character

Knowing YOU

/ The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

I’ve been sharing for the last few days on the subject of authenticity. This is such a great word, and everybody is better off when we all embrace it to it’s fullest. Yet, as I posted those blogs, I started thinking how maybe some people resist authenticity, not necessarily, because they like to be fake, but rather, because they don’t really know themselves.

It made me think of the movie, Runaway Bride, when Julia Roberts’ character has to go “find herself” before she can commit to what she’s purposed to do. (Trying not to give any spoilers here! 😜) Now, I’m not a big advocate of dropping all your commitments to go “find yourself,” because I think, too often, this is used as a cop-out to simply be lazy or rebellious toward the commitments you’ve made. However, my point is this…

You can never be authentic until you truly know and embrace who you are!*

So, get to know that person staring back at you in the mirror every morning. Stare hard. Stare long. Ask questions and answer them, even when they’re hard ones that scream for honesty.

What are my likes? What are my dislikes? Why do I laugh? Why do I cry? What do I believe? For what, in what, or in whom, do I hope? In whom, or what, do I put my trust? When am I the most scared? When am I the most lonely? When am I the most confident and why?

There are a gazillion questions to ask and answer. This may take awhile. Even if it takes the rest of your life, don’t stop asking and never stop answering.

That’s the only way you can truly realize who you are. Draw out that heart within. Reach down deep and find the depths of your soul. Is it shallow, or are the measures endless and complex? True self-evaluation and self-analyzation helps to recognize, acknowledge, challenge and change those things that need alteration and improve those things which are just needing tweaking or strengthening.

Having a mentor, a life coach or just a truth speaking friend will also help you to find yourself and be the “true you,” but these thoughts will be held for another day.

Now, get out there and get to know YOU; so, you can let that authenticity blossom!! 😉

*Note to the wise: the real truth in who you are can, actually, only be found when you come to know the Creator of who you are, and that, my friend, will be a full post for another day very soon; however, you can start on that path of discovery today: Proverbs 9:10; John 1:1; John 3:16

Give Yourself Permission: Authenticity

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Too many of us grow up believing we must conform to society, or be molded after our family’s traditions, or conform to our friends’ desires, or even be completely yielded to our parents’ or spouses wishes. When we’ve been constantly conditioned to surrender and submit all willpower, all defiance, all choice to the determination of another, authenticity can escape us, and we might not even realize it.

It really takes hard work to be authentic, because not everyone is going to agree with you on everything. It takes a dogged mindset to remain real when the world around us is full of so much fake that is sold to the highest bidder. It even takes a mental stubbornness to remain grounded in your own beliefs, standards and choices for life, especially if you have someone close to you whom you seek to have their approval, affection or admiration.

The coveting of another’s love can wreak havoc on one’s conviction to be authentic. At times, it will even take some self-denial to preserve true genuineness of soul, because our natural tendency toward selfishness can, often, override authenticity to the point of creating a self-righteous, self-approved, self-promoted state of being, which is never truly authentic in the matters of the heart.

A true authentic being is one who knows herself, the good, the bad and the ugly, and is fully aware of what needs improvement, and is willing to make the, sometimes, hard adjustments to bring the kind of change that will not simply “turn over a new leaf,” but change that will also be magnetic to cause others to desire this same type of transformation to become authentic.

Authenticity comes with a price. Those willing to pay it will reap it’s amazing benefits. Those who refuse will grow stagnant in the mundane, duplicity and hypocrisy of life, until they eventual die a slow, cruel death of fake relationships, dual personalities and a foul, unreliable character.

So, it is up to you, and it up to me.

What will you choose?

I will strive to choose authenticity.

Be Brave. Be Authentic.

/ The WheatandTares / 1 Comment

Authenticity takes courage and boldness to obtain. This is not because it’s hard to achieve, but rather, because it takes effort and a deliberate decision to be real, not only with others, but with ourselves. It also takes a true appreciation of ourselves, a sort of self-love.

I say, “sort of,” because I’d like to clarify this word I chose. The kind of “self love” I’m talking about isn’t this cultural self love where everyone has to agree with you, appreciate you and understand to for you to be able to “carry on” in your daily routines of living. That kind of attitude has been misrepresented as self love, when all that is is pure SELFISHNESS. No, true self love is when you can appreciate who you are AND who you are not. It is an understanding of your strengths AND your weakness and having the ability to love yourself through all of them. It is even the ability to be able to ask for help when needed, realizing that you’re not made perfect, and there are other people in this world who are better than you, more capable than you and even, sometimes, who aren’t even going to like you.

But you can be ok with that, because you’ve come to grips with who you are and who you are not. You love yourself for it; you’re wearily working on the improvements you need, and you’re okay with those who don’t like who you are, because you’re not living for them anyway! THAT’S authenticity, and that’s “the bravest and most adventurous way to live!”😉💗

Authenticity is Magnetic

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Not to steal someone else’s quote, but to requote Daniellelaporte.com, “Authenticity IS magnetic! When you are your true self, people will be drawn to you. Uniqueness is intriguing. Genuiness is both compelling and appealing. Try it. You might just find you like it, and others do, too! 😉

*Note: if your “true self” is just simply a jerk, you may be a bit more repelling than compelling; so, please, do self evaluate. If you’re more of a total jerk than a friendly person, this might not work so well. You might actually have to “Fake it till ya make it, baby!” 😉😂

Fear or Fire?

/ The WheatandTares

When troubles come, what do you do? Do you cower, shivering in fear? Do run away and hide? Do you stand, paralyzed by indecision and doubt? Do you run to the flames, ready to encounter what comes?

How you endure the heat will often times dictate who you become when the embers cool. What wisdom you to use to conclude your decisions will often determine your promotion or your failure. The whys of your choices will always impact those who follow.

“And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5

Tuesday’s Treats #117

/ The WheatandTares / 5 Comments

Michie Tavern (aka The Ordinary at Michie Tavern)

Location: Charlottesville, VA

This is the most intriguing restaurant I’ve been to in a long while! If you are looking for an experience, as well as, good, home-cooked, country food, you won’t want to miss this!

From the original log cabin entrance looking upon the beautiful roaring fire and hearth to the colonial dressed wait staff to the tin cups and plates on which you eat, you will immediate feel as if you have just stepped back in time. This place was incredible!

The food is incredible with choices of Southern fried chicken, hickory smoked pulled pork, and marinated baked chicken, black eyed peas, green beans, mashed potatoes, stewed tomatoes, baby beets (not really my fave), Cole slaw, biscuits and cornbread. This is all-you-can-eat; so, don’t be shy to ask for a little more. You’re gonna want to! The beverages of choice are good ol’ Southern Sweet tea, old fashion Root beer, coffee, old fashion Nehi orange soda and several others. Don’t miss dessert with homemade peach cobbler, Cookie sundaes and and root beer or orange dream floats (see pic above).

Upon entering, it will appear the seating capacity is small; however, don’t be fooled. There’s plenty of seating to the left of the buffet line, and they even have a covered patio if you prefer a little fresh air. Once you fill yourself full, don’t miss the gift shop just outside the Tavern, and the short museum tour upstairs is worth the few extra bucks. (Self guided, too. Those are my favorites. 😉) The gift shop is full of unique, colonial and Virginia-specific items. I could spend hours in there, as well as, in the General Store locates across the parking lot. It’s located in the old grist mill.

I love stuff like this, and I hope you will, too. I always feel like I walk away from an experience like this with a little deeper richness to my life, and I hope my character has deepened as well. Hope you will enjoy!

PS. Don’t be thrown off when you go to their website to find more information. I’m not sure if they are working on it, or if they simply chose the simple approach. You might feel as if you’ve clicked on the wrong link; however, I assure you, it’s the right one. Just click on the pics at the top for more pictures, and click on Dining to get to other options and the Menu. (Or just click on the links I’ve given you here! Lol!)

When the Struggle Comes

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

What do you do with struggle? What do you do with change? How do you handle life when it just doesn’t work out the way you planned, or when it throws you a curveball or a great big surprise?

Do you stop in your tracks? Do you back up? Do you turn around and retreat? Or do you throw a fit and let everyone know it’s not as you expected? Or do you press onward, keeping the end goal in sight, never wavering or giving up?

What do you do? What is your reaction? I would love to hear from you, my friends.

It’s an interesting journey when change comes. Everyone reacts differently, and no one can prepare you for many of those surprises along the way, and some tragedies will knock you to your knees, and you’ll wonder if you’ll ever be able to stand again.

How you handle change, and how you react in the struggle and in the tragedies of life will often determine whether you’re a leader or whether you’re a quitter. Your response in the hardest moments of life will determine who you lead and who you turn away. It may sound like a harsh judgment, but it’s true.

Everyone will encounter struggle, hardship and tragedies throughout life. If you haven’t yet, well, keep on living and count your blessings for the moment. But talk to an older person, spend some time with someone who has weathered the storms of life. You’ll find that in those darkest moments, character is chiseled and destinies are designed. Friendships are forged and lifetime relationships are created or crumbled. And often, each are determined by the words we chose and the attitudes we allow.

So, I ask you again, what do you do? How do you react? Think about, and choose today what your words and your actions will be. It doesn’t matter that the struggle or tragedy isn’t on you at this moment. Being prepared mentally, emotionally and spiritually is half the battle. If you wait for the moment of crisis, then you wait for knee-jerk reactions of the heart, and no matter how good you believe your heart is, it can never be trusted.

Set your foundations on solid ground. Set your thoughts on higher ways. Then, when those struggle of life gets difficult, and when the tragedies hit that you’d never expect, your heart an mind will be ready. Doesn’t mean it’ll be easy, but it does mean you will survive through it!

Matthew 7:24-27, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Sometimes You Just Have to Walk

/ The WheatandTares

Yeah, you heard me right. There are times in your life when the best thing you can do is walk. Walk away from the anger. Walk away from the pain. Walk away from the confusion and strife. Walk away from all the drama that one person is bringing into your life again. And again. And again.

Now, there’s a whole blog I can write on endurance and perseverance and determination not to quit when the going gets tough. In fact, I’ve written those, and this post doesn’t change that. I am, also by no means, giving you permission to walk out on your spouse, your kids or your job. Use some common sense, and don’t try to justify your own desire for freedom from the commitments you’ve made. 😉

However, there is something to be said about getting drama out of your life. Over the years, I have watched too many people simply stay put in the midst of drama that they were never meant to be. There are people in this world who live their lives from one crazy crisis to the next, and they live with the expectations that you should live it with them. No, you should not.

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If you are an adult, and you are surrounded by drama that someone else is creating, ask yourself, “WHY?” Why is the drama going on, and why do you feel you have to be a part of it? If it doesn’t concern you, why are you still there? If it does concern you, is it legit yours to own, or is it simply stupid drama drummed up by this other person?

Answer that “Why?” Do you need something from that person? Do you feel obligated to him or her? Do you feel an expectation to stay? (Again, why??) Do you gain some sort of self affirmation when you are in the midst of their drama? Do you simply need to feel needed?

Answer the “Why?,” and I promise you, you’ll realize you can walk away from this needless drama (or you’ll recognize your own fleshly desire for it). Drama causes strife. It causes unrest. It causes chaos and disorder. It can even cause health issues and sickness. It is not good. Walk away. Avoid it at all cost.

Sometimes, true love is shown by no longer being a crutch, an enabler or a punching bag for someone else who refuses to grow up and be somebody. Sometimes, you have to fight for who you are to become, and sometimes, that fight is walking away from needless drama in order to find and sustain the peace and clarity you need to live your life as it should be.

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The Pain Refines Me

/ The WheatandTares

Yeah, painful people bring a deeper character to my soul. Painful people are like sandpaper on my heart, and God uses them to polish out those rough, fleshly, selfish places I’d like to hide. Painful people should really be seen as a joy when encountered. For when they inflict the pain, it’s the perfect opportunity for our God to do three things: 1. Polish our soul a little more. 2. Fight our battle for us 3. Comfort our hearts in a way we’d not experience without the pain.

Yeah, painful people can be for our good and can bring out the best in us…if we’ll let them.

…now, if I can just remember this and embrace it the next time that pain comes along. Lol. 😉😂

Got Character?

/ The WheatandTares / 2 Comments

What do you do when things don’t go your way? Do you pitch a fit, and throw a tantrum, get mad and not speak to anyone?

What do you say when you are falsely accused, maligned or slandered? Do you strike out in revenge, slander right back and fight and claw to bring about your own deserved justice? Do you take the “martyrdom high road,” and manipulate the ones accused with guilt and shame to bring retribution? Or do you recede into nothingness, pretending you don’t care, it doesn’t matter, and you don’t matter anymore?

How do you react when everything falls apart, and it seems the world is closing in around you? Do you cry, scream, become apathetic or create scenarios of denial all around you?

Life brings with it sufferings, unfair events and painful injustices. Sometimes, it will kick you in the teeth and, just for the fun of it, kick you again when you’re down. Sometimes, it just is what it is, and there’s not a blessed thing you can do about it.

What you do in those critical moments will determine your character, integrity and stability in handling far more than that moment for all to see and know for a lifetime. What you say and do in that moment can make an impact for life.

So, I ask you again… what do you do in those crucial moments? What do you say? How do you respond? How do you react?