Set That Boundary

March 12, 2024March 11, 2024 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Boundaries. What are boundaries?

An ancient boundary would be a place set up by forefathers to make territory, valued land, and a home.

Oxford says it’s a line that marks the limit of an area.

Webster describes it as something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent.

A definition I like is a dividing line.

Because truthfully, that’s exactly what a boundary in a relationship is. It’s the start and stop of what I’m willing to tolerate to allow you close proximity me.

And we all have them. We all set them. Intentionally and non-intentionally.

We set them for random dogs that run up to us on the street. We set them for rulers and dictators who want to control. We set them for arbitrary strangers in public. We set them for our boss, our coworkers, our friends.

And yet, when it comes to loved ones or family, sometimes, we question if boundaries are appropriate. Are they needed? And are they valid?

Instead of answering this forthrightly, let me answer with a question.

If you so easily set that boundary for the arbitrary stranger that you may never see again, why would that person get more attention for your thoughts than the ones with whom you are closest?

Let that settle in and mull it over for a minute.

If you set a boundary for that stranger, as in they can’t just simply steal from you without a fight, why would you allow a loved one to continually steal your peace of mind day after day?

If you set a boundary for that ruler or boss in your life, as in he or she isn’t going to come into your home and rearrange your life without resistance, why would you allow a child to walk in and wreak havoc in your abode?

If you set a boundary for that random dog you encounter, as in it will not jump on you, eat whats in your hand or dispose of itself on you without a kick, shove, yell or simple walk away, why would you allow a family member everyday to do the very same things, even if it is a mental or emotional act of abuse?

When someone is unruly, disrespectful, overbearing, self centered, or selfish in their regard to someone else, sometimes, you’re going to have to decide how much you will tolerate and then, set a boundary for no more.

It doesn’t matter if they don’t like it.

It doesn’t matter if they agree.

It doesn’t even matter if their feelings are hurt, and they say so.

What matters is the peace of mind that comes when the line is drawn and sanity is found.

What matters is the love that returns when the fence is erected and a calm is found within its limits.

Set those boundaries. Stand your ground.

And begin to breathe again.

Do not remove the ancient landmark
Which your fathers have set.
Proverbs 22:28

Healing Processes

March 11, 2024March 11, 2024 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

There is so much truth to this statement that it’s almost difficult to add anything to it.

Too often, we continually try to change people to fit what we need, or better yet, we work hard to “lead them” to a better place to accommodate who we are and who we are becoming.

But people are people.

You might can lead them well, and when that is feasible, by all means, carry on. But when it is someone who is bringing constant harm to you or to someone you love, be careful giving your time. Because you’re also giving your love, your thoughts, and eventually someone else’s flesh more than just your own.

When it’s toxicity, abuse, or dysfunction we’re talking about, step back and evaluate what you’re truly letting go of:

Peace of mind. Peace in your home.

Love in your heart. Love in your surroundings.

Sanity. Sanity in your loved ones.

If these things are given up for the sake of family, friendship , or other relationships, is it really worth it?

Sometimes, you have to hear what someone is saying, see what they are doing, and understand they are who they are. This is a a choice. And you f it doesn’t line up with the peace, love and sanity you need for your life and for those within your charge, then by all means,

Step away.

You both will be better for it.

As a dog returns to his own vomit,
So a fool repeats his folly.
Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 26:11-12

Silly Saturday

March 9, 2024September 28, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Silly Saturday

March 2, 2024September 18, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Funny Friday

March 1, 2024September 18, 2023 / The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Funny Friday

March 1, 2024February 25, 2024 / The WheatandTares

What’s Your Angle?

February 26, 2024February 24, 2024 / The WheatandTares

How do you like that? Even little Judy there's got an angle going. — (This is a small video clip. Just click to hear sound.😉)

This little clip from White Christmas is so revealing for many of us. If you live your life a skeptic or a bit of an “investigator,” this phrase makes perfect sense, because you already search for the angle in every person you meet. If you live your life as an ostrich or a small child, you may not comprehend it because you don’t look past the simple words someone uses or you completely ignore innuendos as a self preservation technique.

Either approach you take in life, many times, we ourselves as well as others have an angle for what we say and do. We may be protecting ourselves from further pain, or we may be in attack mode and looking for every opportunity to fight. But we all approach life with an Angel or looking for someone else’s.

So, what do we do about that? Do we live out everyday angry, reading into, and often misreading the other person’s responses, continually in strife for every hour of the day? Or do we turn a blind eye to every whim and wind coming from the direction of a person and just ignore any possibility of malice, believing as if we live in a Pollyanna World where we are all innocent and nothing could ever be evil or vile?

I say NO to both these extremes. I say Get your trauma healed; so, you can live effectively in this world and go out and help another. I say Get your head out of the sand; grow up, and realize there is evil all around, but we get to choose to what we listen, to whom we interact, and to how we react.

If we live out lives by choices than we take responsibility, recognize failures and celebrate successes. Stop being a victim! And stop being an antagonist! There’s a better life out there for all of us!

There is wisdom in reading, gaining knowledge and asking good questions to help yourself heal. There is wisdom in gathering around ing good people who look out for you, defend you and protect you. There is wisdom in submitting yourself to a process of growth, to a challenge of change and to a hierarchy of those who will look at you and say, “You’re reacting with an angle. Stop it.”

So, get honest with YOU. Fo some deep soul searching today. Figure out your angle and why it’s there. And go get you some accountability to make yourself better than you are today.

Or not. And continue to live your life in the mud hole of brokenness, angst, confusion and failure.

It’s your choice. 😉

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15