Just say, “NO!”

July 8, 2019July 8, 2019 / The WheatandTares / 7 Comments

SOMETIMES, we just need to learn to say, “NO!”

We heard this statement many times on television through those anti-drug commercials of the 80’s. We heard it month after month, encouraging all to not give into the enticing voices of culture and drug dealers who would lie and say, “Just a little won’t hurt you!”

Yet, we seem to have moved further and further from the totality of this sentiment as we’ve become a “tolerant society” that seems more bent on pushing one agenda or another rather than actually saying, “No” to many things to which we need. We seem to have risen to a new level of “tolerance” where every cultural opinion must be agreed to, or we risk being called a racist, fascist or just simply a bigot. As I’ve stated before, just because I disagree with you does not mean I hate you.

I disagree with my husband at times; yet, he is my best friend, my confidante and my love. I disagree with my children, especially when their decisions will put them in dangerous situations; yet, I love them so much, I’d lay my life down for them. My loyalty may not run as deep for you or for those with whom I disagree and do not know personally, but it does not mean I harbor hate within my heart simply because of my disagreement.

Yet, because of my own experiences, life choices and personal convictions, you and I may not agree on all things. Ya know what? That is completely ok! You may live your life quite differently than mine, and that’s ok, too. That’s actually part of living, and that part of being an individual and having your own choices.

Being of different opinions is okay, too. However, when those opinions begin infringing upon someone else’s personal wellbeing, there should be a wake up call. When those agendas or disagreements come with an expectation of agreement and are followed with a demand of approval or a threat of consequences if not adhered, then, a separation and distance should be put into place for those involved.

Sometimes, we just need to find the courage to say, “No,” and stick to our decision. Sometimes, we need to find our backbone and settle into the boundaries we have set for a dangerous relationship or a rebellious child or a consistently wounding acquaintance and resolve to leave it there. Sometimes, we need to cut the ties with that toxic person in our life with whom only turmoil and chaos resides.

Sometimes, for our own sanity, peace of mind and personal wellbeing, we must look at the “appointment book” of our life and reply to their request,

“No, Thursday’s out. … Yeah, Friday’s out, too. … How about never – is never good for you?”

Christian or Nah?

April 15, 2019April 15, 2019 / The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Spent a lot of time reading today, and one particular thought kept recurring through my head as I read this post by a “Christian” and that blog by an “nonbeliever” and a tweet by a “Christian who is a professional” and then an article by a “self proclaimed heathen” and so on…

Observation for today: If you call yourself a Christian, yet mock those who have overcome failures and defeat, focus more on race, politics and cultural agendas, and create division rather than unity by your words and/or actions,

what is setting you apart from the world??

…and if we are not set apart from the world, why would “they” want anything we have?

Do You Have Presents or Presence?

December 28, 2016January 4, 2017 / The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Taking time out with family and friends does a body good…and the mind and the soul… If you’re the type who has to work, work, work, and you never take time out to relax, to spend time with family and friends, and just to simply take time out to think, you are really robbing yourself and the ones who love you. When you consume your time with “presents” (of wealth, fame and power) with the lack of presence (of people), you will find your life full of emptiness.

It’s so sad to me to watch people who filled their life with agendas and ambitions, and then, when they grow older and aren’t in the work force anymore and aren’t able to accomplish what they once did, they find themselves sitting alone in a room wondering when someone will come to visit. You can simply walk through the assisted living facilities and nursing homes and see countless men and women waiting alone.

The presence of relationships is so important in this life. You don’t have to have a ton, but the ones you have must be deep. They have to be meaningful. They have to be full of love and life. When you have these, you have something to hold on to when the days grow dark and the nights grow lonely.

As this new year approaches, ask yourself, are you ambitious about the presents 🎁 or are you ambitious about the presence (of relationships)? Let’s make this new year meaningful and full of life…

The Christmas List

November 17, 2015November 17, 2015 / The WheatandTares

Thanksgiving is next week. Black Friday is right after that. Christmas is only 38 days away. We will usher in the New Year in just 45 days…that’s about the average amount of time you take to close on a house. There will be endless get togethers, shopping trips, holiday parties and cards to be sent between now and then…Life can get so busy at this time of year!

I feel like more and more, time just speeds up the closer we get to the end of the year. There are so many things I want to do, especially for the holidays, with my family and friends. I can feel my agenda of events starting to take over and consume my calendar. If I try to hold tightly to the time, like sand in an hour glass, it simply starts trickling through my fingers. There’s simply not enough time.

No, wait, there’s no less time than there was 20-30 years ago. There’s no less hours in my day today than there were last year or the year before. Time hasn’t changed, my calendar has, my priorities have. Now, I have a husband, two lively boys, a growing church family and many more added responsibilities than I did those 20-30 years ago, when all I had to worry about was getting home on time for curfew, getting the next 5-page paper done, or what I planned to wear for a night out with friends.

Yes, there are more things required of me in this day and time; however, these things should not distract me from those things which are of high importance in my life before the holiday season hits. My list may adjust some, but those top 3-5 things shouldn’t alter simply because I have added desires and agendas during Christmas time.

My list may not be exactly like yours, and, honestly, if it were, I might wonder why…we have different family dynamics; we live different lives. Yet, we all have a purpose, and we all commitments we have made. We must set our priorities in such a way that we keep those important things, and those important people, at the top.

Even during this very busy season, my God, my family, and our staff and church family are the most important things on that list. These things don’t change, simply, because it’s a new season, a more hectic time. These things can’t take a backseat simply because I’d like to add a few more items to my list. I simply have to become more disciplined and deliberate in my approach to them. I have to become more aware of my intentions, my agendas and my follow through, and sometimes, I have to learn to say no to something I’d like to do “on a whim” to stay consistent in doing something that I’ve made a commitment to do.

Sometimes, our family can be placed on hold simply because we’re working more hours to accommodate the Christmas wish list, when, maybe, we just need to get back to the simpler things of life. Sometimes, our commitments can be delayed simply because we had an act of spontaneity due to the holiday season, when it would have been better to stay consistent in those promises we once made. Sometimes, we need to hold onto those things (or people) of tradition and value and not forsake them for “the newest and the brightest” things found to be on the shelf. This isn’t going to be true for everyone, and there will be endless variables to this equation; however, if we are truly honest with that face that stares back at us in the mirroe, we know when we’ve let a priority slip by the wayside. We know when we’ve excuses away a commitment we should’ve held dear.

This holiday season, let’s make a point to remember the things that are on top of the list; those things of importance and meaning. It doesn’t mean we can enjoy the fun events of the holiday, and it doesn’t mean we have to miss out on something new and fun to do, but let’s not forsake one to grasp hold of another! Let’s learn to balance and prioritize on the important once so that we can maximize our efforts! 😊

Just Get Up

September 8, 2014September 15, 2014 / The WheatandTares

It was Saturday afternoon, we were leaving for fl the next day, for a 2 week stay, mind you. I had so much to do. I was packing for three of us, and the laundry wasn’t even completed. I had clothes scattered and stacked all around. The suitcases were all open, awaiting their burdens of the traveling needs.
Joey walked in and suggested I take the boys and one of their friends to the pool. Ugh. Are you serious? Do you know how much I have to get done? Do you realize what you are asking of me? I’d have to stop my routine, change my clothes, throw my hair up in a clip, get some towels and suntan lotion and trek off with three rowdy boys to the pool. Really? I am so not wanting to do this!!
But he needed to prepare for his sermon, and the boys really needed an outlet; so, I got up from the floor, with all the clothes surrounding me, changed and off we went. The laundry, the stacks of clothes, the unfinished agendas and the suitcases, all left in chaos in the bedroom upstairs.
The boys splashed and dove, laughed and dunked each other, and I became their hero for the afternoon. They had a blast. They needed this, and as I sat back in the lounge chair, reading on my Kindle, I realized I was having fun, too. I needed this. They needed me to step back from the stress of the “packing moment” and enjoy their silly antics. I needed to step back from the pressures of “Momville” and bask in the moment of making memories with my kids. We had planned to just stay an hour…that hour turned into three. I realized on that day, sometimes, we just have to get up and get moving to remember the direction in which we really need to go.