Piercing Question

The Lord’s questions always reveal the true me to myself.                                                       – Oswald Chambers, His Utmost for My Highest

When God confronts us with a piercing question, one that goes straight to the soul, as He did with Peter in John 21:17, he strips our conscience of every other thought or good deed we might have done. He causes our heart to realize the truth in the answer.

This has happened at least once in my life. It was the summer of 2000. Joey and I had tried to have a baby for 13 months, and after much turmoil, heartache, and almost giving up and going to see a dr about it, the test had finally read positive. We were so excited!! We started planning, preparing and dreaming about this precious little one who would soon enter our lives.

Almost immediately, I got sick. Oh, the morning sickness was awful! As soon as my eyes popped open every morning, I’d run to the restroom. Well, even before my eyes would open, I’d feel that nausea. Yet, I didn’t complain. I knew this precious baby was growing inside of me, and the sickness was all worth it.

Two days before Joey’s birthday, we went to the dr for my first check-up. I was 10 weeks along. The nurse put the little sonogram instrument on my belly, Joey and I held hands as we awaited that precious sound of a heartbeat. The nurse blinked, frowned a little and tried again; then, she decided she’d do a vaginal sonogram. (Not fun. Not. Fun. At. All.) She turned the screen; so, we couldn’t see; then, she stopped and simply said, “You’ll want to get dressed, and the doctor will be in shortly to talk to you.” As soon as she shut the door, I burst into tears. As he held me, Joey said, “Maybe it’s not that bad, babe.” I knew without a shadow of a doubt; there’s was something terribly wrong.

The doctor came in, and after showing us on the screen what he was seeing, he told us the baby never grew after the second day of conception, that this is called a “spontaneous abortion,” or a miscarriage, and that I had been sick, because the placenta didn’t stop growing; therefore, my body still presumed I was pregnant, causing the morning sickness.

We were devastated. I had to have a D&C the following Monday to remove the placenta, and we left for my grandparents home in northwest Florida for a few days, just to regroup and process it all. While there, I prayed a lot, sought God for answers, questioned my faith and why He would answer my prayers only to take away my only dream in life.

You see, I was never bent on having a career, having prestige or even being great at a good job. All I ever wanted to do was be a mom. I just wanted to hold, love and nurture a little one. I just wanted to be the best wife and mother I could be. Now, I questioned if that was actually in God’s plan for me. I questioned if we would ever have any little pitter-pattering feet running through our home.

That is when God confronted me with the question. I remember it so vividly; the moment is forever etched in my mind. I was standing in my grandmother’s sewing room, looking through the glass door that looked out over the bay. I was praying, and God said, “Will you love Me even if you never have a child?” I just started weeping, and I knew, without a shadow of doubt, the answer within my heart: “Yes, Lord. I will always love You, even if You never give me the dream. How can I live without You?”

When He confronts you with His piercing question, there is no where to hide. There are no pretenses to hold onto. There are no lies to portray. The truth is revealed in your heart at that very moment, and you know it for the rest of your life.

Problem is, too often, we allow our lives to get so cluttered, so busy and so overwhelmed that we don’t allow Him the time to ask us. We don’t get alone with Him and give Him the opportunity to ask. Yes, He is God. I know, He can ask us whenever; yet, I have found, more often than not, He only asks those piercing questions when WE are ready for the answer. You see, He doesn’t need the answer; He already knows the depths of our heart. He knows what we’re going to say. The answer is for our knowledge. The answer is for our revelation of truth.

Get alone with Him. Open your heart and your ears to hear what He has to say. Let Him ask you those piercing questions, and you might just be surprised when the answer is revealed.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10