Time Stands Still

Last week had a pretty full agenda, usual routine things, several added appointments for me, and several added items for the boys, but all that changed around 4am Wednesday morning…

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JMan came in the bedroom, tapped me on the shoulder and told me he had just thrown up. My brain, still groggy from sleep, didn’t immediately register what he was telling me; so, I said, “Okay, go back and lay down. I’ll be there in just a second.” As I heard him leave the room, my brain and my “mom instincts” kicked in. I got up, went and got blankets to make a pallet in the guest room (I always “quarantine” the sick, hoping to contain the germs), retrieved my own pillows, and told little man to come with me.

I proceeded to make him a pallet, set up water bottles, towels and a night light. We were “set” for a night of sickness, or so I thought, knowing that the boys’ usual course is about 6-8 hrs., and they’re done. At noon that day, after following him to help in the restroom every 30 minutes since 4am, I began to wonder if this was going to be the normal run of sickness. Five hours later, I was convinced this was one nasty stomach bug that wasn’t going to let go so easily.

Everything stopped that day. I cancelled my dentist appointment to get a crown, which I have to say, I wasn’t too upset about. I put off plans to cook for the week (I had had plans to cook several days’ worth of meals), and we ordered out for lunch. My husband took JGrizz back and forth to church with him, as I’m usually the chauffeur, allowing my husband to prepare for his Wednesday night class. I asked someone else to record JGrizz in a drama performance; since, I couldn’t be there, and I called the choir director to notify him of my absence. Joey then chauffeured JGrizz back and forth to school the next two days, as well as, helped him to study for tests and confirmed homework was done, and he taxied him to other events and church for the weekend, all the things which I am very accustomed to doing in my day to day routine.

All day Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I was totally focused on taking care of JMan, tending to his needs, praying, refilling water bottles and cleaning up behind him, all the while, hoping and praying no one else would get sick. (This was a very nasty bug!!) My routine became matched with his, sleeping when he slept and waking when he awoke; otherwise, I stumbled around trying to catch up on the lost sleep, which, I basically did anyway during those hours. It’s never easy sleeping when you’re baby’s sick! I stayed huddled up with him in that guest room for four days. Nothing else mattered except getting him well.

Due to both my boys and my husband depending on me for different things day to day, I had to fight internally with my own mother and wife instincts throughout that time. I felt obligated and needed to tend to JMan’s needs, while I also battled guilt over not being able to be there for our oldest son’s youth competitions that weekend and leaving all the burden on my husband to make sure they were both taken care of and arrived at all the places at which they needed to be for the total of five days (by the time JMan really got well).

It made me think of families whose babies have gone through trauma, are experiencing a terminal illness, or even have a long-term sickness that maybe can’t be diagnosed. How do they function over time? How do they manage their homes, their lives, their personal needs? This realization came to me: they find a “new normal.” Yes, that’s the only thing you can do when your loved one is sick, and they need you. All the other things in life, those things which you thought were of such importance, just seem to fade away. The focus becomes crystal clear: the well being of your child.

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Those days gave me a new perspective. A perspective that, I’m sure, was really always there. It wasn’t the first time our little man had been sick; however, it was the first time he’d been this sick. It was, also, the first time in a long time, I suppose, I stood back and thought of more than just getting through the moments of sickness and maybe thought of more than just the sickness of my own child. It reminded me that time seems to stand still when you least expect it. It reminded me, as I often encourage others to do, to make sure I’m living life to the fullest, and cherishing those with whom I’m living and sharing this life. For, none of us know what tomorrow might bring, and what a pitiful state we will be in if we only realize tomorrow what we missed out on today!

So, can I encourage you today? Take time for those you love, not just in the tough moments, but in the good moments as well. Step back and see those you love in the moments right where they are. Cherish them. Hold them. Love them. Step back and take a look around. Take notice of who is there, where you are, and where you are going together. When we’re able to step back and see the bigger picture, we’re apt to learn so much more!

Move from Strength to Strength, Momma!

We sang a song in choir the other day that had this verse, “We move from strength to strength…” It was running through my head this morning, and I thought of my grandparents. They have always been pillars of strength and my examples to follow in life. As a mom, these examples have helped me to be a better mom, a better wife, and, in general, just a better person.

My grandfather was a “man’s man,” nothing ever seemed impossible to him. He grew up poor, was ridiculed and pushed himself to success. He founded his own heating and air business, was county commissioner of his small town, retired at a young age and lived out his days enjoying life and traveling with his wife to see kids, grandkids and sights all over the US.

My grandmother was born in the first year of the depression to a commercial fisherman and his wife. She had 3 sisters, and they didn’t have much, but they had each other and their faith. They found that was all they needed. To our family, and to many, my grandfather was always seen as a pillar of strength, and my grandmother has been the epitome of grace; no matter what comes in life, she seems to handle it with grace and dignity. Even before my earliest memories, these two have been a big part of my life; so, it comes as no surprise that a lot of their ways have become mine. Many people say I take after my grandmother, and my husband seems to be fashioned from much of the same mold as my grandfather. One of the biggest things they both taught me over the years was strength and grace.

I believe we can only move from strength to strength when we live by grace. Trying to move from strength to strength, without grace for the moments in between, is like trying to move a sailboat without the wind. You can definitely move it, with oars, of course, but it sure does take a lot more work than if you had wind to move it across the sea. The wind is what brings speed for the vessel and “rest” for the captain. When the wind is pushing the sails, the captain still has some work to do, but it sure makes for an easier time of sailing!

This is how it should be with our lives. We can be men and women of strength, but if we don’t have grace, we’re always struggling with the weight of our task. When we have no grace, we may be irritable, grouchy or even down right mean when it comes to dealing with others who get in our way or those who want to “jump on” for the ride. Grace refreshes our weary souls. It gives us compassion for others who may be on the same path. Grace brings joy in the midst of the trial, and it gives us perseverance for the journey.

Ladies (and men, too, actually), can I challenge you today? Live your days from strength to strength, robed not in your own will power and force but rather, robed in grace which softens you around the edges. Let that grace cocoon your strength to allow it to become a pillar of hope to others along the way, a refuge which brings refreshment to yourself and other “travelers,” and a solid foundation that helps you persevere through whatever life brings to you. When you live through the ups and downs of life with dignity and grace, you leave a legacy that others long to follow.

If I could, I’d like to encourage you in this, as well:  don’t live your life from crisis to crisis. It’s so unbecoming. It’s so unsettling, and frankly, it can even be obnoxious! 😉 This doesn’t mean you have to be stoic all the time, never crying or showing emotion, but when you live from one panicked moment to the next, it is exhausting to you and everyone around you. No one knows how to receive you from one day to the next, and you leave a river of chaos for your children to swim through. However, when there’s a peace inside that can’t be shaken, it gives you stability even through the darkest storms, and it will actually draw others to you. They learn from your strength; they gain the courage to face their own fears and trials, and they even learn how to become a symbol of stability for someone else who may be facing the same situations.

I have definitely found this to be true with my children. When I am calm and graceful through the trials of life, my children are better equipped to handle the hard places in which they sometimes find themselves. It doesn’t mean that I never show fear, or tears, or even that I am always stone-faced without any emotion. (Anyone who is close to me knows I probably shed way more than my share of tears! – both happy and not so happy ones) I am definitely a woman of emotion; however, I also don’t rely on my own strength to carry me through the rough spots. My kids know that my faith rests in my God who will carry me through. They know that when we rely on His grace for our strength everyday, the end result of our emotional well being and the well being of our entire household is a lot better off! I’m hoping they take these lessons with them for life.

The picture I have in my mind, of this kind of strength, is being in a storm shelter with your daddy, granddad, or husband , someone whom you feel is invincible and “can never die.” It may not be the grandest of circumstances, and you definitely would rather be somewhere else in that moment, but you rest in the knowing that no matter what comes on the outside of that shelter, you’re gonna make it, and everything’s going to be alright! You know that no matter what winds come against that door, that man will hold you till your body stops trembling and you are able to stand on your own two feet, and when you’re unable to stand, he will put his arms around you, or even pick you up and carry you until you can.

That’s the picture of strength I’m trying to give you! That’s the kind of strength we need to have. This is what we must pass to our children so they might survive in this crazy world. We must let it flow to those around us so that they might be able to stand and comfort when others cannot.

Wednesday’s Ode #3

For those of you who may have missed my post concerning this new weekly feature, this is the third “Wednesday’s Ode.” You can read more about it here. I hope you enjoy these! 😉

I may be a small town, Southern girl, but I LOVE the warm clothes that I get to wear in the fall, winter and early Spring! As soon as we get the drop in temperatures, I’m pulling out my boots, sweaters snd turtlenecks! I just love being all warm, cozy and bundled up!

IMG_9623 I look forward to the beautiful fall leaves in all their splendor of color and the breathtaking snow covered mountains. Even if it doesn’t snow much at our home, my husband and I are very prone to packing up the boys and heading north to get snowed in, or at least, to find some snow in which to play!

I may have lived my childhood along the beaches of north Florida, but I have grown to absolutely LOVE the mountains and cooler temperatures! I know, for all of you beach lovers out there, that probably comes as a shock. Please, don’t get me wrong. I still love the beach, and we get back home as often as we’re able; however, if I had to choose between warmer weather and bathing suits or cooler seasons and my warm clothes, I’d definitely choose the latter.

I just love my sweaters, boots, turtlenecks, sweatshirts, hats and gloves! It’s like walking outside fully clothed in a warm and cozy electric blanket, and I love the comfort in it. You can just layer up and walk around in the cold air, and if you’re layered with the right stuff, those frigid temperatures aren’t so frigid anymore…and that’s truth coming from a VERY cold natured gal! 😉

So, this is why I chose to tribute warm clothes today. I just love ’em! Matter of fact, I think I’ll go change out of these pjs and get some on right now! 😉
…hmmm, now which ones to choose…

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Wednesday’s Ode #2

img_5667For those of you who may have missed my post last Monday, this is the second of my weekly features: “Wednesday’s Ode.” You can read more about it here. I hope you enjoy these! 😉

I LOVE coffee! Love it! …did I say, “I love coffee?” Yeah? Okay, well I do! People who are close to me know my love for this flavorful beverage, and those who just met me, they usually find out pretty quickly. I like the taste; however, I do believe my love goes deeper than just the taste. I think my love stems from the comfort of it as well.

 

I am such a comfort creature! I love cozy corners to read and warm blankets and old worn out quilts that still hold memories. I love good books and warm fires. I love boots, sweaters, fleece filled hats and gloves and warm, fluffy lined slippers. I like the comforts of home and the security in routines. So, my love for coffee probably aligns itself more with my loves for the comforts which make me feel secure.

Yes, coffee is warm and inviting, like an old friend coming back from long winter travels. Coffee is soothing and comforting like a mother’s love or a father’s embrace. Coffee is just wonderful to have on hand at any hour or any day. I think I’d be sad if I could not have a cup or share one with a friend!

Coffee and cake, anyone?

Happy Valentine’s Day

IMG_9457 As I sat in a memorial today to celebrate the homecoming of a life well lived, I thought about love, life, faith and death. I thought about the wife of the deceased who had been married for 53 years. I thought of the precious lady who sat beside me who, just a few short months ago, had said goodbye to her husband after so many years of loving each other. I thought of the young man I would see just a few minutes later, who just lost his wife to an organ transplant failure. Surrounded by so much grief, I wondered how it could possibly be Valentine’s Day today.

So many getting ready for their ‘hot dates’ tonight. Others bragging about all the candy, cards and roses they had received. My husband and myself exchanging our love just a few hours before, yet, waiting to truly celebrate until tomorrow because of all that we were a part of today. I thought of those who grieve today. I thought of those who are heartbroken, abused, deserted, lost and alone. It’s not such a heart-filled, sunshiny day for those. What do we say to them?

What do we say when our hearts are so filled with joy, excitement and laughter? What do we do when their grief seems to cast a shadow on our smile? Do we tell them just to “Get over it…tomorrow will be brighter…you’ll simply feel better later on…?” Are we really that shallow to forget how it feels to have a shattered dream and an empty heart? Are we really that naive not to know? What are we to do?

As I sat beside my widowed friend, and as I said goodbye to my other friend’s man, my heart broke for their brokenness. My eyes shed tears as they shed. My day was just a little more gray as I encountered my third friend’s grief in saying goodbye to her daughter-in-law and comforting her weeping son. Yet, as I walked away to go have a Valentine’s lunch with my little family, I breathed the air in deeply and thanked my Father above for these moments, not just the joys of my men but, as well, the pains of my friends. These times when I truly see reality. These moments when authenticity, vulnerability and honesty are raw and unedited, exposing the tender hearts within.

For, it is in moments like these when we grow a little wiser. In these hours, we learn to love a little deeper and let our trust become more secure. If it weren’t for the hard places in life, we would never learn where our faith truly lies. We’d never realize the value of a friend, the depth of love in our family, the importance in a given moment. It is said, “There is more wisdom in the house of mourning than in the house of laughter” (Paraphrased, Ecclesiastes 7:2). As my heart broke again and again for my friends, it caused me to appreciate, even more, the later moments with my men. It caused me to be keenly aware of my husband’s handsome smile, my JMan’s innocent laughter, and the love behind JGrizz’s witty remark, “Of course, I love you. It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” 😉 These precious occasions made me live life a little fuller.

So, as this Valentine’s Day is coming to an end, maybe you’ve spent a wonderful day with your love(s), maybe your dealing with a broken heart from a love that’s been lost, or maybe you’ve recently had to say a heart wrenched goodbye as your love entered eternity. Maybe this day just doesn’t seem as cheer-filled as it once had been, but no matter the circumstance in which you find yourself tonight, I pray you will hold tight the love you have, the joy you once had and the memories you’ve made along the way. I pray you’ll look toward the future and know He is still in control. Look forward and see that there’s still hope. I pray you hold all theses things close to your heart and realize there’s a heavenly Father above who’s looking down and sending you His eternal, unconditional love. YOU are the object of His affection tonight. He truly loves you! His love for is beyond your very hopes and dreams. His love for you died that you might live. ❤

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

Wednesday’s Ode #1

For those of you who may have missed my post on Monday, this will be the first of my upcoming weekly features…”Wednesday’s Ode.” You can more about it here. I hope you enjoy these! 😉

As I was in the shower one morning, contemplating Wednesday’s Ode, I had a realization…I LOVE hot water!!
Refreshing, relaxing, invigorating, cleansing, soothing, smoothing. It
cleans bodies, dishes and clothes, sometimes, the dirtiest, smelliest, hardest things from which to remove muck and mire. It doesn’t seem to mind what the object of its affection might be on a given day.

It heats bottles for newborns, boils oatmeal for children and tea for fine old ladies; it even adds to the stew for burly men. It provides steam in locker rooms and adds to medicated steam in nursery rooms. It is poured in and heated through hot water bottles and hot water heaters all over the world. It seems to be no respecter of persons.

Have you ever been without it? It’s amazing what you miss when the source is no where to be found. It was the Bahamas. In the heat of summer. We were on a youth missions trip, and it definitely was not the resort side of the island! It was hot, and it was miserable, but in the early mornings of getting up, we still longed for a nice, hot shower…Nope! It was like the ice water challenge!! I will say this, the girls definitely didn’t take as long to get ready that week! Haha.

There was another moment in time when reality settled in about how wonderful hot water can be. I was on the coast of the Fl panhandle, after Hurricane Ivan of ’04 hit. There was water all around us in the bay and the ocean beyond, but not one drop of clean water to drink and definitely no hot water. You have to have hot water to sterilize anything that’s been swirled around with salt water, sewage tanks and brackish water…and all the mud and grime. No cleaning. No drinking, and definitely no eating anything that had to be boiled. That week, I sure did learn that military rationed dry food pkts (MRE) are actual edible. There are so many wonderful things about hot water! I just love it!
So, yeah, hot water is a wonderful thing!
Sometimes, it just makes me want to sing!
It even makes me feel full of power!
Especially when I’m in the shower!
🙂 haha!!

Jennifer*

She had a way about her that made everyone feel loved.

She wasn’t an ordinary little girl. No, she was just a cut above.

Her laughter could warm the coldest of any hearts;

From her welcoming eyes, you’d never want to depart.

Now to the Promise Land, she’s gone far away,

Never to return or come again to play.

We all will miss her sweet little smile;

But if we’ll hold on, we’ll see her in just a little while.

She has been made complete by the Great Physician.

Her mind and her body, both now, in great remission.

She’s probably dancing on those streets of gold,

And most likely, hearing all His stories yet untold.

If you could see her at this very moment,

She might just be praying for your life’s atonement.

If you could hear her message as she calls out your name,

She might just be telling you to not remain the same.

“The Master is coming for you; I know it won’t be long.

Please, don’t wait forever, or you may sing a sad, sad song.

What a terrible disaster to live your whole life through,

And in the end, not give to Him your love which is so past due.”

Penned – MG – 9/20/03 

*Wrote in tribute to a precious little girl I knew who lost her battle with cancer when she was only six years old…

Grace and Mercy

Bruised, shaking fists
Clenched, knuckle-white hands
Twisted face

Tightly closed-shut eyes
Letting in not a droplet of light
A life branded by pain
Where is the grace?
Where is the mercy?

A life cut short.
An unexplained sin.
A life-long disease.

The wounded, wound.
The pained cause pain.
The abused, abuse.

Oh, God, my heart grieves.
My eyes weep till tears are no more.
My knuckles are bloody from the pain.
Where is the grace?
Where is the mercy?

The flowers are denied their bloom.
The sun refuses to rise to give any warmth.
The wind will not send the breeze.

The world has turned gray.
The laughter is silent for miles.
The innocence has been hidden.
When will this pain end?
When will this grief hide?

This brokenness, a bloody mess.

These wounds and scars too deep to heal.
We clutch at life. No heartbeat is felt.
The air is toxic. No breath can be found.
Where is Your grace?
Where is Your mercy now?

It is found at the cross.
That bleeding, broken, wretched place. That is where Your grace abounds.
As You watched Your own Son die, You saw our sin. You saw our redemption.
It was there, Your grace and mercy from death began its prevention.

We only see what isn’t.
The grief. The emptiness. The death. We live with the loss.
The regret. The shame. The failure.
We see only the holes on the canvas of life.
Never realizing the void can be filled again with a joy that overflows, a love that is unconditional, a grace that is unending.

In the pain, knowledge is built.
In the sorrow, wisdom is rendered.
Emotions raw and undone.
Words broken and unsung.
How can we find this grace?
How can we receive this mercy?

Run into His loving arms.
Take His guiding hand to lead, to love.
Living breathless or breathless living.
Living fully or lifeless living.
More than alive or just less than dead.
We choose. We decide. We live life or death.

Penned – MG – 1/23/15

Joy and Gratitude

2015/01/img_9402.png Is the height of my [abundant] joy dependent upon the depths of my [grateful] thanks?
– Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts*

As I read this book, and ponder this thought, I am challenged to live beyond my current state of stagnant being. I have more to give. I have more to experience. I have more to live.

Too often, we miss the abundance of joy, because we fail to recognize our lack of gratitude that is blinding us to His truths. When we humbly appreciate His grace, when we kindly receive His mercy, these are the moments we truly live. We are freed from the weight of expectation. The cage of our own ideals is broken and crushed. We are able to take flight and fully live.

Grace. Thanksgiving. Joy. The true meaning of life. The true life to living.
Joy in the moment. Life in the minute of giving thanks… These are all wrapped up in heartfelt conversations with Him.

This is why I have begun my own personal list of one thousand gifts. I need this like I need air to breathe. This will be my eucharisteo, my praise, my joy. This will be my message of gratitude to my Creator and my God.

I began 2 days ago, and I am just shy of reaching 100. Will you join me this year? This list to 1,000 may take a little while to pen down, especially if we do it right. Will you join me in reading her book; so, you can further understand this incredible concept and, with me, become challenged to live fully right there in the place you have found yourself to be?? Will you join me in penning your One Thousand Gifts?

“The only real fall of man is his noneucharistic life in a noneucharistic world” -Alexander Schmemann, For the Life of the World: Sacraments and Orthodoxy*

*Both quotes from One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, by Ann Voskamp. Find her book and more info. here.

**I do not personally know this author, not have I been asked to promote her book in any way. I have simply been inspired by her words, and my hope is others will read this and be inspired as well. 🙂

Draw Nigh To Him

Life is so very, very seared;

Be sure not to let it pass you on by.

Jesus promised that He would always be near,

But first, unto Him, you must draw nigh.

His love for you is very, very deep;

Sometimes, it can almost seem intoxicating.

Yet, He is such a gentleman, merciful and meek;

His love is never made to be suffocating.

This world is so very, very impure;

It will always turn your ’round and ’round.

He longs to give you a hope and a future;

He wants to free you from these chains you are bound.

His time is so very, very uncertain;

We cannot know the hour or the day.

Turn to Him before they draw a curtain;

Surrender your heart or be eternally swayed.

Penned – MG – 10/31/03