There is so much truth to this statement that it’s almost difficult to add anything to it.
Too often, we continually try to change people to fit what we need, or better yet, we work hard to “lead them” to a better place to accommodate who we are and who we are becoming.
But people are people.
You might can lead them well, and when that is feasible, by all means, carry on. But when it is someone who is bringing constant harm to you or to someone you love, be careful giving your time. Because you’re also giving your love, your thoughts, and eventually someone else’s flesh more than just your own.
When it’s toxicity, abuse, or dysfunction we’re talking about, step back and evaluate what you’re truly letting go of:
Peace of mind. Peace in your home.
Love in your heart. Love in your surroundings.
Sanity. Sanity in your loved ones.
If these things are given up for the sake of family, friendship , or other relationships, is it really worth it?
Sometimes, you have to hear what someone is saying, see what they are doing, and understand they are who they are. This is a a choice. And you f it doesn’t line up with the peace, love and sanity you need for your life and for those within your charge, then by all means,
Step away.
You both will be better for it.
As a dog returns to his own vomit, So a fool repeats his folly. Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
What is something others do that sparks your admiration?
I have a friend whose husband has just had his leg amputated this past week because of diabetic neuropathy. He was cracking pirate jokes the day after, and she was back in church worshipping on Sunday.
I have a friend whose husband travels extensively throughout the year as a lawyer who defends faith rights as she stays home with her littles, and she still offers a friendly hand, makes a phone call to the hurting, reaches out to the lonely.
I have a friend whose husband was shot in the line of duty, and she works hard to raise their fifth child while also sharing with others about her faith and the peace Jesus can bring in spite of pain, and she’s also working vigorously on her own degree in the study of law.
I have a friend whose wife died tragically in a car wreck, and the very week following her funeral, with tears still to shed, he got on a plane to fly to her hometown to preach the gospel and tell people about the Jesus that she desperately loved.
Each of these friends have heart wrenching stories with details that might break the next person. But each them stand in their faith and keep loving, keep reaching, keep grieving, and keep worshipping their Creator. I’ve watched some go through much less and blame God, walk away from Him and even curse Him.
And you might wonder what’s the difference. Or maybe look at them with criticism and scoff at their faith. Or maybe you gaze upon their path and wonder how in the world you could do the same.
But I’ll tell you what I admire most: their admiration of their King and their ability to do the hard with the deepest of grace.
Their adoration inspires me.
Their vigor admonishes me.
Their dedication and determination encourages me.
It’s not your circumstances that make you.
It’s what you do with those circumstances that makes the difference.
Choosing grace over anger creates an atmosphere of strength and fortitude that cannot be easily silenced.
Choosing faith over despair creates a contagious courage that cannot be ignored.
It doesn’t mean pain is not felt, and it doesn’t mean fear is not faced, but it is the warrior within who brings a peace to those following which cannot be shaken by what’s to come and is sought after as if for fine gold.
This is what ignites my admiration.
This is what sparks the flames of my praise.
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Sometimes, healing comes instantly, but more often than not, it’s a long and tedious process.
Just as it takes a broken limb weeks, even months to mend, the heart needs so much more.
We are emotional beings. We are thought-filled humans, and wounds are like a heavy broomstick lying atop a tangled web of cords.
You’re not going to move that stick without disturbing the cords. You can’t just grab it, swoop it up, and call it a day.
You’re gonna have to move slow.
You’re gonna have to breathe deep and exhale at a snail’s pace.
You’ve got to ensure the healing is there.
And sometimes, a tiny gesture, a simple word, a small memory can come crashing in to slam that stick back onto the pile and even twist it a good bit!
Slow down, one more time.
Breathe in deep, one more time.
Exhale slowly, one more time.
Now, go work on picking up that stick again, one more time.
You can do this hard.
It might be messy, excruciating and long, but I promise you:
The healing is worth it.
Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything. And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.” Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly.
Grief can be hidden and tucked away so deep, you almost forget it’s there.
Yet, when it peeks back through the shadows, it’s like a scream within that no one else can hear.
But you can sense it, even in the deepest shadows.
You can feel it, even in the stillest night.
You can almost see it, even in the blackest of eves.
And it will return with such fierce vengeance while no one else recognizes it’s deafening sound.
That is grief.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Psalm 34:18
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
So many live out their lives in fear. Reacting to failure. Reacting to pain. Reacting to violence. Reacting to disastrous times.
No precept. No plans. No purpose.
Only reaction upon reaction to circumstance, feelings and desire.
Not enough live their lives by sheer courage. Having courage is choosing to be equipped. Choosing to be intentional. Choosing to be in the moment. Choosing to make the right choices regardless of common ground.
Know preparation. Know purpose. Know peace.
Choosing to respond or not to respond. Speak or not to speak. But always thinking. Always alert. Always deliberate of the choice.
That’s courage.
It’s not having all confidence or even all knowledge. It’s never about being the strongest or having the most.
Courage is the choice to do right and to be right no matter who stands against you. No matter who discourages. No matter who disagrees.
Have courage today. Be different. Make a difference.
And you can change the world.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.
John 1:9
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Talking with a friend the other day she said, “We’ve been walking through the fire together, haven’t we?” My first thought was my fire is a small kindled ember compared to her recent turmoil, but the statement brought with it two kindred hearts and souls.
A mentor of mine once said to me:
You always need someone ahead of you in the journey to help you navigate the next steps, as they’ve been there and can help to give wisdom, challenge, reproof, and strength.
You always need someone beside you on this passage of life to link arms with, to uplift, to cry together, and to fight together.
You always need someone coming behind you into whom you can pour love, encouragement, guidance, and provide some shelter from the storm.
If you find all three, you can count yourself blessed.
If you cherish and nurture all three, you will be a better person for it.
If you seek all three, you’ll find you will forget more about your own problems and become a wounded healer, helping others across the broken bridges and rocky roads of this life.
And you’ll be receiving healing, affirmation, and compassion in the meantime.
So that even if you’re walking through the fire, you have a sister (or brother, for you guys) spirit joined with you to share in the heat and pain.
I am eternally beholden to my fire walkers who are blazing the path before me, showing me it can be done.
I am so grateful for those who are fire starters for whom I am able to spread the ashes to give some respite.
And I’m especially thankful for those right now who’s feet are as scorched as mine.
Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
It’s so true that there are many things of which we have no control of our choices.
Decade in which we are born.
Parents. Birth location. Upbringing.
Physical attributes. Talents. IQ.
These things are given to us, and we have no say.
Yet, we do have a say in how we respond, in how we handle, and in how we carry on once we have them.
And this choosing results in our character.
Which is also a choice.
And it also will become our voice.
How we respond to the things we cannot control will determine our promotions, our successes, and our influences.
We are never a victim.
Being a victim is a choice. And that choice brings about our character.
When we choose to hate these things out of our control, or maybe just fight against them in a rage that wounds all those around us, it shows our character as rude, spiteful and selfish.
When we choose to embrace these things out of our control as chains, and we are just a martyr for the cause, or maybe we just can’t do any better because of all that has befallen us, it shows our character as weak, whiny and self centered.
Yet, when we choose to accept these things out of our control, fight against the things that would try to inhibit us, and become overcomers inspite of the pain, the turmoil and the difficulties, it shows our character as bold, courageous and focused.
And when we take this tenacious attitude a step further and begin to show others how to overcome their own obstacles, it shows our character as loving, giving, and outward seeking.
We can be a hero or a zero.
The choice is ours.
What will you choose today?
Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
Romans 8:37
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
Romans 8:31
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28
Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Grief is like the boulder hopping moments of life.
To succeed in getting to the sunset, you’ve got to keep moving.
To achieve the goal of the setting horizon, you’ve got to keep taking the jump.
To get past the hardest points, one foot must stay in front of the other.
Even if you slip. Even if you stumble.
Keep going forward. Keep going beyond.
You’ll get there.
Eventually.
And you’ll be so glad you did.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
My journey didn’t stop with mere time travel or writing; it led me to become one of the most sought-after empaths, a soulful psychic who reads the hidden depths of the human spirit. I’ve been blessed—or perhaps burdened—with an ability that allows me to feel the emotions of people from every corner of time.
I am a licensed psychologist based in Greece. My love for housekeeping has inspired me to create this blog about home management and family relationships. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing!
Dedicated to movie nerdom, nostalgia, and escape. In the late 90s, I worked at Blockbuster Video where they let me take home two free movies a day. I caught up on the classics and reviewed theatrical releases for Denver 'burbs newspapers and magazines. Today, while raising two young, beautiful daughters with my amazing wife, I look forward to anything rated R and not Bluey. Comments and dialogue encouraged!
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