Heartbeats

Piercing Question

/ The WheatandTares / 13 Comments

The Lord’s questions always reveal the true me to myself.                                                       – Oswald Chambers, His Utmost for My Highest

When God confronts us with a piercing question, one that goes straight to the soul, as He did with Peter in John 21:17, he strips our conscience of every other thought or good deed we might have done. He causes our heart to realize the truth in the answer.

This has happened at least once in my life. It was the summer of 2000. Joey and I had tried to have a baby for 13 months, and after much turmoil, heartache, and almost giving up and going to see a dr about it, the test had finally read positive. We were so excited!! We started planning, preparing and dreaming about this precious little one who would soon enter our lives.

Almost immediately, I got sick. Oh, the morning sickness was awful! As soon as my eyes popped open every morning, I’d run to the restroom. Well, even before my eyes would open, I’d feel that nausea. Yet, I didn’t complain. I knew this precious baby was growing inside of me, and the sickness was all worth it.

Two days before Joey’s birthday, we went to the dr for my first check-up. I was 10 weeks along. The nurse put the little sonogram instrument on my belly, Joey and I held hands as we awaited that precious sound of a heartbeat. The nurse blinked, frowned a little and tried again; then, she decided she’d do a vaginal sonogram. (Not fun. Not. Fun. At. All.) She turned the screen; so, we couldn’t see; then, she stopped and simply said, “You’ll want to get dressed, and the doctor will be in shortly to talk to you.” As soon as she shut the door, I burst into tears. As he held me, Joey said, “Maybe it’s not that bad, babe.” I knew without a shadow of a doubt; there’s was something terribly wrong.

The doctor came in, and after showing us on the screen what he was seeing, he told us the baby never grew after the second day of conception, that this is called a “spontaneous abortion,” or a miscarriage, and that I had been sick, because the placenta didn’t stop growing; therefore, my body still presumed I was pregnant, causing the morning sickness.

We were devastated. I had to have a D&C the following Monday to remove the placenta, and we left for my grandparents home in northwest Florida for a few days, just to regroup and process it all. While there, I prayed a lot, sought God for answers, questioned my faith and why He would answer my prayers only to take away my only dream in life.

You see, I was never bent on having a career, having prestige or even being great at a good job. All I ever wanted to do was be a mom. I just wanted to hold, love and nurture a little one. I just wanted to be the best wife and mother I could be. Now, I questioned if that was actually in God’s plan for me. I questioned if we would ever have any little pitter-pattering feet running through our home.

That is when God confronted me with the question. I remember it so vividly; the moment is forever etched in my mind. I was standing in my grandmother’s sewing room, looking through the glass door that looked out over the bay. I was praying, and God said, “Will you love Me even if you never have a child?” I just started weeping, and I knew, without a shadow of doubt, the answer within my heart: “Yes, Lord. I will always love You, even if You never give me the dream. How can I live without You?”

When He confronts you with His piercing question, there is no where to hide. There are no pretenses to hold onto. There are no lies to portray. The truth is revealed in your heart at that very moment, and you know it for the rest of your life.

Problem is, too often, we allow our lives to get so cluttered, so busy and so overwhelmed that we don’t allow Him the time to ask us. We don’t get alone with Him and give Him the opportunity to ask. Yes, He is God. I know, He can ask us whenever; yet, I have found, more often than not, He only asks those piercing questions when WE are ready for the answer. You see, He doesn’t need the answer; He already knows the depths of our heart. He knows what we’re going to say. The answer is for our knowledge. The answer is for our revelation of truth.

Get alone with Him. Open your heart and your ears to hear what He has to say. Let Him ask you those piercing questions, and you might just be surprised when the answer is revealed.

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

The Little Things

/ The WheatandTares / 4 Comments

I know last week was Valentine’s Day, and we celebrated “love” and all that ‘mushy stuff’ then, but I was thinking about my marriage today, about our 20th anniversary coming up in a few months, and I’d like to share a little secret with you…

It’s not always the big stuff that will make you fall in love with your spouse every day. It’s not the dozen roses that he might bring or the expensive ring he might buy. It’s not the extravagant dinner or the fancy theater on which he splurges. It’s not even the great big words used to describe his love or the great big card on which he wrote them. 

Yeah, all those things are beautiful, fun and exciting. They make celebrations special, memorable and great posts for social media. But the things that make me fall in love each and every day are the little things…

The placing of reservations in the nice hotel the night before he speaks at the State Capitol; so, we don’t have to fight the traffic at 6am…because I’m just not a morning person.

The patience he has to wait beside me in the coffee line before we leave the hotel…when he doesn’t even drink coffee.

The phone call he makes to see where I am, because I dropped off our son a half hour ago and decided to drop by the grocery store before coming back home.

The walk down the hall and around the corner to ‘drop by’ my office just to see what I think about a new idea.

The excitement he brings our boys by taking them on an adventure while I have a meeting or other obligation to attend.

The way he looks at me across the room, without saying a word, to tell me he believes in me and knows I can do this thing.

These are just a few of the many little things that make our love so big, and it turned my thoughts toward God and His love for us. He is so much greater, and His love runs so much deeper than anything we could ever imagine. He shows us His love every day in so many big ways; yet, it’s the small ways that often bring me to greater emotion…

The song that comes on the radio to lift my spirits just at the moment I’m feeling a little blue.

The flower that blooms despite the wind and the rain.

The people who just “happen” to be there when my husband and I are meandering through the halls of the wrong building trying to find the office we are looking for.

The snow that falls on the day it wasn’t supposed to, but it falls anyway just to show the weatherman it can.

The peace He brings my heart right as I step up to the podium wondering why in the world I am going to speak on what I chose.

The voice mail left on my phone by a friend who calls just to say how much her pastors mean to her and the difference they make.

It’s the little things, sometimes, that bring the biggest impact…the little words, the smile, the hug, the phone calls. Why don’t we try today to share our love toward others in those little things? Why don’t we make an effort today to share our love in the little things toward our Heavenly Father?

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22: 37-40

 

 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

/ The WheatandTares

In light of Valentine’s Day coming up Sunday, I couldn’t help but reshare a note I wrote last year concerning this day of love…I hope you have a love-filled weekend, wherever and with whomever you find yourself to be. ❤️

The WheatandTares's avatarthe grizzle grist mill

IMG_9457 As I sat in a memorial today to celebrate the homecoming of a life well lived, I thought about love, life, faith and death. I thought about the wife of the deceased who had been married for 53 years. I thought of the precious lady who sat beside me who, just a few short months ago, had said goodbye to her husband after so many years of loving each other. I thought of the young man I would see just a few minutes later, who just lost his wife to an organ transplant failure. Surrounded by so much grief, I wondered how it could possibly be Valentine’s Day today.

So many getting ready for their ‘hot dates’ tonight. Others bragging about all the candy, cards and roses they had received. My husband and myself exchanging our love just a few hours before, yet, waiting to truly celebrate until tomorrow because…

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Juh- …What?? … SAY YOUR NAME

/ The WheatandTares / 6 Comments

Say Your Name  THE DAILY PROMPT by THE DAILY POST 2/8/16

Write about your first name: Are you named after someone or something? Are there any stories or associations attached to it? If you had the choice, would you rename yourself?

My name is quite an interesting one… My “real” name is JAMIA, but I go by the nickname MIA.

Now, before I tell you how to pronounce these five little letters put into a sequence, I’d like to tell you how many different ways I heard it pronounced throughout my childhood days… “Jay-me-uh,” “Jay-me” (like Jamie), “Jay-muh,” “Juh-may-uh,” “Juh-may-e,” “Juh-my-uh,” “Jam-me-uh,” “Jam-me-ay,” and “Jam-uh.”  There were kids who teased me by calling me, “Jamaica,” and in fourth and fifth grade, I had a so-called friend (I was mad at him then, but we’re now Facebook friends. ha!) who teased me by calling me, “Aunt Jemima.” In fourth grade, I was classmates with a girl named Jamilla (pronounced “Juh-mill-uh”), and many teachers started out the year simply copying her pronunciation for my name; even though, it’s spelled totally different! Then, when I was in seventh grade, after my mom remarried, one of my stepfather’s aunts called me up to her church pulpit by calling me “Jeremiah!” I even had quite a few friends who would come back from a conversation from another friend or relative, where my name had been mentioned, and they would ask what color my skin tone was, assuming I must be of a more ethic origin rather than my white Caucasian self! haha.

Have you taken a guess at how to pronounce this interesting arrangement of letters yet? Well, I’ll keep you in suspense no longer… My name is pronounced, “Juh-me-uh,” as if you took the very common name, “Mia,” and put “Juh” at the beginning of it. It is avery unique name; however, as a very shy and easily intimidated teen, I so wished my parents had named me differently!

Needless to say, when I got to college, I made the decision I didn’t want to continue my life having to explain how to pronounce this jumble of letters every single time I was introduced or called upon; so, I simply chose to go by “Mia.” This was even before the days of the now-famous soccer player, Mia Hamm; so, there were still a few mispronunciations from time to time, but it worked pretty well for me in my new college life.

To this day, I have never ever (can I say N-E-V-E-R??) heard of anyone having this same name.  Just last year, I ran into a girl whose name was spelled very similar: Jamea. However, she pronounced it, “Jay-me-uh.” I have met a few Mias, and a couple of Jamillas or Jaymillas, depending on how they spell it, and plenty of Jamies and James’. I think it would be very interesting to ever be introduced to an actual “Jamia,” especially if the spelling and pronunciation were the same.

You may, now, be wondering how in the world I received such a name. Well, that’s another very interesting part of this story…  Now, my biological dad’s name is Jamie; however, this is not where my name was derived. My aunt and uncle created my name, because of their love for Mia Farrow, in that year of 1971, and they wanted to have a little girl with the first letter “J.” For, their names were Jim, Norma Jean, and they had two little boys named Jarrod and Jeremy. They never were able to have that little girl for whom they so longed, and late in the following year, my mother got pregnant with me. With her name being Terri, the name “T… Jamia” just seemed to fit. (I’d like to leave my full name anonymous for now. 😉 )

As an adult, I am, now, very thankful for my name, and I do love the uniqueness of it. I still go by Mia, but I use the full name and pronunciation as a “cool thing you might not know about me” point when playing ice breaker names, or when I’m wanting to share with a new friend. People seem to always be surprised or impressed by it, and I have to forewarn my church members when my family is around, because my family easily switches back and forth between both names. I wouldn’t change this part about me, and I, sometimes, wish I had just kept to the originality of Jamia; however, the only thing I do wish I could do is go back to those early years and tell that sweet, timid little girl that her unique name made her who she is, to never be sad or embarrassed when someone didn’t correctly pronounce it, and to always hold her head up high with admiration for the name with which God blessed her! … Hind sight is always 20/20, I suppose. It has all created me into the person I am today, and I am a better woman for it. 😉

Thanks, Daily Post, for creating this Daily Prompt. This has been fun, and I hope you, as a reader, have enjoyed my little story.

(Ja)Mia

 

 

His Design

/ The WheatandTares / 8 Comments

I look at the sunset and see the masterpiece that He creates and, again, in the sunrise.  Not one of them is the same. Each one of them unique and, then, I look across the land and sea the same unique, nonconformity, nothing the same. Every woman, every man, none of them like the other, each one unique in its own way not one of them then same.

His imagination is beyond what I can do. His creativity is beyond what I can dream, and yet, He thinks of me. He designed my life just as He does the sunset: unique, unimaginable, unfathomable, not like anyone else… All because He loves me. All because I’m His child.

This love, this grace, this perfect design is not just for my life alone.  It’s for everyone who calls on His name, because each one of us is His chosen child whom He longs to gather to Himself to love and change, to bless and redeem. All because He loves us. He designed us. He calls us His own. He longs for us to come to Him.

Will you come to Him today?

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

“As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him,  for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Romans 10:11-12

Build Superhero Status

/ The WheatandTares


When our boys were little, they were always posing, play fighting, and attacking life as some kind of superhero. Our oldest would dress up in the full Batman mask and cape, ready to face every enemy lurking around the corner; it didn’t matter that we were only going to the store. He was ready for whatever may come! Our youngest didn’t dress up in the cape as much, but he wore out that Batman mask! 🙂

Our children always want to be something great. Let’s let help them. Let’s let them be the heroes they choose, no matter what age they might be. Let’s imagine with them, pretend with them, even believe with them. They are only little once. Those years fly by so quickly. It’s as if I blinked, and now, I see a teen growing into a man and a young boy growing into a teen. I miss those younger years, sometimes, but I know they must grow. I know they cannot stay small forever.

Yet, even as they grow, they still have dreams of being a hero. It might not be Batman, and it may not be Superman, but there are dreams still alive, villains still to be captured and battles still to be won. Find out what those are, and help them not just make it and survive; help them conquer and thrive. Breathe life into those imaginations. Let the dreams live on. Give them the tools to fight those battles and win BIG.

For every Superhero was once a small child. Every mother, every father, for generations past, was once a little girl and a little boy dreaming of the hero they would on day become, and so many still, yet, dream of the hero they once were or the one they desire to be…

 

Do You Ever Wonder?

/ The WheatandTares

Do you ever wonder why we’re really here? Why were we created here on the planet called Earth? For what were were we made…or for Whom?

I do. 

Do you ever wonder why we have feelings, emotions that grip us like fire or make us cold as ice? Why do we smile? Why do we cry and why are we even confused sometimes?

I do. 

Have you ever wondered what it was really like before you came? …Not just a century ago or even two. I’m talking before the beginning of time. Before any human was in existence. 

Christians believe there is a God, a Supreme Being who cast the stars and planets into orbit, who formed the mountains with His hands, who breathes life into man and caused him to walk and have his being. 

Atheists believe there was and is nothing, that we just are and will one day be no more…no beginning. No end. No purpose. No reason. 

Scientists believe there was nothing and then all is a sudden, “Bang!” There was a tiny life form, and all things were created from it. Some believe there is something controlling the times; others believe it just is what it is. 

What about you? Have you ever wondered? Have you ever searched with your heart to find? What if there is nothing? What if there is something? What if there is Someone? 

Out of all the theories, estimations and stories, I have but one thing I can believe. I have only one source from which I can find wisdom. 

There is a God in heaven. He is Supreme. He is Mighty. He was, and is and is to come. He is the Master Artist, the Master Creator, and He gave me breath in my lungs and a heart to keep beating. 

It is easier for me to believe there is Someone higher, mightier and much smarter than me than to believe there is simply nothing and will never be. It is easier for me to believe there is Someone above to can see all, do all and be all. It is easier for me to believe He loves me, died for me and is, one day soon, coming back to take me to His Heavenly home. 

“Why,?” You might ask. I believe, because He lives within me, and I can’t live a day without Him. He give me joy, peace and strength. He covers me with His grace that is sufficient in my times of need. 

“How do (I) know?” You might ask. I know, because I just know. I know, because I’ve met Him. I’ve met Him there in the quiet place of my soul. I know, because I’ve been away from Him, at times, and I’ve felt the void of not being near Him. I know, because, sometimes, you just know that you know, and no one can ever convince you otherwise. 

Do you? 

If you don’t, just give Him a chance. I challenge you, “Just tey (Him) on for size.” I promise you, He will not disappoint. He will be beyond your wildest dreams. 

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.” Proverbs 8:17

Christmas Project

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

I started last year with a family project at home that I’m starting a few days late this year, but I’m still going to do it:  A Christmas “Thankful Meaningful Jar.” We will each try to write down a mall note everyday of what Christmas means to us or something that we are thankful for at Christmas time. 

Christmas is about laughter, joy, family, coziness, warm fires and hot chocolate. It’s about reading a good book, being thankful, being joyous, being gracious, and being kind. It can also be a time of loneliness, heartbreak and desperate fear. It can be a time of lack, sadness and even anger. In our time of fulfillment, I never want our boys to forget others who don’t have. I never want them to get to a place of entitlement or expectancy and refuse to give what we have to those in need.

This is the reason for our new family tradition. I hope this jar of words of thankfulness, thoughtfulness and appreciation will help us to remember the true meaning of Christmas: Christ, His birth, His life, and His purpose. Remembering the “less fortunate” is exactly what He did; it’s what He’s all about. He left His glory, His beautiful kingdom for ME and for YOU! We didn’t deserve it. We were lost and destined for hell, but He loved us enough to come to help us, to save us, to change us and to give us a better eternity. He promised to be with us always and to, one day, come back to take us to His glorious kingdom. 

I am so thankful He did, and I believe I can serve a God like that. 💗

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

“Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,” which is translated, “God with us.” Matthew 1:23

A King’s Gift

/ The WheatandTares

Mephibosheth…what a name. He was crippled in both feet, too…his nurse had dropped him as a child…and his Daddy and Grandaddy had been killed in battle…and he was born to royalty, but his kingship had been taken away, because a new king had been crowned. By law, he could be killed by that new king. He just wanted to be left alone to die in his misery…but the new king had called upon him. 

I wonder what he was thinking when he got that message. I wonder what he thought of his life. What hardship he had endured. What tragedy he had survived…I don’t think he was thriving in his current life. I don’t think he was too excited about this call either. He had to receive the call…and he had to answer; after all, it was the King. 

If it were me, I think I might just tell that messenger, “Will you just kill me now?? I mean, really. I’m crippled. I’m broke. I have no family. I have no heritage. I have no inheritance, and now, the very one who’s taken my inheritance away from me is calling for me to come to him…probably to kill me! What more do you want from me? Can’t you just leave well enough alone?!” What a terrible lot in life. 

He followed through with the request. He went to see the king. Could you imagine his anguish as he entered the Kings’ courts? Could you imagine his resolution, probably, to just take his death sentence and be done with this sorry life he’d been handed? In your mind, can you see him??

Now, could you imagine his relief when King David told his servants to clothe him in the finest robes and seat him at his personal table for a fine dinner? That’s what happened! He was seated at the king’s table to eat of the king’s meal, and then, he was welcomed in to live at the king’s palace for the rest of his days! 

You see, before he died, his father had been best friends with this king. This king grieved over losing his best friend. This king longed to show kindness to his best friends’ household, and Mephibosheth was the only one left. 

Oh, what relief. Oh, what utter JOY!! Could you imagine the turn of events? To be given such a gift, I would be elated! To be given such grace, I would be ecstatic!! I would be overjoyed! 

Did you know, you and I can actually receive such a gift??

It may not be in an earthly kingdom, but it is in a heavenly one. Here on this earth, you and I are destined for a life of sin and an eternity of hell, but we have a Father in heaven who sent His Son to die for us, to forgive us our sins, and if we’ll just accept His invitation, He promises to give us an eternity of heaven!

What an incredible story…what an incredible ending…it’s a true one,* by the way…

What an incredible opportunity for you and me… How about it? Will you accept the invitation today? All you have to do is believe. 

*2 Samuel 9:1-9 
*John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Wednesday’s Ode #40

/ The WheatandTares

…oops, I mistakenly noted last Wednesday  W.O. #40, and I’m sorry I miscounted!

IMG_3569

I love our boys, and I love my man. I am definitely outnumbered, but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. They keep life fun, challenging and adventurous. If it were just me, it probably end up being a little boring.

Our youngest is sweet, compassionate and ready for whatever adventure may come. You can read about him in my post from yesterday.

Our oldest is strong, loving and daring enough to try anything once. He just amazes me! You can read more about him here.

My husband is one of a kind. He always says, “Upon meeting me, people either love me or hate me. There’s not a lot of in between.” I suppose, that’s true. He is an intense guy when it comes to his convictions and the love he has for His God and his family. He’s not an easy one to disagree with; however, he’s also incredible when it comes to interacting with people. I have seen very few with the ability to lead as he does. I know, I can be bias; however, there’s an army of people who would agree with me. His ability is uncanny, at times. He seems to see things others don’t see, and he has the courage to “make the call,” even when others around him are  wondering if it the right one…and he’s rarely wrong! He never meets a stranger, and after he hangs out, you’d think he’s your best friend. He has a knack for making people feel welcomed and at home. Often, I envy his outgoing personality, because I am so quiet and reserved, most of the time.

Our house is always “moving.” Something is always going on; there’s always action of some kind. Well, we do have “down time,” don’t get me wrong. Each one of us, actually, has learned to find a place of calm and serenity to regroup and recharge, but with my personality of introversion and reserve, I suppose, I feel as if there’s always movement. Haha. There’s is always an adventure to get to and something new to explore. 😉

I just love these guys so much; my heart feels as if it might bust sometimes. They are my heartbeats. They are my world. I am so blessed to be with each of them, and I’m excited to see where our adventures, and our God, will lead us.

…I guess if I must be outnumbered, this is the best way to be! 😊