Silly Saturday
life
Ummm…
If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?
I’m not sure I use the word regularly, but it’s a word that gets on my nerves if I hear it a lot. If I find myself using it, I work hard to change it because it seems I’m using it as a sentence filler or a pause in the moment because I’m distracted.
I notice it most when I’m listening to someone speak publicly it on a video or something, and they say Umm too much. It can become like a “tic” or routine in someone’s speech that they don’t even realize until they begin to listen back to their conversations and recognize the bad habit.
Grudge Not
Are you holding a grudge? About?
It’s almost funny, that the daily prompt today is asking if you’re holding a grudge, and my blog post earlier today was about forgiveness.
As they say, maybe great minds do think alike. Lol.
Do I hold a grudge? No. I’d have to say not because I’ve learned forgiveness is more important and more freeing than holding grudges that I could rightfully hold.
Yet, for some whose relationship has been effected by my distance and even my walking away, their narrative could be different. But sometimes, toxicity must be avoided at all costs. And that’s where the judgement begins.
But to hold a grudge means your intent will eventually be to bring harm. Holding a grudge has the intent of revenge. Holding a grudge has the motives of destruction.
Holding a grudge is rooted in the foundation of unforgiveness. Holding a grudge brings resentment and bitterness. Holding a grudge actually brings more harm to you than it does to those against whom the grudge is held.
That grudge will create a prison in which you’ll live if you’ll let it. That grudge will be the hot iron that you think you’re grasping in your hand, yet the longer you hold it, the more it burns your flesh and all those closest to you.
But if you’ll release that grudge, it’s like releasing the hot iron to go back into the fire from whence it came. And the release brings you more freedom than you could ever imagine.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
Ephesians 4:31
Forgiveness Finds Freedom
Forgiving those who wounded you doesn’t free them from guilt.
Forgiveness isn’t pretending it never happened.
Forgiving the one who brought harm is never justifying their wrong.
Forgiveness only frees us from their poison overtaking our soul.
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
On Safari
Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.
Eight thousand miles from home is a very long ways to travel. The first time I landed in Nairobi, Kenya, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Honestly, I had always said I probably wouldn’t ever make it that far, but here I was.
It was quite a whirlwind of a trip, as we visited several orphanages in a matter of days, drove the 3hrs up to Nanyuki, stayed a few days and drove the 3 hrs back to catch our flight back home. Our “guide,” if you will, was a great friend who has practically lived in Africa off and on for years, as he’s a field director for an international organization that helps orphans and orphanages. So, we were able to travel around more like locals rather than tourists, which was really nice. (Btw, Nanyuki has the best little coffee shop with delicious coffee! They have a sign that says I❤️NY, and I thought at first it said I love New York. Haha!)
The trip was both grueling at times and glorious, and I wouldn’t change it one bit, except maybe the terrifying fear I had to endure on the highways. The driving there in Nairobi and across the highways into the mountains is terrible! I told friends when we returned that it’s basically like driving in Atlanta, removing all the rules, and playing survival of the fittest! 😳🤦♀️😂 I was really glad we survived. Haha!
The children we met in the various homes were the sweetest, and they had the most beautiful smiles. It struck me how happy they were, and they had so little. In America, our kids often run the risk of being spoiled and entitled, and they have such an abundance. These kids had so little; yet, they sang songs, were overly grateful, and wore the biggest smiles you’ve ever seen, as if you just gave them a million bucks simply because you gave them a hug.
It truly touched my heart deeply, and I think of them so often…
The wildlife there is incredibly beautiful as well. Although, I titled this blog as such, we didn’t go on an actual safari; however, we got right in the middle of all the wildlife we could! When we went to the hill country, we stayed at a place called Sweetwater, and it’s on the Ol Pejeta Conservancy.
The day we arrived, we had driven those three hours across the highways in the most chaotic traffic, and it had come a monsoon. Not actually, but it surely felt like a monsoon as much rain that poured out of the sky. (And they said that was a light ran!) We had to stop at the gate because the guards weren’t wanting to let us go through, or something like that; we left all that up to our friend who was driving us. While we waited, we felt bedraggled and tired, and finally after about 30mins, he came out of the guard post, and we were on our way.
We had to drive through the wildlife preserve to get to Sweetwater. So, we had looked forward to seeing some wildlife, but the rains were threatening to see non of that. Yet, as soon as we began on our way again, the rains stopped, and the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and just around the corner, a herd of elephants came walking right in front of us! Yeah, there’s no fences or cages here!
We saw several other animals along the journey, and I was just in awe that they could be that close. We definitely stayed in our vehicle! Then, when we arrived at the “hotel,” what the host told us was so strikingly funny to me that I thought for sure he was joking because we were Americans.
He was giving us instructions for our stay, and he said, “Be sure upon entering and leaving the tents, you always zip them up to keep the baboons from stealing your luggage!” I laughed quietly to myself thinking this must be something he says to all foreigners to watch for their reactions; so, I keep my composure and simply nodded in agreement with him.
Shortly thereafter, we were walking up the steps to our tent, and back behind the tents I hear these “monkey sounds” and watch in utter surprise as a groundskeeper is literally chasing off baboons!! You can rest assured, I double checked those zippers every time I entered and exited! Haha!
Our stay at Sweetwater was absolutely amazing. There was a watering hole right out front of our tents, and wildlife would walk right up to it. We saw lots of buffalo, rhinos, zebras, and more.
Before we left Africa, we also drove through Nairobi National Park, and we were able to see all kinds of wildlife there as well. I was always wanting to see a lion up close, and we did get to see a lioness resting in the heat of the day, but she was a bit far away for me to get a good picture.
We are getting ready to head back in a few months, and this time, we get to take Christmas to the kids at one of the orphanages. I am so excited! We won’t be traveling to the Nanyuki area this trip, and I will miss seeing the beautiful scenery and animals of the Ol Pejeta Conservancy, but I have my pictures and memories to hold onto till the next time. Seeing the kids get Christmas presents will certainly be worth it.
(I have sweet pics of the kiddos also, but I’m not so sure I need to post those here publicly; I’ll just keep those for my memories for now.)
Last time, some of the girls made me a bracelet to take home, and I still wear it to this day. I’ve never taken it off, and it serves as a reminder for me to pray for these sweet souls in a land so far away from my own…
A few more pics from our trip…
Know When to Speak
Dealing with trauma can be excruciating. And just as a wounded animal wants to lash out and wound anyone who would try to help, we as humans will also have a tendency to lash out and bring harm when we are hurting.
We will rear back and punch an honest bystander simply because she leans in to take a second look. We will react with violent anger because he offers a gentle hand. We will claw and bite when they surround and hover, only hoping to give a comforting word or a compassionate nod.
The pain we feel can be so deep and seem so lasting that it actually feels unfair to see a world who is unaffected by it.
The agony can be so debilitating that we feel justified in our knee-jerk reactions and spiteful words because after all, they can’t possibly understand all that we’ve endured.
But what does wounding another accomplish? It doesn’t remove the gash. It certainly never heals the scar. It only leaves those in our wake with their own needed recovery.
And the enemy of our soul celebrates the victory of our further demise. The demons that watched our first injury shout with glee as they observe our continual upheaval and destruction of another.
This is his goal. This is his ultimate objective.
Bring annihilation to all, not just one.
And bring it through the hands of the tortured who should rather be seeking to pour the healing balm.
So, recognize his tactics.
Become keenly aware of his ploys.
And vehemently reject his satisfaction.
Through the bleeding, learn to praise the One who gave you breath.
Through the brokenness, seek to pour the oil of mending on those who are the weakest.
Through the injustice, desire to be the wounded healer embracing instead of victimizing.
Work through the muck and mire to find His calm.
Extend your heart with all it’s shattered dreams to find His love.
And as you do, stretch yourself to find someone deeper in the pit than you have fallen and struggle to lift them up and pull them out.
When you do, you’ll find yourself conquering the enemy with your peace.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
2 Corinthians 1:3-6
Home Sweet Home
What does your ideal home look like?
I suppose my first answer to what my ideal home would look like is more about the inside than the exterior. And that being the case, I already have my ideal home.
It’s full of peace and love and stability. This doesn’t mean we don’t have bad days or disagreements or storms that threaten all of that. But it means the foundation of our lives is where it should be.
And that foundation is Christ. Scripture says He is a Rock. He is a fortress. He is a shelter, a high tower and a refuge. And I have found He is all of these things and more. And when my faith is in Him and the foundation of my home is found in Him, that’s all I need for my home to be filled with all the things that I want.
And truthfully, the exterior of my ideal is not of the world. My ultimate ideal dream home is in a land where there is no pain, no tears, no fear and no end of days. A land flowing with milk and honey, a sapphire sea, and a River of Life running through that place. Heaven will be a beautiful place, of which we truly do not have words to describe.
But now, to play along with the daily prompt and describe my ideal (exterior) home, I’d begin with a lot of land. I mean a lot, acres and acres, with some rolling hills, maybe the big Rocky Mountains or the Blue Ridge or the Appalachian Mountain Range in the background. A creek running close by with lots of big hardwoods and a good many evergreens interspersed throughout the land would be ideal. Actually, several creeks would be intermittent around the property, and one would have a grist mill and a water power sourcing into the property. Another would have an eight to ten food drop of a beautiful waterfall. It would be a big parcel of land that when you gaze out over it, it automatically causes you to inhale deeply and exhale slowly.
I’d want enough land that all our family, our sons, my in-laws, any any of my husband’s siblings could have their homes without it being crowded. Hundreds of acres that are marked by those deep stained wooden fences, and everybody who traveled by would know, “That’s the Grizzle Ranch Homestead.” Enough land that it takes a day’s ride on horseback to cover all the property, and we’d have enough ranch hands to make those rounds when needed.
It would be a land/home where everyone is welcomed with open arms, and we’d even have a couple of guest cabins where people could come and stay to rest and relax and even recoup and restore from storms in their lives. We’d have the modern conveniences of running water, electricity, internet and gas connections, but much of it would be self contained so as to not have to rely on or be effected by the local or national economic ups and downs.
And the ideal house itself? Hmmm… my dream house changes a bit from time to time, but mostly, it’s a sprawling two story ranch style, all wood and maybe some stacked stone, with a wrap around porch and several fireplaces, both inside and on the outdoor patio. And it must have one corner that is a glorious library with books from ceiling (2 stories) to floor, the rolling ladders that allow for hours of scrolling through to find a new adventurous tale, and a staircase as well that reaches to the top on one corner. There would be ceiling to floor windows to let in the sunlight with beautiful drapery to shadow the room so that reading by lamplights can be allowed when so desired, no matter the time of day. There would be sweet reading nooks and even a hand carved “tree” that invites hours of childhood fun, no matter your age or reading limitations. Oh, and on another corner, there’s be a fireplace, not too big, but large enough to cozy up on the couch with a good book or pile up pillows upon the floor with the kiddos to invite reading galore.
There would be a giant kitchen for hours of baking fun with family that opens up into a huge dining hall for endless family gatherings; yet, not ton of formality, more like an oak table with hand carved chairs with comfy cushions and plenty of space for loads of food and a fireplace on one end that would crackle with the laughter of shared family memories.
And for all our family members who love to play, there would be a music room/hall in which more instruments than one person could own but where all could meander through to share a tune or two. A baby grand in one corner or maybe an upright, a handful of acoustics and cajones, basses, violins and cellos, sprinkled with a banjo, harmonica and pan flute. All for a little friend and family enjoyment on a cool summer’s evening or a cold, winter’s night.
There’s be a big fire pit outside with lots of wood carved seating for fall campfires and summer fireless stargazing. The house overlooks all the land we own, the creek(s) with the mountains in the backdrop. Horses are grazing on one side of the backside of the property while cows are on the other because we are a working ranch that is self sufficient and self contained.
Prison of Memories
For years, I’ve heard of the movie Good Will Hunting. I’ve tried to watch it on air flights every chance I got. But the unedited version just turned me off after the first maybe 5 mins. Forgive me. I’m weird like that, but I just don’t get into a lot of foul language and crude conversations. I’m not a big movie watcher anyway; so, I don’t care to waste my time…
But my husband had first watched it on an edited flight many years ago and had been referencing it for one situation or another all this time. I wanted to watch it so bad, I was almost tempted just to forgo my personal standards and just watch it anyway. Well, he told me the other day he’d had the tv edited version on our recordings for a while now, and he didn’t realize I’d wanted to watch it so bad. Lol.
So, we finally found time to sit down to watch it, and Wow. If you’ve not seen this. You need to. Of course, I would definitely encourage the edited version. Ha.ha. But anyway.
Without being a spoiler, let’s just say this little statement above came alive and well in the middle of the story, and I just balled my eyes out! Geez. I’m so glad I was in the privacy of my own home with only my husband to see me crying like a blubbering idiot and not on a plane where a whole bunch of strangers would wonder what in the world was my problem!
Some days the memories still knock the wind out of me.
And that’s just the honest truth of life, isn’t it?
It doesn’t really matter if it’s past pain, grief, brokenness or shame. When the memories come up, it doesn’t matter how deep you’ve stuffed them down, or how far beneath the surface you think you’ve buried them.
They’re going to slam into your heart like a tsunami.
They’re going to run through your mind like a twister seeking a place to land.
They’re going to roll over your soul like a freight train.
There’s no real stopping them.
You might as well stop the denial. And you might as well not try to run. Cuz they’ll chase you down and beat you, or they’ll just lie in wait for you at your next destination.
Memories don’t go away like a vapor in the wind.
They are like the fragrance on that wind, choosing when to come and when to go.
Claiming no responsibility and receiving no accountability.
Never giving forwarning of their arrival nor a wave to their departure.
They just are and forever will be.
It’s better to embrace, evaluate, excavate and even let them exuberate.
Otherwise, you’ll get sucked into an abyss of that depression, anger, resentment, confusion, and heartache from whence they came.
One of which you’ll never escape.
Do not remember the former things,
Isaiah 43:18-19
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
Joyfully Teary-Eyed
What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
A better question for me might be, “What doesn’t bring a tear of joy to my eye?” Is here are so many things in my life that bring me joy, and I am very much like my grandmother; so, tears come easily around here. Haha.
But seriously. There are some particular things that bring tears of joy to my eyes…
Our guys are probably at the top of the list. These guys just make me so proud to be called their mom. They are working hard to make a place in this life for themselves, becoming responsible, doing well in school, striving to be good, strong men. Most of all, they both have hearts that seek wholeheartedly after God, and not because “mom and dad believe.” That Scripture (paraphrased), “…work our your salvation with fear and trembling,” that’s what they do. They debate it, think about it, search scripture and history, and surround themselves with leaders who can speak into their lives. These guys. Yeah, they bring tears of pure joy to my eyes.
My main guy does this for me, too. He’s simply amazing. Even on days when I’m at my worst, and maybe I’m grouching on him for something that is certainly NOT his fault, he still loves me. He still cares. He works hard in life, at work and at home, all to provide safety, comfort and strength for us. He gives more of himself than I deserve, and I’m forever thankful. Most of all, he’s a man after God’s own heart, and he’s helped to raise our guys to be the same. He’s also shown me who Christ is by the man he lives to be.
And I know. You may be sitting there reading this, thinking, “Yeah, right.” You can’t have perfection, or maybe you’re just blind. Well, I’m not telling a fairytale, but I might as well be living one. No. Of course, we’re not perfect, but that’s what makes the 1,000 tiny miracles that make a marriage work so very special.
And last but definitely not least, my God brings tears of joy to my eyes. When I look at a waterfall and hear the waters rushing by, I can hear His voice on the waters telling of His goodness. When I hike a mountain and look out over a summit, I can feel His faithfulness to me overwhelming. Even when I sit and pet my cat and hear him purr, I can remember He cares even about the smallest of things, and this then, confirms His love again and again.
When these events occur, tears of joy and gratitude fill my eyes to overflowing as I feel the warmth of His loving care.
Tears of joy, they are good for you and me.
The purer the source, the clearer the tears.
You will show me the path of life;
Psalm 16:11
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Silly Saturday
the grizzle grist mill 