relationship

What’s Love Got To Do?

/ The WheatandTares

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

The best piece of advice would actually be two statements given by different people, but the statements work together:

It takes 1,000 tiny miracles to make a marriage work.

Marriage will only last best when Christ is at the center.

These might sound a bit cliche, and if you don’t have a relationship with Christ; then, it might not even make sense to you. Or if you’ve “been a Christian but everything went wrong in my marriage/in life,” then, it might be a difficult concept for you to accept.

Let me say this loud and clear and long:

Just because the statement did not/does not ring true in your own life, does not make the statement untrue.

That’s why these two statements work so well together. It truly takes a 1,000 tiny miracles to get the right two people together, at the right time, in the right location, under the right circumstances, and in the right context, in the right season for each.

Much more is it tiny miracles that keep those two love birds together over time. After all, he is marrying a woman. And she is marrying a man. Imagine that. Lol. They think differently, act differently, speak differently, react differently, even feel differently. How in the world can that work?

And that’s where God comes in. He is the Creator of our very lives. He designed every part of us and breathed breath into our lungs. How could He not be the miracles working within our lives? But there’s one caveat. He allows us to have the freewill of choice.

You heard me right. He’s the Almighty, great Creator of heaven and earth and all that we see. He is the Master Designer of all creation and of the intricate, complex beings called humans. He is the Alpha Omega, the Beginning and the End, meaning He can create and finish life and everything in it and around it.

Yet, He in His ultimate design, He gives us the ability to choose. We can choose Him or not. We can choose love or hate. We can choose life or death. We get the beautiful freedom of choice.

And what we do with that choice will determine the beautiful finality of those 1,000 tiny miracles that it takes to make a marriage work. What we do in choosing determines where we end up in life and who we end up with. What we do with the choices determines how we think, how we speak, how we act, interact and react, and it determines how we live our lives.

Every. Single. Day.

Every. Single. Minute of that Day.

Every. Single. Second of that Minute of that Day.

These choices don’t automatically make us somehow perfect. They don’t make us sinless. But if we’re daily choosing Christ and the things of Him, it will make us seek perfection, and it will make us sin less. And if two people are seeking, choosing, sacrificing and loving in these ways, it surely helps to support and strengthen a healthy union.

So, what will you choose?

Or better yet, WHO will you choose?

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Joshua 24:15

One Opinion

/ The WheatandTares

One opinion can wreck our whole day.

One opinion can destroy our whole mood.

One opinion can demolish our whole level of success.

Why?

Why do we let one simple opinion do that?

The wise statement is so very true:

“Care about what others think, and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu

Enough said.

Let it go and go do better.

The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.

Proverbs 29:25

You Lead. You Influence

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

Do you see yourself as a leader?

John C. Maxwell says, “Leadership is influence.” So, when the question is posed, “Do you see yourself as a leader?”, the answer for all of us should actually be, “Yes.”

The question should rather be, “Who are you leading?” And “Where are you leading them?”

If you are like me, and you call yourself a Christian, we should be leading others to Christ. Not to a religion. Not to church. Not to a “feel better” lifestyle. Not to a program or to a group of people. But we should be leading others to a relationship with Jesus.

All of those other things might come with the territory, and if we truly have a relationship with Jesus and actually read His Word, many of those things will fall into line. But the relationship is where it’s at. And if you have that relationship, you will have influence. And if you have influence, per John Maxwell, you will be a leader.

And even if you don’t claim Jesus as your Savior, or maybe you declare you’re not into “all that religious stuff,” you’ll still be leading someone somewhere. And again, I’ll insert the question, “Where are you leading them?”

If you have no leader yourself, and you have no foundation of truth, than your path will be quite a crooked one. And in this modern age, a crooked path can simply be foolish and quite frankly, dangerous. For there are buyers for your soul on every street corner, both physically and metaphorically. And typically, the highest bidder will win.

But at what cost? And are you willing to gamble your life upon it? Or better yet, are you willing to gamble with the most innocent among you? Or maybe even better to ask, what about the ones you love the most? Are they worth the precarious journey in your lack of leadership?

Whether you decide to choose or not, it will be decided. Refusal to answer is still an answer, and it will still bring consequences.

So, choose, my friend.

And lead on.

I pray you will choose and lead well.

Don’t Be So Rude

/ The WheatandTares / 11 Comments

What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Rudeness is a personality trait that raises a red flag for me almost immediately. You can be aggravated and not rude. You can be inconvenienced and not rude. You can even be mad and ticked off and still not rude.

Being rude is simply disrespect and apathy flowing out of your mouth and attitude toward someone else. Being rude is a lack of caring who’s around you or how you might be perceived.

Now, look. I’m not setting myself on a high horse and pretending I’ve never been rude. And it’s also not a “make it or break it” attitude for our relationship. We can all have bad days, and we can all make mistakes.

But if you walk around in life believing it’s your prerogative to be rude anytime you like and to anyone whom you dare, then, we’re going to have a problem.

If you believe it’s your God-given right to be rude to the elderly or to children, that’s when you and I aren’t going to get along.

And if you sincerely feel you’ve earned the privilege to be rude simply because you’re too young to know better or too old to care, then, we probably just can’t be friends.

And if you carry on that way long enough in my presence, I’ll even say something to you, retaliate with a bit of rudeness myself, or simply walk away and leave you to your fate.

Rudeness is never a right of passage nor an achievement of greatness.

It is just what it is: RUDE!

And just in case you’re wondering, speaking truth is not being rude, but there are also plenty of opportunities to speak truth firmly and strongly without being rude.

It actually takes more courage to be right and truthful and not be rude.

And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

Luke 6:31

Grudge Not

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Are you holding a grudge? About?

It’s almost funny, that the daily prompt today is asking if you’re holding a grudge, and my blog post earlier today was about forgiveness.

As they say, maybe great minds do think alike. Lol.

Do I hold a grudge? No. I’d have to say not because I’ve learned forgiveness is more important and more freeing than holding grudges that I could rightfully hold.

Yet, for some whose relationship has been effected by my distance and even my walking away, their narrative could be different. But sometimes, toxicity must be avoided at all costs. And that’s where the judgement begins.

But to hold a grudge means your intent will eventually be to bring harm. Holding a grudge has the intent of revenge. Holding a grudge has the motives of destruction.

Holding a grudge is rooted in the foundation of unforgiveness. Holding a grudge brings resentment and bitterness. Holding a grudge actually brings more harm to you than it does to those against whom the grudge is held.

That grudge will create a prison in which you’ll live if you’ll let it. That grudge will be the hot iron that you think you’re grasping in your hand, yet the longer you hold it, the more it burns your flesh and all those closest to you.

But if you’ll release that grudge, it’s like releasing the hot iron to go back into the fire from whence it came. And the release brings you more freedom than you could ever imagine.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31

Forgiveness Finds Freedom

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

Forgiving those who wounded you doesn’t free them from guilt.

Forgiveness isn’t pretending it never happened.

Forgiving the one who brought harm is never justifying their wrong.

Forgiveness only frees us from their poison overtaking our soul.

Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22

Prison of Memories

/ The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

For years, I’ve heard of the movie Good Will Hunting. I’ve tried to watch it on air flights every chance I got. But the unedited version just turned me off after the first maybe 5 mins. Forgive me. I’m weird like that, but I just don’t get into a lot of foul language and crude conversations. I’m not a big movie watcher anyway; so, I don’t care to waste my time…

But my husband had first watched it on an edited flight many years ago and had been referencing it for one situation or another all this time. I wanted to watch it so bad, I was almost tempted just to forgo my personal standards and just watch it anyway. Well, he told me the other day he’d had the tv edited version on our recordings for a while now, and he didn’t realize I’d wanted to watch it so bad. Lol.

So, we finally found time to sit down to watch it, and Wow. If you’ve not seen this. You need to. Of course, I would definitely encourage the edited version. Ha.ha. But anyway.

Without being a spoiler, let’s just say this little statement above came alive and well in the middle of the story, and I just balled my eyes out! Geez. I’m so glad I was in the privacy of my own home with only my husband to see me crying like a blubbering idiot and not on a plane where a whole bunch of strangers would wonder what in the world was my problem!

Some days the memories still knock the wind out of me.

And that’s just the honest truth of life, isn’t it?

It doesn’t really matter if it’s past pain, grief, brokenness or shame. When the memories come up, it doesn’t matter how deep you’ve stuffed them down, or how far beneath the surface you think you’ve buried them.

They’re going to slam into your heart like a tsunami.

They’re going to run through your mind like a twister seeking a place to land.

They’re going to roll over your soul like a freight train.

There’s no real stopping them.

You might as well stop the denial. And you might as well not try to run. Cuz they’ll chase you down and beat you, or they’ll just lie in wait for you at your next destination.

Memories don’t go away like a vapor in the wind.

They are like the fragrance on that wind, choosing when to come and when to go.

Claiming no responsibility and receiving no accountability.

Never giving forwarning of their arrival nor a wave to their departure.

They just are and forever will be.

It’s better to embrace, evaluate, excavate and even let them exuberate.

Otherwise, you’ll get sucked into an abyss of that depression, anger, resentment, confusion, and heartache from whence they came.

One of which you’ll never escape.

Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19

Joyfully Teary-Eyed

/ The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

What brings a tear of joy to your eye?

A better question for me might be, “What doesn’t bring a tear of joy to my eye?” Is here are so many things in my life that bring me joy, and I am very much like my grandmother; so, tears come easily around here. Haha.

But seriously. There are some particular things that bring tears of joy to my eyes…

Our guys are probably at the top of the list. These guys just make me so proud to be called their mom. They are working hard to make a place in this life for themselves, becoming responsible, doing well in school, striving to be good, strong men. Most of all, they both have hearts that seek wholeheartedly after God, and not because “mom and dad believe.” That Scripture (paraphrased), “…work our your salvation with fear and trembling,” that’s what they do. They debate it, think about it, search scripture and history, and surround themselves with leaders who can speak into their lives. These guys. Yeah, they bring tears of pure joy to my eyes.

My main guy does this for me, too. He’s simply amazing. Even on days when I’m at my worst, and maybe I’m grouching on him for something that is certainly NOT his fault, he still loves me. He still cares. He works hard in life, at work and at home, all to provide safety, comfort and strength for us. He gives more of himself than I deserve, and I’m forever thankful. Most of all, he’s a man after God’s own heart, and he’s helped to raise our guys to be the same. He’s also shown me who Christ is by the man he lives to be.

And I know. You may be sitting there reading this, thinking, “Yeah, right.” You can’t have perfection, or maybe you’re just blind. Well, I’m not telling a fairytale, but I might as well be living one. No. Of course, we’re not perfect, but that’s what makes the 1,000 tiny miracles that make a marriage work so very special.

And last but definitely not least, my God brings tears of joy to my eyes. When I look at a waterfall and hear the waters rushing by, I can hear His voice on the waters telling of His goodness. When I hike a mountain and look out over a summit, I can feel His faithfulness to me overwhelming. Even when I sit and pet my cat and hear him purr, I can remember He cares even about the smallest of things, and this then, confirms His love again and again.

When these events occur, tears of joy and gratitude fill my eyes to overflowing as I feel the warmth of His loving care.

Tears of joy, they are good for you and me.

The purer the source, the clearer the tears.

You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:11

Heavy Hearts

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

I just heard from a friend that her mother has been diagnosed with cancer. This was just after texting a friend with encouragement after finding out the false charges they’ve been fighting have been solidified, and it’s become a political game to wipe her family out. That came just the day after i had read the obit of my sweet neighbor whose husband passed away last week. They were sweethearts.

All of this is in the midst of watching our friends in Ukraine fight for their lives while our world looks on without care. And I read a newsletter about the children in Africa who are living in refuge camps in the war torn areas of Bunia and the children rescued to an orphanage there whose parents have died in the war, all of them.

If I keep my eyes on the devastation, the heaviness of my heart would overtake my soul. But God…

Some people will stop reading right there.

They will simply brush this remark away because they don’t believe a true God could be good if all this heartache is in the world.

They will grow angry at these words because they don’t believe this God could be loving and kind if we still see war, destruction and starvation.

They will grow apathetic and turn aside because they don’t believe my God, or anyone else for that matter, is able to do anything of significance to change the brokenness in which we live.

But I have learned my God is able.

I have witnessed my God is faithful.

I have experienced my God’s transformation of so many circumstances where “impossible” was already in the headlines.

He doesn’t always perform the miracle as I thought should be.

He doesn’t always answer the prayer as I deemed should be answered.

And He doesn’t always bring resolution as I believed should be brought.

But I have always found Him to reveal Himself as God, nothing more, nothing less.

And that has always proven to be enough.

Because I am convinced He loves me.

And He loves you.

So, if you find yourself in my shoes today where your eyes are weary of the pain before you, and your ears are leery of what was heard yesterday, and your heart is heavy laden with the news you’ve received today, look up.

Look up to the One who can bring you peace within when the war rages outside.

Look up to the One who can bring strength when your body can withstand no more.

Look up to the One who can bring hope when all hope feels lost.

Now when these things begin to happen, lookup and lift up your heads, because your redemption draws near.”

Luke 21:28

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I’m Not Okay

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

There is a modern day push to tolerate all things, no matter what it might be.

To remain silent even when injustice is being propagated.

There is a peer pressure within society that you may speak, so long as your words aren’t too strong, too forceful, too conflicting, or God forbid, too spiritual.

Yet, I want to ask, WHO SET THE RULES?

WHO claims you are right and I am wrong?

WHO gets to choose what is common decency, kindness to mankind, justice to the abused?

Kindness does not begin where your intolerance ends.

Common decency does not get defined only by those with a specified ambition and agenda.

Justice does not get unbalanced weights to apply innocence to evil and evil to righteousness.

There has to be an absolute foundation on which to stand.

There has to be a voice that rises above the muck and mire.

There has to be an outcry for purity, holiness and truth.

And there must be a gathering of like minds who are bold enough to speak that truth with love.

Stop being a doormat.

Stop being used a vessel for wrong.

Stop being weaponized to destroy the innocence of all humanity.

You shall not have in your bag differing weights, a heavy and a light. You shall not have in your house differing measures, a large and a small. You shall have a perfect and just weight, a perfect and just measure, that your days may be lengthened in the land which the Lord your God is giving you. For all who do such things, all who behave unrighteously, are an abomination to the Lord your God.

Deuteronomy 25:13-16

Hear this, you who swallow up the needy,
And make the poor of the land fail, Saying: “When will the New Moon be past,
That we may sell grain? And the Sabbath, that we may trade wheat? Making the ephah small and the shekel large, Falsifying the scales by deceit, that we may buy the poor for silver, and the needy for a pair of sandals— Even sell the bad wheat?”

Amos 8:4-6

These six things the Lord hates,
Yes, seven are an abomination to Him:
A proud look,
A lying tongue,
Hands that shed innocent blood,
A heart that devises wicked plans,
Feet that are swift in running to evil,
A false witness who speaks lies,
And one who sows discord among brethren.

Proverbs 6:16-19