also, with a broken little heart.

He dutifully put all the items back on the shelf, refusing any comfort or conversation, until I finally said, “Buddy, come here a second.” He came into my arms and buried his little face and cried. It broke my heart. I knew it was the right decision we had to make, but feeling his little arms around my waist and looking into his red, tear stained eyes, I was ready to weep. I wanted to make it all perfect for him, to see his beautiful smile and hear his little squeals of laughter and delight.

Do I just want to give all things to my children no matter the cost or consequence? By all means! Is it for their betterment if I do this? Definitely not. It made me think of our Heavenly Father when He has to tell us, “No.” He doesn’t tell us no, because He wants to keep us from happiness. He doesn’t tell us no, because He is a mean father and just wants to see us cry and complain. He tells us no for our good. He tells us no, because He has a better plan. He tells us no, because He wants us to grow and learn and become whom He has designed in perfection.

When JMan earns all of the money to go back and buy that gecko, he will have grown a little. He will have learned more of what rewards can come when a little hard work and effort are achieved. He will also have learned a lot about appreciation for a gift well earned rather than an attitude of entitlement for a gift just simply received. Over the next few weeks, when the tears have settled and the little jobs are being done around the house, he and I will talk about the lesson that’s being learned…a life lesson: there are times we won’t always get what we want instantly, but if we set a goal, take the necessary steps to get there, it is always achievable. We will, also, talk about how in the moment, the tears may come and the disappointment may feel as if it’s breaking our heart, but given time, we will see clearly the growth, strength and healing which come when we handle our disappointments the way he did today.

On a lighter note, I found this pic today could very well and see this being him one day…without the pink pjs and long hair, of course. Lol…

  

**note: I do not possess, I do not own nor did I take this picture. It came up via Facebook. I simply screenshot it and posted here. 
 

 

 

Choices We Make

/ The WheatandTares

Just like in the game of chess, you have no control over what others will do, but you can decide what you will do. 

This is not a popular way of thinking in today’s society. Too many want to blame someone else for their problems, or they simply want to justify their poor choices. Fact of the matter is, aside from tragedy, you are never a victim of your circumstance. You have a choice. You make decisions. Even when it is a matter of “running out of time” to meet a deadline, you have made a choice to let the clock run out, by setting your priorities in a certain order, which have made room for your needs or for your desires. 

Everyone has been given 24 hours in each day; each day has exactly 1440 minutes. The CEO of a corporation has no more, no less than you and me. We have no more, no less than the homeless person in downtown, urban America. We each have a choice how we will spend each and every day. Life doesn’t just run you over by accident. You make a choice everyday to either run life or let it run you. It is surely a rough place when life is running you. When this happens, it is not because you just “happen” to become a victim. You have chosen to become a victim, and you have chosen to let life run you over. 

You may want to argue with me, but it is a fact. You have exactly what you have chosen to have in live, because you have what you value. If you value education, you have an education. If you value sports, you have a sports-centered life. If you value wealth, you have wealth. If you value family, you have a family. The list can go on and on. You have exactly what you value in life. 

Yes, I understand, you can’t control others, and others can mess up your choices. That’s where tragedy is involved, as in a tragic car wreck which debilitates you; a spouse who decides to cheat and leave you, which changes your family dynamics; a child who dies unexpectedly, which drastically alters your course in life. I get it, and I’m definitely not trying to sound callous and hard hearted. I have had tragedies in my own life which have changed some of my original plans. I’m also not addressing tragedy in this post; however, I will say, there are too many success stories, even in the face of tragedy, to dwell on the possibility that you cannot arise from disaster, but I digress, that is a post for another day. 

Simply put, if you don’t feel as if you can choose the things you want in life, I’d have to ask you, “Where have you placed your values?” If we can ever get real honest with ourselves on the answer to this simple question, we are able to assess exactly why we are where we are in life. When we can take the huge spotlight of Truth, and shine it on every decision we have made, we can truly evaluate the why’s of our situation in life. 

This is a very difficult process for so many people, especially when the culture screams to us, “Everything bad in life must be someone else’s fault. It can’t possibly be because I have made bad choices for myself!” It’s a tense place to be when we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and realize we have royally messed up, and it may take a while, and a lot of hard work, to get back to where we want to be. However, if we can ever get to this point, we will realize that success, and all our dreams, are really possible! We might just have to rearrange our priorities, and apply a little more effort, to make them happen; however, it is possible!

So, make a decision today. Don’t let life just run over you, and never choose to be a victim! Be a winner!! You can do it!! šŸ˜‰

You’re Weird! … I’m Weird, Too!

/ The WheatandTares

We all have our quirks and our peculiarities. My husband is so comfortable in his; I have to be honest, sometimes, I’m downright jealous. I know, I know. I shouldn’t be jealous of my own husband! I just wish I could be okay with my oddities all the time.

I love fall and winter weather, but I am incredibly cold-natured. I hate raw tomatoes; however, I love to eat anything made with tomatoes, as in spaghetti, pizza sauce and chili, and Ā I love to make stuff from tomatoes such as salsa and vegetable soup. I love to sleep with socks on, and I can sleep just about anywhere, but if you wake me up about an hour after I go to sleep, I may not even remember our conversation by morning. I also have a love-hate relationship with the snooze button. I love to meet new people, and carry on long conversations with one or two people; yet, I am an extreme introvert, and I have to revive myself by having long moments of solitude.

Yes, I am a quirky individual, and after 40+ years of living with myself, I am still trying to be okay with these traits. I know, we all have quirks and differences to our personalities, and so many people seem completely okay with theirs, and I am, genuinely, so happy for them. Some even seem a little too comfortable…to the point of rudeness to those around them, and I suppose, this one fact alone causes me to hone in too strongly on my own idiosyncrasies for fear of possibly becoming like them.

I am so concerned with not being rude or offensive to another person, even unintentionally. All my life, I have been conditionedĀ to be kind and accommodating, and I have always had a pretty adaptable personality; so, the moments when someone is offended or bothered by something I have done or said, I am profusely apologetic, sometimes, even to a fault.

Yet, as I grow older, I am learning that this over concern for other people’s opinions can, often, actually be derived from a source of pride and vanity. You see, no matter how “nice and sweet” a personality trait may seem, on the flip side of it is an uglier, less delightful sounding trait. It can be used for either extreme, and we must realize what the root is in order to come back to center, Christ’s center.

Just as the opinionated, outspoken person can be seen as both truthful and rude, overbearing and bluntly honest, depending on the positive and negative extremes, the tolerable, quiet spoken person can be seen as both graciously kind and fearful, flexible and weak. All of these (negative) extremes come from a root of vanity and pride, ambition and envy, and we must recognize, acknowledge and surrender these qualities to God before we move to the extremes of either side.

When we refuse to let the flesh reign in our lives, and, instead, allow Christ to rule and reign, we will find that we will no longer worry over what people think, and we will worry most about what HE thinks. We will no longer err on the sides of brashness and Ā fearfulness, but rather, we will walk in complete boldness of who we are in Christ, even with all our quirks, failures and peculiarities.

When we surrender our all to Him, we will begin to actually see ourselves as He sees us, not as the world sees. We will begin to believe as He believes and act as He acts. When we are totally surrendered to Him, we will become a mirror of His life, because it will be His Spirit living in us and through us. ā¤

The Tree Grew ‘Round

/ The WheatandTares

So sorry for the delay in posting today! Thanks for your patience. I posted this a while back; however, I shared it with our church family yesterday, and it seemed to resonate with so many. So, I thought I would repost it for those who would like to read it…  

There are times in life when youā€™re just going to find yourself caught between a ā€œrock and a hard place.ā€ The rock wonā€™t move, and the hard place wonā€™t remove itself. Maybe, itā€™s the day you woke up late for your new job, and your nine month old baby woke up with a stomach virus, or maybe you were laid off right after buying that brand new car. Maybe, your mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and your dad began showing signs of dementia last month. 

Maybe your oldest son has been struggling with a hidden drug addiction, trying to sneak around, stealing money from your nightstand, and your youngest daughter has been bullied at the new school. Maybe, your husband seems to be distant, and you just canā€™t seem to find enjoyment in any of the past delights you two once had. Maybe, you had to say goodbye to a loved one, and you just werenā€™t ready for that yet. There are times in life when you wish it could be different. You wonder what youā€™re going to do, how youā€™re ever going to make it. 

Sometimes, life is hard. It is what it is. Thereā€™s really no changing the way the earth spins on its axis or in altering the way the clouds gather in the sky. Youā€™re going to face hard times. I donā€™t care who you are, how much money you have, or how many people love you, youā€™re going to have disappointments in this life. Youā€™re going to encounter obstacles in the road. Itā€™s just the way it is, and if you havenā€™t had any troubles as of yet, well, just keep on living, because every elderly person on the planet can attest to this truth: Life is not always easy, and sometimes, we just have to ā€œweather through the storm.ā€ 

The question is not, ā€œWill trials ever come?ā€ The better question is, ā€œWhat will I do when the rains come?ā€ If you can ever answer that question before the storms come, you will be much better suited to survive. In that moment, you have a choice to make. You can choose to stop, to hesitate, to allow the circumstances, those hard things, to stunt your growth and keep you from reaching your destiny. You can let that rock hinder you from reaching your dreams. You can even ā€œfold overā€ on top of yourself and never move beyond where you were in that moment of crisis.  

Or, you can choose to press forward. Paul said, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.ā€ (Philippians 3:13-14) You can choose to be like the tree in this picture that refused to be dwarfed by the rock in the path. You can choose to allow those tough spots to make you stronger, more resilient to the pain. You can choose to find joy in the little things, blessings in those people who surround you in that moment of heartache, and even, just peace in the gentle breeze that blows or warmth in the sun that shines.  

We all have choices which can hold us back from our destiny or propel us toward our dreams. Itā€™s up to us to choose, and when we make that choice of forward determination, our lives will be better for it. Letā€™s choose to grow ā€™round that rock that crept into our path on our way to greatness. Letā€™s be those whose ā€œlife treeā€ may have twists and turns, bends and curves, but whose branches still reach around those hard places up toward the sky. 

Lessons Learned

/ The WheatandTares

Don’t you wish you could learn some things sooner than you actually do??Some things would have been easier to grasp when I was 20 than now when I’m over 40 and a little more set in my ways!  Some things would have come a little quicker had I started on the path of learning them when I was 25 rather than now when I’m almost twice that age. Oh, how I wish I had lived a little smarter, made choices a littler wiser, learned a earlier. It surely would have made things go a little smoother these days…

However, I came to a conclusion the other day, instead of living in the regrets of what I “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,” 10, 15, even 20 years ago, I will now say to myself, “It is what it is, now, how am I going to make the BEST of it?!” 

Just as a pastor and I were talking the other day about some family lessons we each are learning, I came to that realization, because family lessons can be some of the toughest…you know those kind, don’t you? The kind with your mother, your father, your sister, your brother…The kind where you learn to speak up, shut up or even walk away from a dilemma that’s plagued you for years… You know, those real lessons that, sometimes, we don’t really want to acknowledge that we need to learn. 

Well, we were talking about this, and I said, “I just wish I could have learned this so long ago! It would have saved me so much grief and frustration!” His reply was, “how old are you?…(I told him)…try being over 60 and learning it!” We just laughed, because it’s so true! If you’re constantly seeking God, and what He has for you, you’re going to be learning and growing, no matter how old you are. 

I suppose, one of the most important things to remember is we’re never beyond learning!! We’re never too old to learn, to grow and even to change. There are lessons to be learned all around us everyday. It’s what we do with the lesson given to us that makes all the difference.