I’ll Grow Old with You

May 19, 2015May 19, 2015 / The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

In light of this being our anniversary week, I hope you will forgive me for not posting something yesterday, and I hope you might indulge me today as I repost something I blogged a little while back for my sweetheart (as you will see by the “info” given). We celebrate 19 years this week, and I am more in love today than I’ve ever been! 😉

We sat in the empty house, the boys away for the evening. He sat at the computer playing chess. I sat in a chair opposite him, reading on my Kindle. He said, “Ya know, this is what old people do. This (silence) is what it sounds like to get old. … What are we gonna do when little bit goes off to college?” I said to him, “Cry…..Cry a lot.”
This started me thinking…

We’ve been together for over 22 years now…8,079 days of my life.

We’ve been married for 18 1/2 of those…over half of my lifetime.

We’ve lived in 2 states and, together, visited 10.

We’ve worked at 5 churches and gone to 2 colleges.

We have 2 sons, numerous “spiritual kids” and no daughters or grandkids.

We are both Southern born and bred, in 2 (technically 3) different states,

and we’re both very proud of it!

I love you more today than that first day I met you,

and even more than the day I said, “I do.”

Yet, I love you less today than I will love you tomorrow or even this time next year.

In a world where the rings come off too quickly, and the marriage vows become negotiable, I have decided our love is here to stay, and even if you wanted, you couldn’t get rid of me without a fight.

This love we have was birthed in wonder and refined in distance and time. All those years we said, “hello” each day, but only held hands once a week, deepened our commitments rather than making them shallow. This love we share has stood the test of time, and even though, I know that test will be retaken again and again during this lifetime, I believe we will remain true. For I don’t belong to you, and you don’t belong to me. We belong to the One who holds this thing together. He is the only One who will see us through.

So, I gladly look to tomorrow and cherish our yesterdays. I hold onto the present and love like it’s only the beginning. I treasure our times together and laugh at our silly mishaps. I glance over your failings and pray you’ll do the same as we reach together, hand over hand, to move beyond what could destroy and stretch our hearts toward the One who would restructure what could have been lost.

Love is not a feeling. It cannot be bought or borrowed or even stolen. Love is a choice that we each choose to uphold and to protect. Love is a choice that we can choose to embrace when we look past our own selfish ways and desires. Love must be cultivated, cherished and cared for. Love must be allowed to bloom.

Blooms do not happen instantaneously. Growth does not happen overnight. Love takes years of tenacity in trials, forgiveness of flaws, blindness to annoyances, perseverance with the little things that really matter. Love doesn’t fail when it is the love from the One who created love. Love lasts forever when it is the love of the Father.

So, today, I say, ‘YES.’

Yes, I will choose to love. Yes, I will choose to forgive.

Yes, I will choose to laugh. Yes, I will choose to cherish.

Yes, I will choose to live. Yes, I will choose to treasure.

Yes, I will choose embrace. Yes, I will choose to uphold.

Yes, I will choose to cultivate, nurture and protect this love.

Yes, I will choose you for life, for love, for laughter.

…Yes… I’ll grow old with you.

Why Break Their Hearts

March 23, 2015March 22, 2015 / The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Ya know, sometimes, this world makes me angry at how easily people can walk away from a life commitment. I want to remind them that they made a vow before and to each other, before their family and friends, before GOD. Vows shouldn’t be made flippantly nor should they be taken lightly. Your word should stand for more than just a simple piece of paper that can be shred and burned in less than a minute. Your word should be solid, one that can be passed on from generation to generation.

I understand, there are legit reasons, cases of infidelity, abuse and illegal activities. I got it. They’ve got their reasons, but sometimes, I just want to scream at those who give up for stupid reasons, especially when there’s kiddos involved. Statements like, “Well, I just don’t love you anymore….I’m tired of trying.” These nonchalant attitudes, thoughts of reckless abandonment, these kinds of things should be scoffed at in today’s society, not “understood” and consoled, even congratulated. These are the words that shatter young dreams. These are the actions that implode self esteem and fragmentize tender hearts, and I’m not talking about those who make the decision but, rather, the lives surrounding that decision. Everyone is effected. No one is immune.

Moments fade. Lives change. Hearts are never to be the same. The decision makers think, “All will mend in time. It will eventually be okay.” What they don’t see is the permanent limp they’ve caused, not only to their own life, but to all those involved. Yes, limps can be managed, compensated for, and sometimes, even hidden for a while, but eventually, truth always unveils what is left in the shadows. Water always finds its level, and that is when surviving begins, and thriving is left in the dreamland.

Yes, I know, thriving can come. Healing can come. I am a testimony to this kind of pain and to this kind of healing. It is possible. There is hope thereafter; however, I still experience the pains and the healing…and I’m in my 40’s…and the deed was done just shy of that many years! It’s just not an easy road to travel for those following behind.

Be careful what you say in anger. It may come back to bite. Be cautious what you do when lonely. It may come back to haunt you. Live your life for the eternal moments more than the momentary pleasures of relief. Live out your days with determination to keep those commitment which matter to those coming behind. Live in such a way that generations to come will be eager to follow.

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2015February 16, 2015 / The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

As I sat in a memorial today to celebrate the homecoming of a life well lived, I thought about love, life, faith and death. I thought about the wife of the deceased who had been married for 53 years. I thought of the precious lady who sat beside me who, just a few short months ago, had said goodbye to her husband after so many years of loving each other. I thought of the young man I would see just a few minutes later, who just lost his wife to an organ transplant failure. Surrounded by so much grief, I wondered how it could possibly be Valentine’s Day today.

So many getting ready for their ‘hot dates’ tonight. Others bragging about all the candy, cards and roses they had received. My husband and myself exchanging our love just a few hours before, yet, waiting to truly celebrate until tomorrow because of all that we were a part of today. I thought of those who grieve today. I thought of those who are heartbroken, abused, deserted, lost and alone. It’s not such a heart-filled, sunshiny day for those. What do we say to them?

What do we say when our hearts are so filled with joy, excitement and laughter? What do we do when their grief seems to cast a shadow on our smile? Do we tell them just to “Get over it…tomorrow will be brighter…you’ll simply feel better later on…?” Are we really that shallow to forget how it feels to have a shattered dream and an empty heart? Are we really that naive not to know? What are we to do?

As I sat beside my widowed friend, and as I said goodbye to my other friend’s man, my heart broke for their brokenness. My eyes shed tears as they shed. My day was just a little more gray as I encountered my third friend’s grief in saying goodbye to her daughter-in-law and comforting her weeping son. Yet, as I walked away to go have a Valentine’s lunch with my little family, I breathed the air in deeply and thanked my Father above for these moments, not just the joys of my men but, as well, the pains of my friends. These times when I truly see reality. These moments when authenticity, vulnerability and honesty are raw and unedited, exposing the tender hearts within.

For, it is in moments like these when we grow a little wiser. In these hours, we learn to love a little deeper and let our trust become more secure. If it weren’t for the hard places in life, we would never learn where our faith truly lies. We’d never realize the value of a friend, the depth of love in our family, the importance in a given moment. It is said, “There is more wisdom in the house of mourning than in the house of laughter” (Paraphrased, Ecclesiastes 7:2). As my heart broke again and again for my friends, it caused me to appreciate, even more, the later moments with my men. It caused me to be keenly aware of my husband’s handsome smile, my JMan’s innocent laughter, and the love behind JGrizz’s witty remark, “Of course, I love you. It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” 😉 These precious occasions made me live life a little fuller.

So, as this Valentine’s Day is coming to an end, maybe you’ve spent a wonderful day with your love(s), maybe your dealing with a broken heart from a love that’s been lost, or maybe you’ve recently had to say a heart wrenched goodbye as your love entered eternity. Maybe this day just doesn’t seem as cheer-filled as it once had been, but no matter the circumstance in which you find yourself tonight, I pray you will hold tight the love you have, the joy you once had and the memories you’ve made along the way. I pray you’ll look toward the future and know He is still in control. Look forward and see that there’s still hope. I pray you hold all theses things close to your heart and realize there’s a heavenly Father above who’s looking down and sending you His eternal, unconditional love. YOU are the object of His affection tonight. He truly loves you! His love for is beyond your very hopes and dreams. His love for you died that you might live. ❤

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17