reality

A New Beginning

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

“It’s not the end. It’s only a new beginning…”

A good friend shared this revelation with me as he had just been diagnosed with a curable sickness and was beginning to learn to eat differently and take some new medications in order to feel better…all at an age well over 60. 

I said goodbye to a precious woman the other day, a goodbye that will last until I see her again in eternity. She was a strong lady of character, dignity and grace. Her family is starting each new day with her absence, learning to grieve, to cope, to live again. 

Some great friends of ours moved away to another state months ago. We probably won’t see them but maybe once or twice a year now. They are greeting new friends and learning to grow and adjust in a new home, city and surroundings. 

Our sons started a new school endeavor this year. They are no longer taught in the classroom but now receive all their instructions virtually through the Internet and tutoring videos. They are beginning to transition and learn new ways of communication and knowledge gathering. 

In all these things, and in so many more, we close one chapter in our lives; yet, another is quickly opened. We may no longer have the comfort zones of our past, but in the new, we learn to thrive. That’s what life is all about. 

So, when changes come and transitions must be made, try not to be drowned by losses; look to what is ahead. Those things, and those people, will surely be missed, but if we remain stagnant in our grief, we will never be able to embrace the new which is ahead. We will never be able to start on the new beginnings, and growth will fall beyond our grasp.

So, reminisce over what was; cherish those memories. However, don’t stay there without forward motion, or you will surely miss the sweet moments which can be treasured ahead. 

One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite authors might sum up this little thought…

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ~ Dr. Seuss 

Life is so Short

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

  Life is short. It stops for no man. Stop. Inhale. Breathe. Make the Moments Last. Cherish those you love longer. Don’t let those memories be lost simply because you haven’t the time to remember. Don’t brush away the tears simply because you don’t want them to see. Pause and ponder. Look up and wonder. Gaze into the eyes of a child, and remember what matters most.

There is a host of generations quickly coming behind us. What will we leave them? What will we say? Will we win them, or will we toss them away, believing they weren’t worthy of our cause? Those stepping forward will come with or without us. They will keep marching forward. Time does not stop simply because we wish it to. If we refuse to lead them, someone else will, and then, we will weep.

It is our choosing. It is within our grasp; yet, it is just like a lifeline thrown to the drowning. If we don’t take hold, the rescue can be lost, and death will eventually come. We must decide who, when, how, and we must do it quickly. If we turn away, they will keep advancing with their drum beat deafening our ears. We may be able to hold the line, or we may just be trampled under their feet.

Penned – 8/25/15 – MG

Choices We Make

/ The WheatandTares

Just like in the game of chess, you have no control over what others will do, but you can decide what you will do. 

This is not a popular way of thinking in today’s society. Too many want to blame someone else for their problems, or they simply want to justify their poor choices. Fact of the matter is, aside from tragedy, you are never a victim of your circumstance. You have a choice. You make decisions. Even when it is a matter of “running out of time” to meet a deadline, you have made a choice to let the clock run out, by setting your priorities in a certain order, which have made room for your needs or for your desires. 

Everyone has been given 24 hours in each day; each day has exactly 1440 minutes. The CEO of a corporation has no more, no less than you and me. We have no more, no less than the homeless person in downtown, urban America. We each have a choice how we will spend each and every day. Life doesn’t just run you over by accident. You make a choice everyday to either run life or let it run you. It is surely a rough place when life is running you. When this happens, it is not because you just “happen” to become a victim. You have chosen to become a victim, and you have chosen to let life run you over. 

You may want to argue with me, but it is a fact. You have exactly what you have chosen to have in live, because you have what you value. If you value education, you have an education. If you value sports, you have a sports-centered life. If you value wealth, you have wealth. If you value family, you have a family. The list can go on and on. You have exactly what you value in life. 

Yes, I understand, you can’t control others, and others can mess up your choices. That’s where tragedy is involved, as in a tragic car wreck which debilitates you; a spouse who decides to cheat and leave you, which changes your family dynamics; a child who dies unexpectedly, which drastically alters your course in life. I get it, and I’m definitely not trying to sound callous and hard hearted. I have had tragedies in my own life which have changed some of my original plans. I’m also not addressing tragedy in this post; however, I will say, there are too many success stories, even in the face of tragedy, to dwell on the possibility that you cannot arise from disaster, but I digress, that is a post for another day. 

Simply put, if you don’t feel as if you can choose the things you want in life, I’d have to ask you, “Where have you placed your values?” If we can ever get real honest with ourselves on the answer to this simple question, we are able to assess exactly why we are where we are in life. When we can take the huge spotlight of Truth, and shine it on every decision we have made, we can truly evaluate the why’s of our situation in life. 

This is a very difficult process for so many people, especially when the culture screams to us, “Everything bad in life must be someone else’s fault. It can’t possibly be because I have made bad choices for myself!” It’s a tense place to be when we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and realize we have royally messed up, and it may take a while, and a lot of hard work, to get back to where we want to be. However, if we can ever get to this point, we will realize that success, and all our dreams, are really possible! We might just have to rearrange our priorities, and apply a little more effort, to make them happen; however, it is possible!

So, make a decision today. Don’t let life just run over you, and never choose to be a victim! Be a winner!! You can do it!! 😉

The Tree Grew ‘Round

/ The WheatandTares

So sorry for the delay in posting today! Thanks for your patience. I posted this a while back; however, I shared it with our church family yesterday, and it seemed to resonate with so many. So, I thought I would repost it for those who would like to read it…  

There are times in life when you’re just going to find yourself caught between a “rock and a hard place.” The rock won’t move, and the hard place won’t remove itself. Maybe, it’s the day you woke up late for your new job, and your nine month old baby woke up with a stomach virus, or maybe you were laid off right after buying that brand new car. Maybe, your mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and your dad began showing signs of dementia last month. 

Maybe your oldest son has been struggling with a hidden drug addiction, trying to sneak around, stealing money from your nightstand, and your youngest daughter has been bullied at the new school. Maybe, your husband seems to be distant, and you just can’t seem to find enjoyment in any of the past delights you two once had. Maybe, you had to say goodbye to a loved one, and you just weren’t ready for that yet. There are times in life when you wish it could be different. You wonder what you’re going to do, how you’re ever going to make it. 

Sometimes, life is hard. It is what it is. There’s really no changing the way the earth spins on its axis or in altering the way the clouds gather in the sky. You’re going to face hard times. I don’t care who you are, how much money you have, or how many people love you, you’re going to have disappointments in this life. You’re going to encounter obstacles in the road. It’s just the way it is, and if you haven’t had any troubles as of yet, well, just keep on living, because every elderly person on the planet can attest to this truth: Life is not always easy, and sometimes, we just have to “weather through the storm.” 

The question is not, “Will trials ever come?” The better question is, “What will I do when the rains come?” If you can ever answer that question before the storms come, you will be much better suited to survive. In that moment, you have a choice to make. You can choose to stop, to hesitate, to allow the circumstances, those hard things, to stunt your growth and keep you from reaching your destiny. You can let that rock hinder you from reaching your dreams. You can even “fold over” on top of yourself and never move beyond where you were in that moment of crisis.  

Or, you can choose to press forward. Paul said, “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14) You can choose to be like the tree in this picture that refused to be dwarfed by the rock in the path. You can choose to allow those tough spots to make you stronger, more resilient to the pain. You can choose to find joy in the little things, blessings in those people who surround you in that moment of heartache, and even, just peace in the gentle breeze that blows or warmth in the sun that shines.  

We all have choices which can hold us back from our destiny or propel us toward our dreams. It’s up to us to choose, and when we make that choice of forward determination, our lives will be better for it. Let’s choose to grow ’round that rock that crept into our path on our way to greatness. Let’s be those whose “life tree” may have twists and turns, bends and curves, but whose branches still reach around those hard places up toward the sky. 

Lessons Learned

/ The WheatandTares

Don’t you wish you could learn some things sooner than you actually do??Some things would have been easier to grasp when I was 20 than now when I’m over 40 and a little more set in my ways!  Some things would have come a little quicker had I started on the path of learning them when I was 25 rather than now when I’m almost twice that age. Oh, how I wish I had lived a little smarter, made choices a littler wiser, learned a earlier. It surely would have made things go a little smoother these days…

However, I came to a conclusion the other day, instead of living in the regrets of what I “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve,” 10, 15, even 20 years ago, I will now say to myself, “It is what it is, now, how am I going to make the BEST of it?!” 

Just as a pastor and I were talking the other day about some family lessons we each are learning, I came to that realization, because family lessons can be some of the toughest…you know those kind, don’t you? The kind with your mother, your father, your sister, your brother…The kind where you learn to speak up, shut up or even walk away from a dilemma that’s plagued you for years… You know, those real lessons that, sometimes, we don’t really want to acknowledge that we need to learn. 

Well, we were talking about this, and I said, “I just wish I could have learned this so long ago! It would have saved me so much grief and frustration!” His reply was, “how old are you?…(I told him)…try being over 60 and learning it!” We just laughed, because it’s so true! If you’re constantly seeking God, and what He has for you, you’re going to be learning and growing, no matter how old you are. 

I suppose, one of the most important things to remember is we’re never beyond learning!! We’re never too old to learn, to grow and even to change. There are lessons to be learned all around us everyday. It’s what we do with the lesson given to us that makes all the difference. 

Assuming

/ The WheatandTares

Expectations. 

Assumptions. 

We all have them. We all give them. Yet, sometimes, I think we have too many, and we assert them too quickly…let’s be real for a minute…I know I do, at times…and I’m working on that.

We can’t assume we know the person nor from whence they come lest the road alongside them we travel. This can, especially, happen in the blogging world, can’t it? Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about…

I was reading a blog entry on day, and this young woman had written about the man she was missing. “…can’t breathe. Can’t sleep….sad…he’s been gone two years…” The impression was, for me, she was missing him from death. I commented to her of prayers for her loss, praying she would find comfort and grace. Then, as I read other comments, and her response, I come to realize the guy just keeps coming back and leaving. Ok, so, that was a little annoying! (Just being honest here) At first, I felt bad for her, as she grieved; however, it seemed to, now, be a pattern which she was allowing. That isn’t true grief; that’s being used and making room for it. 
Another blog entry from someone else showed pictures of beauty, words of joy. It was inspiring, encouraging. After I sent a comment, the reply I received proved she was heartbroken and desperate.
We truly can never judge a book by its cover. We can never judge a life by its appearance and, sometimes, not even by their spoken words. There are so many hurting, dying people in this world, and they will simply paint a face of happiness to shield them from further pain. They will simply withdraw; so, no one realizes the depression…because, after all, the outside world never really understands that emotion much anyway. If you don’t believe me, just open the paper and read of the heartbreaking suicides where the friends state they had no clue the person was unstable, because they simply did their job and went home. 

We can only truly know a person’s heart when we walk hand in hand, when we gently ask and are allowed inside the gates of a guarded soul, when they allow us to see their vulnerability and their truth. Sometimes, this can come simply by asking. There are those who are just waiting for someone to show they care. There are others with whom it will take days, months or even years to crack the solid built encasing of their heart, because they have fortified it for years. 

We have to determine how much we truly care and how much time we are willing to give in each relationship. Sometimes, we are too busy to give the adequate care, and so, we simply assume a certain thing, and never try to understand. Other times, we don’t have the right tools to do the hard work of listening and learning, because, after all, that’s not our personality, not our gifting, or even, not our calling. Often, it may be that the other person doesn’t have the ability to give, because so much has been taken from them. The stories and scenarios are endless. It’s so hard to know. 

Yet, for those whom we truly love, for those with whom we find our worlds colliding, we must be able to give the time and attention to break down the expectations and put away the assumptions so that true friendships and deep relationships will last. We may not understand, but the longer we walk the road together, we can learn together. We begin to see “by and by.” 

Perfection

/ The WheatandTares / 3 Comments

If we could have achieved perfection on our own, we wouldn’t have needed Jesus. – Jennifer Dukes Lee

We work so hard to have perfection in every area of our lives. Yet, whose perfection are we working to achieve? Is it the perfection of the Pinterest mom?  Do you feel the need to be extra crafty, a perfect, DIY gal, making all the cute little cupcakes and crafts for the party? Is it the homeschool supermom who knows exactly what her child needs in every subject and on every lesson? Is it the grill perfect dad, knowing just when to turn that perfect steak, when to add that very last seasoning to make the meal of a lifetime for all your friends to drool? 

Or maybe it’s that perfect businessman, knowing exactly when to press in for the deal and when to walk away, leaving them begging for more? Maybe it’s the A+ college student…you know, the one who can achieve the highest scores in her sleep while writing that pristine perfect 20 page paper in a day, just after she read the 1500 page novel for American Lit! What is this “perfect” that we seek so hard to find??

Too often, it seems, we seek to find the perfection we think we see in someone else. We look. We examine. We analyze everyone else’s perceived goodness and realize our lacking. We compare our faults to their “greatness,” and we are left wanting more. Who told us they are by whom we should measure ourselves?? 

Who convinced us of their perfection? They are not the answer. They are not the picture of perfection. What they do or don’t do should never be our focus! Who are “they” anyway?? They can never satisfy our longings. They can never fulfill our dreams. They can never transform us from who were once were to whom we are destined to be!

Only the Creator of our lives can bring about perfection. Only Jesus should be our goal of perfection! He is the only one who was born of a virgin, lived a perfect life, dies for us, rose again and has promised to come again. Only HE is the picture of perfect by which we should examine our life. Only HE should be sought after for our value of perfection. 

The only way we can reach to His perfection is to first be real with our imperfections and realize we can never achieve absolute perfection until He perfects our earthly bodies with a heavenly one. We can only reach to His perfection by becoming more like Him and so much less like ourselves. It’s a daily struggle, a daily walk toward His cross and away from our flesh…It’s a daily journey in realism. Why don’t we try a little real-ness in our search for Him? How about a little authenticity in our daily lives? 

Are you ready for a little honesty…a little truth? Let’s drop the games that we play, and let’s get real. Let’s live lives of authenticity. Let’s live lives more like Christ: love, joy, peace, patience and truth…these are the makings for perfection! Let’s chase after Him rather than all those who would try to make us think they are perfect. 🙂

“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 4:48

The Facade

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

There She Goes

You know the one
She’s got her recipes plastered on Pinterest…all her beautiful cakes and dishes…Her creative parties and house decor…All those perfectly clean rooms and floors…
You know, supermom.
She’s got her status posted everyday of how wonderful life is, how precious her little angels are.
She adores her husband and he adores her.
She wrote just last night of how he brought her flowers for no particular reason.
Her ring is a true rock and her clothes always looks perfect and that hair…
Geez, does she go to the salon everyday?!
She’s not just supermom; she’s super wife!…Super-woman!!
She’s got to have it all and have it all together!
Or so you would think…
Yet, you didn’t see her last night snap at her husband and go to bed angry.
You weren’t there last week when she screamed at the kiddos when they spilt the milk.
You didn’t even know she ran back in the house this morning, make up streaming, baby spit up in her hair, Cherrios crushed down her new blouse, the car out of gas….because some Fridays just really start as Mondays.
You don’t realize she stresses out before every group event, because she’s really an introvert and worries about being accepted.
You don’t recognize the tears that brim as she smiles and slightly turns away so you can’t see.
You just don’t see her under the facade…
She awoke again terrified in the night …another nightmare…
She went straight to the babies’ rooms, scared that he had found her after all these years.
She’s suffered such abuse, such neglect, she wonders if anyone could ever truly care.
She wanders through this life simply surviving breath by breath, minute by tiny minute.
You never see her there, in the dark, all alone.
It’s all a facade.
It’s all a fancy charade to obtain a moment of sanity.
She dances with the emotions and she paints on the portraits.
All the while, she keeps the pain, the agony, the death, hiding there inside.
It’s time to coax her from the shadows, to give her hope for what might be.
It’s time to let go of our perceived perfection and love her for who she is, to help her dream of who she can one day become.
We must show her the hope she can have in Him.
We have to reach her, to be His hands extended, or she’ll forever be lost in her pain.
We’ve got to see past the facade to show her He died that she might live.
We must take off our own masks to let His love pour in; then, she may know His love and mercy that will sustain her, give her life and fill her with her with perfect peace.  
 image

Reposted for
Daily Prompt: Facade

Right Where You Are

/ The WheatandTares

BIG PICTURE LIVING
while DEALING WITH
the HERE AND NOW…

Sometimes, life isn’t what we dreamt it to be. Do you remember? Those dreams you had as a little child…fairytale lands, sweet candy trees, visions of the prince coming to save you…thoughts of a knight in shining armor riding up, slaying the dragons and whisking you away to the city made of gold, the land where it never rains, and evil is far, far away.

Or maybe you were that little kid whose cape whipped in the wind. You became as tall as a house, had muscles made of steel, and eyes full of fire. No villain or evil thing could come against your universe. You could squash them all in a millisecond! Do you remember those wonderful visions of grandeur?

Time moved on, you grew up, and holding those grand dreams tight within your chest, you faced the world. You were determined to have that extra-human strength to conquer anything, or anyone, who might try to stand in your way. Then, the storms rolled in, the lightening flashed and the winds screamed in your face. The fight became real, and the dreams began to wash away with the rain. The struggle grew harder, and, as you struggled just to breathe, you were thankful just to simply survive. Those dreams were shut away in the archives of childhood, and the giant called LIFE demanded your surrender and your obedience. You succumbed to responsibilities, others’ expectations and failure.

Who told you those boyhood dreams couldn’t be realized? Who told you that little girl could no longer dance on the wind and be rescued by the handsome prince? Those voices you’ve been listening to have LIED to you! If you are reading this, if you are still able to move, and if there is still yet breath in your being, you’re not finished! Your potential here on this earth is not through!

Get back to dreaming! Recall those thoughts of the past! Sure, life is hard. Sure, times change and people change, but that doesn’t mean your dreams have to. It may take hard work. It may take failing a few times. It may even take altering the complete expectations of those dreams a little (yeah, so maybe you don’t wear the cape and tights to work everyday), but you can still be a hero to your wife and kids! You can still be swept off your feet by the man you love simply by opening your eyes to actually see him.

See the bigger picture. If you’re not where you long to be, just start right where you are. Start with the here and now. Your big picture can never be realized if you bust up the frame before the details are done. You’ve got to begin right now, right here.

If you dream of someday owning your own business, start researching now how to accomplish it. If you dream of one day writing a book, start journaling and keeping notes today. If you long to go back to college, but don’t see a way, since you’re now working two jobs and have four kids, talk it over with your spouse, make plans, fill out the applications, and apply for financial aid. Was that a teacher, preacher, doctor or contractor dream you had? Then take the steps today to begin realizing those dreams, even if they do seem tiny in the grand scheme of things! You can never begin on the journey if you don’t pack your bag and chart your course. You can do this!

You’ll never get to the big picture, if you can’t start putting the puzzle of life together right now, one piece at a time. If things are just awful, the bucket has holes, and the water is pouring out faster than you can stop it, just start with the one hole. Pick up your hammer and nails, or your spatula and putty, and patch it up. Don’t freak out over all the holes at once. Focus on one or two; then, once those are repaired, start on the next set.

When you successfully jump that first hurdle, and then the next, you’ll be amazed at the energy it will give you to set your eyes ahead to face the next one! That’s called momentum. Get you some! You’ll begin to not only survive, you’ll begin to thrive. When you thrive, nothing can hinder you from accomplishing that big dream, reaching that big goal, and seeing that big picture. Do it! Start today…right here and right now! 🙂

Happy Valentine’s Day

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

IMG_9457 As I sat in a memorial today to celebrate the homecoming of a life well lived, I thought about love, life, faith and death. I thought about the wife of the deceased who had been married for 53 years. I thought of the precious lady who sat beside me who, just a few short months ago, had said goodbye to her husband after so many years of loving each other. I thought of the young man I would see just a few minutes later, who just lost his wife to an organ transplant failure. Surrounded by so much grief, I wondered how it could possibly be Valentine’s Day today.

So many getting ready for their ‘hot dates’ tonight. Others bragging about all the candy, cards and roses they had received. My husband and myself exchanging our love just a few hours before, yet, waiting to truly celebrate until tomorrow because of all that we were a part of today. I thought of those who grieve today. I thought of those who are heartbroken, abused, deserted, lost and alone. It’s not such a heart-filled, sunshiny day for those. What do we say to them?

What do we say when our hearts are so filled with joy, excitement and laughter? What do we do when their grief seems to cast a shadow on our smile? Do we tell them just to “Get over it…tomorrow will be brighter…you’ll simply feel better later on…?” Are we really that shallow to forget how it feels to have a shattered dream and an empty heart? Are we really that naive not to know? What are we to do?

As I sat beside my widowed friend, and as I said goodbye to my other friend’s man, my heart broke for their brokenness. My eyes shed tears as they shed. My day was just a little more gray as I encountered my third friend’s grief in saying goodbye to her daughter-in-law and comforting her weeping son. Yet, as I walked away to go have a Valentine’s lunch with my little family, I breathed the air in deeply and thanked my Father above for these moments, not just the joys of my men but, as well, the pains of my friends. These times when I truly see reality. These moments when authenticity, vulnerability and honesty are raw and unedited, exposing the tender hearts within.

For, it is in moments like these when we grow a little wiser. In these hours, we learn to love a little deeper and let our trust become more secure. If it weren’t for the hard places in life, we would never learn where our faith truly lies. We’d never realize the value of a friend, the depth of love in our family, the importance in a given moment. It is said, “There is more wisdom in the house of mourning than in the house of laughter” (Paraphrased, Ecclesiastes 7:2). As my heart broke again and again for my friends, it caused me to appreciate, even more, the later moments with my men. It caused me to be keenly aware of my husband’s handsome smile, my JMan’s innocent laughter, and the love behind JGrizz’s witty remark, “Of course, I love you. It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” 😉 These precious occasions made me live life a little fuller.

So, as this Valentine’s Day is coming to an end, maybe you’ve spent a wonderful day with your love(s), maybe your dealing with a broken heart from a love that’s been lost, or maybe you’ve recently had to say a heart wrenched goodbye as your love entered eternity. Maybe this day just doesn’t seem as cheer-filled as it once had been, but no matter the circumstance in which you find yourself tonight, I pray you will hold tight the love you have, the joy you once had and the memories you’ve made along the way. I pray you’ll look toward the future and know He is still in control. Look forward and see that there’s still hope. I pray you hold all theses things close to your heart and realize there’s a heavenly Father above who’s looking down and sending you His eternal, unconditional love. YOU are the object of His affection tonight. He truly loves you! His love for is beyond your very hopes and dreams. His love for you died that you might live. ❤

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17